LOGINShare
Long Way Down
Last Updated:
2020-12-07 16:22:04At the end of January, I knew that Jayce and I were done. He never responded to any of my text messages, and he sent all my calls to voicemail. I hate that I was the reason we ended the brief interlude that we had. I missed feeling his hands on my body, and I really missed having him as a friend that I could talk to. I was mad at myself for reading too much into our time. I really thought that Jayce liked me as more than just a person he was having sex with. Perhaps men are not like women and they can freely have sex without ever developing a deeper connection. I cried a few times over the situation, but at the end of the day life went on.
I was still working crazy hours, although with Christmas out of the way things were starting to look up slightly. Levi was doing an excellent job helping take care of his siblings. I still harbor a lot of guilt for needing to lean on my own child, but I did not have any other options. The kids were actual
Related chapters
Wrong Way Up The Male Version of Me
A few days later and I realized that online dating was my newest form of comedy. I had not found anyone yet that I was even remotely interested in dating on the site. I had received more dick pictures than one could ever want. I also had plenty of offers of guys wanting to quote “tap that ass” amongst other derogatory statements. I did have a few conversations that began really good, but there always seemed to be something that just did not vibe the farther we talked. Like one guy I was really enjoying talking to decided to let me know that he does not like kids, obviously him and I had no real future because I have kids. At this point, I am starting to think that there is no one out there for me.A couple of days later while I was on lunch break at work, I received another message on the dating site. I opened it, curious as to whether I was going to get another penis pick, or if it was a real conversation. I opened up the messa
Last Updated : 2020-12-08Wrong Way Up One Two Step
Jax and I continued texting through out the week. I enjoyed getting to know him. He had a different kind of humor, a cocky attitude but he was sweet towards me. I liked that he seemed to be a caring father. He proudly took pictures and showed me the nail polish his daughter had painted on his fingernails. We talked about easy and cheap dinner ideas, and how difficult it was to learn the new methods of math that they are teaching the kids in school. I liked having another adult to talk to about the kids.I believe that we truly bonded over talking about laundry, and household chores. He was dedicated to his kids, and I found that very appealing. We talked about our dreams of a real family, and even though his views were a bit more chauvinistic than mine we still agreed on a ton of things. I liked being able to honestly tell someone how I thought I was failing as a mother, and them understanding exactly what I was feeling and going through. T
Last Updated : 2020-12-11Wrong Way Up Short Sighted
I watched Jax order a drink from the bar and head towards the tables. He pulled his phone out and a few moments later I felt my phone vibrate, it was a text from him letting me know that he was here. I felt like a stalker watching him, but I was scared to walk over. Silently I was cursing myself for my choice in shoes. I felt like I had real chemistry with Jax, but I never anticipated him being this short. Tossing back what was left in my drink, I put the glass down and saunter over to Jax.“Hi, I am Noel.” I introduce myself before I lose the fake courage, I have going on right now. Jax looks up at me and his eyes are a piercing blue. He is very handsome in a rugged way, and even through he is shorter than me I feel the faint traces of arousal spark within my body. At the same time, I am worried he is going to look at me and just see a giant woman and leave.“Wow you are more beautiful in person t
Last Updated : 2020-12-12Wrong Way Up Over the Cliff
I am not exactly sure when we decided to go to Jax’s house. I was not really thinking once we got into the cab. The world had disappeared and only Jax and I existed in our lust filled daze. For a brief second, I wondered how smart it was that I was headed to a house where I had never been, and no one knew where I was going. The thought disappeared as Jax kissed me hard, massaging the back of my neck. I was lost in the passionate embrace he enveloped around us. Somewhere I am sure that there was a part of my brain that was still rational and probably yelling at me to stop.It did not take long to get to Jax’s house. It was a cute little yellow house on the top of a hill. I did not admire it too long because Jax was grabbing my hand leading me into the house. Once inside I noted that the house was much smaller than it appeared on the outside. To my surprise Jax’s kids were not only home, but they were all still up. My face i
Last Updated : 2020-12-14Wrong Way Up By the Dawn of Day
I should have showered as soon as I got home, but the events of last night and then walking home had exhausted me. I did not even make it upstairs to my bed, instead I curled up on the couch. A few tears escaped my eyes as I continued to mentally berate myself for my actions. I was not that girl; I had never been that girl. Last night I was out of control. I never thought of the consequences of my actions. I never took into consideration that I actually liked this guy for more than a good time. My life was a mess and I was not making it any better. That was the last thought in my head before sleep finally came, and my mind finally quieted down for a little while.Soon the kids were getting up and moving about. I picked myself up off the couch and decided to make pancakes for breakfast. I was lucky that I did not have to work until later. I spent the morning with the kids over breakfast and catching up with the drama they had over their frie
