LOGINShare
Chapter 32
Last Updated:
2022-02-14 15:14:33Trigger Warning: Self-harm
I have thought about different possible ways on how my life would end. But among those thoughts, I wished that I would just sleep and not wake up at all. I hoped for something but a painful death. Pero bakit hanggang dito, mararanasan ko pa rin ang sakit? Pinikit ko ang mga mata at hinakbang ang kaliwang paa. This is my fate. This is where it should end. Ayoko ko nang may masaktan pang iba.
My left foot doesn’t have anything to step onto, and the moment I put on my weight here, I would be falling down in this building and be crushed underneath. A tear fell from my eyes and I breathed hard for the last time before I decided to do it.
Or so it thoug
Related chapters
Why Can't We? Chapter 33
I don’t know what life has installed for me and my family but for all the years that I lived this life, I don’t know if I should be thankful that I am alive or should be wanting to just die. My sisters are still crying in front of our aunt. Hindi ko aakalaing nasa kabaong na si tita. Hindi man kami magkasundo, nagpapasalamat naman ako sa pagpapa-aral at pagpapatira niya sa akin sa bahay niya. Naging malupit man ang naging karanasan ko sa kanya, hindi ko naman makayanang magpasalamat sa naging kinahinatnan niya, lalo na kapag nakikita kong nahihirapan ang mga kapatid ko. Hinaplos ko ang likod ni bunso para patahanin siya. Kahapon pa si
Last Updated : 2022-02-14Why Can't We? Chapter 34
We continued to live our lives even though I don’t think we’re actually living. My sisters looked like zombies everytime I see them. Tulala sa gilid, magsasalita lang kapag kinakausap, minsan hindi na rin lumalabas ng kwarto. Ako ang naawa sa kanila. Pero naiintindihan ko naman kasi silang lahat. Hindi pa kami gumaling mula sa sakit. We must fully heal to finally keep our acts together. Good thing the summer break started and so, we have a lot of time to heal. Though I have to find a job, too. Maverick is also on his journey to find a school. Halos hindi na rin kami magkita. We only update each other during meals and sleep time. I already have two jobs at the moment. My morning shift is at Morning Dew and
Last Updated : 2022-02-15Why Can't We? Chapter 35
The next couple of days was the same. My routine would be waking up at five to cook breakfast, then prepare to go to Morning Dew, eat lunch and catch up with Mav, go home and cook lunch, proceed to the convenience store and go home at 8 to cook dinner before going to bed. Ngunit isa lang ang inaalala ko nitong mga araw. Hindi pa rin kasi nakauwi ang dalawa kong kapatid. Si ate Kheana ay umuwi daw noong isang araw sabi ni bunso pero hindi rin nagtagal. Kahapon ko lang din naisipang buksan ang kwarto niya at wala na ang ilan sa mga damit niya. Wala na rin ang maleta niya kaya isa lang ang ibig sabihin noon. Lumayas siya. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya hahanapin. Hindi ko rin kilala ang mga kaibigan niya. At higit sa lahat, hindi rin siya nagrereply sa mga texts ko. &nb
Last Updated : 2022-02-16Why Can't We? Chapter 36
I catched my breath when I confirmed that I ran enough for him not to catch me by his eyes. Hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksiyon ko sa ginawa niya kanina. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman. Gusto kong magalit ngunit gusto ko rin siyang tanungin dahil litong lito na ako. Pero saan nga ba ako nalilito? Sa ginawa niya? O sa nararamdaman ko? Nang bumaling ako sa harap para sana dumiretso sa bahay, pero nakita ko si Maverick na nakatayo sa labas ng gate. Bakit hindi siya pumasok? Nakayuko ito habang nakasandal ang likod sa gate. I composed myself before going to him. When he noticed me, he stood up straight and approached me. I nervously looked at him. Hindi naman niya nakita ang ginawa ni Sidhea
