Home / Romance / What if We Drown / Chapter 91 - Chapter 100

All Chapters of What if We Drown : Chapter 91 - Chapter 100

109 Chapters

91

"She has her name in gold on the front door. I want my name in gold on the front door." Turning to face Ashlyn, Kass pouted, her finger still pointed towards the glass front door's branding.Maybe if you ask Marcus nicely, he can paint it in gold, Ashlyn answered, a slight tremor in her fingers. Joking aside, she couldn't shake the nerves that settled like a lead weight in her gut. She attempted a wink, but the movement never quite took, her face scrunching as she tucked her hands beneath her arms to hide the trembling."You think he'd do that for me?" Kass asked, her arm going about Ashlyn's shoulder and pulling her to her side. "I think he'd paint it black instead, just to be an ass."A chuckle bubbled on Ashlyn's lips, and she turned her head to bury her face in Kass' shoulder."You're going to do great in there." Kass squeezed her shoulder, and Ashlyn raised her head. "So chin up-" she ducked Ashlyn beneath her chin, "-and show em' who's boss."Pulling away, Ashlyn examined h
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92

"How are you feeling today, Ashlyn?" Lana asked, her eyes shifting from the answers Ashlyn had handed her to Ashlyn herself.I'm good. A little tired, maybe. But good. Twisting her fingers together, Ashlyn's hands fell into her lap as Lana's attention returned to the page."Did you go for a run this morning?"Ashlyn shook her head, her eyes flitting to the clock. Only five minutes had passed."The park just outside is a beautiful place to run in the Fall. My dog loves the leaves; I love the crisp breeze. It's a win-win." Lana smiled.Ashlyn's lips failed to move in answer; her focus channeled into watching Lana's eyes flicker over the page. Her fingers twisted and turned, her nails clicking as she picked at the ends of them. She had to be close now to seeing what Ashlyn had done to the form.Lana's eyes stopped moving, her lips pursed as she glanced up. Before she could open her mouth and ask the question, Ashlyn gulped, her eyes wide and pleading."What is it, Ashlyn? Whose nam
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93

The flashing marker in the text box had never looked more daunting than it had at that moment. Worrying her bottom lip, Ashlyn drummed her fingers against the top of the coffee machine, all while that cursed marker continued its incessant flickering.Twenty unanswered messages, all from him, stared back at her in a blinding blue. Twenty messages made up of the same apologies, the same pleas that she would answer, just once. All messages to which she couldn't construct an appropriate answer.How did she say that everything would be okay, that all would be forgiven when that wasn't the case? Time apart had not changed the matter of his guilt or the fact he'd led her on under the guise of love. She'd been prepared to jump, to give everything up in her fight for him, and a few words weren't going to restore that overnight.But her fingers had a mind of their own, tapping swiftly over the screen as words of longing and fears, hope and broken promises sprouted before her. Fragile buds gr
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94

Brushing the other photos aside, Ashlyn's fingers traced the beacon, her eyes squeezing shut against the flames that danced behind her eyelids. A stutter of breath forced its way out her nose, as her nails bit against the photo."Deep breath, Ashlyn. In." Ashlyn took a deep breath in through her nose. "...and out," Lana said as Ashlyn's lips parted with the release of air.Opening her eyes, she expected it to be her father's face, or perhaps a ship engulfed in flames that danced upon the pixels before her like last time. But the ghost that formed before her, bathed in the lighthouse's beam, stole her breath in a gasp.My Lighthouse. Her hands trembled, and she tucked them against her chest, hoping Lana hadn't noticed."The lighthouse? What is it about the lighthouse that's holding you back?" With her head tilted to the side, Lana's gaze examined Ashlyn, no doubt confused by the words she'd spoken without a second thought.Her stare focused on her lap, the corner of the lighthouse
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95

His shoulders rose then fell with an uneven breath. With his back to her, it was hard for Ashlyn to gauge what might have been on his mind, but from the set of his posture alone, she would have guessed that something troubled him. Through the front window, she watched Derek lean over and place something on the ground before righting himself. His shoulders still slumped as though he still carried the same weight. Stepping to the side so she could get a clearer look, Ashlyn raised herself on the tips of her toes. As if he could feel her eyes on him, Derek turned. Frozen as she stood, one foot poised on its toes, the other resting flat, Ashlyn tried to read the emotion in his eyes. From a distance, he looked troubled, the invisible weight he carried having made his mark in the set of his eyes, and the downturn of those lips meant for smiling. What bothers you? Ashlyn wondered, her head tilting while she leaned forward against the counter. She shouldn't have been spying, especially con
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96

