The darkness in his eyes, the dangerous smell of in his breath, and his deathly grip keeping me bound to him made my heart pound in my chest and my body quiver beneath him. Shamefully, it wasn't anything that I wasn't used to, because…the things I let him do to me? When he was frustrated, annoyed, and angry at the world, I was here to be his pound of flesh. In return, he masked the void of my loneliness because for months, that was the transaction of our relationship. He'd pin me to the wall, bend me over the counter, pull my hair, slap me, choke me, and I enjoyed every second of it because in that moment, it finally felt good to be powerless. Irony is a funny thing. I enjoyed being in pain because it made me forget how much I was hurting. *** "I warned you, doll." His voice strikes a string of chills down the base of my spine, a reminder that all of the time in the world could pass, and he's still not letting go. This is where the good girl in me dies. "You're mine now," he whispers. *** My name is Mercy—Mercy Carter. I went to college. Got myself a useless Bachelor of Science in Mathematics degree. His name is Marcel—Marcello Saldívar. However, at the time, I didn't know that he, the heir to the Saldívar Mafia empire, was the man that I had blindly offered myself to. As smart as I am, I was stupid all the times when it actually mattered. After all, he did warn me he was dangerous. I just didn't think he could be much worse than my thug brother. I was vulnerable—naive. I belong to him. My name is Mercy, and I am the Mafia's Mercy.
View MoreMy parents were good people. They made shitty choices, but they were good parents. You see, the problem wasn’t that they didn’t understand the gravity of their poor decision making. The problem was that while they understood, they didn’t care about the consequences so long as they were the only ones who had to pay for them.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way.
You know what happens to people who can’t pay off the loan shark? They end up dead.
You know what happens to the children of those people? Well…I won’t tell you because that would violate his rules.
What I can tell you is that the Mafia doesn’t go after little girls. Instead, the Mafia takes the son of their deceased clients, they turn him into like them, and his sister becomes the girl that no one wants to sit at the lunch table with because God forbid you cross paths with her brother.
Needless to say, loneliness becomes your shadow.
My name is Mercy—Mercy Carter. I went to college. Got myself a useless Bachelor of Science in Mathematics degree with only two classes short of a Master of Physics degree.
That’s the thing about the Mafia: they don’t care that you busted your ass for five and a half years. When they’re ready for the little girl that they weren’t interested in 10 years ago, even a degree in Nuclear Engineering becomes useless.
You would think that racketeering and drug trafficking would be enough to land you behind bars, but it’s kinda hard to incriminate someone who does a really good job at convincing other people to take the fall for him.
Here’s to being the lonely nerd at the front of the class. She had no idea she’d be taken by the man who told her he’d stay away. She had no idea that she’d become his to keep.
My name is Mercy—Mercy Carter—and I am the Mafia’s Mercy.
I’m gonna fail…
I glance up at the clock as its incessant ticking reminds me that I’m almost out of time.
I had spent the better part of the last two weeks studying for my Quantum Mechanics final, and though I’ve taken Adderall three times this week already, a part of me knew that no matter how long or how hard I studied, this exam would ultimately be the end of me.
With just enough courage to pick ’B’ on the last question that I spent the past three minutes staring at, I wrap up, closing my exam sheet and gathering my belongings. I feel my heart at my throat as I approach my professor and reluctantly hand him my exam packet and scantron sheet.
His perfectly wrinkled eyes squint as he offers me a warm smile, knowing that despite my hesitation, I more than likely out performed the rest of my classmates.
He’s a sweet man, and at heart, I’m sure that he means well, but God, do I want to punch him in the face.
Pretending that I don’t, I offer him a half-hearted smile in return and go about my way.
I’m smart, I know it. Naturally, I went through the motions of attending class, doing my homework, and taking exams as though it were as easy as getting through Kindergarten all the way through until I graduated high school. With a whopping 3.8 GPA, I graduated with my mathematics degree in four years, and now I’m at a solid 3.5 with only one semester away from graduating with my Master’s degree in Physics.
At the ripe age of 24, I’ll be the first and only in my family to have pursued higher education and graduated. All of which hardly means anything, seeing as I only have my hardass older brother to brag to—should he ever come back home.