Last Updated : 2022-02-17Why Can't We? Chapter 37
My phone kept on ringing but I ignored it all. I know Mav is worried for me since the day I walked out of their house. Hindi ko sinabi na narinig ko ang pinag-usapan nila ng mama niya. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung makakausap ko ba siya ng maayos. Baka kasi madala ako sa galit at may masabi akong masama sa kanya kahit wala naman siyang kasalanan. Alam kong napipilitan lang si Mav na sundin ang mama niya. Kaya pala ayaw din niya minsang pag-usapan ang tungkol sa pamilya niya. Matagal na pala siyang pinipilit sa hindi niya gusto. Hindi niya gusto ‘yong anak ng business partner ng daddy niya pero wala siyang magagawa. At mas lalong wala akong magagawa doon. Alam ko kung ano ang dapat gawin pero parang hindi ko k
Last Updated : 2022-02-18Why Can't We? Chapter 38
Trigger Warning: Anxiety attack It’s past midnight but I am still wide awake. I can’t seem to sleep with all the thoughts and worries running in my head this time. I am anxious of everything. I am anxious of what will happen in the future, with my sister in rehab, with my other sister having her family and might neglect us, and how would I support our youngest to school. I am very burdened of everything. My anxiety attacks once again. It is no joke. It eats my brain at the moment that I think it would be better if I am numb right now. I am in the corner of my dark room, unable to breath properly. My thoughts suffocate me. I can see my mom, my aunt, Ate Kaitlyn, and Lalaine blaming me for everything. For their deaths, for their situation in the present.
Last Updated : 2022-02-19Why Can't We? Chapter 39
I spent my remaining summer days unable to talk to anyone. Mav still hasn’t contacted me and I am getting all my hopes die down. Maybe realization hit him hard and he finally saw whom he truly loves. Or maybe he just can’t get away from the power of his family and their wealth. Either way, I am not expecting anything anymore. I think my feelings got numbed by the pain. I got another job and it is night shift. I was prohibited by Khyzel to work, but I insisted. This is the only way I know to get my brain away from unhelpful and depressing thoughts. I would even like it if I’ll die working my ass out than die out of frustrations. Even though Khyzel was adamant on keeping me healthy, I think she understood m
Last Updated : 2022-02-21Why Can't We? Chapter 40
The rain continued to pour and I was under it, sitting on the wet ground and staring blankly at nothing in particular. It feels like my heart was torn into pieces and was scattered on the ground. I can’t pick it up and fix it. I want to cry it all out but not even a sob came out of my mouth. I stood up and went back inside the store. I changed my clothes and continued to work like nothing happened. Some costumers would smile at me but I can’t give it back to them. I even heard some that I posses no emotions at all. If only they could hear my heart mourn. My shift ended and I have to go to my last job for today. I don’t know what came to me, but I walked going there. I can’t feel my body. I can’t feel the
Last Updated : 2022-02-21
Latest chapter
Why Can't We? Chapter 50 - Epilogue
I kissed her. I’ve kissed her before but this time, it’s different. We are both healed. We both are new individuals, facing challenges together. We’ve been through so much, and I would love to go through more with her. I would love to be with her for the rest of my life. I put the letter down on the table and pulled her into me while our lips are still linked with each other. I pulled her waist closer and my hands draw small circles there. Her hands went from my face up to my nape. She’s clinging on to me, and it gave me a different kind of feeling. Saying butterflies in my stomach is too cliché as an adjective.
