Itsjust... It was hard and it only got harder as the day went on.Cailenwould catch himself staring at Asher, not even realizing that he was and then Noahwould nudge him or clear his throat and raise his eyebrows at him.Cailencouldn't help it. He knows that forhim, Asherhas always had a special place in his heart, a different place from Williamor Matthewbut he just refused to acknowledge it.He could play off the feeling of adoration when Asherwould rush to help a little old lady carry her groceries to her car as friendship. He could play off the fondness when Asherdidn't understand a dirty joke because he was too innocent as friendship.He could play off all those feelings as friendship and nothing more,but this?This was definitely not friendship.Friends didn't daydream about what their friend’s lips felt like. They didn't daydream about holding their h
It went on like this for a while.Cailenwould spend his nights staring at the envelope, too afraid to open it but too curious to just throw it out.He wasn't getting a lot of sleep and Asherwasn't the only one beginning to notice.Everyone was starting to comment on how tired Cailenlooked and asking if he was alright,but Cailenwould just brush it off, making up some excuse about not being used to his bed and they'd move on.Asher, however, wasn't buying it.He would constantly check on Cailen, asking if he needed anything or if he wanted to talk. For the most part,he was pretty subtle about it but sometimes,he would be a bit more direct and ask Cailento open up-if not to him,then justtosomeone so he could get help.Asher's gone as far as begging Cailen, pleading he just wanted to help and that he hated seeing him like this and that he was beginning to worry
Cailenhas always been an emotional drunk.Everyone knows that. Everyone knows he's more likely to declare his love for you, loudly and repeatedly.They know he's more likely to take things seriously so they like to take the piss out of him to see if he'll cry. He's been known to have a mental break down a time or two because there was no vodka left and he loves vodka.Cailenthinks it's because for a very brief moment,he's able to be anyone he wants to be and he can pass it off as just being drunk. He's able to be a side of him he never gets to be,so his mind jumps at the chance and takes it too far.And more often than not, he ends up a blubbering mess.So he really shouldn't be surprised when he wakes up the next morning clutching onto… something.His head poundedfrom the sunlight pouring in through his windows and his eyes cemented shut from dried tears. When he stirs,he's unable to
There was another silence, the boys too shocked because Cailennever told anyone that. Not a soul. He's never even hinted at being that bothered by the situation and now,he just dumped it on them,so he supposed the shock was warranted. "You don't have to do any of that, Cai,"Ashersaid, finally breaking the silence, reaching out and brushing some of Cailen'shair out of his face. "You don't even have to read the letter. It's your decision. But you had a lot of questionslast night-ones that we can't answer. But this letter- It might have what you're looking for. This letter is nothing but a possible answer. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that you have to go find her, it doesn't mean that you're a mistake,because you're not,"Ashersaid, his hand resting on his shoulder, squeezing gently before continuing. "You're not a mistake because you were meant to be here, with m- us. I
Cailenwasn't sure how he felt.If Williamand Asherwere to ask him if he was okay, he wouldn't have answer. If someone were to ask him if he wanted to cry, he wouldn't know. If someone were to ask him if he wanted to scream or throw something, he'd have no clue.He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel sad. He just didn't really feel.He was expecting this letter to change his opinion, to change how he felt, to change something. But it didn't.The only thing that changed was that he knew his mother had been too young to take care of him, and yes, that explains some things. But he still had questions.He still wanted to know more.He didn't know why he wanted to know more. He shouldn't care what she looked like or if he looked like her. He shouldn't care what her voice sounded like or what color her eyes were.These things shouldn't matter because she wasn't part of his life and she never would be. She didn't
"Do you want to talk about it?" Asherasked after his rambling died off, his voice turning into a whisper to match Cailen's."No.""Okay,"Asherdidn't push any further.He just held Cailenclose and left him to his thoughts but Cailenwasn't so sure that was a good thing. He could feel himself slipping, slipping into a hole he wasn't sure he'd be able to drag himself out of.And the only thing he had to hold onto was Asher.Asherand his caring eyes and warm smile, his strong arms and gentle touch and it should be enough.It should be enough to keep him from slipping into the empty pit that he felt like,because Ashermade him feel good.But it wasn't. It wasn't enough because Asherwasn't his to hold onto and he never would be.It was really frustrating because he needed Asher. He needed his stupid jokes and caring nature. He needed his friendship. He needed it now mo
