All Chapters of A vow of hate: Chapter 151 - Chapter 160

I stood back, watching Christian argue with Doris the entire time she got him ready for his shower. I refused to apologize. If this was his way of doing better, life was going to be hard for the next while.In the private bathroom, Doris lowered Christian into the enclosed bath chair. “Are you sure you can do this?” she asked me. “I can get in a male orderly if you prefer.” Christian hated strangers touching him, which was one reason he was being such a difficult patient. “No, I’ll be fine.” “All right, I’ll leave you to it. Hit the call button when you’re ready, and we’ll get him settled back into his room.” She pulled the curtain closed, giving us privacy. I undressed, then slipped Christian’s gown from his shoulders, turning on the water and making sure it was warm. I adjusted the seat for him and let the water rain down on his head. He slumped forward, all the tension leaving his body. My anger slipped away at his posture, and I ran my hand over his shoulders. He gra

CHRISTIAN“Valerie, stop it,” I ordered. “I can’t cope with you right now.” She frowned, furrowing her brow the same way Hazel did when confused. Normally, I would find it adorable—today, I found it annoying. I glanced at my watch. How long was Hazel going to be in the shower? “What’s cope, Daddy?” she asked, milk dripping from her spoon as she stared at me. I stifled my groan. She was getting milk everywhere-- on her face, her hair, on the table and on me. She was also chatting nonsense, the same way she did every morning, and usually it was endearing and I would listen to her intently, but things had changed, and I wasn’t in the mood. I was never in the mood anymore. My body ached, my head hurt, and I was impatient. I hadn’t slept well again, and all I wanted was to be alone. I needed time to think without people hovering and my thoughts always interrupted. “It doesn’t matter,” I snapped. She stared at me, her lip quivering. “Is you mad, Daddy?”“Daddy?”

HAZELI pulled up in front of Grandpa and Sarah’s house and turned off the engine. I glanced in the rearview mirror, not surprised to see Valerie asleep. After getting her a treat of her favorite donut, and a cup of coffee for me, I had driven aimlessly for almost an hour, trying to collect my thoughts and calm down.Christian’s words ran through my head on an endless repeat. His actions frightened me. His impatience with our children. His cutting remarks. The way he sneered my name. I wasn’t lying when I said it was as if the old Christian had been resurrected in front of my eyes. The tone of his voice had been icy and uncaring—the same way he used to speak to me before he changed.Or had he changed? Was he right, and I had refused to see?I rested my head against my hands that clutched the steering wheel. No. Christian was hurting. Scared. He fell back on his old habits and lashed out. However, I wouldn’t allow him to take out his temper on our child. I could handle it, but not her.

After Grandpa had left, I rolled around the house aimlessly, unsure what to do with myself now that I had finally gotten what I asked for. Silence. I used the elevator I hated and went upstairs, sitting in the doorway of the nursery, staring at the empty crib. Across the hall, Valerie’s room was an explosion of pink and white. Stuffed animals were piled high on her canopy bed. She loved it when I would stretch out on the mattress, and she would lie on my chest as I read to her. An ache began in my heart, and I had to move away from the doorway. The door to our room stood open and I wheeled in, immediately hit with Hazel’s soft floral scent. It was everywhere. Soaked into the very essence of the room. I stared at the bed. The adjustments she made so I could sleep there beside her at night. The lift board I loathed that helped get me onto the mattress. The special equipment in the bathroom. Everything she had done to help me. All of which emasculated me to the point I couldn’t even to

I spent a restless night, finally dozing off at dawn. I woke up to sounds of things being moved and Maddox’s booming voice downstairs directing whatever was happening below me. I pulled myself up, glancing at the empty spot beside me. It felt like I had never slept in this room alone until last night. I didn’t like waking up without Hazel. The sheets were cold and empty, echoing the feeling in my chest. I ran my hand over her pillow and held it to my face, inhaling deeply. I could smell her fragrance deep in the fibers, which increased my longing for her. I reached for my phone and stared at it, my fingers hovering over the screen. I had no idea what to say to Hazel. I knew I needed to apologize and to tell her what was going on, but after the way I spoke to her yesterday and the look of devastation on her face, I knew it wasn’t enough. My words and actions had cut deep—not just yesterday, but since I woke up in the hospital. I had put up walls and shut down on her, effectively