Why Can't We? Chapter 49
I woke up early in the morning feeling excited about this day. Sa gabi ang hinandang party ni Sid and close friends lang ang invited at mga relatives niya. Bilang pasasalamat na rin niya raw ito dahil malapit na rin siyang grumaduate. Kinaya niya at kakayanin niya. Maraming naniniwala sa kanya at isa na ako doon. He’ll be a great brother and a boyfriend. Boyfriend. I smiled at the thought. Starting later this evening, wala ka nang kawala Sid. Naglinis ako at nagbihis para sa pagkikita namin ni Mav. Sana lang nagpaalam siya ng maayos sa fiancé niya. Ayokong masabunutan mamaya. Kaka-treatment lang nit
Why Can't We? Chapter 48
We were silent for about half an hour after she said that. I was expecting that she’s sorry at some point but I still was surprised when she dropped the word. Ever since we became bestfriends, she’s not the type to say sorry first. You have to humble yourself first before she admits her faults. And she always justifies her wrongdoings. Kesyo dapat daw maintindihan ko siya dahil it’s her first time, she didn’t know, and any other reasons she might have. Kaya nang nauna siyang mag-sorry, I was caught off-guard. Maybe life did change her, for the better, I guess. “Apology not accepted?” she nervously asked me. Nakatulala lang ako sa kanya, finding every hint of insincerity in her face, but all I can see is h
Why Can't We? Chapter 47
We’ve been sitting opposite from each other in silence. She would look at me and if I caught her, she would look away again. She’s also fidgeting with her fingers, nervous about something I don’t know. She wants to talk to me but she’s not saying anything since we went inside their bakery. All I can hear right now are the busy sounds of people working in the kitchen baking all kinds of pastries. I took the glass the cold water in front of me and drank from it. I looked at my wristwatch and it’s getting late. I still have to cook for our dinner. I looked back at her and she seemed to not talk anytime soon, so I stood up. &nb
Why Can't We? Chapter 46
“Congratulations, Kae! I’m so proud of you,” Dr. Jecyl told me and embraced me in a tight hug. This is my last meet with her as a patient but definitely not the last time as a friend. I am so happy I achieved something after a year. A year had passed and a lot of things happened. I have been visiting her clinic once I have free time and therapeutic sessions with her were all awesone and beneficial on my part. I could say – also according to her diagnosis – that I am healed. I don’t have panic attacks anymore and I can control my emotions now. Not that I want to hold all of my emotions, I still have breakdowns, and it’s normal. What I mean is, I am not easily affected like before. I know now when should I
Why Can't We? Chapter 45
“Ate, you’re done na ba?” my sister asked outside my room. “Malapit na!” I answered back and went to continue preparing. We are going to Ate Kaitlyn today. We agreed to visit her today and eat lunch with her. Matagal na rin kasi noong bumisita kaming lahat doon. Yes, Ate Kheana will be with us. Ang laki na nga ng tiyan niya eh. She’s expected to labor three weeks from now, and I am excited to see my niece. Bunso is excited, too. She even had a schedule na doon na matutulog kila ate para lang makasama ang baby. I am happy na umaayos na ang lagay naming lahat. As for Ate Kaitlyn, she’s also recovering well.
Why Can't We? Chapter 44
I woke up later than the time expected. Kuya Ian gave us a day to take a break and have time for ourselves. But I still have to work on the convenience store and the fastfood later. I stood up and went to the bathroom and washed up. After taking a bath, I looked for a decent pair of clothes and settled for a white three-fourth sleeve polo shirt and mom jeans. Today is the only time I am free to consult a doctor. Yes, I am finally taking a step towards healing. Ate Kheana suggested a psychiatrist for my therapy. She told me that she had a seesion once with her and she’s really good. So, I have to try it for myself, too. It might be minimized now, but I still have anxiety attacks. And I am tired of it. Also
Why Can't We? Chapter 43
Months passed and everything prettily went back to normal. Or that’s what I assumed to be. Classes started at the beginning of June and I worked hard for bunso’s school needs as well as our daily needs and Ate Kaitlyn’s needs. Ate Kheana would sometimes visit or call us to check up on us. The worry I had last time about her abandoning us for her new family went to waste. She still cares for us. And I thank her for that. Bunso on the other hand, had a heart-to-heart talk with me before she enrolled. She admitted that she felt sorry for me because I have to stop schooling for her. I told her it was all good but I also made her promise to do better in school. For her future’s sake. She did promise me that she will do her best to help me by doing great in school, and I took note of that. &nbs
Why Can't We? Chapter 42
Trigger Warning: Mentions of sickness and death I ran to him and checked his body for any bruise or whatsoever. I checked his face, his arms, his legs, and he was just standing there, too stunned to speak. “Anong nangyari sa’yo? Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ko sa kanya at gulat pa rin siya. “Hoy! Tinatanong kita!” mas nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko. “Ah-ha?” nauutal niyang tanong. “Anong nangyari sa’yo?” tanong ko ulit. “W-wala naman,” sagot niya n
