SUMMERRobby’s hardly touched his meatloaf, Lucette thought, crunching up her empty bag of pretzels and tucking it into the pocket of her jeans. Her mother was always at her for doing this, tissues in particular, as her forgotten trash ended up going through the wash and soiling the load. Lucette retrieved the bag with a sigh and placed it on the tray table and pivoted across the bed. It was important that she made an effort to be on her best behavior. If she didn’t, this solo visit with Robby would be her last.“Not a fan?” she asked.Robby shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno. I’m hungry, I guess, only nothing’s appealing.” He turned to the room’s single window in the wall, like a framed painting of the landscape, a skinless world of snow-white bones. Perhaps it gave him comfort knowing there was a wider existence beyond this place.Or maybe it’s mocking him. Gosh, I hope not.“Want to work on the crane?” Lucette asked in an attempt to puncture his sadness, to let in a little light.
THE LAST CHRISTMAS“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Ho Ho Ho, and all that kind of bizzo!” Mama Metcalf said, opening the door. She wore a knit red sweater with a green Christmas tree stenciled across the front, actual silver bells dangling from it, and a Santa hat was perched on her head. Seeing this, Emily bleated, glad that she hadn’t cancelled as she’d been tempted to.“Good, lord! The same to you. You look quite festive.”“Well, way I figure it I only get to wear this stuff once a year. Might as well enjoy it.”“You’ve got a point there.”The house was small, a ‘cracker box’ as Emily’s parents used to describe such homes, but it was warm—perhaps a little too warm even. Feeling as though she’d just stepped into an oven, Emily began to de-mummify herself from her layers of scarves and jackets, urging Lucette to do the same.“Welcome to the Winter Wonderland,” Mama Metcalf said as she took their gear and hung it by the front door.It looked like a Christmas suicide bomber had
THE UGLIESThe first time Robby experienced a night terror, back in the early days of his infection, he had no idea what was going on. Something bitter twinkled to life in his dream, twisting the otherwise innocuous imagery into a nightmare that didn’t end with waking. This was always the worst part. The leftovers. Whatever despicable things the fever conjured in the dream—the uglies, as he’d come to think of them—followed him into reality. There they would linger.The uglies were with him that Christmas night. They stood at the foot of his bed.He’d gone to sleep thinking about the summer Lucette had whispered to life earlier that week. The checkered cloth across the grass, the leaves on the tree, fireflies in the eyes of the dinosaur skull. But his fatigue had been deep. His limbs had grown heavy, as though he weren’t dressed in a gown but an iron suit, like the kind deep-sea divers wore in old movies. And then the heaviness dragged him into the dark where he was alone for a while
INTERLUDE FIVEFold both legs of the model upwards, crease with great pressure, and then unfold again. Inside reverse fold the legs along those creases you just made.Sally parked her station wagon under an elm, its branches as old as any of the buildings in the city, its roots stretching back through layers of soil to a time when the ground was less bitter. Those days were gone, yet the determined though foolish tree lingered on. It offered shade to a world doomed to burn anyway, and not all the chicken soup in the universe would change that.But regardless, she had to try.The contents of the Tupperware container tucked under her arm sloshed as Sally made her way up the street in the direction of Emily and Jordan’s house. A corridor of hedges zoomed by on her right, dead leaves crunching under her sneakers. The seasons had already started to mingle, a chill encroaching like an anti-fever.It was just after ten in the morning and she’d left Kevin in her husband’s care. Conrad was
MURPHY’S LAWEvery day has its destiny. The cracking icicle that’s almost ready to fall. A branch weighted by too much snow, soon to break. Clouds that try and try to hold in their water, only to fail, and in doing so fulfill their meaning in the world. An architecture of inevitability, that this was fated to be. The destiny of this day: Bloodshed. It would begin with a single drop.A pigeon sailed through the air, uncaring and unthinking. It knew nothing but its desperate need to eat, that desire its only real companion. That, and lice. Wind rustled its feathers as it soared out of the sky towards the hospice, which from above seemed two-dimensional against the snow. It neared the rear courtyard where the tall, two legged creatures sat to eat, this act of survival, despite the cold, uniting them in some strange way.Closer now. Closer.It was then that the wind changed, warping the bird’s descent. Its wings were sideswiped, its body turning fast. The pigeon didn’t feel fear, it ha
