(Lydia)Thomas had selected one of our favorite restaurants again. As we pulled up in the parking lot, a smile broke out on my face. I smoothed out my shimmering mauve dress and caught a glimpse of my face in the rearview mirror. I had dressed up especially tonight. I was excited for this dinner.Rossi Ristorante was an Italian place downtown and we had hundreds of fond memories here, including random stop-ins for pizza and bruschetta while we were at university, some of our friends’ birthday parties (with the restaurant’s famous gelato cake), and the weekend after our graduation when we had stopped by here for dinner after spending hours shopping for our wedding.Thomas had always loved their pizzas and crostata. Based on his heritage, I was surprised that he hadn’t selected this very restaurant to propose to me in.So when he ordered me a pistachio gelato that he knew that I had always loved, I wondered if he remembered any of these things. “Do you remember the dinner we had here af
(Lydia)At work, I was on my third cup of coffee the next morning. Both my head as well as my eyes ached. I was only going through the motions of my rehearsal, waiting to get back home and rest. My whole world had suddenly spun out of control. And I hadn’t received so much as a single warning.I had realized that my feelings for Thomas, which I had so carefully folded up and tucked away into the back of my heart, had suddenly and abruptly resurfaced in the wake of his constant attention and care. He had started to win my heart back again.And, just as that had begun to unfold, Sarah had resurfaced with news of a child.The reason this was so pitiful was that … I would never stand in the way of that child’s happiness. I would never want a child to grow up without a father as caring and loving as Thomas.So, I tried to mentally drop the subject and swallow the fact that Thomas and Sarah would end up getting married.I tried to reason with myself: I have had a good life without him, anyw
(Lydia)The next few weeks passed by in a blur – not the swift, quick kind. My life had transformed into a haze in that I could no longer understand what was happening any longer.Thomas had called me several times. I had neither picked up nor declined. And I had not called him back.Truth be told, I had been hoping that he would show up again in person. My heart had been aching at the thought that he could consider getting back together with Sarah. After all those tall claims he had made, too – after chasing after me and waiting on me hand and foot.But there was a silver lining in all this: I had come to learn of my own strength. I had thought that if I lost Thomas a second time, I would be as devastated as the first time around – perhaps, even more so.But things did not pan out that way. I was disappointed and, without a doubt, in pain but I did not crumble this time around.I was glad; I would never want to be the way my mother was to me to my children. I was thinking of her afte
(Lydia)A cascade of emotions flooded through me: I was shocked, sad, nostalgic, happy to see my mother again, struggling with the memories of the past – of me defending her and of her ignoring me, and so much more. With this much going on within me, I was rooted to the spot.“My child…” my mother said through trembling lips and a broken voice.“Mama…” I finally said and exhaled. I had had no idea that I had been holding my breath for so long. I flung my arms around her.She stiffened when I did so. My heart lurched. How could she come here after so many years and then reject my attempt to hold her again?She was shivering.I held her by the forearms and looked at her in the eyes. “Are you okay, mama?” I asked, my voice more concerned for her than she had ever been for me.It hurt but that didn’t mean that I still didn’t care for her.My mother shook her head and dropped it. Her shoulders began to shake. She was crying.“What’s wrong, mama?” I asked her, alarmed.My mother looked up
(Lydia)I could not help the icy look in my eyes. After all those years upon years of neglect, she had come to see me in the hospital. And she had not even bothered to ask after me later. A part of me could not even believe that she was truthful. “Why?” I asked quietly.My mother’s eyes widened, as though she were appalled at my question. “You’re my daughter, Lydia!” she said.I shook my head. I had not been her daughter when my father had punched me in the face. She had not come to see me becoming a bride. And she had never asked after me for all these years since after the accident. What has changed now?Eyes teary, I looked at her. But before I could gather the strength to say even a single one of these things, she fished out a piece of paper from her creased old purse and handed it to me.Then, she turned around and left.On the paper was the address of a hotel that she was staying at. I considered running after her but my head was spinning from all of these sudden events and rev
(Lydia)With a heavy lump in my throat, I hung up the phone. I stared into the void for a minute. Absolutely nothing made sense anymore. But knowing now all that Ruby had told me, I realized that I needed to talk to my mother. I should not have let her leave so quickly. I should have taken her to a restaurant – maybe had lunch with her.Fifteen minutes later, I was in my car with the location of her hotel set as the destination on the GPS navigator. I had no idea what I would say to my mother. “ETA: five minutes. You are now on the fastest route to Green Air Fort Hotel” the robotic voice on the navigator application system said.What would I say to her? How would I talk to her? My heart thumped wildly as I pulled up in front of the building and handed my car keys to the valet. As I made my way into the elevator, my mouth ran dry.But I knew that it was the right thing to do. My mother deserved to be loved and cared for by me. All those years ago, she had made a mistake by not leaving
(Lydia)Today marked two months since I last saw Thomas, my husband. My heart raced as I remembered the harsh words he’d flung at me the last time he stormed out.“I wish I never met you.”Those searing words had been endlessly echoing in my mind since that dreadful day.The shrill ring of the phone jolted me from my painful reverie. I glanced at the caller ID and my breath caught. It was Thomas. With trembling fingers, I answered. “H-hello?”“Lydia.” His voice was flat, devoid of emotion. “I'm coming home today.”Home. Was this house still home if he was not here? Despite the anger and hurt brewing inside me, part of me dared to feel a glimmer of hope.“You're...coming back?”“For now,” he replied curtly. “We need to sort some things out regarding the divorce.”My heart sank at the d-word. Divorce. The gaping wound in my heart reopened, fresh pain seeping through. “But Thomas, I—”“I'll see you later today.” His tone was flat and withdrawn, the way it had been ever since I lost him t
(Lydia)Tears spilled down my cheeks unbidden as I watched him walk away, arm-in-arm with the woman who stole him from me.My heart was broken. I was left to pick up the shattered pieces of my once blissful life. My husband was a soulless stranger, the other half of my heart irretrievably lost. I could only pray that one day, the gaping wound he left will begin to heal over.Until then, I would go through the motions, forcing myself to move forward into a harsh new reality.A cold, unrelenting world where the warmth of Thomas's embrace was but a distant, rapidly fading memory.***I grew up in an abusive household: my father used to beat my mother and sister. I had tried to protect them as a child but as I grew older, I felt my mother’s resentment pierce through me. I had never been able to understand why.During summer break after freshman year at Western, he had punched me in the face. I had packed up my bags and left, tears streaking the subway window that I had rested my head agai