twilight quotes funny

What could possibly be describe as your worst nightmare?. I will tell you, my worst nightmare could be describe as seeing my boyfriend and my twin sister... 'Together' in prom. It was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life, kelvin had told me he had a surprised planned out. I did get my surprise, but it wasn't the kind of surprise I was expecting. Till this very day, I have terrible scary dream of that night. It could be tagged as a nightmare. Well.. now I'm a full grown lady, when I mean full. I mean really fat. You see, this is the difference between my sister and I. She's the pretty one, and I am.. I'm the ugly fat one. Ever since I was a child, everyone has favoured her much more than me. Even my parents loves her more than me . It sucks, I know. Just when I thought I would be living a really boring and unloved life, I met Jason. He is handsome, He is chivalrous, and has this funny charming character. And the last of his quality, he has his own company. He is a freaking Billionaire. At first, I wasn't quite taking by jason.. so I gave him the cold shoulder's. But Jason wasn't the kind of man to give up. To him, I was another business opportunity that he needs to get at all cost. I guess because he saw it that way, that was why he was very committed. I did end up falling him, we got married really quickly. And then, I thought that I have found my life long partner. But unknown to me, Jason had a secret, a secret that shouldn't get out in the open. To hide this secret, jason got married to me. This time, the dream's on me!

The older sister of Emma LaRue wasn't looking for love. In fact, the last thing Kaylee LaRue thought as she attended her sister's Caribbean wedding was that she would meet a man as confident as Owen Parker. The suave businessman oozed charm, and when that charm was directed at Kaylee, it gave her pause. She couldn't be sure if the man was actually interested in her or just interested in a good time. In reality, Owen Parker had never met anyone like Kaylee LaRue. The quiet girl from Iowa made him forget to breathe the first time he saw her. When he tried to work his magic, her wit proved to be a match for his, and his charms had no effect. He knew what it looked like- she probably thought that he wanted to have a vacation tryst with her just as Jack Saunders had with Emma. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Kaylee tried hard not to yield to his advances, but their last night in the Caribbean was simply magical. After a passionate night spent in the arms of Owen, Kaylee ruefully observed that there was no fake wedding to keep the two of them together. As she flew home, she thought it'd be back to the same old life for her. She never expected Owen to show up at her door. However, this small town girl wasn't sure she was ready to change for this city boy. When Kaylee tried to fit into Owen's world, everything came crashing down. In the blink of an eye, what seemed like a strong foundation suddenly found itself built on a pillar of sand. Would their relationship blossom like Jack and Emma's, or would the two of them forever be haunted by the memories of rainwater kisses?

When fate decides to play its funny tricks, a clueless Luna is forced to fight against the impossible.. Eighteen year old and shy, Miranda Dagel is in her final year in high school, but is anything but excited about her forthcoming graduation. She has lived her life in a complete haze, never doing anything interesting. She hates her fat self, her school and hates her life. Eighteen now and still no boyfriend. Even her bestfriend wouldn't understand her restlessness. Mira finds herself longing, desperate for something exciting _ an adventure. Searching for a way to escape reality. One warm summer night, Mira's eyes catch a shadow standing by her window. Soon this shadow would become a reality_her reality. A man who scares her but shifts her perspective of the world, a living labyrinth who could change from a human to something else entirely. Little did she know that the adventure she had always sought for would start with an abduction. From that moment, it may become impossible to escape this reality.. because this may now be her world, her world as the Alpha's abducted Luna.

She is a free spirit, trapped in a bird cage of death, danger and despair. Little Alessa has always known one thing above all- she was born to be the perfect Principessa of the Cosa Nostra, the Italian Mafia. She was urged to smile when asked to, laugh even when the jokes were anything but funny, charming to all who were allies. She was perfection incarnate...well, that's what they think. They know nothing of her wild abandon, of her plans to be anything but the perfect princess, royalty of a world dredged so deep in blood, she choked on it. Her plans to run were absolute...well, until HE came along. The mysterious Pakan-a Don like her father- shielded by the shadows that he ruled from. He was the anomaly that she least expected. He destroyed her plans and she hated him for it. So why then does her heart beat so fast when he is near? Why is he the one she thinks about before she sleeps? Why does she so long to see him when she's sad? She wanted the freedom, the life beyond the shadows and explore the world. But Emerald colored eyes, cocky smirks, rough hands, cigarettes and darkness were starting to look a little more appealing...

