All Chapters of My Bestfriend’s Brother Is My Tutor: Chapter 31 - Chapter 40

JEROMEThings weren’t always this complex. I tried to think beautiful thoughts. I stood in the driver way, staring at the one thing I shouldn’t be looking at in the state I was in, my bike.I tried to remember something, anything that didn’t make my heart feel like it was closing in on me.I wished that was an exaggeration. I really wished.I wanted to smash my head against the wall, or against the engine. I wanted to kick things until my legs crammed up and felt sore, until my toes broke and smashed behind my shoe. In simpler teens, I wanted to hurt myself.I tried to think of happy thoughts again? Things that didn’t make me crave silence the way I did; it wasn’t death I was craving exactly, it was peace, silence, an emptiness that felt right, that should feel right.Every attempt was sending me back to when Marilyn was still alive. Then, I was still innocent, abstained with guilt, abstained with fear and all the ugly emotions that clawed me when I woke up to her death. I was a dreame

JEROME Things weren’t always this complex. I tried to think beautiful thoughts. I stood in the driveway, staring at the one thing I shouldn’t be looking at in the state I was in, my bike, as I tried to remember something, anything that didn’t make my heart feel like it was closing in on me. I wished that was an exaggeration. I really wished. I wanted to smash my head against the wall, or against the engine. I wanted to kick things until my legs crammed up and felt sore, until my toes broke apart and smashed behind my shoe. In simpler terms, I wanted to hurt myself. I tried to think of happy thoughts again, things that didn’t make me crave silence the way I did. It wasn’t death I was craving exactly, it was peace, stillness, an emptiness that felt right, that should feel right. Every attempt was sending me back to when Marilyn was still alive. Then, I was still innocent, unstained with guilt, unstained with fear and all the ugly emotions that clawed me when I woke up to her death.

JEROMEI picked up the pack of Top Ramen and checked it out. I was unsure if it was something Nattie would like. She had called me and asked me to grab some cooking items for her at the mall.When I got the call, I was unsure if it was something I was willing to do. Minus the fact that it was weird for her to call me at early hours of the day to ask me to shop for her and bring to her house, I was also not looking forward to leaving my bed for the whole day.For the whole weekend, I had stayed indoors, rotting and feeling even more sorry for my present life. The only productive thing I had done was get my laptop and make corrections to my script, have a video call with Mum and Dad so they believed I was okay and called Dylan too to talk about random stuff like what car his professor brought to school last week.But now that I’m thinking about it, the talk with Dylan wasn’t something I should call ‘productive.’ it had been more of a therapeutic moment for me, really.Back to Nattie and

JEROME“She looked okay.” I checked on Stacy again because the bartender’s words didn’t seem enough. Stacy looked disturbed, like she wanted him to leave her alone. One look at him and I knew I didn’t like him. Why did Stacy have to get herself into such a scene? Why did I have to protect her and still find a way to respect her? “And you are sure you told her to call you if she needs to leave,” I asked the bartender. “I did that too.” I sighed and drank from my cup. Since Stacy came in and I promised to take her home. I had stopped drinking anything intoxicating. My cup was now filled with just water, and I had been sipping it while watching form the corner of my eyes for everyone that dared look in her direction. She was the only lady in the club alone. Men were ogling at her skin, taking her clothes off with their eyes. It was uncomfortable for me to watch. I wondered how she could even be comfortable with staying here. If it was left for me, I wouldn’t have let him be

JEROMEStacy was showing visible signs of anger and frustration. She adjusted on the chair, then started tapping her fingers against the table and when she couldn’t hold it in anymore, she spat the question out. “Why can’t you ever be real with me?” “Because you don’t need me to.” “Urgh! What does that even mean?” Stacy cried out in frustration. “It means the less you know, the better for you.” Stacy hissed loudly and moved again, turning away. Even when she wasn’t looking, when all I could see was her side profile, she was the most beautiful sight to behold. She brought the water to her lips and swallowed; face visibly drawn into a scowl. She was cute when she frowned, when she huffed and made a big deal. I liked her more when she was giggling, vibrating against my back, and laughing so close to me that her breath tickled my neck. If I said this to her, it would sound like a joke but really, it was a miracle that I was able to get us home in one piece. Never had I been