Finding a distraction wasn't hard in this group of friends he had.Between the four of them,it was never hard to come up with something to do.But now they had Noahand his ideas were usually crazy and perfect for distracting Cailen.He wasn't sure if they knew hewanted the distractions but they all seemed to be trying extra hard to get Cailenout of the house and keeping him busy. Cailentried to remain in a good mood, trying to be that happy fun guy everyone was used to,but it wasn't always that easy.He was getting a lot of mood swings lately and he knew it had to do with everything going on and not the people he was surrounded by. It’s justthatsometimes,it was difficult to remember that.But for the most part,he thought he did pretty well. Of course he'd often get a concerned look from Matthewwhen he'd get too quiet or a questioning eyebrow from Williamwhen h
"Cailen, I- I'm-" Asherstarted just as the door to the toilets flew open and two loud men stumbled through, talking to each other but loud enough for the whole pub to hear."Oh, man you should’vebeen there, dude,"one of them said to the other, slapping his friendon the shoulder. The other grinned back at him as they made their way to do their business. "The look on her face was priceless!"Ashersighed as he eyed the two men, his mouth pressing closed because there was no way he was going to confess now.With a glance over his shoulder, maybe it was a glare, Cailenlead Asherout into the hall. But instead of going to join the boys, he pulled Asherdown the hall where they met a dead end andthey were alone."Go on," Cailenencouraged.He wanted Asherto be able to trust him. Asherhad been there for him when he needed him and he wanted to be there for himtoo.
"Hey, hey, it's the superstar, finally making an appearance!" Matthewcalled out when they entered the kitchen.Cailengrinned at this while Williamlooked a bit sheepish. He knew he was never around much and constantly apologized for it, but they all understood and were all proud of their friend."Shut up, I've been busy!" Williamdefended just as the two girls at the counter turned in their stools and gasped.They each climbed their way down from the stools, Aariyahalmost taking a tumble but she caught herself and then they were each latched onto one of William's legs, the older man chuckling."Uncle William!" Maddisonsquealed, squeezing William's leg tight.Williamawkwardly bent down as far as he could without hurting or squishing the small girls, reaching out to rest a hand on each of them."How are two of my favorite girls?" he asked.It was truly adorable how much they each loved
Cailenonly had to look over the boy's shoulder to see his brother saunter in, but Ezekieland Ellianahad to turn around and Cailencouldn't say he was exactly surprised by the reaction.Ellianagasped in surprise while Ezekieldarted forward and threw himself at his uncle.Williamchuckled and wrapped Ezekielup in a tight hug, rocking him back and forth slightly before letting go."Uncle William, you made it!" Ezekielsaid happily.It had been a while since Ezekieland Maddisonlast saw him."Papasaid he didn't know if you were coming," Ezekielexplained.William mockscoffed."Of course I will! I wouldn't miss my favorite nephew turning fifteen!" Williamexclaimed.Cailentook a peek over at Ellianato see a look of confusion mixed with awe and nearly lost it. He would never understandthe effect Williamhad on teen
Both Matthewand Cailenlooked over to where the girls were sitting.It was instinctive now, whether it was your own child saying it or not, when you heard 'Daddy'or ‘Papa’, you look.Maddisonwas standing from her spot and making her way over to where Cailenand Matthewsat, a sheet of paper in her hands."Look, isn't my flower pretty?" she asked holding up the paper to Cailenwhere he saw a simple flower drawn on it.It was pink with big petals and a small green stem and looked like every other flower drawing she'd ever done but Cailenstill nodded along, smiling at his daughter."Yes, it's beautiful, love," Cailensmiled, his arms still bouncing Mishaup and down on his knee."But- But isn't mine beautiful-er?" Aariyahstood in a hurry, rushing over to them and nearly tripping as she held up her own drawing of an almost identical flower.Cailens
