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Chapter 23 - Putting Leash
Its just... It was hard and it only got harder as the day went on.
Cailen would catch himself staring at Asher, not even realizing that he was and then Noah would nudge him or clear his throat and raise his eyebrows at him.
Cailen couldn't help it. He knows that for him, Asher has always had a special place in his heart, a different place from William or Matthew but he just refused to acknowledge it.
He could play off the feeling of adoration when Asher would rush to help a little old lady carry her groceries to her car as friendship. He could play off the fondness when Asher didn't understand a dirty joke because he was too innocent as friendship.
He could play off all those feelings as friendship and nothing more, but this?
This was definitely not friendship.
Friends didn't daydream about what their friend’s lips felt like. They didn't daydream about holding their h
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A Place To Call Home Chapter 24 - Unrestrained
It went on like this for a while.Cailenwould spend his nights staring at the envelope, too afraid to open it but too curious to just throw it out.He wasn't getting a lot of sleep and Asherwasn't the only one beginning to notice.Everyone was starting to comment on how tired Cailenlooked and asking if he was alright,but Cailenwould just brush it off, making up some excuse about not being used to his bed and they'd move on.Asher, however, wasn't buying it.He would constantly check on Cailen, asking if he needed anything or if he wanted to talk. For the most part,he was pretty subtle about it but sometimes,he would be a bit more direct and ask Cailento open up-if not to him,then justtosomeone so he could get help.Asher's gone as far as begging Cailen, pleading he just wanted to help and that he hated seeing him like this and that he was beginning to worry
A Place To Call Home Chapter 25 - Scared
Cailenhas always been an emotional drunk.Everyone knows that. Everyone knows he's more likely to declare his love for you, loudly and repeatedly.They know he's more likely to take things seriously so they like to take the piss out of him to see if he'll cry. He's been known to have a mental break down a time or two because there was no vodka left and he loves vodka.Cailenthinks it's because for a very brief moment,he's able to be anyone he wants to be and he can pass it off as just being drunk. He's able to be a side of him he never gets to be,so his mind jumps at the chance and takes it too far.And more often than not, he ends up a blubbering mess.So he really shouldn't be surprised when he wakes up the next morning clutching onto… something.His head poundedfrom the sunlight pouring in through his windows and his eyes cemented shut from dried tears. When he stirs,he's unable to
A Place To Call Home Chapter 26 - A Peek In The Past
There was another silence, the boys too shocked because Cailennever told anyone that. Not a soul. He's never even hinted at being that bothered by the situation and now,he just dumped it on them,so he supposed the shock was warranted. "You don't have to do any of that, Cai,"Ashersaid, finally breaking the silence, reaching out and brushing some of Cailen'shair out of his face. "You don't even have to read the letter. It's your decision. But you had a lot of questionslast night-ones that we can't answer. But this letter- It might have what you're looking for. This letter is nothing but a possible answer. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that you have to go find her, it doesn't mean that you're a mistake,because you're not,"Ashersaid, his hand resting on his shoulder, squeezing gently before continuing. "You're not a mistake because you were meant to be here, with m- us. I
A Place To Call Home Chapter 27 - Unsure Feelings
Cailenwasn't sure how he felt.If Williamand Asherwere to ask him if he was okay, he wouldn't have answer. If someone were to ask him if he wanted to cry, he wouldn't know. If someone were to ask him if he wanted to scream or throw something, he'd have no clue.He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel sad. He just didn't really feel.He was expecting this letter to change his opinion, to change how he felt, to change something. But it didn't.The only thing that changed was that he knew his mother had been too young to take care of him, and yes, that explains some things. But he still had questions.He still wanted to know more.He didn't know why he wanted to know more. He shouldn't care what she looked like or if he looked like her. He shouldn't care what her voice sounded like or what color her eyes were.These things shouldn't matter because she wasn't part of his life and she never would be. She didn't
A Place To Call Home Chapter 28 - Keepsakes
"Do you want to talk about it?" Asherasked after his rambling died off, his voice turning into a whisper to match Cailen's."No.""Okay,"Asherdidn't push any further.He just held Cailenclose and left him to his thoughts but Cailenwasn't so sure that was a good thing. He could feel himself slipping, slipping into a hole he wasn't sure he'd be able to drag himself out of.And the only thing he had to hold onto was Asher.Asherand his caring eyes and warm smile, his strong arms and gentle touch and it should be enough.It should be enough to keep him from slipping into the empty pit that he felt like,because Ashermade him feel good.But it wasn't. It wasn't enough because Asherwasn't his to hold onto and he never would be.It was really frustrating because he needed Asher. He needed his stupid jokes and caring nature. He needed his friendship. He needed it now mo
A Place To Call Home Chapter 29 - Truth Or Dare
Finding a distraction wasn't hard in this group of friends he had.Between the four of them,it was never hard to come up with something to do.But now they had Noahand his ideas were usually crazy and perfect for distracting Cailen.He wasn't sure if they knew hewanted the distractions but they all seemed to be trying extra hard to get Cailenout of the house and keeping him busy. Cailentried to remain in a good mood, trying to be that happy fun guy everyone was used to,but it wasn't always that easy.He was getting a lot of mood swings lately and he knew it had to do with everything going on and not the people he was surrounded by. It’s justthatsometimes,it was difficult to remember that.But for the most part,he thought he did pretty well. Of course he'd often get a concerned look from Matthewwhen he'd get too quiet or a questioning eyebrow from Williamwhen h
A Place To Call Home Chapter 30 - Confusion
"Cailen, I- I'm-" Asherstarted just as the door to the toilets flew open and two loud men stumbled through, talking to each other but loud enough for the whole pub to hear."Oh, man you should’vebeen there, dude,"one of them said to the other, slapping his friendon the shoulder. The other grinned back at him as they made their way to do their business. "The look on her face was priceless!"Ashersighed as he eyed the two men, his mouth pressing closed because there was no way he was going to confess now.With a glance over his shoulder, maybe it was a glare, Cailenlead Asherout into the hall. But instead of going to join the boys, he pulled Asherdown the hall where they met a dead end andthey were alone."Go on," Cailenencouraged.He wanted Asherto be able to trust him. Asherhad been there for him when he needed him and he wanted to be there for himtoo.
A Place To Call Home Chapter 31 - Mother And Son
He was really confused and it was keeping him from getting much sleep lately.Instead of sleeping,he would lay awake and just think over the same things, the same questions and never get any answers.He was sick of it. It made him short tempered and it was exhausting running over the same theories and questionsevery night.He wasn't sure he could do it anymore.Cailenthrew back the covers of his bed, the cool air creeping over his skin and making him shiver.He contemplated wrapping himself in the blanket and taking it with him but decided it would be more work than it was worth and a safety hazard when trying to descendthe stairs.He left the blanket and shuffled his way out of the room, trying to be as quiet as possible so he didn't wake anyone up.As he passed William's room,he could hear his quiet snoring-something Williamrefuses to believe he does every timeCailen
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- A Place To Call Home Chapter 118 - Their Daughters
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