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i turned back to Derek
Last Updated:
2023-07-27 02:18:02Related chapters
Affair with the Rockstar after a nearly sleepless night
After a nearly sleepless night, I awoke the next morning to the sound of polite knocking on my apartment door.It baffled me at first. I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or not, partly because it stopped as soon as my head was up off my pillow.Then, just as I was about to lie back down, the knocking started again – steady, light, but insistent.When I realized I really was awake, I was terrified.Oh no – they’re going to evict me, I thought, until I remembered I had paid the current month’s rent while I was on the road with Derek.Then I thought, Oh SHIT – it’s Derek!To be honest, that last thought made my heart soar at the same time that it scared me to death. I wasn’t thinking properly, having just been jerked out of the only hour of sleep I’d had all night. My thoughts were ping-ponging back and forth between the dread of I can’t let him in, he’ll never leave to the bitterness and hatred of That cheating, lying asshole to the hearts and flowers of Oh my gosh, he came all the way t
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar After Ryan left, I listened
After Ryan left, I listened to all the voicemails and read all the texts. In fact, another eleven popped up when I turned the phone back on.Ryan’s were all super-concerned about me, and all of them were really sweet.“Hey, Kaitlyn, it’s Ryan… I’m really worried about you. Give me a call and just let me know you’re all right.”“Hey, it’s Ryan… I’m a little concerned that I haven’t heard from you. Could you give me a call or text, just to let me know everything’s okay?”“It’s Ryan. Just to give you fair warning, I got your information from Miles, and I’m dropping by your apartment in New York. I don’t want to freak you out, so I’m letting you know ahead of time. I guess I’ll see you in about eight hours. Hope this isn’t a problem for you. If it is, just leave me a message and I’ll turn around and go back.”I smiled throughout each of them.Derek, by contrast, was like listening to Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde, depending on the message. Half of them were pathetic, half of them were assholish
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar when we walked in
When we walked in, Glen was frosty to me, but immediately started doing his “I’m your biggest fan” dance with Ryan. Ryan was far friendlier than Derek had been. I mean, come on, it’s hard to get much worse than, ‘Take your tongue out of my ass, buddy.’ So in the end, we all settled into our chairs with a fair amount of goodwill and civility.The editor watched me closely, but his eyes kept glancing furtively over to Ryan.“So… you have the story?” he asked.“…no,” I said, my stomach feeling like there was a lead block inside it.I saw Glen’s hands clench together on the desk. “I see. And when do you think you’ll be able to get it to me?”I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I cleared my throat and tried again. “…it might be a long time. It might be… a really, really long time.”Glen’s face started to turn pink with anger. “I hired you specifically to – ”“I know, Glen, I know, and I feel awful about it,” I said, and I did feel awful. In fact, I felt like shit. “But… we… broke up.
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar i didn't find out
I didn’t find out Ryan had booked first class until the desk person came over the loudspeaker and announced that boarding the plane was about to begin.Ryan stood up and held out his hand to me. “Come on, that’s us.”I stared at him. “First class?! Ryan – !”“Hey, I’m a rock star,” he joked. “I have to keep up appearances.”“I’ll… I’ll pay you back. For this, and for Glen – ”“Kaitlyn, if I were in bad shape, would you give me fifty dollars?”“What?”“If I were starving, or hurt, would you give me fifty dollars? What you make in a couple of hours, say.”He was being overly generous with that ‘what you make in a couple of hours.’ That was more like what I averaged over a day.But I went with it. “Of course.”“And would you expect me to pay you back?”“No, of course not.”“Well, I basically gave you the equivalent of what I make in a couple of hours. So don’t worry about it, okay?”First: my mind was blown. That level of generosity was just staggering to me.Second: math. I was trying t
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar We flew to Chicago
We flew to Chicago’s O’Hare Airport first, then to a little place I’d never heard of called Rapid City, South Dakota. The airport was a couple of runways in the middle of a vast, green expanse. The terminal itself was small but nice. Much to my surprise, we bypassed the rental car counters and went outside where a black SUV was waiting for us.“You have a private driver?” I asked, stunned. “Here in South Dakota?”“No,” Ryan smiled. “It’s a limo company.”“Oh.” I felt a little foolish. “But if it’s a limo company, why isn’t it a limo?”“We wouldn’t want one of those. Not for where we’re going.”I understood that comment about an hour later.We left the town and drove into a national forest full of hills and thick with trees. Most of the drive I was melancholy, but the scenery was a pleasant distraction. Ryan left me to my thoughts and chatted with the driver about things like the weather and how business was doing.I checked my phone.Eleven new messages, 15 new texts, all from the sam
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar Either because of my lack
Either because of my lack of sleep the previous night, or the bottle of wine – or both – I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.But I dreamt. Constantly, vividly, nonstop.They were all about Derek.And all of them were variations on a theme.In one I was following him through a crowded street. Suddenly the street was a hotel hallway, the way that dreams shift without need to conform to reality. I walked faster, trying to catch up with him. As I came up right behind him, a door opened to his left, and a woman’s bare arms reached out and dragged him willingly into the room.As the door closed in my face, the last thing I saw was a glimpse of his eyes staring into mine – and his lips, which silently formed the words:You knew what I was when you slept with me.In another dream I was on the side of a stage, watching the band play to a giant arena.Then suddenly I was among them – Killian off to my right, Ryan to my left, and Riley behind me. But Derek wasn’t there anymore.I lo