Last Updated : 2020-12-16Wrong Way Up A Blooming Start
I could not wait to see Jax again. We had texted a bit throughout the day, and he was still coming over for the gumbo. I was excited. I got off of work at four that afternoon, and I went straight to the shower. I fixed the kids a simple meal of hamburger helper and then started to wait rather impatiently for Jax.I dolled myself up a little bit. I did not use too much makeup, but I had put on a pair of jeans that hugged my curves in all the right places. I also made sure to wear a rather revealing top as well. My chest was looking great tonight and I was happy that my hair was actually working with me. I let my long hair flow down my back in waves. Jax sent me a text letting me know that he would be down soon.It was after nine at night and the kids were all tucked up in bed. I was hoping that Jax and I could have a repeat of our first night except this time there was no alcohol involved that would help give me liqu
Last Updated : 2020-12-17Wrong Way Up A Rose Garden
My relationship with Jax blossomed over the next couple of weeks. We texted and called each other every single day. We would talk about the kids, work, our daily lives, and the conversations never stopped flowing. I talked to Jax about going back to school, and he encouraged my dreams. We talked about our money struggles, and how there never seemed to be enough cash to go around. How we went overly broke during the holidays or birthdays. We talked about how fast our children were growing up, and how we wished that we could reverse time.A few times a week one of us was sneaking off to the other persons house. We would wait until the children were in bed, or asleep and then meet up. Our nights of passion never lasted until morning. Every time one of us would get up and leave due to kids and work. This was starting to put strain on both Jax and I. We talked about how we wanted to actually spend a whole night together and wake up and cook brea
Last Updated : 2020-12-19Wrong Way Up Teenage Tantrum
The closer it got to Sunday the more nervous I became. I tried talking to Jax about why I was nervous, but I found it difficult to even start the conversation. I just could not figure out a right way to spit out that I was afraid that our children were going to tear us apart. I know that their happiness comes before anything, but I was starting to really fall for Jax. Something was telling me that we were doing this introduction thing too soon. It was a weird premonition that I could feel in my bones.When Sunday arrived, I woke up with a twisted feeling in my gut. No matter how much I tried to plan for today, I still felt like I had not done enough. I could control the food, the drinks, and for the most part the environment but I could not control the children’s behavior or actions. The weird thing was that I was not overly concerned with how my children were going to handle the situation, but rather how his kids were going to react.
Last Updated : 2020-12-19
Latest chapter
Wrong Way Up Definition
The next week was very hectic. I ended up having two long days at work, and it was proving difficult to work my schedule around Jayce’s schedule and taking the kids to their various activities. I felt on edge all the time, even at the supermarket because I was afraid that Jax would do something to my vehicle again.A follow up phone call confirmed that there were no cameras in the area that would have been able to capture Jax messing with my car that night. I was beyond frustrated that he could continue to harass me and get away with it.One of the few silver linings to my week was that I had not seen Jax again face to face. Although Jayce had stood up for me last time, I could not help but to fear that I would run into Jax without having Jayce with me.Jayce had practically moved into the house with me and the kids. Although he still had his trailer, because Jax was an ever-present threat to my safety he was staying at the house. I would be a liar if I sa
Wrong Way Up Nuts and Bolts
The next morning Jayce placed a call to his mechanic friend while I made us some coffee. The kids had plans with their youth group, and I was lucky that they had a ride into town. With Jax being out of jail I worried whenever they were gone, but today they were taking a trip up the mountain to do some mushroom hunting. Morel mushrooms grew wild on the mountain and the group had found some last year and wanted to explore even more this year.Jayce came down and informed me that his friend had some time this afternoon to come and look at the car. I confirmed once again that it was not going to cost me anything, and Jayce reassured me that he had already spoken to him about it. I felt a pang of guilt at making Jayce use a favor to help me, but it was imperative that I have the car running well. Living outside of town was great for isolation, but we definitely needed a vehicle to get back and forth to town.Since we had time, we quickly settled into a morning routine of cl
Wrong Way Up Same Old Song and Dance
Living in a small town has some advantages. Everyone seems to know everyone else’s business. It did not take long for word to get back to me that Jax was seeing a new girl. Well technically it was a previous girlfriend that he got back together with. I was astounding that she would subject herself to his abuse all over again, but then I also wondered if he was just more abusive with me.That train of thought led to me wondering if I was incapable of being loved properly. Afterall my ex-husband cheated on me, Jax abused me, and I still did not know where I stood with Jayce. Speaking of Jayce things with him were not bad. We spent most days and nights together, we acted like a couple, yet neither of us seemed capable of broaching the subject of whether or not we were dating.To say that it was a confusing time would be an understatement of the well of emotion that I seemed caught in. Most days I felt like I was fine, like I could pretend that the past year with Jax
