dad jokes dirty

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

The three-year contractual marriage had fulfilled Ember’s dream.However, everyone knew that the dashing Caleb had his own dream with a woman called Penelope.His love returned, and the contract had ended, but Ember found herself pregnant with Caleb’s child.On the day that they were supposed to complete the divorce, something happened to Ember. Caleb could never find her again. Life seemed to have returned to normal, until one day when Caleb got drunk at a bar. His friends dialed a number saved as “Honey” - only to find it was Ember’s terminated number, not Penelope’s.******Only when Ember returned with her son did Caleb notice he had already fallen for her. He regretted his decision and began his journey to take his wife back. He would sacrifice everything for her.Then one day, when he once again held her hand and pulled her into his embrace, he said with a coarse voice, “Em, I already noticed you the day you gave the speech. When are you coming home? Our house has been so cold…”Ember pushed him away. “Stop acting so lovey-dovey with me. Our son’s watching…”The boy ran away and put his hands over his ears. “Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!”

Cheyenne Morris hadn't planned on coming back home after her first year in college. Her parents however had different plans after she partied a little too hard her freshman year. Once home Cheyenne soon grew bored of the small-town life and looked for anything she could use as a distraction. That's when Nick Griffin walked into her kitchen giving her the perfect target. She was half his age, he was her dad's best friend and business partner, he was perfect. Nick Griffin didn't know that the day he walked into the Morris's kitchen he had walked into a trap. He had been caught off guard by Cheyenne's sudden interest in him and by the time he realized her intentions it was too late. He tried to deter her but soon found himself unable to resist her. She had convinced him there was no harm in having a little fun. No one had to ever know. It was all fun and games until love got involved.

“Remember when I said I forgive you? Guess what baby, I lied.” ****** Bree had thought that breaking the heart of her boyfriend, Spencer on that rainy evening was the worst day of her life but her cold and manipulative mother proved her wrong by sending her to a psychiatric hospital as a punishment. Finding out that she was pregnant and escaping the hospital, Bree fled the city to somewhere far away to escape the clutches of her controlling mother and become a free bird. When her little one turned three, she innocently asked, “Mommy, where is Daddy?” “Daddy is no more,” she let out the first thing that came to her mind. After five years, Bree returned to the city, this time as an FBI agent and crossing paths so soon with Spencer in an unexpected dire situation was something she never expected. Amid all similarities, the old chirpy vibrant man that she once knew was no more, instead this Spencer was bitter and vengeful. He was hell-bent on making her pay for her decision five years ago. Moreover, how will the morally gray man react when he finds out that they have a child together, especially after his last words to her years ago that still echoed in her ears day and night?

"The only reason I haven't divorced you yet is because you still have my child inside of you, Alexa." > Jordan. Alexa's lips trembled and tears gathered in her eyes as she looked at her beloved husband in disbelief. "W-what?" * Three years of marriage with him was a big joke! He never saw her as his wife, he only saw her as a surrogate. * After getting her heart broken by the man she loved so dearly and almost giving up to the fate of a drastic coma after suffering a miscarriage (that led to her divorce), Alexander McKanne resolved to start a new life elsewhere. However, she vowed to make her estranged ex-husband and his family pay for how they badly mistreated her. But what happens, two weeks after the divorce and Alexa learned she never suffered a miscarriage and was still very much pregnant with her ex-husband's babies!!? What would she do? Will she return to him and beg him to take her back for the sake of the unborn baby? Or will she gather the pieces of her broken heart and strive to achieve her revenge plans? Delve in to find out!

"Mom, help! Dad locked me in the car!" It was 2:00 pm in the blazing heat of a summer afternoon, and my heart stopped when I heard my daughter's panicked voice. I immediately began searching for my daughter, but my husband sounded impatient when he answered my call. "Holly's in a bad mood. I'm taking her to the amusement park. Why are you overreacting? She'll be fine." He sounded annoyed and hung up immediately after he was done speaking. The dial tone buzzed in my ear, but all I could think was that he'd better pray nothing happened to her.

"Listen to me! As much as I don't want to touch you and vice-versa, I'm the only one who can help in ending your suffering RIGHT now!" he said as one of his hands slipped into my shirt, and I moaned as he cupped one of my breasts. I had the most perfect life of a she-wolf. My dad, the Alpha of the Black Heart Pack doted on me so much despite me being wolfless. I was loved and respected in the pack under his protection. But everything changed on my 18th birthday. I was accused of being a traitor and banished from the pack. Left with nothing, I was nearly raped and killed, until the Alpha and Beta of the Crimson Blood Pack saved me. There was always something about Beta Kyson that drew me to him. It turned out he was my mate! Author’s Note: Please bear with me as this is my first werewolf/Lycan story.. For my first romance story, please search for ‘My Always, My Forever’.. Thank you so much.. and happy reading ^_^ Cover art by @rainygraphic

"Did you... did you just burn down the hotel I was staying in!" I practically screamed into my phone. "Yes, it was mine." "You are crazy, do you think I'd move in because of this? I'll just find another place." He was so infuriating, did he think he could make me do anything by threatening me? he's got another thing coming. "And I'd just buy that too and burn it to the ground." ... Mirabella is a wedding planner, Innocent and careful woman known for never taking risks but she takes the biggest risk of her life to save a man from death and that puts her in his sights. One night of mistake and she disappears but now she has a child for him and she is determined to never let him know. Mirabella goes to Rome to plan the biggest wedding of her entire career but nothing prepares her for the shocking life she's about to experience.

What could go wrong if your prison pen pal ends up being the son and heir of the head of the Castillo cartel? What more could go wrong when your overprotective dad is a DEA agent who is determined to take him down? When Elena Torres, the daughter of a DEA agent, lost a bet and decided to write a prisoner, she had not expected to get in contact with the son of a cartel boss, Marvin Castillo. What she also didn’t expect was for him to get released from prison or for him to take an interest in her. She was known to be the good girl. He was known to be a monster. It was clear that fate didn’t want them to be together, but what the universe did not know was that these two were destined to determine their own path.

•Two brothers, one mate, a curse that binds all three. The goddess plays a cruel trick on Selena, pairing her with two mates who are brothers and bitter rivals. When Alpha Tristan comes to take her as his mate, Selena refuses to go because she has heard horrible rumours about the alpha. Her outright refusal enrages him and he disfigures her face as punishment and takes her captive. Selena is subjected to a lot of abuse at the home of the alpha, but she glimpses her first ray of hope when Zander, the Tristan's older brother, comes back home. Burdened by a curse, Zander has been driven by bloodlust all his life. What he does best is killing and plundering... Until he meets Selena and becomes immensely obsessed with her in all the dark, dirty ways he shouldn't. Would she be the one to tame him or will she pick his brother over her?