knock knock jokes dark humor

I, Zierno the famed assassin, am hunting the mythical Mist Mare. My king, my friend, has promised me command of his guard if I gift her to him. I never fail a mission. The beast will belong to the King of the Netherlands, one way or the other. It’s deeply amazing how much can go wrong in a single day. From capturing the rare creature for my liege, to it nearly making off with my king. Now I’m on his short list of enemies. During my mad flight from the castle, I thought to save an injured woman. I couldn’t have been more wrong. What I have now is a sack full of problems. This pretty red-eyed woman, being the largest. She looks like a sweet creature one moment. Then the next, a bloodthirsty demon. And truthfully, I’m terrified. I’ve never seen anything like her. “Chain me to the wall” She says. Normally I’d think that might make for an interesting afternoon. Now I’m thinking I’d rather be anywhere but where she can shriek at me when she has one of her ‘spells.’ “Go talk to the sorcerer.” She orders. As though I should know who he is. “I need your help.” She says, as though I’m intended to be some great savior. I’m a killer not a saint. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten word that the King has sent out an army to hunt me down and drag me back to face the consequences of a potential assassination. One which I did not intend! So my plan right now…Is essentially just to stay alive.

Samantha: Jaecar, the fiercest of the Border Guard, has always been kind to me. Indulging me despite what I thought was his lack of sexual interest. That all changed the day he told me he'd have me as his mate. I said no. Spurring Jaecar to go from the sweet boy next door to the hungry wolf with his eye on me. Jaecar: She was mine. She'd always been mine. She just didn't know it yet. I courted her, I was kind to her, all with my end goal in mind. Possessing her. She thinks she can run from me. But I know everywhere she'd go. I know everywhere she'd hide. Because I know everything about Samantha. The Mating Moon is rising. And she will be my mate. Willing or not.

Kane Porter was as boring as his name implied. Of all the financial coordinators under me, he was the one least likely to be interesting on an intoxicated evening. Kane was quiet, well-mannered and nobody was friends with him. I was his boss and I got along well with everyone until I came across a problem. The account I’d been skimming from had a good hunk of change missing now. Not good. How could I have it investigated without flagging myself for the ten thousand dollars I’d ‘borrowed’? There was only one thing I could do. Porter was a nice guy. He’d help me out. No one could be safer to ask…

(Gideon Vesarius' Story) At the age of nineteen, Lyzza joined an auction to sell her body out of desperate need. Whoever has the highest bid will get her virginity. And it happened to be Gideon Vesarius, the bad-ass ex-military, multi-billionaire. He had her, then left her life. She thought it would be forever. Four years later, when she was about to be an intern at a large airline company, she did not expect that the man who owned her virginity also owned the company. He found her secret, and their three-year old daughter. Will he take the kid away? Or… he gave her another choice - marry him!

“I will agree to whatever you want, Ms. Aragon. I will give you a million, but in return, you'll be my mistress and partner in bed...” Hindi kaagad nakahuma si Lalaine sa sinabing iyon ng lalaki. Paano mangyayari ang gusto nitong maging kabit siya gayong kasal sila? “P-Pero kasal tayo, hindi ba?” naguguluhang tanong naman ni Lalaine na may munting kirot sa puso. “Sa papel lang tayo kasal, Ms. Aragon,” sagot naman ni Knives na bakas ang iritasyon sa tinig. “Hindi ko na uulitin ang tanong. Ano ang sagot mo?” malamig pa tanong sa babae. Dahil wala nang pagpipilian pa ay sumagot si Lalaine kahit labag sa kanyang kalooban, “S-Sige, pumapayag ako...” Si Knives Dawson, ang pinakamayamang businessman sa buong Luzon ay palihim na ikinasal sa isang ulilang dalaga na si Lalaine Aragon. Napilitan lang na magpakasal ang dalawa sa isa't-isa dahil sa kagustuhan ng kanilang mga minamahal na lola. May mamagitan kayang pagmamahal sa dalawang taong langit at lupa ang agwat ng katayuan sa buhay? Paano kapag nalaman ni Lalaine na mahal pa pala ng lalaki ang first love nito at nakatakda nang magpakasal ang dalawa. Ipaglalaban ba niya ang kanyang karapatan bilang asawa gayong alam niyang walang pagmamahal si Knives para sa kan'ya?