Wrong Way Up Small Town Big Talk
Jayce got called into work the following morning. In truth I was relieved because it helped dispel some of the awkwardness of the moment. I had zero regrets about what we had done last night, but I could not help but wonder if Jayce did. Jayce has always seemed worldly, and experienced. I have always feared that I disappoint him in the bedroom. Once I had dropped Jayce off, I had some time on my hands. I wished yet again that Emily was home. I could use a good morning coffee, and conversation.Since Emily still was not home, and I had nothing else to get done I headed home and made a pot of coffee for myself. Sitting on the couch with my legs curled under me, I contemplated whether last night would change the relationship that Jayce and I have. More importantly did I want our relationship to change?There is a huge part of me that fears losing the wonderful friendship that I have with Jayce. I have not made that many genuine connections in my life, and I certainly do n
Wrong Way Up Blooming Rose
Jayce pulls me into the room that I still have not slept in. He slides his hand through my hair, softly brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. “Noel, are you a hundred percent sure that you want this?” His touch has already awakened a dull aching need for him within my body.“Jayce, I need this. I need to remember what it feels like to be touched with love, instead of hate. I need to remember what passion truly feels like. I need to remember how sex can feel when it is wanted and needed.” My voice is raspy as he trails kisses along my neck.I clumsily reach for the hem of Jayce’s shirt. I want to feel his skin against mine, I need to feel that heat. Jayce turns me slightly and we move towards the bed. As he lowers me softly on the mattress, he removes the shirt that I fumbled with earlier. I cannot help my wandering eyes, as I my gaze drops lower. I have always enjoyed Jayce’s chest. He has a few tattoos along his pectorals, and a few
Wrong Way Up Sleepover
I was nervous and distracted at work the next day. I could not stop the irrational fear that somehow Jax was going to find out where I was working, or worse find out where I lived and mess with the kids while I was at work. I probably called Levi ten times asking if everything was going good at the house. By the time my shift ended I felt like I was a complete basket case. As I climbed in my car, I was already dialing Jayce’s number, and he answered on the first ring.“Hey beautiful how was work?” Hearing his voice helped to relax me a little bit.“Work was ok, but I have been anxious all day thinking that Jax was somehow going to find out where I am at. I think I called the kids a million times today.” I tried to laugh that last part, but even I could hear the tension in my voice.“That is a completely normal response to everything that is going on. Everything is going to work out, I just know it. So, I have a bag packed if y
Wrong Way Up Clarification and Anger
“What exactly is a plea bargain?” When the attorney did not continue, I felt that I needed to ask. From the glances she was giving the victim assistance worker I could only assume that I was not going to like the answer she was about to give me.“A plea bargain is where I give Jax a set of conditions that he must fulfill and in return he accepts the charges, and we avoid a full trial.” It seemed as if the attorney was dancing around the subject instead of giving me the straight facts.“What are the conditions you are asking for, and what exactly would his charges be?” The longer this meeting was taking, the more my rage was building. It seems as if Jax has the world convinced that he is a great guy, and that him beating me was just a fluke.“At this time Jax has been in jail for almost three weeks. I would ask that does sixty days in jail, he would need to complete drug and alcohol classes, as well as an anger management
Wrong Way Up Plea Bargain
The day after I had dinner with Jayce, I got a call from the victim assistance worker, and the prosecuting attorney. They wanted to have a meeting with me regarding what was going to happen in court and how they wanted to proceed. I was anxious to get court over with. I knew that Jax was appointed an attorney, so I was hoping that meant that things were going to start going quickly. I set up the meeting for the next day.Today was my first day back at work and I was slightly nervous. I was happy to be making money again, but this was a new place with new people. I used to be outgoing and willing to talk to anyone, but now I questioned everyone and worried that they would be friends with Jax. I knew that most of today would be orientation, so I was not too stressed.I was surprised to find that the day flew by. My new coworkers were older than I was, but they were pleasant people to talk to. They seemed genuinely kind and caring, although I could tell that my boss had a
Wrong Way Up Old Friends, New Memories
I had been nervous about seeing Jayce in person. We had not seen each other in so long. I had no idea if showing up at his work was the right thing to do, but he was still smiling as he walked over to me. He quickly gave me a hug and told me I looked good. I wanted to get lost in his warm embrace. It felt nice just being able to see him again. I was surprised that old feelings began to stir, and I wondered if this truly had been a good idea.“Wow I cannot believe you are here. Wait why are you here?” Jayce was a little shocked and slightly confused. I had never come into his work before, and this usually never stopped at this gas station.“Well, I was still moving a few things, and after we had talked last night, I did not want to wait to see you. It seems like both of us have schedules and we keep missing each other, so I decided to stop here to see you.” I rushed my explanation out, hoping that it did not sound lame. Hearing the words made me
