funny things to say to people

I was about to get married, but my boyfriend of nine years had no idea. Why? All because his recently divorced ex-girlfriend waltzed back into town, and he threw himself into her life without hesitation. The knight in shining armor was back, ready to save the day. The moment they saw each other, it was like a scene from a bad romance novel. Their gazes lingered, sparks flying, the kind that screamed, “Oh, we’re soulmates reunited.” To welcome her back, he had 9,999 Juliet roses flown in to decorate her room. Why? All because it was a promise he had made to her long ago. How sweet. Except for one small problem: I’m severely allergic to pollen. When I woke up in the hospital after an emergency rescue, I didn’t cry, yell, or demand answers. No, I pulled out my phone and texted my parents, "Please help me arrange a marriage. I’m done."

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

"If I knew I would lose all of it, I would have let you go from the beginning." Those were the last words Nadine said before collapsing from falling down the stairs. "If you had never been in my life, you wouldn't have lost it all." And the last thing she remembered was the cold face of her husband, who was disgusted to see her. Nadine thought it was the end of her life. And when she opened her eyes hell would await her. "Wait.. Why is it so comfortable in hell? And why is it similar to my room?" When Nadine opened her eyes she didn't feel any pain in her head and she was still wearing her nightdress. The sound of her mobile phone alarm made her startled. And what surprised her most, she found out the date on her phone. She returned three years ago. More precisely, one day before her wedding day with her husband. In disbelief, he circled her house, asking the servant what date it was. But they have the same answer. "God... Must be joking! Ha ha ha... For all day...." She laughed frantically. "If You want me to pay for my sin, choose before I've forced him to marry me." She bit her nail nervously and began to think. "I separated him from his lover once to marry me. Make an innocent man become a cheater and a despicable husband. Kill our unborn baby to get his attention. And end my life in misery. Now I have a second chance. I have to fix everything. Everything.... Maybe he and my unborn baby will forgive me and I won't die young." How can Nadine fix this mess? Can she get her husband's forgiveness? Or will she end up losing everything like before?

The medication I kept at the company had been switched, resulting in me suffering from acute kidney failure. After the emergency surgery, I asked my wife, Rebecca Little, to thoroughly investigate the company's employees. Instead, I discovered she had already deleted the surveillance footage from that day. When I confronted her, she brushed me off coldly. "I found the person responsible. He wanted to turn himself in, but I stopped him. Look, you're fine now, aren't you? Hendrix didn't do it on purpose. He's so young—if he went to jail, his life would be ruined. Let's just drop the matter, okay?" The person she was defending was none other than the male secretary, Hendrix Cannon, she had been flirting with lately. I was speechless. Nine years of love and trust disintegrated in an instant.

Lisa tidak menyangka masa remajanya menjadi runyam setelah bertemu dengan Pramana. Lelaki bermata coklat seperti kayu yang merebut novel semi pornonya saat di toko buku itu ternyata guru olahraga di sekolah barunya! Di sisi lain, Pramana mulai menyadari ada sosok cinta lamanya dalam diri siswinya itu. Semua pilihan yang datang seketika nampak abu-abu baginya. Ia mulai mempertanyakan profesionalitasnya sebagai guru setelah peristiwa kelam itu terjadi.... "Sekali lagi kukatakan, akulah biang keroknya." "Jika kau tidak ingin membantuku, maka aku sendiri yang akan menghilangkannya dari bumi."

(21+) Hidup Mayang berubah 180 derajat setelah sahabat laki-lakinya, Theo, meminta bantuan kepadanya. Bukan bantuan sembarangan, melainkan ... "Aku butuh pacar pura-pura buat datang ke acara keluarga! Please, bantu aku, May!" Kasihan melihat Theo yang memelas tak berdaya, Mayang pun setuju. Tapi kemudian, Mayang telanjur masuk ke dalam drama keluarga Theo yang notabene super kaya dan arogan. Dan yang paling parah, kakak lelaki Theo, Nicholas, si playboy dingin yang terkesan menolak Mayang masuk ke dalam keluarganya. Namun, apa jadinya kalau ternyata Nicholas perlahan jatuh cinta kepada Mayang? Sementara Mayang benci setengah mati kepadanya! Gawatnya lagi, Theo juga diam-diam menyimpan perasaan kepada Mayang! Siapa yang akhirnya akan dia pilih?

Hot-headed Cash Huxley is perfectly fine not being tied down. She lives her life the way she wants without having to answer to anyone. Which is why she's been the target of her family's constant pestering on the matter of marriage. While they want nothing more than to see her live her "happily ever after", Cash on the other hand would rather gouge her eyes out than fall in line with the countless women she's seen suffering because of the lies they believe in. Being unable to take it any longer, however, Cash's mother decides to take things into her own hands by setting up her stubborn daughter on a blind date with one of the most eligible bachelors she knows- Rio Asheton. Rio is the heir to the Asheton family conglomerate and more specifically the son of her father's boss. Will Cash be able to retain her sanity long enough to ensure her freedom or will Rio be the one to finally get her to give in and say "I do"?

When a child mysteriously disappears from a small town and even his mother seems indifferent, it’s time for the new sheriff to step in. Meet Chris Baker, the new sheriff of the quiet Adirondack town of Clifton Heights. As one inexplicable case after another forces him to confront the townsfolk in The Skylark Diner, it’s the furtive Gavin Patchett that hands Chris a collection of not-so-fictional short stories that tumbles him into a world of monsters, ageless demons, and vengeful citizens. As Chris reads through the stories the veil starts to lift, and he soon questions what is real and what’s not, and whether he really wants to know. Nothing will ever be the same again. ©️ Crystal Lake Publishing

The things we want are so very rarely the things we need. Clifton Heights, a modest Adirondack town, offers many unique attractions. Arcane Delights sells both paperbacks and hard-to-find limited editions. The Skylark Diner serves the best home-cooked meals around, with friendly service and a smile. Every August, Mr. Jingo’s County Fair visits, to the delight of children and adults. In essence, Clifton Heights is the quintessential small American town. Everyone knows everyone else, and everyone is treated like family. It is quiet, simple, and peaceful. But shadows linger here. Flitting in dark corners, from the corner of the eye. If you walk down Main Street after dark, the slight scrape of shoes on asphalt whispers you're not alone, but when you look over your shoulder, no one is there. The moon shines high and bright in the night sky, but instead of throwing light, it only seems to make the shadows lengthen. Children disappear. Teens run away. Hunters get lost in the woods with frightening regularity. Husbands go mad, and wives vanish in the dead of night. And still, when the sun rises in the morning, you are greeted by townspeople with warm waves and friendly smiles, and the shivers pass as everything seems fresh and new... Until night falls once more. Handy's Pawn and Thrift sits several blocks down from Arcane Delights. Like any thrift store, its wares range from the mundane to the bizarre. By daylight, it seems just another slice of small town Americana. But in its window hangs a sign which reads: We Have Things You Need. And when a lonely traveling salesman comes looking for something he desperately wants, after normal visiting hours, after night has fallen, he will face a harsh truth among the shelves of Handy’s Pawn and Thrift: the things we want are rarely the things we need. ©️ Crystal Lake Publishing

“Strip off her clothes!” It never occurred to Gwen White that her husband would order a bunch of men to strip her! Throughout the ten years of crushing on him and two years of marriage, Gwen loved Jared Crawford madly, but he despised and hated her to her bones. That said, when Gwen decided to leave Jared for good, he personally brought her back from the depths of hell and begged her to start all over again...