The cool night breeze flicks my dark brown hair as I hurry to the bus stop. It’s just half an hour past 8 o’clock, and I’m more relieved at the fact that this is the last night class that I’ll ever take than the sound of the bus shuttle coming to a complete stop before me.
Being the only one waiting for it, I quickly board, offering the bus driver a small smile before hurrying to take the first open seat that I could find. The earbuds in my hands quickly find their way into my ears, and in the next moment, I’m blasting my alternative rock playlist as I shift ever-so-slightly with the bus’ steady ride.
Just before the lockscreen on my phone reads 9 o’clock, I find myself hopping off of the vehicle with my hoodie over my head and my backpack hanging off my shoulder. Being on the first floor of my apartment building, I quickly come to the front door, locking it behind me as I flick the light on.
It’s a small studio apartment, but it’s perfect for a young woman with no pets and no man to call my own.
As if I could ever.
I sigh softly at the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. This is how it’s been since I was a teenager: no matter where I went, so long as my brother showed up in the nick of time, any and all friends I made slowly but surely stopped being my friends—except the ones that so desperately wanted to date him and blamed me when he used them for the only thing they could offer: sex.
My phone clicks against the bathroom counter as I set it down, my gaze finding my reflection in the mirror as I turn the faucet on. Small shadows paint the bags under my hazel eyes, and the blush from the chilly December weather that reddens my cheeks and nose is the only reason my pale skin doesn’t make me look as dead on the outside as I feel on the inside.
I’m depressed, and I know it. I’ve been depressed for what feels like ten years now, which I’m sure has everything to do with my parents’ tragic death.
I cup my hands under the running water, bringing them up to my face as I drown my soft features in the cold puddle. It feels good against my eyelids, and as I allow the water to slip from between my fingers, I rub my hands down my face before moving to shut the water off and taking the hand towel resting beside my phone on the counter.
With the soft cloth against my face, I dry myself as I move to the small piece of furniture beside my bed, taking the small metal box and lighter resting atop of it. From my hand, the towel gets tossed onto my bed and I move to open the set of balcony doors at the far end of the room.
The golden doorknob is cold against my touch as I turn it in my hand and push it open. As I step out onto the concrete floor, I bring my unoccupied hand to meet the top of the metal box and pop it open, revealing the neatly rolled joint I’d prepped before I left for my exam earlier.
It’s Friday night, but even if it wasn’t, my scholarship and financial aid pays my bills. So every Friday evening, I come out here and smoke myself as close to comatose as I can get.
It’s easier this way.
With the joint between my fingers, I snap the box shut and stick it into my hoodie’s pocket. Swiftly, I place the roll between my lips and light it, inhaling a quick and short breath. Smoke fills my lungs, almost instantly dulling what already feels like numbness in my chest.
I hold it, allowing my eyelids to fall shut as I exhale slowly to the beat of the music still buzzing from my earbuds.
“I love you, sissy.”
My eyes gloss at the memory of the sound of my brother’s voice ringing in my head.
It’s been like this since I moved to this small college town and he left with him.
I remember the day like it was yesterday, and it’s been the one thing keeping me up at night.
I walked the stage at my high school graduation earlier that day, and Levi and I were sitting on the black leather couch in the living room, watching my favorite episode from The Office for the third time that week. With an empty box of pizza we’d shoved down our throats resting on the coffee table, I leaned into him as he threw his arm around me.
I hate myself for it, because I knew that it was coming. But I kept pretending that it wasn’t. I pretended that the timer my brother was on wasn’t ticking and about to go off.
But I knew.
I knew that when my parents were shot before my own eyes, it fell on him to drop out of his junior year of high school to work and pay the bills. He refused to let me help. He said I’d make something of myself some day. He said I was too smart to throw my life away, and since he became the man of the house, it was his job to take care of me.
He did.
What he thought I didn’t know was that the money he was making was from working with the same man who was responsible for our parents’ death. What he thought I didn’t know was that that man only let my brother stay until I graduated high school and that night would be his last night by my side.
It kills me.
I take another hit, attempting to stop the knot from forming at the edge of my throat. It’s enough to settle my nerves, but it’s hardly enough to stop my mind from going to places that I really wish it would stop going to.
It all happened so fast.