"Dude, she'll be here soon," Trippsaid, leaning across the island in the kitchen to reach for the bowl of crisps that Cailenhad put out. "Calm down or you'll start getting sweat stains," he added, scrunching up his nose in distaste.Tripp, if possible, had grown up to be even bigger than Ezekiel, though that wasn't much of a surprise with how much taller he's always been than Ezekiel. He still had his blonde hair,though it wasn't quite so golden anymore-more of a dirty blonde, and has acquired glasses over the years.Cailenremembers the first day he had come over with them on, the boy had been mortified but he's grown to love them, claiming the girls were really into the 'nerdy' look these days."And no girl likes sweat stains," Aireneadded from her spot at the island.Airenehad grown up to be quite the beautiful girl, her hair still a fiery red and her green eyes bright and enchanting.Ezekie
Cailenstopped a ways back, pulling his coat tighter around him as the fall breeze blew and made him shiver.He was always surprised sometimes when he really looked at Ezekieland saw how much he's grown.Up until last year,it seemed as though he had missed the puberty bus until one day,Cailenreally looked at him and noticed he had grown about a foot and was stealing his cologne to wear.It was a bit of a shock that he quickly got over and went out to buy Ezekielhis own cologne along with some shaving supplies since he had noticed the boy had also started growing some scruff.It was something he never had a problem with in the first place because until now, he never had a single hair grow on his face, well aside from his eyebrows and his head, of course.Cailenknew he was going to be one of those teenagers that looked way olderthan they really were just because puberty decided to randomly
Maddison rushed over to them, throwing herself into Asher's legs hard enough that her feet left the ground and she was able to crawl into Asher's lap, with his help of course."What do you mean ‘Zekeleft’?" Asherquestioned as he wrapped his arms around his daughterso she wouldn't fall off.She had nestled herself nicely in his lap so her legs dangled over the edge but she was able to look up at them both with her big blue eyes.They adopted Maddison out of the orphanage when she was six years old, soon after Ezekielhad come up to them one day and asked if they were ever going to adopt another child.It was completely random and out oftheblue and had taken them both by surprise so much that they didn't know what to say.They honestly hadn't thought about adopting again, but when Ezekielexplained that he was only wondering because he thought it might be nice to have someone to play w
Seven years later…"Alright," Cailenheard come from down the hall.It was only a couple steps further so he made the small venture to poke his head around the corner and into the hall to see Asherjust coming up from the basement."The basement isofficially 'Teen-Proof'," Asher said around an exhausted sigh.Cailenfully stepped into the entrance of the hallway, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for his husband to meet him at the end of the hall and proceeding to follow him into the kitchen.Cailenstill cringed slightly whenever he walked into the kitchen, more so when he had company following him.They were in the middle of renovating the kitchen, the last of the house's renovation, thankfully.When they purchased the house four years ago, they had gotten it pretty cheap because it needed so much work done to it. They just hadn't realized how much work it ne
"Yeah, I love you too," Cailensaid with a small smile before hanging up his phone and slipping it into his pocket.He went to turn around but paused as a man in a suit rushed by him, obviously in a hurry.They were at the airport saying goodbye to Noahbefore he got on a flight to Scotlandand apparently,he was not the only one planning a trip that weekend.You could barely move without bumping into someone and Cailenhad to step away into a corner in order to answer his phone because it was so loud.Once the man had passed,Cailencontinued back towards the small group that was gathering outside the gate Noahwas to go through to get to his flight.They were all there, Matthew, Hazel, and of course Aariyah, William, Asherand Ezekiel, all hugging Noahgoodbye before his departure.He had been in the middle of saying goodbye when his phone rang and he excused himself to answer
Cailen is startled from his sleep by a sudden weight crashing into him and then a wet nose sniffing at his face.He knows who it is instantly and groans, not caring if he wakes Asher up at this point.It's his dog, if Loki is waking Cailen up, then Asher can get woken up as well.Cailen brought his arms up, having to untangle himself from Asher's grasp in order to do so, and shielded his face from the intruding nose.It's not like this has never happened before, but it didn't happen often.Loki was usually pretty good at just sleeping at the foot of their bed, but recently, he's been cuddling up to Ezekiel in his so it was a bit strange.Either way, Loki was waking Cailen up so he started to sit up, just remembering to be gentle in case Asher's arm or leg was in the right position to get squished."Loki, down," Cailen mumbled, his tone firm.Cailen heard a groan come from behind him and knew Asher was now awake.