Chapter Two

Classes were a blur for the rest of the week while Cho-ae only bothered herself with playing her guitar in the corner of the room while Young-mi studied and occasionally stole glances from her desk. Soon enough, she could rely mostly on muscle memory for the whole song and laid the guitar down to rest until the festival. 

"It's already 4pm. Where are those losers?" Cho-ae shivered in her bomber jacket, her eyes searching for one of her three friends. They all agreed to meet by the entrance of the College of Design, but none of them were to be found. Just as she was about to reach for her phone, a hand reached for her shoulder.

"Jesus! You scared the crap out of me." She turned to look at Hana, who was wearing a flannel over her college shirt, and with her was Hei-ran, dressed a little colder than the two of them.

"That was kind of the point. We've been looking for Young-mi-unnie everywhere. Have you seen her?" Hei-ran tousled her hair with a run of her hand and then tried to look among the groups of students. Cho-ae shook her head no and then frowned. "What time are you up for the performance?"

"I don't really know. I guess around 5pm since I'm up second? I've been meaning to grab something to drink or eat, but I'm not sure what Young-mi would like."

"Have you tried calling? Why didn't you two come together?" Hana tilted her head to the side while Cho-ae shrugged.

"She headed out early and said she'd check out the festival preparations. I tried calling but I'm guessing she turned her phone off."

"Why are you all talking about me?" The three of them rose in a chorus of shocked yelps and screams while Young-mi laughed.

"A text would've been appreciated!" Hana hit her forearm playfully multiple times, still recovering from the fright. "Where have you been!"

"Oh, you know." All of their eyes were suspicious on Young-mi who shifted awkwardly where she stood. "Around."

"Have you had anything to eat yet? It's on me." Cho-ae asked her, the tension in the air instantly being cleared.

"No, not really. Let's just meet up later?" Their senior turned to the younger couple who nodded their heads in response.

"Please respond to our calls and texts this time!" Hei-ran and Hana were already walking away, hands intertwined together.

"Those two are really..." Cho-ae trailed off while Young-mi started to lead her into the food stalls by her arm, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

"Childish?" She finished the sentence and the younger girl chuckled.

"I guess that is the term, but they are children."

"Weren't you born in December the year before they were?"

"Moving on. What do you want?"

"What do you want?" Young-mi looked up at her and smiled. Cho-ae stared at her and cast her gaze to the side. That smile. That's all she wanted. 'You', she wanted to say. But instead, she settled.

"Kimchi stew?"

"You don't seem too sure about that."

"I'm just... nervous?" The senior raised an eyebrow at her, like she could see right through her. "For the performance."

Young-mi put her hands on her hips and huffed. "You're being really weird."

"And so are you! We don't even know where or what you were busy with for the past two hours!"

"I...I give up. I was looking for someone. And then I set up stage preparations. Are you happy now?" Young-mi slouched in defeat, which was surprising for someone as argumentative as her. 

"Actually, yes. Yes, I am. That wasn't very hard, was it? Why did you have to be so secretive about it?"

The older girl rubbed her face with her palm and grunted. Her hands went down to her stomach then grumbled towards Cho-ae. "Let it pass this once, please. And let's eat. I'm starved." Cho-ae shrugged in response while Young-mi linked their arms together.

“Fine. Only because you asked so nicely.” Her eyes rolled and the senior playfully hit her arm.

“I don’t remember asking for your attitude!” Young-mi laughed it off as they reached the food stall for their chosen meals. “Hey, Sunyoung. Just tteokbokki and a kimchi stew for us.”

“Young-mi! Cho-ae! It’s always a delight to see you two together. A tteokbokki and kimchi stew coming right up if you don’t mind a few minutes wait!” Sunyoung greeted them with a bright expression on her face, then quickly turned her back on them to attend to their orders, and a few more.

The two of them spent the wait sat on a table just across the stand in a silence that made Cho-ae shift uncomfortably every now and then. She wasn’t sure if it was just the nerves for the upcoming stage, or the fact that something wasn’t right. In her gut, there was definitely an ominous feeling; as though a warning. Though she didn’t know what for yet, and she didn’t exactly want to know.

“You’re suddenly deep in thought.” Young-mi pointed out from her seat, snapping Cho-ae out of her thoughts. The freshman chuckled and shook her head.

“No, There’s some feeling I can’t shake off. I guess I’m just nervous about performing.” She let a breath out of her lips and leaned back against the plastic chair. To her surprise, Young-mi reached for her hand rested on the center of the table and gripped it tightly in reassurance.

“Hey. You’re going to do very cool, I know it. And if you mess up…” Cho-ae groaned at her mentioning the possibility, while her senior only laughed at her reaction. “Well, if you mess up, I’ll just erase the memory in my head. Eitherway, I know you’re going to kill the performance. I’d bet my life on it.”

