funny mom jokes dirty

Cassandra Johnson is Pixie. Pixie is Cassandra Johnson. She's the same girl who's leading two extremely different lives. Nobody would suspect the school's nerd as Pixie. 'Cause Pixie's a street fighter badass and the nerd does not have a single badass bone in her body. The chances of people discovering this peculiar secret is close to none but of course this is where fate inserts the certified new boy into the equation and makes an exception for him. Warning: heavy flow of profanities ahead. - and tears - or so I've heard.

"How dare you keep my son away from me?!" "You rejected me and didn't want to do anything with me!" "I will reject you all over again to punish you for this!" "Jokes on you if you think I care about your rejection anymore." ___ Delilah was the contracted bride of Alpha Stephen Knight even after being his fated mate. Losing her parents at a young age was hard enough for her and getting brutally rejected by her mate was the last straw for her. She left with dignity and vowed to never turn back. But what happens when her past comes back to prove destiny once again? Stephen Knight never wanted anything to do with her but was that going to change when he sees her after years? She has changed but he hasn't. He is still the same heartless man. In the game of lies, revenge and pain, they will discover truths that's going to shatter their lives. Will Delilah find Stephen beside her or will he break her heart once again?

"Zyan, saya nggak mau dengar bayi ini nangis!" "Zyan, saya nggak suka kalau cium-cium kotoran bayi!" "Zyan, beri susu bayi ini 24 jam!" "Zyan, tidur sama saya malam ini!" Inilah kehidupan Dennis Nortman setiap hari, setelah tuntutan dari sang Bunda dan adiknya yang kelewat bar-bar. Bagaimana tidak, Ilona dan Ilana mengadopsi seorang bayi berumur 1 minggu. Dengan tujuan, agar Dennis memikirkan pasangan dan segera memiliki anak. Semacam pancingan, karena hidup lelaki itu kelewat serius, bahkan tak mengenal pasangan seumur hidupnya. Akhirnya Dennis mengalah, karena teror dari sang adik yang ingin secepatnya menikah, namun tak boleh melangkahi dirinya. Sang Bunda dan adik menghire seorang Nanny—Azyan. Gadis berusia 20 tahun, namun memiliki penyakit langka. Azyan mengidap hiperprolaktinemia : kondisi di mana terjadi tingkat normal yang mengganggu produksi estrogen dan menyebabkan perubahan pada siklus ovulasi. Membuat ASI Azyan terus berproduksi, walau gadis itu tidak hamil. Apakah dengan kehadiran seorang Nanny dan bayi mengemaskan, bisa mengetarkan hati Dennis, agar mau mencari pasangan?

Hindi akalain ni Guia Cordero na pagtataksilan siya ng kanyang boyfriend na si Renz at best friend na si Melinda. Sa sobrang sama ng kanyang loob, naglasing siya. Isang misteryosong lalaki na nangagalangalang 'John' ang nagligtas sa kanya sa isang ma***k. Kinabukasan, natagpuan na lang ang sarili niyang walang saplot kasama si John. Tumakas siya bago pa man ito nagising. Nagbunga ang isang gabing iyon at nalaman ng kanyang magulang dahilan para ipatapon siya sa Australia dahil sa kahihiyan. Limang taon ang nakalipas, muli siyang nagbalik para kitain ang amang may sakit, kasama ang kambal na anak. Unang araw pa lang sa trabaho nagkasalubong na ang kanyang mga anak at ang among si JJ Larsen. "Mr. CEO, Marry My Mommy," sabi ng isa sa kambal.

"If you want a divorce, sabihin mo lang, and I will give it to you." "Tapos ano? Mawawalan ako ng karapatan sa bahay natin na milyun-milyon ang kontribusyon ko? 'Di na lang, uy! Magtiis tayo sa isa't-isa, sa hirap at ginhawa, araw at gabi, magpakailan-kailanman. Amen!" Hope Ryker Lee, the ultimate prankster, is set to marry Elisse Garcia, an heiress with a temper hotter than the sun and social skills colder than Antarctica. Hope wanted a partner as fun and lively as he is, but Elisse is introverted, snarky, and definitely not interested in playing along with Hope's high-energy antics. For Elisse, the marriage is purely a means to secure her inheritance. So, her master plan? Marry Hope, take over the company, and then kick him out of her life. Simple, right? Not quite. There's a catch: whoever calls it quits first loses their claim to their multi-million house. When Hope discovers her scheme, the real fun begins. Hilarious and heated war of pranks, sabotage, and emotional showdowns turn their home into an epic battlefield. Can they survive the chaos, or will they stumble into love amidst the madness? Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughs, schemes, and surprising twists in this comedic clash of opposites!

