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Chapter Fifty Two
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56
Marie A. CinerHEY I am back I AM SORRY!! a lot of traumatic events happened in the past six months of my life where I didn't feel like I could carry on, to be honest. But things are better. And I've finished most of this story so I'll go back to daily posting. Love, M
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a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifty-Three
Sam Goodbye day is somehow less dramatic than last time. It's just as heartbreaking for me, though. Mostly, we were rushing to get him to the airport on time. He packed while I took the trash out and made sure his flat was nice and tidy for when he comes back next. I don't think getting back to an empty, filthy flat would feel great after months away, so I dodidmy best with the little time we have. He thanked me by snogging me against the door and offering me the keys if I wanted to stay here while he was away, and I batted them away laughing. "Just trying, you know?" He said with his palms up as he landed another big kiss on my mouth. I raised an eyebrow before pecking his cheek, "Like you don't know me." We spent Sunday morning walking around the park, and then when the sun started showing, we went home for a slow fuck and then he was en route to the airport. There's something about him that's odd, I can't tell what it is. He talks the same amount as before, he looks at me and
a drink we call loneliness Chapter One
Saturday, December 1st Theo It’s what must be the bleakest night of the year. The wind howls outside the building, dragging along the heavy rain, and only contributing to the completely foggy windows. To match the city’s mood, I feel bored and bleak all over, as I usually do on Saturday nights. As I glance at the tall windows, I catch blurry yellow and red lights glowing from the outside. London is moving on tonight, and so should I. By the state of the rain, I can tell leaving the Club before 2 a.m. will be impossible. I take a deep breath to steady my hands and focus on my timing. It’s absurdly cold, and my suit jacket is barely doing anything to keep me warm. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m playing, I’d be freezing completely. When the piece ends, I clasp my hands together, trying to get some semblance of warmth as the clinking of glasses and chatter keep on filling the atmosphere while I prepare for another piece. The regulars are scattered around, som
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Two
Theo An hour or so later, I’m done with my set and the rain is still coming down hard, so I've settled for sitting at the bar for a while until it’s safer to leave. William, the bartender smiles as he opens another beer for me. He places it on the marble counter, “Are you staying until close tonight?” I sneer, “I don’t think it’s possible to drive right now,” and then as an afterthought, I add, “I’d be in bed right now on a normal day.” He scrunches up his nose, “Yeah, you’re telling me,” He grins, “although with how much George is paying me, I think I’d need to work five more hours to make ends meet.” William is your typical blonde, overeager green-eyed Uni student. He’s paying his way through school by working a bunch of odd jobs. In times like this, he’s good company. He’s overall polite, quick with a joke and tends to mind his own business, which is why I like him. It’s also pretty obvious that this is just a pit stop for him. I hope he gets to wh
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Three
Saturday, December 8th THEO The next time I see Sam Wilcox, he’s sitting at the same table, completely pissed. It’s only the beginning of my set and he’s already drunk enough to be flushed. His tie has now come off, but he’s stunning anyway. I think he’d be stunning in anything. SAM I hate this place with a passion. I could be home having a couple of beers with one of my friends or hanging out in the park with my fluffy dog, Muppet. Instead, I’m here just to avoid pissing off George. I mean, the Club is nice, and the drinks are nice to try instead of my usual brew, but it’s just not my thing. He insists I need to start socialising withour peoplesince I’m supposed to inherit the Club when he passes. I’ve already told him I won’t. I love my career, and although the course I chose to study got me kicked out of his house, we somehow mended ou
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Four
December 15th SAM Today I’m buzzing with excitement about seeing Theo. I mean, I don’t actually know if we’re doing the hang out thing today, but he did say he’d see me next week, and it’s all I’ve been able to think about. In hindsight, I probably should have asked him for his number, but the way he seemed to be closing off made me think he’d just sneer at me and leave, so I didn’t. I’m hoping to get it today, though. I’m fixing my hair in Andrea’s living room. Jack is here too, they’re going over wedding invitation samples and whatnot. Wedding stuff. Her sofa comes in handy when I need to crash in London, and it’s free, automatically making it better than any hotel. Jack clears his throat. I look at him as he raises one of his perfect eyebrows at me, “Going to see someone?” “Huh? No, I’m just off to the Club with George,” Andrea shoots him a look. “Sam, don’t,” “I’m not doing anything,” She roll
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Five