Cho-ae took one glance at their clasped hands and exhaled sharply. It was going to be fine, because Young-mi said so. She nodded and her roommate was satisfied enough with it that she let go of her hand. Sunyoung soon arrived to place down their meals on the table.

The two of them shared their meals in a now much better atmosphere, disregarding the fact that Cho-ae only kicked the gut feeling to the curb. As they were just finishing up, a voice rang through the speakers throughout campus. “Attention to all performing acts, please gather backstage before the program starts. Thank you.” Cho-ae raised her head before looking back to Young-mi.

“Guess that’s my cue, huh?” Her roommate gladly smiled and nodded at her. “Catch you later?” She stood from her seat and started to walk backwards, not leaving sight of Young-mi.

“Knock our socks off, Moon Cho-ae!” Young-mi shouted, her hand to her cheek amplifying her already loud enough voice, embarrassing Cho-ae to an extent.

“I don’t know you!” She shouted back in a teasing manner, making the older girl pout from afar. She started to jog to the performance center, awaiting her performance.

As soon as she got to the stuffy backstage area, Cho-ae practiced on the chord progression of the song though she knew it and the lyrics like the back of her hand. She traced back in her brain, repeating the words over and over again, afraid that she would somehow make a mistake even though she made sure otherwise.

She tried to drown out the first and current performers by mumbling the entire song to herself, her hand mindlessly switching between chords at the right time. Before she knew it, a member of the council was tapping her shoulder to inform her that she was coming up. With her guitar slung against her back, she stood up and shook her body to fend off the nerves.

“Announcing to the stage, from the Media Arts department, Moon Cho-ae!” She walked up the stage and almost shrank once she saw the size of the crowd. Yep, this was most of the university’s student body, alright.

“Good evening SNU! I’ve prepared, well only barely, a song for you.” From where she stood, she could see the glimmer in Hana’s eyes from the front row and Cho-ae snickered. At least she knew the three of them were up front. She pulled her guitar forward and retrieved her pick from her back pocket. “Lemme hear you if you’re ready!” Her greeting was responded to by a chorus of whoopings and a few stray claps.

“That’s good enough for me!” Cho-ae chuckled and ran her hand through her hair before resting it down by the strings, ready at the go to strum. As she had planned, she sang and played at the same time perfectly. “I don’t even like you, why’d you wanna go and make me feel this way?”

Cho-aey tilted her head as soon as she saw Young-mi. "Tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doll 'cause I can't control myself." The student body cheered her on when she looked back at the rest of the crowd and continued to strum the notes on cue. The freshman sang more of the chorus, beads of sweat rolling down her neck. Her body moving along to the music, her head started to gently bang as she continued. “And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest and I’m having trouble catching my breath.”

Cho-ae wanted to laugh at the accuracy of the lyrics; it just as much captured how successful Young-mi made her feel like she was constantly going insane. If feelings could ever be told in the nearing future, she would’ve put hers on a leash and caged them shut, but that wasn’t the case. Her heart beat against her chest rapidly like a pounding drum and it was all because of Young-mi.

She tapped her Converse on the stage and took a break from the electric guitar, slinging it behind her back. Cho-ae then crouched on the front edge of the stage to make direct eye contact with Young-mi and sang into the mic with her low voice, "Every time you're near me, suddenly my heart begins to race." Young-mi matched her gaze and looked up at her, their foreheads about an inch apart. “And every time you leave, I don’t know why my heart begins to break.”

They were only allowed one song each, but the crowd welcomed Cho-ae with great appreciation. But the performance felt too stretched out for her, or maybe because it had been a while. Finally, she breathed out the song's final line. "Won't you please stop loving me to death?"

"Thank you, SNU!" She shouted to the crowd in gratitude and took a bow before turning her back to gather her equipment.

"Encore, encore!" Cho-ae's face blushed at the response, but she already had her time on the stage, unprepared at that. But the crowd's request was soon turned down by the event hosts introducing a new performer. The freshman was immediately relieved and rushed down the stage with her guitar bag.

Hei-ran and Hana greeted her with a bunch of compliments about how she sang and played as soon as they found her by the stage staircase.

"You were so cool, unnie. Hana and I were going to buy a few snacks, do you guys want to come with?" In her hands was already a tall neon-colored juice bottle with a silly straw that made Cho-ae laugh.

She turned to Young-mi for an answer but the sophomore shook her head no.

"We'll stay behind for a while and catch up with you both later."

Hana had her suspicions, her face lighting up with a mischievous smirk. "Alright then. A text will do. Bye!"

"You did... great." Young-mi spoke up when the young couple left to the concession stands. Cho-ae patted her shoulder and laughed.