Amalthea Romano is the most organized person you'd ever meet. From her closet, down to her study table, everything must be perfectly aligned. Ganoon din sa schedules niya! She's very goal oriented. She planned to graduate college, run the family business, get married eventually or maybe spend the rest of her life with her beloved pets. But one Sunday morning ruins it all. Papaanong biglang nasingit sa schedule niya ang maging babysitter?

Book one of The Moon & Sun Series. Fate is a very funny thing. Sometimes it can bring something amazing into your life, a grand new adventure that will test and challenge you. That will help you grow and learn where you belong in this world. Other times, well... she's just a gigantic witch with a sick sense of humour. I never asked for any of this to happen, to be beat down, hurt and struggle and fight everyday to grow and get better. This was never what I imagined my life would be like. But I'm not one to shy away from a challenge. And I sure as hell won't let a man define me. I make my own path, I will do what needs to be done and if I have to do it on my own, well then so be it.I'll be stronger for it, and there's nothing a man fears more than a strong woman.

Ariadne Herrera had it all— beauty, brains, money and a handsome boyfriend. Hell, even her family is perfect. But when her boyfriend of two years cheated on her with Dahlia Laurel, her best friend since childhood, she wanted to skin them alive. But she’s not going to stoop down to their level. Instead, she went to a bar and drown her sorrows with a few dirty martinis. She met a handsome man and lost her virginity to him that night. She woke up the next morning all embarrassed and left him as fast as she could. Aria was sent overseas and years later, she returned with her twins ready to start anew. Her first day at work became a disaster when her nanny brought the twins to the office and came face to face with the grumpy CEO, Randall Colton, who happens to be her twins’ daddy.

When a young girl moves to a new town with her Uncle and cousins, she has to complete her senior year at a new school. Her love for tattoos, fighting, fast cars and family is what keeps her going. She tries to ignore everyone to make it through her last year but that doesn't last when she catches the eyes of 3 brothers. The Brothers run the school and town they live in. All 3 are drop dead gorgeous and used to everyone sucking up to them. They have girls all over them every week but none have committed. Their love for all things fast, cars, women and motorcycles, are the only thing on their minds. That is until a new girl shows up and doesn't treat them like everyone else. Her smart mouth, tattoos and attitude intrigue the brothers and they can't wait to have her. Will she give into their advances? Will the brothers give up their fast ways?? Just have to wait and see...... **THIS STORY HAS A LOT OF GRAPHIC SEX SCENES AND SEXUAL SITUATIONS. DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18 OR IF YOU AREN'T INTO THIS TYPE OF BOOK**

Naomi knelt down before the Alpha king and gazed up at him with hooded eyes. He looked down at her, angry and waiting. She couldn’t believe she was about to submit to the monster before her, but just for tonight, she would lose herself in the painful pleasure he was offering. “Suck it, you dirty little slut.” He sneered, his manhood bobbing its head in her face. And just like The king ordered, she sucked it like it was her last meal. Naomi was the runt of the pack, tortured and bullied for her weakness. But her stubborn spirit made her never give up. It was her edge, until… It became her downfall. Realizing she was the Alpha king’s mate, the man she hated the most, she rejected him in front of the whole kingdom. But what she didn’t know, you can’t run from destiny. Running from a man who loved to chase his prey. And unluckily for her, the Alpha king, the predator never lets go of what belongs to him. How long would she run for before she’s caught? (Note, this is a dark romance book. There are some limits it would cross, and it might be against what you believe in. Don’t read if you can’t handle it. Don’t give a bad review if you can’t handle it. Just leave it for the targeted audience. Thank you.)