Hindi naging maganda ang karanasan ni Shaina sa mga naunang karelasyon. Ang huling lalaking pinagkatiwalaan at minahal ay nagpaakit sa kaniyang pinsan. Ang malala pa ay nabaliktad ang sitwasyon at siya ang lumalabas na manloloko. Naisumpa niya sa sarili na hindi na muling magmahal at pagbayarin ang dalawang nagwasak sa kaniyang puso. Ngunit nagbago ang kaniyang isip nang mabuo ang isang gabing pagkakamali. At hindi lang isa ang kaniyang iniluwal kundi dalawang cute na mga bata. Bigla siyang natakot sa isiping hindi lang guwapo ang hindi nakilalang ama ng kambal, kundi genius dahil tiyak dito nagmana ang mga anak. "Mommy, don't worry, we can help you to find our father." A five-year-old named, Adrian, said. Pakiramdam ni Shaina ay atakehin siya sa puso sa naging sagot ng bibong anak na lalaki. Sa halip na ma-disappoint dahil hindi niya kilala ang ama ng mga ito, mukhang lalong na-excite ang mga anak na hanapin ang lalaki. Sa kaniyang pagbabalik kasama ang mga anak ay maraming katanungang kailangang masagot. Pero saan siya magsisimula kung maging ang mukha ng nakabuntis sa kaniya ay hindi niya alam?

(Jackson Gray's Story) Mereya was unable to face her long-term partner after a one-night mistake. She slept with a stranger whom she thought was her boyfriend, and it happened to be Jackson Gray, the town's hottest bachelor! Worse, she became pregnant as a result of one dark night! The next morning, she was kidnapped by the father of her child. Things heat up when Jackson asks for her hand in exchange of the truth—the truth about her father's death, the truth about her boyfriend's fiancee, and the truth about her real identity! "Marry me, and I will free you from all the lies and pain; be my queen, and let us destroy them together," Jackson murmured solemnly as he caressed Mereya's body. They thought everything's fine until nights became darker. Mapaninindigan ba nila ang pagmamahalang nabuo dahil sa mga pagkakamali o maghihiwalay sila ng landas na parang hindi sila nagkakilala kailanman? -------- GRAY SERIES 1 ONE NIGHT LOVE (TAGALOG) BOOK 1, 2 and 3 - COMPLETED GRAY SERIES 2 ONE NIGHT DARKER (TAGALOG) - COMPLETED GRAY SERIES 3 LONGING FOR MY EX-WIFE'S RETURN - COMPLETED

Pinakasalan ni Stella si Charles sa tulong ng abuelo nito dahil sa pagmamahal. Lahat ay gagawin niya upang mahalin din siya ng binata. Naging makasarili siya at inagaw ito sa babaing tunay nitong mahal.Sa loob ng tatlong taon, ang akala niya ay nagkaroon na siya ng puwang sa puso ng asawa. Ngunit lahat ng sakripisyo at pagpababa sa pagkatao ay hindi nagbunga ng maganda. Matapos pirmahan ang divorce paper, umalis siyang baon sa puso ang lungkot at saya.Sa paglipas ng panahon, her true identity was exposed. But her soft heart was totally gone. Sa muling pagtatagpo ng kanilang landas, maibabalik pa ba ang dating Stella?

Si Maddox Ghail ay isang magaling at sikat na doktor sa US ngunit mas pinili niyang manatili sa probinsya ng Bicol para alagaan ang kan'yang Lolang may sakit. Nagbago ang buhay niya nang mamatay ang kan'yang pinakamamahal na lola mismo sa kan'yang harapan. Nasa kamay niya na sana ang scalpel upang simulan ang surgery ngunit nalagutan na agad ito ng hininga. Simula no'n nawala ang confidence ni Maddox na magpagaling ng isang pasyente. Hindi rin niya inaasahang dumating ang mga magulang niya roon na halos ilang taon na niyang hindi nakikita. Akala ni Maddox ay ang burol ng lola niya ang pakay ng mga ito ngunit nagkamali siya. Gusto siyang kunin ng mga ito at idala sa Maynila upang ipakasal sa isang lalaking hindi niya naman lubos kilala--- mas worst ay baldado pa.

What if you're a broken-hearted? Would you do the thing that you haven't done in your whole life? Charmane Cordova. Unexpectedly meet, this most sought-after bachelor... Bradley Hernandez, A guy that she doesn't know yet, A guy that got her attention, and a guy she had spent her whole night with... And this will be their, JUST ONE NIGHT together.