Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

THE WEAK CRY of Olivia stirred Nathaniel from his light sleep. He blinked a couple of times and rubbed a hand down his weary face. The midnight feedings were the worst, especially those on Friday night.

Life had fallen into a dismal pattern since Natasha's funeral. He'd never worked harder in his life than in the past two months. Keeping up with the kids and the house and his job left room for not a little ease. The demands seemed endless.

Nathaniel's family had pitched in helping every way they could. Between his mother and sisters, he was making it. But the awareness of appearing like he was dependent on them made things uncomfortable for him.

Olivia squalled again through the monitor, and Nathaniel tossed aside the cover and sat on the edge of the king-size bed. Blindly he searched with his feet for his slippers before he stood and slipped into his night robe, tie the knot around.

The daughter Olivia slept a room away from him to make his work easier. He reached for her, gently placing his infant daughter over his shoulder.

"Just a minute, sweetie." He said, walking in a circle around the room in search of her diaper in one of the wardrobes.

All thanks to Samantha, Natasha's younger sister who came every day in helping in the kids' laundry and the meals. Her helping hands made things a little easy for Nathaniel but the idea or her help doesn't sit well with him and his belief.

He could till remember Samantha's reaction at the news of her sister's death, she had left California to Arizona five years ago, upon the news of her sisters' death moved back to California. Her rage on him heightened at not receiving the news of her sister's accident. She still blamed him for not letting him see her breathing face for the last time until her death.

But her continuous help was sincerely appreciated, not that Nathaniel will openly say so, that will only boost her ego.

Settling down with Olivia on the swinger in his balcony, Nathaniel carefully placed the rubber nipple in her lips. The baby's tiny lips parted as she sucks hungrily.

His hands brushed the soft blond wisp of hair from her sweet face. Her resemblance to Natasha still haunts him every day.

He sat staring at nowhere as he gently swings on the swinger not wanting to startle the little child

as she sucks the content in the bottle.

Once Olivia had finished the bottle, Nathaniel placed her over his shoulder and tenderly rubbed her back. Gently rocking back and forth, he closed his eyes. He'd rest just for a moment--he promised himself.

Just for a little moment.

SAMANTHA let herself into the quite house that had once been a noisy joyful one only to find her brother-in-law asleep in the swinger, his arms gently cradling Olivia's little frame.

She hesitated not wanting to disturb him in his deep slumber. He'd looked so tired for the past few months she'd been here. They both had.

Too tired to grieve, too tired to cry out.

Even after months of knowing her sister's death, Samantha still had trouble accepting the permanence of the situation. The situation of no going back, no rectifying the mistake of leaving that particular night. The death of Natasha still leaves a deep hole of pain on everyone's heart.

Samantha never planned on staying behind in helping Nathaniel with the children in California. Actually, her plan was after the funeral she would purchase the latest flight back to Arizona, with burning anger at Nathaniel for his lack of information concerning her sister's deadly situation, but she was unable to.

The night before her plan leaves a dream stopped her from doing so. She'd never told anyone about it. That dream transpired her reason for staying.

The dream had haunted Samantha for months. She'd kept her promise to Natasha and was doing everything she possibly could to help Nathaniel with the children, even if he doesn't deserve it, but the gesture seemed too little.

To his credit, Nathaniel was being up well. He was such a good father, once a good husband also. But frankly, Samantha wondered just how much longer would he be able to continue under the strain. He'd been the strong one, reassuring her, reassuring his children, his parents, and everyone else. Strong and capable.

Samantha didn't know how he did it. But she was grateful. His confidence was glued that had held everything together. Not that she would tell him so, his pride was already larger than the whole house, so it was better to keep it to herself to avoid any further enlargement

"Mommy?" Three years old Kenneth came out from the bedroom, sleepily rubbing his eyes. As he

placed his thumb in his mouth.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Samantha said, automatically lifting the warm cuddly body into her arms.

"I want my mommy." Kenneth arms tightly gripping her as he buried his face in Samantha's neck.

"I know." Her heart pinched on his words.

"When will she be home?"

"Your mommy's in heaven now, remember?"

Unexpected tears filled Samantha's eyes. "She won't....don't you remember what your daddy

said?"

