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the last concert was

Author: Gentle J
last update Last Updated: 2023-07-21 02:47:53

The last concert was just as good as the one the previous night. Maybe even better.

The only difference was in the energy.

It was edgier. Darker. Derek in particular was more aggressive, more combative. Bigger’s heavier, more metal-tinged songs turned downright brutal. Even the love songs had a bitterness to them.

It was all in reaction to me and our fight earlier.

I know, I know. You’re probably saying, Way to make it all about you, Kaitlyn. But I have some evidence to back it up.

Exhibit A: Derek didn’t sing “Girl, Please Stay” at all.

That was a mainstay of their shows, and a fan favorite. Especially a female fan favorite.

But apparently he told the others he wasn’t doing it tonight, because it disappeared from the set list.

And in light of our fight earlier, the fact that he didn’t sing it made me feel like shit.

Exhibit B: the covers they played. Each one seemed like a subtle jab, a passive-aggressive blow.

“No Apologies” by Nirvana.

“She Fuckin’ Hates Me” by Puddle of Mud.

“Give
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    I was watching the lights of Las Vegas from the hotel suite’s gigantic glass windows, thinking how beautiful and uncomplicated it seemed out there, when I heard the door open.His boots whispered over the carpet until he was right behind me. I felt his strong arms circle around my waist.“You disappeared on me,” he murmured in my ear, then proceeded to kiss my neck.I almost gave in. It felt so good to be held by him… to feel his lips on my skin…But I didn’t.I shrugged him off and moved closer to the window. “Don’t.”There was a long pause behind me.Then a sigh.“Okay, I’m sorry. I was pissed off – ”“So you decided to call me a bitch in front of 20,000 people?”“The Garden only holds 16,000,” he said, trying for a lame joke.When I didn’t respond, he groaned. “I was singing a song. Nobody knew I was talking about you – ”“Ryan did. Killian did.”“Yeah, so did Riley, and I noticed you palling around with her at the after-party.”“I’m surprised you had enough time to notice, given h

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    after an hour

    After an hour moping around in bed feeling sorry for myself, I decided to seize the opportunity. I would make the most of my solo flight! I would go have fun! I would have an awesome time recharging my batteries – alone!I was a good enough liar that I was able to get myself out of bed, shower, and go down to breakfast without crying again.After three mimosas, and feeling my spirits temporarily lifted, I decided to go see what the rest of the band was doing.Up in the penthouse, Killian was standing amongst a pile of suitcases playing his guitar. Ryan was sitting at his laptop, and Riley was nowhere to be seen.“You’re leaving already?” I asked Killian.“Got a noon flight to Heathrow,” he nodded, and took a puff on his joint.I remembered the stories Ryan had told me about Dr. Killian turning into Mr. Hyde… but wasn’t sure if I was supposed to let on that I knew. So I just said jokingly, “How are you going to survive the entire flight without any weed?”“Private jet,” Killian informe

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    i got out my cell phone

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    it's the eternal question

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    i turned back to Derek

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    after a nearly sleepless night

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    when we walked in

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Latest chapter

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  • Affair with the Rockstar    A couple of times

    A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.And they talked for a looooong time.After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.“Well?” I finally asked.“…okay,” Derek said.My eyes almost bugged out of my head.“What?!”“I said okay.”“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.

  • Affair with the Rockstar    They stood there

    They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for

  • Affair with the Rockstar    Jessie's girl finally ended

    “Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t

  • Affair with the Rockstar    After the interaction

    After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with

  • Affair with the Rockstar    i hastily wiped

    I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e

  • Affair with the Rockstar    Austin City limited

    Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag

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