TheoAt first, it’s incredibly awkward as we trudge together to my car. He waits until I’ve clicked my seatbelt on to follow me inside.Sam more or less stumbles into my car and grins at me from the passenger seat. He's lovely in his brown suit that compliments his curls, the perfect picture of formality, yet he carries the clothes like he isn’t used to them. As the rain starts falling harder, he shivers.“One I’d think these stiff suits would be thicker, but no, I’m freezing out here,” he says.I bite my lip to hide a grin.“That’s why you're meant to wear a coat over it. Seriously, Wilcox, how have you survived this long?”“Wearing comfy stuff. Sweats. Mittens and all the nice fluffy jumpers,” he replies like it’s obvious."Christ."My heart is racing with the endless possibilities this night is offering. I mean, I was tired, but I’ve been goi
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Six
Sam We’re outside his flat, and I’m not even surprised we’re in bloody Kensington. At first, I suggested eating in the car, but I could tell he wasn’t fond of the idea. He shook his head. “Sod it, let’s go to my flat. Promise not to murder me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Nope. My murder shift starts at three a.m. You’re good.” I think I’ve been here once before, during a flower delivery for Lyla. Those days, where I’d spend all day driving around London, visiting offices and posh apartments endlessly hold some of my favourite memories. During those hot summers, I’d drink Coke and fizzy lemonade on the van, and vibe to her 80’s cd’s, because of course, the van didn’t have Bluetooth. The rest of the year, I’d heavily lean on cheap gas station coffee to survive the day. It helped me become familiar with every nook and cranny around London. So, it’s not surprising that I figured it out on the way back from the bagel shop. All t
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Seven
I’m telling him about my cousin, who lives downstairs when he yawns and rests his head on the arm of my sofa, clearly exhausted. I don’t know how, but we’ve been inching closer as the minutes pass and our stories keep going on. It almost feels like we’ve known each other for a lifetime, and not just a few weeks. That’s how I’ve been told it works. Chemistry. Compatibility. Old souls reincarnating to find each other life afterlife. I truly don’t believe any of that rubbish, but he’s fun to talk to, and as far as I’ve seen, is the least judgmental bloke I’ve met. Every time I think he’s going to look outraged by one of my old Secondary school studies, he laughs instead. A musical, loud laugh that makes me blush. “Am I boring you, Sam?”, I ask as I glance at my wristwatch. It’s three A.M. already. “God no, it’s just-“ he says before another big yawn, “I’ve been up for ages.”
Latest chapter
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifty-Three
Sam Goodbye day is somehow less dramatic than last time. It's just as heartbreaking for me, though. Mostly, we were rushing to get him to the airport on time. He packed while I took the trash out and made sure his flat was nice and tidy for when he comes back next. I don't think getting back to an empty, filthy flat would feel great after months away, so I dodidmy best with the little time we have. He thanked me by snogging me against the door and offering me the keys if I wanted to stay here while he was away, and I batted them away laughing. "Just trying, you know?" He said with his palms up as he landed another big kiss on my mouth. I raised an eyebrow before pecking his cheek, "Like you don't know me." We spent Sunday morning walking around the park, and then when the sun started showing, we went home for a slow fuck and then he was en route to the airport. There's something about him that's odd, I can't tell what it is. He talks the same amount as before, he looks at me and
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifty Two
Theo After our serious talk earlier, I'm not sure where we stand. I'm not sure how much harder we're willing to try, or how much we can actually give each other. It seems as if the things that we used to have in common have faded slowly over the past year. Both our schedules and priorities have shifted. Our feelings remain the same, I think. Here's the thing about relationships, no matter how much you cling to them, if the timing is off, it might be a matter of time before it all crumbles. I don't have it in me to break things off, but I'm not sure how much longer we'll be able to keep holding on. "Do you want to go out?" I ask him, hoping he says no. I feel like staying in with him all afternoon, maybe cooking some dinner together even. Like back in the good old days. He shakes his head and flushes, "No, I. Well, I thought we could use our time together to be a little selfish, you know? Lock ourselves up." I grin at him and kiss his cheek. I love his soft cheeks, they're my favo
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifty One
SamWhen I wake up on Friday morning, the sun is out completely. I can tell it's much later than I've woken up in ages. I'm borderline too hot, buried underneath unfamiliar covers, and at first, I'm disoriented.I open one eye, and yesterday comes crashing back at me. Theo. The fight. The sheep. Heaps and heaps of mood. Midnight sex. It feels like it was a whole week packed into a day. I pat around his bed, but I quickly realise I'm alone. I don't think he would wait this long, but I still feel a little disappointed to find that out.When I finally check my phone, it's right on my nightstand, already plugged in. These are the sort of details he has with me that help me believe he's in love with me. His love language consists of helping me do small chores, get things ready for me, it's all about acts of service. As a child who had to be responsible for himself from day one, it's the best feeling in the world. I bounced around from foster family to faster family a
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Fifty