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar The day passed quickly
The day passed quickly. After we cleaned the dishes, Ryan took me out to the barn to see the horses. I am not a horse chick, just so you know. Never even wanted a pony growing up. But I enjoyed watching Ryan with them. He was so familiar and relaxed, feeding them each a carrot as a treat. He offered to let me try it, but I was too afraid of those giant chompers taking off a couple knuckles.“Maybe we can take them out riding later,” he said as he rubbed the mane of Bessie, a sweet little chestnut mare.“Um…”“You’ve never ridden before?”“No.”“I’ll teach you. There’s nothing to it. Bessie’s gentle, it’ll be easy.”“…if you say so…”Then we left the barn and walked over to one of the other wooden structures, which turned to be a garage, just like I thought. Ryan unlocked the door on a gigantic blue Ford F-150 truck and helped me up into the oversized cab.“What the hell?” I exclaimed.“What?”“This is big enough to fit a small village in!”“I’m the local rock star,” he joked. “It’s my
Last Updated : 2023-07-27Affair with the Rockstar my days and nights passed
My days and nights passed like that – reading and relaxation during the day, and wine and song at night. We dined with the MacCruders at least twice a week, but the rest of the time, Ryan cooked for us. He was really good at it, fixing everything from elaborate French dishes to a scrumptious spaghetti sauce from scratch.On the fifth day he finally convinced me to take the horses for a ride. As I stood out in the barn and watched him expertly saddle up Albert and Bessie, I was struck by something about him: his casual, non-showy masculinity. He had the whole rock star thing on tour; he had the ‘genius musician’ part in the studio and during our sessions on the front porch. But out here he was a man’s man, doing things like saddling horses and getting ready to ride into the Black Hills. Maybe somebody who’s been around horses all their life wouldn’t have been impressed, but for a chick who grew up in the suburbs of Savannah and now lived in the urban jungle of New York City, it was kin
Last Updated : 2023-07-27
Latest chapter
Affair with the Rockstar we took little breaks
We took little breaks, drank water and wine, talked and whispered, touched and caressed… but we most definitely did it again.Three more times, by my count.It was after four AM when we finally dropped off into a deep slumber, our bodies intertwined.I woke up sometime after ten AM. I looked around me in wonder, hardly believing what had happened – or how lucky I was. Two gorgeous men on either side of me, the golden sunlight kissing their naked bodies, their cocks looking delectable as they slumbered.Neither of the boys was awake yet, so I carefully extracted myself, went into the bathroom and freshened up. Then I came back and reinserted myself back into the mix.Both guys opened their eyes sleepily as I slid between them.“Holy shit… did we do what I think we did?” Derek murmured.“Several times,” I giggled.“Wow,” Ryan muttered. Then he looked at me. “Did you… was it everything you hoped it would be?”I kissed him. “Without a doubt, last night was the best night of my entire life
Affair with the Rockstar Derek kissed me
Derek kissed me, his cock pressed hard against my belly – and then he pushed me back onto the bed. He stood above me, his erection jutting hard and stiff into the air, as he placed the condom on the head of his cock and slowly rolled it downwards.Ryan was looking left out and forlorn, so I gestured to him. He sank down on the bed and began to kiss me, his left hand playing with my breast.“Um…” Derek said.“I want to be able to kiss and touch both of you,” I said. “Not just one at a time.”Derek sighed. “Alright, fine. Just remember the rules, dude.”“Don’t worry about me,” Ryan said darkly.Derek lowered himself between my legs and began to lick his way up the inside of my thighs. I sighed and moaned as Ryan kissed me – and then he pulled away and stared into my eyes.At just that moment, Derek reached my pussy and slowly began to lick up my lips to my clit.One man going down on me, another staring into my eyes and caressing my face – it was one of the most erotic things I’d ever e
Affair with the Rockstar Ryan was the first to move
Ryan was the first to move. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned over and kissed me, slowly… sensually.As I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the kiss, another pair of hands slowly touched my waist. Derek.He brushed aside my hair, and I felt his warm lips on the back of my neck.I shivered, and a jumble of emotions surged through me all at once: fear. Excitement. Desire. Shame. Love. Longing. Uncertainty.Were we really going to do this?Was this really going to happen?As Ryan continued to kiss me, one of Derek’s hands tugged at my blouse, pulled it up out of my skirt, and brushed across my bare skin.Holy SHIT, this really WAS going to happen.I parted lips with Ryan, then felt a gentle tug at my hair. I turned my head slowly, as though in a trance – and Derek’s lips were there to meet mine.With Ryan’s taste still in my mouth, now I had Derek’s, as well – the slightly darker, smokier taste of his lips, his tongue.It felt wrong.But it was sooooo hot.Ryan began to nuz
Affair with the Rockstar A couple of times
A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.And they talked for a looooong time.After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.“Well?” I finally asked.“…okay,” Derek said.My eyes almost bugged out of my head.“What?!”“I said okay.”“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.
Affair with the Rockstar They stood there
They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for
Affair with the Rockstar Jessie's girl finally ended
“Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t
Affair with the Rockstar After the interaction
After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with
Affair with the Rockstar i hastily wiped
I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e
Affair with the Rockstar Austin City limited
Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag
