chapter 1

Waking up in the morning is getting old. It is the same old thing all over again. When will there be a hint of excitement in my life? Just dragging myself out of bed and into hell is something I wouldn’t picture myself doing if I had an imaginative spirit. I stared at myself in the mirror and sighed at the beauty… the beauty of my eye bags. I wish I could not look tired all the damn time. Today was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I totally love my birthdays, I love them because... well they are my birthdays and my father said I should love them before I couldn’t anymore. He is a weird man. He has this habit of sugarcoating what he really means in even worse scenarios.

My father usually buys me a cake, and it’s just two of us binge-watching romantic comedies. I love the fact that he falls asleep before there is any kissing.

I smiled at myself in the mirror. What is this weird life I live? Why does it always feel like my life is part of a horror movie but I am the side character?

“Winter!” I heard my father scream his head off downstairs. I walked out of my room and to the kitchen.

“Good morning,”

“Good morning my snowflake” dad kissed my cheek then put my breakfast on the dining table for me. I smiled at him and he patted my head, sporting the emotionless eyes he always did, only this time he was more distant.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

“What? Yeah, of course, pumpkin, I am just tired, that’s all,” He is always tired. I don’t blame him. If I lost my wife in childbirth, I would be tired too. My dad has always told me I am the carbon copy of my mother, eyes and everything.

I was glad that this was coming to an end. I always had this pinching thought that I was the centre of my father’s sadness. Of course, he would never admit it to my face, but it felt that way. I was also glad that at least my father’s and I’s tradition of going to the church on my birthday will end and I wouldn’t have to wear this strangling rosary. We didn’t even go to church any other day, only on my birthdays, and I hated how the priest looked at me like I was doing something wrong, or I was misusing my opportunity.

“A dollar for your thought,” my dad tapped me.

“Hand it over first,” I said and stuck out my hand. Dad laughed and stuck his hand into his pocket, bringing out a crisp dollar bill for me.

“I was just thinking about my eighteenth birthday and was wondering if I could go out with my friends.”

“You know the answer to that,” He replied.

“Why? I am becoming an adult. I don’t understand why I can’t just go out and have fun with my friends.”

“Because it is dangerous.”

“Chloe and Zoe’s parents allow them out every time they feel like it. It’s unfair,” I said “And it’s my birthday. I never have fun on my birthday.”

“Well, I am not Chloe and Zoe’s parents now am I? They are two, you are one Winter, and I am also one. If anything ever happens to you…” He stopped.

“Nothing can happen that is not in your head. You are so unfair to me. You can’t keep me locked up forever. I am no longer a baby!”

“You are my baby and it will remain that way when you are twenty-five, when you are fifty, and when you are a hundred years old. Do you understand?”

“No,”

“Please, don’t be difficult, pumpkin.”

“Of course,”

I wasn’t allowed to be out of the house past six and I couldn’t be allowed out of my room once the shorthand of the clock had touched nine. I took the school bus to school. There was that little voice in my head telling me to run away and live on the mountains by myself, the same voice that appear in my dreams and actually has full conversations with me. When I told my father that there was a man in my dreams he didn’t really seem to care he just said that I was a teenager and it is normal for me to have X- rated dreams but when I told him they weren’t all erotic dreams that in some of them we actually had real conversations he asked me to describe the person and when I did he went as white as a sheet went to his down to the grocery store and didn’t come back until dinnertime. I remember actually kicking myself for telling him.

*****

“So are you coming to the two thousand party?” The two thousand party, Also known as two thousand (because adding ‘the’ and ‘party’ made it a mouth full for some reason) was a party that usually got full-blown after eight o’clock, it was a party that every senior needed to attend it was a party to remember and it was literally what green carded you as a senior. I don’t believe in parties for validation. This was more on a personal level. If I could go to two thousand, it felt to me that my life would start. It wouldn’t be a snail dragging to something that would be very tiny in the end. But then I couldn’t go because of my birthday.

“I can’t make it,” I smiled.

“But it is the biggest party of the year you have to come,” they both whined. I prefer things quiet anyway. If I keep telling myself that, I would believe that I don’t have life rougher than anyone else.

“I don’t even know if that party is all that. Maybe it is over-hyped.”

“Stop lying to yourself, Winter. We three know that party is all that.”

“My dad won’t let me. I can’t really do anything about it.”

“But if certain twins talk to him, he might agree, right?” they chorused.