Theo I'm still at the table, picking up our containers and setting them on the stove when he is back in the room, with his shoes on and his work ID hanging around his neck. He walks around me and hugs me from behind. I feel his face buried in the back of my neck. "I'm sorry, I truly am. I'll be back later tonight. It's only six. I'll be back before midnight, promise." I roll my eyes because I know he can't see me. I understand his motives, and I feel sorry for the goat that's there in Swindon, but I hate him at the same time. "So much for a whole weekend together," I say bitterly, but lean back into him. "I understand. You have every right to be upset. I'm an idiot. I accounted for everything at the clinic except for the fact that Gracie isn't trained on livestock at all. I'm sorry, love," he says as he places his cheek against my back. I twist in his arms so he can see me, and then I step back, freeing myself from his arms. "I
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Forty - Nine
Theo Sam stirs beneath me, from where he is still holding me, and I bury my face further in his neck. I haven't touched him this way in what feels like ages, and in general, I haven't been touched this intimately in a while. Now, feeling his warm skin against mine, and his strong arms around me is fantastic. He was a good lover as always. I don't know how he manages to put the right edge into his thrusts, and the perfect amount of eagerness and nerves in his trembling hands to make me feel desired. It drives me insane, the way his body finds his rhythm within mine, and the way his hips grind slowly against mine when we fuck this way. He's been asleep for a good hour now, and I can't blame him. He's overspent, overworked and even when he feels that way, he rode the train today so we wouldn't lose any time. His effort doesn't go unnoticed, and I am grateful for it, even though I wish he could've stayed for longer. If I had tried to stay for longer, it wou
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Forty - Eight
SamA week after our fight, right before Halloween, Theo flies home. I've been way too busy all week to plan proper dates, but then again, he's going to be here for three days, so it's not like we'll have much time. We made a joint decision to not tell his family so we could make the most of these few days. In some ways, it feels like we're trying to fix something, although I can't quite put my finger on what's exactly broken.I worked double shifts last week and this one so I could take the whole weekend, Friday included off. I haven't taken days off in ages, I can't remember what I used to do in my spare time besides cooking and sleeping all day. I rush through Thursday's shift, get the paperwork done nice and early so Grace doesn't get stuck here with it while seeing patients. I think she'll be fine since she's shown me she's perfectly capable of running things on her own, but I don't want to give her more than it's humanly possible. Especially since she offered to
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Forty-Seven
Theo "I miss you, by the way," Sam says, halfway through destroying a supermarket croissant. He's not really looking at the camera, which means he's not looking at me either, instead he's staring at his computer at work. Now that he's doing night shifts for a bit, he calls me when he's at the clinic, and I despise it. When I first left, he was in bed and it felt more like an intimate moment between us, a sacred tradition. Now it feels like he's just checking something off his to-do list. I miss when I had his undivided attention, and I can't believe I feel this way. I used to think couples were gross about a year ago, and now I'm getting upset over my boyfriend having to work all the time. "Me too, loads. I don't sleep well when you are so far, honestly, it's the worst-" The sound of a door opening startles me, and he looks away from his computer towards his right, giving me a perfect view of his profile. He has terrible dark circles, but other
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Forty-Six
TheoMy aunt Ivy calls when I'm in the middle of a summit in New York. Now that I've worked my way up the continent, my bag is full of colourful knickknacks from the richest cultures I've seen yet. I panic a little, because she never calls directly, or picks up her phone.She's one of those people who avoid their phone until it's a necessary emergency, so I can't help but feel bile rising to my throat when I see her name on my screen, flashing like an omen. I leave my seat as smoothly as I can and grab my paper cup just to have something to fiddle with.My therapist says it's a big part of my anxiety, finding ways to release my tension, and although I'm really good at hiding it because of my upbringing, it's there. It's hard for me to give in to the urge to fidget because of how many times my hands or legs were slapped with a ruler as a kid. My mum never participated in this, since she passed away before I had to take all these lessons, and my father was too bus
a drink we call loneliness Chapter Forty-Five
SamGrace comes in early today, carrying a Tesco bag, and from here I can see the two meal deals."Lunch," she says with a grin, before setting it on my desk, "You're welcome, I got you the smoothie you like so much,"I grin back at her good memory. It's not like I'm hard to please, to be fair. I eat about anything and everything you set on my way, but it's nice of her to remember the specific one I like. So far, we've been working together for a little over a month and things are working out nicely. We're heading into October already, and as the city is cooling, I'm grateful to have someone here to hang out with.Dr. Lindt spends most of his time in London, looking at empty shops and whatnot for the branch he wants to open there. I'm secretly hoping he offers me a position there so I can move closer to Theo, but only time will tell. He's barely starting to make plans, so I think the opening won't be for another year.Now that I've got my off
