All Chapters of The Carrero Contract (series book 3): Chapter 141 - Chapter 150

Shame washing over me as all the little bricks of my persona crumble to the ground. He will never look at me the way he did. It’s no wonder he changed.“I thought maybe if we started at where you came from then we would have an idea of where you would go.” Alexi comes and sits beside me, slowly, carefully, as though he can sense how fragile I am feeling. So many things in my head drowning him out. I don’t care where he sits anymore. The real danger is facing me in a cardboard box that he has positioned back on the table. The past catching up to me once more, and I’m so terrified if I touch even one of those cruddy, mouldy covers that everything will turn to dust and I will never recover. I don’t want those memories back.

That gets me blinking up at him and catch that weird half smile he does that has a crazy softness to it. My insides flip flop all over, warning me how dangerously close I am to falling right back under his spell. I need to be smarter. He has so much power over me and exerts so little effort to use it.There is so much more weight on this now, I have to be stronger.“Why are you being so smug and annoyingly confident right now? You weren’t so self-assured last night, so what is it that’s got you smiling and acting like I’m a done deal today?” I snap at him, not so much in anger but irritated that he is making me crazily nervous and awkward, making assumptions, and I’m making an idiot of myself. I hate that I’m not in control of me. Alexi just grins at me.“You’re still here. My odds went up massively when you stopped trying to escape via the elevator. And you haven’t stopped blushing since you came out h

I venture down to the club, wearing a simple back fitted shift dress over black flats with my hair up in a sleek ponytail. Understated glam today and simple with natural makeup, which isn’t my normal forte. I feel like a change, and to blend in a little, rather than my bold and brassy self. Low key to match my fragile mood, I guess.I don’t know if he is still in the building, but I’m hoping we don’t cross paths for a little while. I need some normal to get my flow back and settle down after the past hugely traumatic and crazy twenty-four hours. I can almost feel the calm and serene emanating from the club as staff work to put it to rights for tonight. The drama of

 “Alexi!” I freak out, yanking at it to get it off my head, hating this feeling of trapped, muffled isolation and stop when his voice comes through my ear from the side loudly, almost like he is in here with me.“Can you hear me clearly?”I stop the manic panic and nod mutely. Not sure how the hell he can be inside my helmet, but it has the calming effect of being let loose. Not trapped in here with my own voice, but he can hear me.“You can talk you know, the helmets have wireless speakers and mics, so we can still hear each other over the bike.” He taps the visor in my face as though motioning to inside the helmet and I giggle nervously, so much tension whooshing away as I do so. The sudden lack of panting makes the visor clear up again and I can see perfectly out of it. Just takes some getting used to.“Right … weird.” I don’t know if it is because I’ve never been on a bike before,

 “Do you want the textbook version?” He throws me a wary look and I nod gently, impatient to know more about him, even if I am feeling a little wary. Mentally storing the name to search on google when I’m alone. Even if he explains well, it won’t be enough and now I want to know everything there is to know about what it is. This is a major thing.“It’s characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and criminal behaviour. Manipulation, deceit, lack of empathy, sometimes controlling behaviour. Aggression, violence, pushing people into things I want and not giving a shit what it does to them. Sex is often a weapon and something I know I use. Doesn’t exactly paint a good picture of me does it?” Alexi looks sombre, as though regretting telling me this, and realising he is doing the opposite of giving me a reason to trust him; for me, it’s not like that. He’s being honest about the worst of him and not hiding this from me