"What are you being so stiff for? It almost makes me think you don't mean it." She stifled a laugh and wrapped an arm around Young-mi's shoulder.

"I was just surprised by what you... I mean, how you... Ah, forget it. I just didn't know you could play so well."

"What? You have a crush on me now or something?" Cho-ae jested while she walked alongside Young-mi, the streets of the campus grounds bursting with festivity and cheer.

"Don't be ridiculous." Young-mi scoffed, a little too harshly that it made Cho-ae frown. Her gaze was elsewhere, across the university plaza.

"Who are you looking at?"

"No one! What are you saying!" Young-mi's face told her lie and she attempted to usher the two of them the opposite way but Cho-ae was a little too taller, stronger than her.

"The Engineering student? Wait, I know him. Do you want me to call him over? Su—" Her senior immediately clasped her palm over Cho-ae's mouth the moment she said the first syllable of his name, and pushed them away from that particular side of campus, but Sungho was already looking their way with a puzzled face.

"Shut up! Shut up!"

"Why are you being so defensive! I thought the Kim Young-mi had nothing to fear." Cho-ae teased her further but her forearm met Young-mi's fist three times and she winced. Her hand rubbed at the spot and she furrowed her eyebrows at her roommate. Then came the realization that hit her in the gut. This had been the feeling all along. She didn’t have to fear a performance, a crowd. She feared that Young-mi liked someone else. "...You like him."

The older girl shifted her weight on one foot and sighed wistfully, her arms crossed over her chest. That much was an answer on its own.

"I'm sorry for making fun of you. Did you want something from the stands or?" She held Young-mi's shoulders as they walked further away from the plaza and into the booth area, crowds of students filing down the walkways. They blended into the sea of people, but Cho-ae could feel her chest closing in on her, but she had to pretend otherwise.

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. I don't... I don't like like him." Young-mi was lying to Cho-ae and she could tell, which made things much worse than they already were. Cho-ae didn't want to end the festivities with the night so young, but there was a feeling in her stomach that she couldn't quite explain, in a way she had never felt before. "Anyway, a scone would be n—Are you feeling okay? You don't look so good."

Young-mi held onto her arm as if to anchor her, like she would pass out. Cho-ae wasn't sure either, but she just forced her lips into a smile so as to not make her worry or ruin the night.

"I'm fine. I think it's just the post-performance blues. We can get the food and I'll head back and rest after." The entire time, Young-mi kept a close eye on Cho-ae, but she only felt like her legs would give out at any moment or that her heart would burst into a million pieces.

"Are you sure you can manage going on your own? I can come with, you know." She had her hand on Cho-ae's back and her eyes softened with concern. But she only shook her head and tried to reassure her roommate with a smile.

"It's alright. I'll be fine." She was lying to herself too.

Her legs didn't know where to take her, but she still ran like her life depended on it. What were these feelings and why was the universe forcing them onto her? Her chest tightened the more she ran, until her shoulders were gripped by someone familiar.

"Unnie! What are you doing? Where's Young-mi-unnie?" Hana pointed with her lips and kept staring up at Cho-ae, searching for something in her face. "What happened?"

Cho-ae didn't have it in her anymore to speak and pulled the younger girl into a hug. And for a reason she couldn't figure out, she started to sob.

"Hey, hey. Did something happen between you and Young-mi-unnie? Wait, you don't have to talk." That must have been it, that stupid little crush. Feelings were always such a burden to bear, and Cho-ae didn't know what she expected to gain by falling for someone who could only ever see her as a friend.

"I'm sorry. This is all so silly." She laughed at herself, her thumb wiping at her face as soon as she pulled away from the hug, but Hana pouted at her. "You're going to think it's stupid."

"What's stupid! You're stupid for thinking that! C'mon now, tell." The smaller girl put her hand on her hip and glared at Cho-ae, who chuckled at her sass.

"I...Well, Young-mi likes someone from the Engineering department." Her hand rubbed at her nape and she refused to meet Hana's eye, who didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"You mean she likes a guy?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, unnie." Hana wrapped her arms around Cho-ae and hugged her really really tightly.

"Not so tight now, I'm not going anywhere. Well, I guess I am going back to the dorm. It's what I told Young-mi." She sniffled and then stared at the night sky. "Whatever. Let's forget I said anything." Maybe that way, she'd just forget about it all—how this absurd infatuation made her prepared to jump off a ledge if Young-mi asked, how the stars seemed to spell out her name, how completely wrapped she was around her finger.

"Will you get back safe?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that? I'm a grown woman!" Cho-ae started to walk away from Hana while still facing her and towards the dorm.

"Grown women can still be vulnerable!" Her friend argued but she shook her head and jogged further away. That was another problem; she didn't want to be weak. Not because of a crush. They weren’t in high school anymore.