funny adult jokes

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

All 20 year old Holly ever wanted to do was escape the boring Colorado mountain town where she was born. However, when she arrived at college, she found herself having too many wild nights. Worse yet, she had one too many mornings of waking up in an unfamiliar bed, and she couldn't keep her scholarship. Now that's she's back in Conifer, she has no idea what she is going to do with her life and no hope for the future. Andrew's father died a couple years ago in an electrical accident, and while Andrew wants nothing more than to leave town, his mother's mental instability makes it impossible for him to go. He feels trapped in a no-win situation and his options are slipping away. When a mutual friend has a crisis, Holly comes up with a plan, a plan that will change all their lives for the better. She knows that, despite previously being burned, all it takes to start a fire is a spark. However, she realizes that once again, she may have stood too close to the flame, and the torch she carries for Andrew burns brighter than ever. Will Holly manage to rekindle old loves, or will the destructive fire in their hearts consume everything they hold dear?

“T-tidak ... Berhenti! Tolong aku mohon ... Aku mohon ... Tolong ... Aku minta t-untuk berhenti ... Tida'! Tidak! T-seseorang, tolong t-tolong m -. B-bantu aku." Aku lemah berteriak saat ia memukulku dengan kasar. Tanganku berusaha mendorong lelaki itu, ia terus memaksa, tetapi aku tahu ia sangat kuat, ia mampu menjatuhkanku ke tanah tanpa mengerahkan terlalu banyak usaha. Aku tak bisa bergerak, hanya bisa menangis minta ampun. Rambut hitam panjangku tersebar di tanah sementara gaun yang aku kenakan entah sudah berapa kali ia robekan. “Kulitmu sangat putih transparan, bersinar seperti mutiara di kegelapan.” Biji matanya seakan keluar, raut wajahnya menjadi gila penuh nafsu dan tanda tanya. Aku merasakan luka kecil di bibir atasku saat ia menggigit dengan paksa. Kini, aku wanita dengan paras lembut yang basah oleh air mata, tubuhku memar dan bekas luka. Aku tak tahu lagi harus menyebut lelaki itu sebagai siapa. Dia mulai mendorong dirinya di dalam diriku, mendengus ketika dia menemukan pembebasannya.

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

Quinlan Torres has responsibilities - one more year of college, a brother who needs a lot of extra supervision, and a best friend in the middle of a hostile takeover of her late father's company. The best thing for her to do would be to keep her head down, her eye on the ball, and her mind clear of any distractions. Problem is, her best friend's boyfriend has this brother...

Being rejected by one organisation to another was Melanie Watson, she graduated from the state university three years ago but couldn't secure a job because of her poor diploma. She didn't stop job hunting because of the loan she's going to refund in few weeks time. She borrowed some money from a fiercely casino to sponsor her education and she's to refund the money in three folds. A few weeks to the allotted time, Melanie was offered a babysitting job. She hasn't meet with the baby she's going to babysit before she requested for a year's advance payment. How will she cope when she gets to the mansion and realise that the boy she's going to babysit is not just a boy, but Archie Gordon, a thirteen years old boy who resents his father with passion? Melanie found herself stuck between the father and son discomfort that she was going to face for the next year. How will she cope when she found herself falling in love with Alfred Gordon and she's to choose between the broken son who wants her attention and the father who wants nothing but her love?

Since the day Serenity got hitched to a stranger on their blind date, she had assumed married life would be ordinary but respectful and mundane. It never crossed her mind that her new husband would be clingy like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. To her utmost surprise, he could make her troubles disappear whenever she was in a fix. Despite her questioning, her husband would always pass it off as luck. Until one day, she watched an interview with a local billionaire known for fussing over his wife. That was when she noticed the uncanny resemblance of the billionaire to her husband. The wife whom he was showering attention on turned out to be her!

There are no grown men in our village. When girls turn 18, they participate in a coming-of-age ceremony in the ancestral hall. Dressed in ceremonial clothes, they line up to enter, and when they come out, their faces show a mix of pain and joy. When my eldest sister turned 18, Grandma forbade her from attending. However, one night, she snuck into the hall. When she came out, she was limping, and blood was dripping between her legs.

Rosalie Jacobs had been married to Byron Lawrence for three years before finally getting a divorce. The entirety of Coast City frowned upon her as the outcast wife of a rich family.Six years later, Rosalie returned to the country with a pair of twins and became a world renowned miracle doctor.Countless people flocked to marry her.Suitor No. 1 said, "Miss Jacobs, are your children missing a father? What do you think of me? If you agree, I will treat them like my own."Suitor No. 2, "Miracle doctor Jacobs, I was blown away by your beauty and talent when I first met you. I would like the chance to love you to the best of my ability for the rest of my life. President Lawrence is blind to turn his back on you. I would never leave you!"Just then, a little girl appeared. She hugged Rosalie's leg and said, "Mommy, daddy has been kneeling on the washboard for three days and three nights now. He asked if you’d calmed down yet. If you have, he wants to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get remarried."

Despite being single, Molly May had become pregnant without her knowing how six years ago. As a result, she fell into disrepute and got abandoned by her family.Six years later, she returned with her triplets: Alex, Ben, and Claudia. The triplets with high IQ found that Sean Anderson was their biological father. Hence, they went to meet him without telling their mother.However, the CEO refused to recognize his offspring. “I have lived chastely and never had physical contact with a woman.”“DNA doesn’t lie, and that’s a fact,” said Alex, the eldest of the bunch.“People say men will forget what they've done after pulling on pants. It seems to be true,” said Ben, the middle child.“You should be happy and grateful to have three adorable kids and a beautiful wife,” said Claudia, the youngest of the bunch.While Sean played the role of a father and his relationship with the triplets grew rapidly, he was estranged from his wife.So the triplets taught him tips and tricks to pursue women: making bold moves, stealing kisses, proposing, etc.Nevertheless, Molly was distraught by his moves. “Such flirting skills befit an experienced male escort.”When Sean's identity was finally revealed, he retorted, “You are the 'escort.' Your entire family are 'escorts!'”