The darkness in his eyes, the dangerous smell of in his breath, and his deathly grip keeping me bound to him made my heart pound in my chest and my body quiver beneath him. Shamefully, it wasn't anything that I wasn't used to, because…the things I let him do to me? When he was frustrated, annoyed, and angry at the world, I was here to be his pound of flesh. In return, he masked the void of my loneliness because for months, that was the transaction of our relationship. He'd pin me to the wall, bend me over the counter, pull my hair, slap me, choke me, and I enjoyed every second of it because in that moment, it finally felt good to be powerless. Irony is a funny thing. I enjoyed being in pain because it made me forget how much I was hurting. *** "I warned you, doll." His voice strikes a string of chills down the base of my spine, a reminder that all of the time in the world could pass, and he's still not letting go. This is where the good girl in me dies. "You're mine now," he whispers. *** My name is Mercy—Mercy Carter. I went to college. Got myself a useless Bachelor of Science in Mathematics degree. His name is Marcel—Marcello Saldívar. However, at the time, I didn't know that he, the heir to the Saldívar Mafia empire, was the man that I had blindly offered myself to. As smart as I am, I was stupid all the times when it actually mattered. After all, he did warn me he was dangerous. I just didn't think he could be much worse than my thug brother. I was vulnerable—naive. I belong to him. My name is Mercy, and I am the Mafia's Mercy.

Herbie was subconsciously self-sabotaging his relationship with every famous, beautiful, successful girl he's been with. When the relationship seemed to be going well, he'd find one little detail that would be enough reason to break-up. It could be that she's too clingy or too busy, to the trivial ones like having long fingernails or having eyes that are too big or too small. That's because in that tiny little space in his heart he kept a secret. He's got this huge crush on his next-door neighbor for what seems like forever. For ten years they were neighbors, for ten years he was content just stealing glances. Not that he didn't know her. She's his ex-girlfriend's sister! On their tenth year as neighbors, he got elected as President and CEO of a multinational corporation at only 36 years old. He didn't want to move apartments but duty called.

when Jason suddenly finds himself caught between a war for a realm by both the forces of light and darkness, little did he know how deep the rabbit hole went. now he would have to step up and claim what was his, for the lives of every soul in that realm depends on it.....

They say memories stored in our brain could be sometimes forgotten, but then the heart does not forget. Because our heart always remember, the heart recognizes our beloved when our brain couldn't. Years after they lost contact with each other, Zhanaia encountered Dion again on the same place where they met. And funny how destiny works, they met again just like how they first met, accidentally bumping with each other. Zhanaia's heart was filled with joy, she couldn't contain her happiness and jumped to hug Dion, not wanting to let him go again. But all the hope in her shattered when Dion pulled away from her embrace and asked her, "I'm sorry, miss, but... who are you?"

This is the tale of how the sexist remark, "Men are scum," was delivered to me on a scalding plate! Guess what? It all started with a birthday surprise party for my boss's fiance, but I was slapped with horror when I saw my boyfriend of two years being kissed by my boss with an engagement ring around both their fingers. Turned out I had been the side chick for two bloody years! Funny enough, I wasn't served a heart break alone, my boss had also been toying with the emotions of Cole McPherson, and together we swore to take revenge. Would I still scream, "Men are slime!" at the conclusion, or will my beliefs alter in the process of seeking revenge alongside Cole?

In a world where the gods of legend have become actual fact, a few misnomers from another planet seek to simply live their lives in peace. If you could choose one word from the dictionary, one that simply defines you to the core of your soul, what would you say your definition is?