"But I want her to."

"I do too." It was difficult to make Kenneth understand, difficult to understand herself. And it didn't seem to be getting any easier.

If death had to steal a life, then it should have been her the Grim Reaper had sought. Natasha had a responsibility, husband and children. Her sister has been gentle and sweet, full of energy and life. Everything about her states joy. While Samantha was the complete opposite, her hair plain brunette, brown eyes, crooked nose with her thin lips. Natasha's 5'9 inches height wasn't to compare with her 5'3.

Natasha had been her only family after their parents had abandoned them in an orphanage home. They both swore never to search for them ever in their life. Now Natasha's heartbroken children are Samantha's only family.

"Are you hungry?" Samantha asked Kenneth, turning the conversion away from the painful subject of Natasha.

Kenneth's head was buried in her shoulder. He sniffed and nodded. "Can you make mommy's special Banana pancake?"

"Ehm..." Samantha hesitated. She hadn't a clue of how to make such flavor. "Okay, but you have to tell me how."

"Sure," Kenneth brightened a little. "First you Put the flour then banana, mixed and fry."

"Ah.." Once again Samantha hesitated. She was going to need more instruction than that.

Natasha had an active imagination, she could make the lamest situation into funny action.

Using both hands, Kenneth scooted out the kitchen chair, then curled up into a ball on the seat holding onto Mr dess his teddy bear.

"Samantha you're here." Nathaniel stood in the kitchen doorway with Olivia still in his arms sleeping soundly.

"Aunty Samantha is making mommy's banana pancake recipe," Kenneth explained cheerfully.

"You are?" Nathaniel raised his left brow up in surprise.

"Yeah I'm but though I'll need help on how to make it." She muttered under her breath.

"It's the same method of making pancakes only with banana flour added to it. It's at the top of the cupboard behind you at your right." He spoke between yawns as he pressed his hands to his mouth to suppress his loud yawn.

"Thank you."

"Why are you here?"

Samantha glances at him briefly then begins her task in making the pancake "I came to help and at the same time to discuss an important matter with you."

Not liking where the conversion was heading Nathaniel frowned his brow before moving over to the refrigerator taking a carton of milk drinking it directly from the carton.

Samantha resisted the urge to caution him at his action. She resumed steering the flour together with the ingredients needed for it.

"What could that be?"

"Once I'm done with cooking I'll tell you."

Dropping the topic for the meantime she made the pancake serving it to Kenneth the Nathaniel who seem to be busy calming a fuzzy Olivia who had woken up from her sleep.

"I'll heat up her bottle." She offered to cut off his disapproval courtesy to his pride and independent way.

Nathaniel looked haggard. She'd purposely stopped off early so he could have a portion of the day to himself. The guy was running himself ragged. They all were. But for Samantha, there was an escape. At the end of the day, she returned to her own apartment, free from the demand of the two small, needy children. A place of her own where she could find a few moments' peace and serenity. Nathaniel had no such deliverance.

After finishing their meal Kenneth went back to his from, while Samantha took on the plates for watching leaving Nathaniel to tucking the baby to bed.

Placing the plates in the sink Samantha went down to the task of watching the dishes.

"You're ruining your social life," Nathaniel spoke behind her resting his back on the wall.

"I'm not. There isn't a social life, to begin with." Samantha replied still washing the plates with her focus half on it while the other on Nathaniel.

"You should have gone out last night."

"I wasn't in the mood." She placed the ditches on the rack as she turns to stare at him.

"Samantha please don't, I feel guilty knowing what this is doing to my parents," He said, his eyes holding hers captive. "Please don't sacrifice yourself for me too."

"It not for you," She countered smoothly. "It's for Kenneth and Olivia. And it isn't a sacrifice. If the situation were reversed, Natasha wouldn't think twice about doing the same for me. It's what she expected."

Nathaniel closed his eyes and nodded, his face grim. "I don't feel good about this." Samantha knew it went against Nathaniel's pride to rely on his family or anyone else so heavily. He didn't have any choice, but he didn't like it. Not one bit.

"I know why I have come up with a decision." At her comment, Nathaniel's eyes snapped open. "I've decided to move in with you and the kids."