“Maybe!” NOPE. My dad is hard-headed. There is not a soul on earth with a thicker heart than his.

“We will try our best,” they replied together again. Those two were exactly alike. They were even dating the same boy, which I believed was too weird for me, but whatever floats their boat right? They talked at the same time and sometimes I felt like I only had one best friend instead of two. I had a lot of questions concerning them, but I wouldn’t ask them because I value my ears and my mind.

*****

I met Alec beside my locker. Alec was my locker neighbour and a really nice guy. That was literally my only opinion about him. I won’t lie. I saw myself dating him in the near future, but not when my dad could still shoot the head off any guy who so much as muttered words of interest to me.

“Hi Alec,” I smiled at him. I hated how I dished out my smiles in this place. I could scowl all the time, but then my father said it is not healthy and I should smile while I still could.

“Hi,” if he smiled any wider, his face would break.

“Are you going to two thousand?”

“Are you?” he countered.

“I asked first,”

“Well, I asked second,”

“If murder wasn’t a crime,” I smiled, making Alec laugh.

“So that’s a no,”

“Apparently Alec, you?”

“Yes, but I could not go if you don’t want me to,”

“Why would I be a determining factor in your decision?” He shrugged.

“Alec, you can go if you want to.”

“Okay then. I’m headed to class. I will see you later, Mr Alec.”

*****

“So, Alec, huh?” the twins asked, wiggling their eyebrows.

“Shut up, stop. Ew.”

“We are just friends,” Zoe said in a tiny voice. I guess in what was an effort to mimic me, “I have a feeling you guys would be smoochin’ at two thousand.”

“First, I do not sound like that, ZOE.” I smacked her arm, laughing. “Second, I am not going to two thousand, so I won’t be smoochin’ anyone, weirdos. Let’s pay attention to where we’re going, please.”

“But you like him?” they muttered.

“The beginning of like, that is what I feel for Alec.” they rolled their eyes at me.

Wyatt came out of nowhere and put his two arms around Chloe and Zoe, then pecked two of them, which made me look around awkwardly. I could never get over this guy’s awesome luck.

“Hey Winter.”

“Hi, Wyatt,” I knew there was no way in hell I was going to get Chloe and Zoe to class in time with Wyatt now in the picture.

“I will see you guys later. Don’t skip class.”

“Yes mom,” they chorused

“Wait, are you coming for two thousand?” he asked me.

“Nope.”

*****

“Zoe and I are going to the mall today,” Chloe whispered, and I jumped. My mind kept going to the fact that Zoe might have said the same thing in the class she was in. I knew that wasn’t how their mind-reading ability worked, but wouldn’t it be cool?

“To do what?”

“To buy llamas,”

“You’re funny,” I said, not laughing at all.

“Winter, we are going to get clothes for the party,” she clarified for me.

“I kinda caught onto that earlier on. Thanks, Chloe,” I smiled at her sarcastically.

“You are most welcome, I gotchu. Not to sound like your imaginary ex-boyfriend or anything, but don’t you want to see what sex feels like?”

“See it? I will not watch you, Zoe, and Wyatt have sex. In fact, I would stab my tongue with the spine of a book before I result in that.”

“Okay, Ouch. I did not word my sentence correctly. Wouldn’t you like to experience it?”

“You underestimate me greatly. I am only a virgin in the physical. In my mind, I have had sex like twenty-four times.”

“Yes, Winter, that is impressive,” she said sarcastically, making me giggle lowly.

“We both know the reason I am a virgin. My dad freaking locks me in my room. I am Rapunzel.”

“Do it in the back of a truck,”

“I would rather stab my tongue with a book a—”

“Winter and Chloe, do you have something you would like the class to know?” Mr Samuel said, making me roll my eyes inwardly at Chloe.

“No, sir.”

“Then keep your mouth shut okay”

*****

“Zoe and Chloe are going to the mall today. Can I join?” I asked my dad when I got home.

“What about homework, snowflake?” I plopped down beside dad and rested my head on his chest, looking up at him and giving him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster.

“Please father,”

“Just this once, but be back early. We have things to do.”

“I was hoping we can do that next year. I am not feeling like it,” I said, looking at him squarely. “Nothing is happening, I believe, as a matter of fact, that things will only happen if you expect them. This is not helping anything, as there is nothing to help in the first place.”