One minute we were laughing at Jan and Michael arguing in the Dinner Party, and the next, the front door was flying off its hinges.
I jumped what felt like five feet in the air, scrambling up to my feet as Levi rose to his. He harshly took my arm into his hold and dragged me into his bedroom where he shoved me onto his bed and ran to grab the gun from his nightstand.
My heart hammered in my chest as he waved his finger at my face, his hazel eyes darkening as he warned me, “Shut the fuck up and don’t come out.”
He was serious, and I knew it.
He never spoke to me that way unless I was about to do something he warned me not to—which was always. That time, however, he left no room for argument.
With the gun in his hand, he hurried to the door, and just before walking out, he turned to me and said, “I love you, sissy.”
That was the last I saw him—the last I heard from him.
From that moment on, I did the only thing he ever pushed me to do: study.
And five and a half years later, I’m still doing it: studying and missing him.
⊰ Marcel ⊱The steady beep of the vital signs monitor echoes through the sterile hospital room, a constant reminder of the fragile life hanging in the balance. I sit by Mercy’s bedside, my hand clasped tightly around hers, my eyes fixed on her pale, still face.It’s been a month. A month of watching her chest rise and fall with the help of machines, a month of praying for a miracle that never came. The doctors say there’s little to no brain activity, that the chances of her waking up are next to none.I can’t let her go.Everyone has already come to say their goodbyes. Levi, his eyes red-rimmed and his voice hoarse. Alessandra, her sobs echoing through the hallways. Even Santiago, clinging to Alessandra as she fell apart in his arms.And now, it’s my turn.With a heavy heart, I sign the papers to withdraw medical care, my hand shaking so badly I can barely hold the pen. The doctor gives me a sympathetic look, his hand resting briefly on my shoulder before he moves to remove the tube f
The cold metal of Luciano’s gun presses against the back of my head as I lead him, Fabio, and two of his other men to the parlor. My heart hammers in my chest, each step feeling like a mile, my legs threatening to give out beneath me.I can’t believe this is happening…But it is. It’s real, and it’s terrifying.In what feels like only a matter of seconds, we reach the safe, installed into the wall at the far end of the room, right behind one of Marcel’s antique paintings. With shaking fingers, I input the code, the buttons blurring through my tears.01-29-93Marcel’s birthday.As the lock clicks open, my mind drifts back to the day he told me about this safe, just a few days after our first ultrasound.I had gone to his office, wanting to see him, to be near him. The memory of our baby’s strong and steady heartbeat was still fresh in my mind, filling me with a joy I couldn’t contain.When I walked in, he looked up from his desk, concern etched on his handsome face. “Is everything okay
⊰ Marcel ⊱We take out Catalina’s men swiftly and efficiently, our synchronized movements honed by years of working together. In mere minutes, the only sound is our own controlled breathing and the distant crackle of flames where Rick set the charges.I stride into the house, my footsteps echoing on the polished hardwood, the metallic scent of blood hanging heavy in the air. Slumped bodies lay strewn in our wake, crimson pooling beneath their still forms.Catalina sits on a chair in the center of the room, flanked by Santiago and Levi, their guns trained on her. Even disheveled and terrified, her beauty is coldly arresting—high cheekbones, full lips, the slash of dark brows over glittering eyes.And still…she resembles my Mercy.I lower myself into the chair across from her, gun in hand, and studying her face. “Your face healed up nicely,” I remark casually, as if we’re old friends catching up. “Considering our last encounter, I mean.”She glares at me with pure loathing, her red lips
I sit at the dining table, my hands flat on the polished wood, just as Luciano ordered. The surface is cool beneath my palms, but I can feel the sleek layer of cold sweat beneath them, a result from the fear that burns hot in my veins. Around me, Eboni, Alessandra, Juanita, Salma, and Maria are in the same position, their faces pale, their eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears.We’re surrounded by five of Luciano’s men, their guns trained on us, the metal glinting coldly in the light. The rest of them are still searching the house, their footsteps echoing like a drum of doom.We’re going to die…Luciano stands at the foot of the table, across from me, his dark eyes glittering with malice and triumph. He looks like a king presiding over his court, but there’s something twisted and wrong about him, something that makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn.“Marcello thinks he’s a king, bombing my merchandise, vandalizing my homes,” he scoffs, his voice dripping with venom and contempt. “
