Comfort from Buddy

                I stare at the soda trying to get all my thoughts in order. Jesse seems to realize I need a minute because she doesn’t push for me to speak. She just sits there patiently waiting like the amazing person she is. After what feels like forever, yet not long enough, I take a deep breath before speaking. I decide to start on the most concerning part yet not the one that could end up with her reflecting the same horror that was on Wilheim’s face. “Wilheim showed up at my apartment this weekend. Demanding I return to him and that I am only throwing a tantrum. I didn’t even realize he knew where I was.” My voice cracks near the end. That trickle of fear sliding back into my chest. I haven’t thought much about him finding me since I’ve been so focused on the insanity that is my new magic. Mentioning it reminds me of how close I was to losing the little I’ve created for myself.

                “Oh, Cinna.” She gives me a sympathetic pat on the hand while Buddy squeezes his massive size closer to me. My hand finds his fur without me even thinking about it. “What happened? I mean you clearly didn’t return to him and I’ll help how I can, but I need to know what’s going on if I’m going to be any help.”

                I stare at her for a minute. She’s really all I have right now. A big part of me rebels against the idea of giving her something she could use against me. A tiny voice in the back of my head tells me to trust her though and I think I should listen. I can handle whatever consequences come, at least I hope I can. “That’s the thing. He grabbed me and my magic flared.” I hesitate hard. My throat constricts and I realize I’m more afraid to lose Jesse than I am of Wilheim showing up.

                She waits a second for me to continue. When I don’t, she breaks the silence. “I thought you didn’t have magic.” I can hear the hesitancy in her voice. Talking about lack of magic is a bit of a taboo subject so bringing it up is usually pretty crass.

                “Yea, I thought I didn’t either. That’s not the biggest problem though. My magic is red. Well, a dark red, almost maroon. And I think I did something to Wilheim. I wanted him to forget me and leave me alone. My magic shot out towards him and a minute later, he was staring at me like he had never seen me before. There was no anger or disgust on his face. Just confusion. I think I did that to him. Who knows what else my magic did!” By the end, I’m almost shouting. My hands have started flickering, probably in response my to heightened emotions. I quickly tuck them under my thighs. Not because I’m worried Jesse will see. More because I don’t know what my magic will do. It seems to have a mind of its own which is terrifying.

                “Ok, so what I’m hearing is that Wilheim is no longer a problem?” It seems weird that she focused on that and not the more pressing issue.

                “I mean, yea I don’t think he will be a problem again.” My voice sounds unsure even to my own ears.

                “Oh good. I would’ve hated to have to hunt him down. Takes time away from the things I enjoy, you know? Any ways, about your magic. I am not well versed when it comes to different kinds of magic. As you might know, Faun don’t have any particular magic. We are good with plants and animals, but nothing crazy. I would say we should ask my mate because he does actually know quite a bit about magic of all kinds. The color of your magic seems to be a point you were sure to make. I have no idea why the color would be that important.” She gives a little shrug to emphasize her lack of opinion.

                “Elves only have particular colors of magic since it’s nature based, like yours. It’s pretty much just different shades of green and blue. There isn’t much variation, if any. I was doing some research at the library to see if maybe I just didn’t know enough, but it seems what I was taught is correct. Umm, I did ask the librarian about red magic to see if she knew anything I didn’t. What she told me did not make me feel better about all this. I honestly haven’t gone back to researching because I’m so worried about what I will find if I keep digging.” By the time I finish, my head is in my hands. I don’t want to tell her what the librarian told me. She could probably help. If not her, then her mate could. I am just so tired. All I wanted was to exist, but no. Life wanted to through shit at me that I can’t just avoid.

                “What did the librarian tell you, Cinna?” Her voice is soft. Like she knows her question is one I don’t want to answer.

                I lift my head to look into her eyes. If I’m going to scare her away then I want to see it in her eyes so she can’t just pretend its normal. I need to know her genuine first reaction to this information. “She told me only Demon kind has magic in hues of red.” I see surprise flicker across her face. I wait a second to see horror or disgust. When it doesn’t appear, I keep going. “It doesn’t make sense though, you know? I look like an elf. I was raised as an elf. I never had magic up until now. Nothing is different about me that would make me think I’m anything but what I’ve been told my whole life. Just a magic less elf, poor thing. It never mattered that I could wield a blade better than most or that I put most of the trainers on their asses when I was younger. It always came back to me being magic less. Now I have magic. Magic that makes no sense. The look of absolute horror on Wilheims face when he saw my magic gave me the feeling that what I have will not be accepted by my own people. I don’t know what to do Jesse.” I’m embarrassed to realize that during my rant, my eyes started leaking. I try to stop it. I really do, but my body won’t cooperate.

                I start crying harder when I feel Buddy’s body press against mine. This giant of a dog doesn’t even know me and yet he’s giving me comfort. I feel arms wrap around me on my other side and that’s when I really let go. The warmth and comfort I feel between them breaks something in me. I haven’t had a real moment to feel since I left. I’ve been living in survival mode. Squashed in the middle of these two beings that want to give me comfort instead of telling me I’m weak. It heals a piece of me I didn’t realize was so broken. We stay like this for a while. Me trying to get my shit together and them just holding me. Our little bubble pops when we hear the front door open. All three of us look up at the same time. Buddy and Faun with excitement. Me, with embarrassment. The happiness coming off these two makes it clear that this is Jesse’s mate. I’ve never met this man before and honestly don’t even know his name. he probably thinks I’m crazy. Some stranger crying on his couch.

                Jesse hops up from her spot next to me and runs up to her mate. Giving him a hug that seems to just melt the man. They start talking about something, but I can’t focus on any of the words. All I’m currently focusing on is trying to find a way out of this situation. Jesse drove us here so I will need to her drive me back. I could walk home and avoid the whole interrupting them thing. It would be a pretty long walk though and I don’t have any weapons on me. I normally carry a couple small daggers on me. I was too distracted thinking of how to tell Jesse that I didn’t realize I forgot them until it was too late. Fuck. I glance up at them to see if there’s a good opening for me to ask Jesse to take me home. Just past them, where the door is still open, I can see the sky starting to darken. I must’ve been here longer than I thought. I let out a small sigh, knowing I have no choice.

                The second I stand; they both look over at me. “Hi, I’m Cinna. I work with your mate. Sorry to intrude on your home. I needed a friend and honestly didn’t plan on still being here by the time you got home.” I have to clear my throat to keep it from cracking. I still struggle a bit around men, especially ones that are very clearly stronger than me. I didn’t expect Jesse’s mate to be so big, with her being so small. He’s a broad man just piled with muscles. I mean, I doubt this man has any fat on his body. He’s just, bulky is the only word I can think of. He’s a couple inches taller than me so probably around 6’ 4” and just absolutely massive. If it wasn’t for the smile on his face and kindness in his eyes, I would say he’s the most intimidating man I’ve ever met. The mixture of blue eyes, bronze skin, and fluffy brown hair paired with the smile make this man very handsome. Jesse is one lucky woman. I’ll have to give her a high five next time we are alone.

                “My mate talks about you fondly so no intrusion to apologize for. I am Maxim, but friends call me Max. Now, why don’t you both tell me why a female is crying on my couch and smells of fear and sadness?” The smile remains, but the command in his voice is clear. It almost feels protective. I could be wrong, but the appreciation Jesse seems to have for his reaction tells me I’m right. I don’t know how to feel about this. No one has ever really tried to protect me before.