There might be hope somewhere

Like Grandma Jocelyne, Judith knew what she wanted in life, but this dreadful August 15th had given a nasty surprise. The day before, kisses, words, and gestures of tenderness had been exchanged profusely. This breakup had happened as quickly as the others. She had counted them in a notebook. Thirteen. Just as unpleasant as a day in a heatwave without a single drop of saving water. Brutally victim each time, she flooded the couches of the shrinks with tears and made her bank account go through awful states.

But that day, she didn't want to consult. No, that wouldn't help. A shrink, even a high graduate one, won't bring my boyfriend back to me, she said to herself, staring with a bit of bitterness at the couples parading down the Casa Bella. A woman in a yellow dress held her husband's arm; happiness could be read on his lightly made-up face. While observing the couple with a less distracted eye, hidden behind the curtains of the kitchen, she could see a woman with a well-rounded belly, which announced the arrival of a happy event.

A feeling of anger penetrated her. She wanted to exorcise it, to scream, but nothing convincing came out of it. Then she moved away from the window opening onto the street. A scene of happiness could be read in the eyes of the crowd was advancing towards the park. Where were those people going like that? Where were they running? What for? The young woman went to the red wardrobe in the living room decorated with more than particular care. She began to sniff bottles.

Which one to choose? A large red bottle on which appeared: Use only in an emergency! The young woman hesitated. Dubitative, she turned her gaze to the left and came across another interesting one. Eau de Cologne, this precious help that will free you from any grief. Judith smiled. There was undoubtedly a faint fragrance of richness in the Cologne, and Judith liked it. She felt reassured and safe. It didn't feel like Judith was leaving her childhood. She did not dread the end of the month because Grandma Jocelyne was always well equipped with colorful banknotes. Powerful weapons that Judith loved to use to fulfill her wish list.

Without her having time to think about the positive direction her life could take, her trembling right hand moved innocently towards Grandma Jocelyne's box of sleeping pills. She pulled out a copious handful, studied them with precision, appreciated their regular shape. She took three, then swallowed the scented water with the bluish pills.

Judith observed herself in the mirror. She wanted to comment on what she saw. But she felt ready to faint. Her legs no longer belonged to her body. Her mind was wandering—a small death, as when the sun goes out to let in the coldness. A cloud of distress flew above her, then suddenly vertigo, the great one, the one that throws you to the ground and prevents you from getting up.

Judith, half-conscious, watched the nurses jostle in the services of the hospital center. A smell of distress waltzed through the waiting room. She could see women on the verge of nervous breakdowns pulling their hair out. Others, banging their heads against the walls as if they were trying to get in tune with an invisible rapper. A young girl, Kleenex in her hand, told her life story to an old lady who fed her ears with depressing confidences. A love affair, most certainly, thought Judith. Another guy who smelt of alcohol and cold tobacco suffered from terrible headaches.

Lost amid all these suffering beings, Judith wondered what handsome doctor would come and rescue her from this lethargic state in which she had suddenly plunged. She had often swallowed kilos of Haribo in front of American series with perfectly plastic doctors falling in love with the patients. When she heard her name, her thoughts were interrupted. Then her eyes met the badge of an intern, Lara Ferdini.

— Miss, can you hear me?

The patient was surprised to hear that the intern did not have the Italian accent she expected but a

rather posh Parisian accent with solid syllables.

— I am in a daze… I…, sobbed Judith.

— Don't force too much. You have suffered an emotional shock.

— That bastard left. I want to die. Let me die," she sighed.

A grandpa occupying the bed next door seemed touched by those few words. The incomprehension could be read on his face. How could such a young woman express such desires?

— My dear little one, youth is not an age for death, but for living. He wanted to join her, but the nurse who had just given him an injection on the left buttock so he could not move a finger.

— Sir André, Mind your own business! Stay lying down! Said the pretty, plump woman.

The grandpa obeyed . He went back to his bed and turned on the TV. A police series with gunshots took him hooked. The intern felt tears sting his eyes as if after a sleepless night.

Yet she had learned the rule by heart. Do not invest too much. Do not get too emotional no matter how desperate the patients are. Lara knew that Judith was now safe and would go home to continue living because she had to.

—I'll get your results, I'll be back !

—Wait! Don't leave me alone!

But the intern did not wait. She had gone.

And there you go, another abandonment, once again. Judith could no longer bear this unjustly imposed loneliness. She pulled out her IV, put on her clothes, and ran after her.

— What results are you talking about? I don't remember anything, she said, desperately.

— Your blood test answered the intern evasively. By the way, what are you doing there? Aren't you supposed to be in your room?

She hated the word. She felt like a kid whose parents were unhappy.

Then Judith thought about those few words said by the old man.

—I want to live! She cried.

—Finally, some sensible words. I'll get your results, wait for me there. I will be back.

All the staff was watching them. Some looked irritated, others surprised at the scene before their eyes. They wanted to know more about the one who had just landed the leading role.

— I am very well. Everything is fine. Judith addressed to the curious worshipers of melodramas, who stared at her like a fairground animal.