As I stand in the foyer, watching Marcel command his men with a sense of effortless authority, I can’t help but feel a mix of pride and apprehension. There’s an intensity in his eyes, a focus determination that I’ve never seen before. His voice is low and authoritative, each word carefully chosen, each instruction precise and unyielding. He’s in his element here, every inch the powerful mafia boss.This is what he was born to do.The thought hits me suddenly, unexpectedly. For as long as I’ve known him, Marcel has been a leader, a protector, a man who commands respect and loyalty from those around him. But seeing him like this, effortlessly taking control, the way every man in the room hangs on his every word, I can’t help but wonder…What will life be like when this is all over?Will he be able to leave this world behind, to adapt to a life of boardrooms and business deals? I can picture it so clearly in my mind—Marcel in a tailored suit, sitting at the head of a conference table, hi
⊰ Marcel ⊱The first rays of morning light filter through the curtains, casting a soft glow over Mercy’s sleeping form. I stand by the bed, buttoning my shirt, my gaze lingering on her peaceful face. She looks so innocent, so pure, her dark lashes fanning out against her cheeks, her lips slightly parted in slumber.Why is she so fucking beautiful?It’s no wonder Ben fell for her. Hell, I can’t blame him. From the moment I met her, I knew she was special, a bright little light in the darkness of my world. But that doesn’t excuse what he did. The thought of his lips on hers, his hands touching her…it makes my blood boil, the anger I’ve been trying to suppress for Mercy’s sake simmering beneath my skin.I knew it. All along, I fucking knew it.…I should’ve confronted him a long time ago…before he tried anything.I played it off last night, tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. But the truth is, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze
As I sit in my study, I can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu. It’s Tuesday evening, and once again, I find myself across from Katherine, our usual therapy session underway.“I don’t know what to do,” I confess, my voice barely above a whisper. “Ben…” he kissed me last night. And I’m terrified that if Marcel finds out, it’ll ruin everything we’ve been working towards.”Katherine leans back in her seat, her legs crossed in front of her, her gaze steady and free of judgment. “Mercy,” she says softly, her voice filled with gentle understanding. “We’ve talked about this before. Secrets and lies, they’ve only ever harmed your mental health in the past. They create barriers, breed mistrust. If you want to build a strong, healthy relationship with Marcel, honesty is key.”I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat. I know she’s right. I know that keeping this from Marcel will only eat away at me and create more distance between us. But the thought of telling him, of seeing the hurt and an
As I step into the lab, a sense of finality settles over me. This is it, the last time I’ll be working with Ben and Pablo on the drone project. A part of me feels a twinge of sadness at the thought of saying goodbye to this little haven of science and innovation, but I know it’s for the best. Marcel and I are finally in a good place, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that.Just one more month. One more month and this will all be over…right?While I’m now more hopeful of where Marcel and I stand, there’s the lingering thought, the creeping fear of time running out. I have no idea how close they are to finding Luciano, let alone what the plan is to get rid of him.Trust him. Trust Marcel. He said he’ll get it done. It’ll get done.“Hey guys,” I greet Ben and Pablo, forcing a cheerful note into my voice as I make my way to the lab table. “I just wanted to stop by and check on the calculations for the new drone model…for old time’s sake.”Ben glances up from his computer, his green
⊰ Marcel ⊱The silence of Mercy’s study envelops me as I step inside, the soft click of the door closing behind me barely registering over the tumultuous thoughts swirling in my mind. My eyes sweep over the familiar surroundings, taking in every detail as if for the first time.The plush couch and chaise beckon invitingly. Towering bookshelves line one of the walls, their shelves laden with countless books, the titles a mix of familiar classics and obscure texts that only Mercy could appreciate. The soft glow of the lamp on her desk casts a warm light, the delicate glass shade casting intricate patterns on the polished wood surface.It’s a sanctuary, a place where Mercy can lose herself in her studies, in the world of knowledge and discovery she loves so much. But as I lower myself onto the sofa, I can’t shake the feeling of unease, of the distance that’s been growing between us, threatening to destroy us.Where did I go wrong?The thought echoes in my mind, a taunting refrain that re
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