So, amidst all the hot and heavy memories, there were at least a couple that stood out because they were unpleasant.But there was one that was freakin’ awesome. And really, really unusual. And didn’t involve psychedelic mushrooms.We were in Salt Lake City at the time. I remember that because ‘the Mormons’ figured prominently in the conversation.The day after the performance, Derek and I decided to strike out and go see the Great Salt Lake. After a day of band practice, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. We left the hotel around 7 o’clock in the evening and drove the Mercedes convertible he’d bought in Irvine.The Mercedes had become the bane of Miles’s existence, because it was one more thing to be taken care of. Crew members had to be assigned to drive it behind the tour bus as we moved from city to city, and then park it somewhere safe overnight. You never heard the crew members complain – hey, they got to drive a ‘69 Mercedes – but Miles was always super-pissed.“Thank you so
It all came crashing to an end ten days later in Vegas.The last two concerts of the tour took place there, at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. The first show was an incredible success.At least something about those last few days was.Things really started to go south during the last band meeting, just hours before the final performance.I didn’t know it until everyone was assembled in the penthouse suite, but everybody was planning to go their separate ways after Vegas. Take some time off, then join back up two months later to begin recording their third album.It was strange to me. I thought of them as a tightly-knit family. I mean, they had lived together for over a year in a run-down house in one of the crappiest neighborhoods in Athens. And here they were about to split apart, even if only for a while.I sat between Derek and Ryan, with Killian and Riley opposite us. Miles was standing at the front of the room and currently running the show.“Alright, Killian, you’re going back to Lo
The last concert was just as good as the one the previous night. Maybe even better.The only difference was in the energy.It was edgier. Darker. Derek in particular was more aggressive, more combative. Bigger’s heavier, more metal-tinged songs turned downright brutal. Even the love songs had a bitterness to them.It was all in reaction to me and our fight earlier.I know, I know. You’re probably saying, Way to make it all about you, Kaitlyn. But I have some evidence to back it up.Exhibit A: Derek didn’t sing “Girl, Please Stay” at all.That was a mainstay of their shows, and a fan favorite. Especially a female fan favorite.But apparently he told the others he wasn’t doing it tonight, because it disappeared from the set list.And in light of our fight earlier, the fact that he didn’t sing it made me feel like shit.Exhibit B: the covers they played. Each one seemed like a subtle jab, a passive-aggressive blow.“No Apologies” by Nirvana.“She Fuckin’ Hates Me” by Puddle of Mud.“Give
I was watching the lights of Las Vegas from the hotel suite’s gigantic glass windows, thinking how beautiful and uncomplicated it seemed out there, when I heard the door open.His boots whispered over the carpet until he was right behind me. I felt his strong arms circle around my waist.“You disappeared on me,” he murmured in my ear, then proceeded to kiss my neck.I almost gave in. It felt so good to be held by him… to feel his lips on my skin…But I didn’t.I shrugged him off and moved closer to the window. “Don’t.”There was a long pause behind me.Then a sigh.“Okay, I’m sorry. I was pissed off – ”“So you decided to call me a bitch in front of 20,000 people?”“The Garden only holds 16,000,” he said, trying for a lame joke.When I didn’t respond, he groaned. “I was singing a song. Nobody knew I was talking about you – ”“Ryan did. Killian did.”“Yeah, so did Riley, and I noticed you palling around with her at the after-party.”“I’m surprised you had enough time to notice, given h
After an hour moping around in bed feeling sorry for myself, I decided to seize the opportunity. I would make the most of my solo flight! I would go have fun! I would have an awesome time recharging my batteries – alone!I was a good enough liar that I was able to get myself out of bed, shower, and go down to breakfast without crying again.After three mimosas, and feeling my spirits temporarily lifted, I decided to go see what the rest of the band was doing.Up in the penthouse, Killian was standing amongst a pile of suitcases playing his guitar. Ryan was sitting at his laptop, and Riley was nowhere to be seen.“You’re leaving already?” I asked Killian.“Got a noon flight to Heathrow,” he nodded, and took a puff on his joint.I remembered the stories Ryan had told me about Dr. Killian turning into Mr. Hyde… but wasn’t sure if I was supposed to let on that I knew. So I just said jokingly, “How are you going to survive the entire flight without any weed?”“Private jet,” Killian informe
I got out my cell phone and searched for the Wynn’s number. Then I retreated to Killian’s now-vacant bedroom (I could tell it was his by the lingering stench of pot smoke), found the telephone by the bed, steadied my trembling nerves, and dialed.After the main switchboard directed me to the front desk, a man’s voice answered on the first ring. He sounded moderately young, maybe mid- to late twenties.“This is the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas, how may I help you?”“Hello, I’m calling on behalf of Miles Sumner, the manager for the band Bigger. The lead singer, Derek Kane, is staying at your hotel, and we need to messenger over some contracts for him to sign immediately and send right back with the delivery man. Could you give me his room number, please?”There was a pause.Then –“Derek Kane?”As in, Really? Derek Kane is staying at our hotel?For the first time, I felt like I might actually have a shot.Then his voice dropped back down a notch to normal. “I’m sorry, but we can’t give out t
It’s the eternal question every woman must face at some point in her life:Good Boy or Bad Boy?The Good Boy is sweet. He’s stable, secure, a rock. He’s safe and comforting, a shelter from the storm.The Bad Boy is dangerous. He’s that thrill you’ve been seeking, that ‘something’ you’ve been missing from your humdrum life. He’s the line of shots, the hit of cocaine. He’s fun and drama personified.There’s danger in both. Just because the Good Boy loves you doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you. And just because the Bad Boy is wild and crazy, doesn’t mean he can’t touch you deeply.The Good Boy can break your heart.But the Bad Boy can rip it out.I’d just snuck into the Wynn Hotel in Vegas to surprise my boyfriend – Derek Kane, lead singer of the hottest band in the world, not to mention one of the hottest guys in the world.Turns out, I was the one in for a surprise.The ‘surprise’ was a six-foot tall vixen with long black hair and an all-over tan. She stood there staring at me, naked behin
I turned back to Derek. I caught a look of yearning on his face – an expression that said, Fuck, like someone resigning themselves to watching a valued possession slip away.“You are an asshole,” I burst out.He looked down at me in a flash of anger, like I was being unreasonable.Didn’t I know what he had just given up for me?Wasn’t I appreciative?Then he figured out that maybe that wasn’t the best play, and his features softened.Too late.The damage was done.“Kaitlyn – ” he said, and reached out for me.I stepped away from him and wrapped my arms around me like I was cold.The bed they had rutted in was right beside me. The sheets were wrinkled and smelled of sex.I wanted to vomit.More than that, I wanted to pour lighter fluid all over it and flick a match. Watch it burn.“I’m going to ask you a question,” I whispered, “and I want you to tell me the truth.”He pulled back, unsure what was coming. “What?”I looked up at him, in more pain than I’d ever felt in my life. “Promise