“It is for your own safety”

“I don’t think sprinkling some holy water on me and making me wear this catholic rosary will keep me safe. You should have taken me to karate class if something was going to happen to me,”

“Karate can’t fight evil,”

“THERE IS NO EVIL! My life is equivalent to every teenager’s out there.” I yelled. I am crazy. My dad is crazy. Everyone is crazy. “Boring, and that might even be your fault. I’m out.”

“We have to do it today.”

“Do you even listen to me?” I asked him.

“No, and you will understand why in the future.”

“Ugh, I am going now.” I grabbed my bag, and then walked out the door. Sometimes I understand what my dad is saying. I have distant memories. Faint memories that talk about something scary for me, but I don’t know what they are.

I feel watched and followed, but I have felt this way my whole life. I never take these things seriously. Maybe it is this attitude of not running when I feel anything remotely close to a dark presence around me that my dad is talking about. Maybe that is what would take me away from him. Maybe my past selves are watching my life in a theatre discussing how I am going to make the same mistake as them. They are eating popcorn and facepalming now that I have slammed my forehead into a mast.

“Hey, are you alright?” my best friends ran to me.

“No, I hit my head,” I replied, grimacing. I rubbed my head.

“We were just about leaving for the mall.”

“Oh, I am coming with, if that is okay,”

“Yeah, sure,” they both said.

*****

“Seriously, sneak out, Winter.”

“I thought you guys were gonna talk to him”

“We did already, and he plainly said no from the second we heard it the fifteen hundredth time we knew he wasn’t budging,” I hate this thing they do, I have known them for the longest time but I still can’t get over the fact that they sometimes can’t say things differently.

“You guys should stop doing that. It is creepy”

“What is” they did it again. I swear my eye twitched.

“That thing, where you guys say things at the same time, can’t you say different words”

“Of course we can. I’m Chloe (I’m Zoe)” they said simultaneously again “see different,” they said.

“Okay, that’s a start, right? Let us go to the mall.”

“You should totally get this. I don’t think Alec will be able to resist you in this”

“I literally told you guys I don’t like him like that, but I was going for something like this. You know, beautiful and sweet.” They nodded, staring at me like they knew I was lying to their faces. “I will get it. Now you girls need to give me a sneaking out plan.”

“Easy. Wait till your father falls asleep, then jump out through the tree in your backyard.” I almost facepalmed at that idea. It was just so… basic.

“What if I hurt myself?” I asked, just because I couldn’t think of a better idea.

“Please, we have done it billions of times, I assure you, you can’t hurt yourself. Or if you want to be the boring Winter, you could just sneak out the front door.” That seemed a lot more dangerous.

“She’s really thinking,” they laughed.

“Must you guys make fun of me?” I grumbled.

“Yes, you’re just so cute,” Chloe and Zoe started pinching my cheeks hard.

“Get,”

*****

“Dad, I hope you enjoyed dinner”

“I did snowflake, thank you so much” my dad stifled a yawn then sat on the couch, which made me cackle inside.

“I am going to bed. Good night dad.”

“Good night snowflake I will check up on you later”

9: 12

I tiptoed down the stairs as quietly as I could when I heard snoring in the living room. Dad was already asleep and to make sure the TV didn’t wake him up, I grabbed the remote from the little coffee table beside his chair, then turned off the television before creeping quietly up the stairs.

It looked like I had to take Chloe and Zoe’s escape plan because there was no way I was passing that living room again without making any noise. I took my backpack and emptied the contents on my bed. Half side of me was telling me this was wrong, but the other dominant half was saying take you can die after this party, just enjoy your teenage years before you can’t anymore. If I was being honest with myself, I was just following my father’s advice. I stuffed the new clothes I bought into the backpack, then opened my window carefully so it won’t make that screeching sound it usually did when I just wanted to sit and read on the ledge.

*****

“So how’d you get out?”

“I snuck out the window”

“No way, you did?” they exclaimed.

“Yes, you told me to. I almost beheaded myself.” I grumbled to them.

“We were kidding, Winter.”

“Well! You need to learn what to joke about you guys. Do you have any idea how branchy that tree is? I could have plucked my eyes out.”

“Sorry,” They immediately started dusting off imaginary dust from my face while begging me to forgive them

“It is past nine, so I think we should get a move on if we want to make it to that party.” I said while trying to swat their hands away from my face.

I removed my dress from my bag. Thankfully, it wasn’t rumpled.

“So, how do I look?” I asked as soon as I was done dressing up.

“AMAZING!”