Please don't go. Ashlyn sniffed. I'm sorry for pushing you away. This is all my fault-"No." His hands were on her shoulders, pulling her closer. Twisting her torso, she broke free of his hold and sank her fingers into her hair. "No, don't ever say that, don't even think that. This isn't your fault, Ashlyn. None of this is your fault." He reached for her again, the carefully constructed lines of his expression beginning to crack with his pain at what happened before him.It is, she wanted to scream, but the only sound she uttered was a choked sob. Stepping towards him, her hands trembling, Ashlyn reached up to stroke his cheek, to run her fingers along the creases around his eyes. To feel him one last time.His eyes closed, his muscles tightening beneath her fingertips."Ashlyn, I have to." His voice was tight, his lips moving against her wrist, where they lingered a moment longer.She pulled away, her head shaking. If she hadn't pushed him away and driven him deeper into his sp
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97

"It's been three days, Zi, and she's barely moved from that spot except to go to the bathroom. I'm worried." Kass spoke in a rush, her voice fading.The bed dipped beside her, and a large hand covered her arm."Ash, honey, you have to get up." Pulling the blankets back from her chin, Marcus brushed a damp curl back from her cheek.Ashlyn's heavy stare shifted to Marcus, looking straight through him. Trapped within the crusted shell that encased her fractured heart, Ashlyn was a prisoner to grief. She heard Marcus speak, but it wasn't his voice that carried those words to her ears. It was his voice, that butterscotch voice that clung to her memories, an intimate whisper that found its way into her mind and her heart. Even in his absence, he haunted her.Make it stop, her lips pleaded, the taste of salt upon them. Marcus' fingers continued to caress her cheeks, something damp and heavy pressing against her crown. A cloth."We're trying," he whispered, his hand shifting to her shoul
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98

"You let your best friend, Kass, in. And Abel. Why not Derek?" Lana tilted her head, her lips pursed.Ashlyn's hand began rubbing at her arm before Lana cleared her throat, stopping her before her nails could scratch the surface.'Sorry,' Ashlyn mouthed. Folding her legs, Ashlyn flexed her fingers against her legs before turning to answer Lana.I never really got the choice with Kass. She kind of forced her way through my walls. Ashlyn chuckled, recounting the story of Kass' stubborn persistence that saw her knocking on Ashlyn's front door every day for three months to ask if Ashlyn would come out to play. Some days, she would set up camp on their front porch with her barbies or her rollerblades, while Ashlyn watched her through the window, wondering if she'd ever give up.Eventually, Mom got so sick of hearing her knocking that she left the front door wide open. Kass walked right in, straight on to my room, and told me that I would play with her, and I was going to like it. Other
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99

Dr. Preston held up another card, a crisp green apple pictured inside the blue frame.Apple, her mind whispered as she opened her mouth and tried to replicate the same sound verbally. A choked grunt came from the back of her throat, startling Ashlyn. Coughing into the back of her hand, she tried to clear the lump that pressed against her vocal cords."Good, Ashlyn. Now let's try again, and this time, I want you to focus on just getting that 'ah' sound, okay?" Dr. Preston's smile was warm as ever, his patience boundless. Ashlyn's, however, was waning as she massaged the sides of her throat.What am I doing wrong? she asked, ignoring the card he held up. They'd been at this for an hour, and all she'd managed was that single grunt."Nothing at all. These things take time," Dr. Preston answered, his smile reassuring. "It's been twenty years, Ashlyn. We essentially have to teach you how to speak all over again. Your muscles are weak, practically non-existent due to all the years of neg
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100

Yeah, I'm good. You'd think after the first couple, your muscles would get used to it. With a weary chuckle, Ashlyn crouched in front of the remaining bags. After her morning spent at the workshop with Abel applying the appropriate flood protection, her muscles were as vocal as a screaming child. They'd had enough, but three bags remained, so she had to persevere. Promising herself a long, hot bath as compensation for her efforts, Ashlyn wrapped her arms around another bag and stood.When the final bag was in place, both Ashlyn and Kass fell back into the vacant chairs, their arms hanging limp at their sides."I don't know what I need more. A coffee or a nap," Kass groaned.I could go for both, Ashlyn answered, her eyes wandering around the room, inspecting their work. The windows were coated with thick crosses, the door barred by sandbags, and the kitchen was stocked with water, should things endure longer than expected.The wind outside howled against the glass and oiled hinges,
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