INTERLUDE SIXTo complete, inside reverse fold one side to fashion the head, and then fold down the wings. Only then, as you do this, will the origami crane take shape. You are finished.Emily was in the bed she no longer shared with her husband, yet which still smelled like him, when the noise came. Twisting metal, shrieking tires, engines that roared like rabid things hell-bent on biting and tearing until there was nothing left to bite and tear. Whoever they were, they had knocked down the gate. All that noise was lightning-fierce, seeming to shake the earth their house was built on, snapping her from sleep. It extinguished all other sound. She bolted upright, unable to hold in or hear her cry, and watched the window overlooking the driveway burn bright, the venetian blinds sending swirling bars of yellow light across the walls. Emily shielded her face, splayed fingers doing little to obscure that false-dawn glare.Doors slammed. The thump of heavy boots pounding the lawn.She lo
RED“What in the name Sam Hill was that?”It was the first time Emily had dropped the expression in years. When times turned south, so too did her vocabulary—even her accent sounded stronger. But the shock of her slip was nothing compared to the sound reverberating through the facility, ringing in her ears.You know what that was, said a voice in the back of her head. You know only too well.Woods was next to Emily at the door to her supervisor’s office, surrounded by the five Crowners. As expected, their visitors had arrived in their ‘casual’ attire, a thrift store patchwork of summer shirts that made them look like unassuming RV drivers, only instead of prowling highways they coursed the corridors of America’s hospice system. Like Emily and Woods, they had all flinched and ducked at the gunshot, exchanging wide-eyed glances.A second blast rung out. Someone started screaming for help. Mykel.“The break room,” Woods said. She clutched her blouse, a gesture that undermined the fe
THE CHOICES MOTHERS MAKELucette was finally sleeping.Emily sat by the girl’s bed, listening to her labored breathing. It was so deep it made the bedsprings squeak. All about them were bundles of soiled tissues, cotton buds, a half empty bottle of gin, red bath towels that had been drenched red. The prior afternoon and the night that followed had been its own kind of slaughter, not so different from that which she’d witnessed at work. Emotional destruction.These had been the most difficult hours of Emily’s existence.She patted her daughter’s sizzling forehead, trying not to look at the bandages wrapped around the lower part of her face. The wet fabric sloshed inwards and outwards with every one of her daughter’s desperate intakes of air. This detail broke Emily’s heart because it made it all seem too real. And it was real, despite the way the hours since leaving the hospice had blurred together, like those fitful times when dreaming and waking mingled. A blur of wishing versus t
THE CHOICES MOTHERS MAKELucette was finally sleeping.Emily sat by the girl’s bed, listening to her labored breathing. It was so deep it made the bedsprings squeak. All about them were bundles of soiled tissues, cotton buds, a half empty bottle of gin, red bath towels that had been drenched red. The prior afternoon and the night that followed had been its own kind of slaughter, not so different from that which she’d witnessed at work. Emotional destruction.These had been the most difficult hours of Emily’s existence.She patted her daughter’s sizzling forehead, trying not to look at the bandages wrapped around the lower part of her face. The wet fabric sloshed inwards and outwards with every one of her daughter’s desperate intakes of air. This detail broke Emily’s heart because it made it all seem too real. And it was real, despite the way the hours since leaving the hospice had blurred together, like those fitful times when dreaming and waking mingled. A blur of wishing versus t
RED“What in the name Sam Hill was that?”It was the first time Emily had dropped the expression in years. When times turned south, so too did her vocabulary—even her accent sounded stronger. But the shock of her slip was nothing compared to the sound reverberating through the facility, ringing in her ears.You know what that was, said a voice in the back of her head. You know only too well.Woods was next to Emily at the door to her supervisor’s office, surrounded by the five Crowners. As expected, their visitors had arrived in their ‘casual’ attire, a thrift store patchwork of summer shirts that made them look like unassuming RV drivers, only instead of prowling highways they coursed the corridors of America’s hospice system. Like Emily and Woods, they had all flinched and ducked at the gunshot, exchanging wide-eyed glances.A second blast rung out. Someone started screaming for help. Mykel.“The break room,” Woods said. She clutched her blouse, a gesture that undermined the fe
INTERLUDE SIXTo complete, inside reverse fold one side to fashion the head, and then fold down the wings. Only then, as you do this, will the origami crane take shape. You are finished.Emily was in the bed she no longer shared with her husband, yet which still smelled like him, when the noise came. Twisting metal, shrieking tires, engines that roared like rabid things hell-bent on biting and tearing until there was nothing left to bite and tear. Whoever they were, they had knocked down the gate. All that noise was lightning-fierce, seeming to shake the earth their house was built on, snapping her from sleep. It extinguished all other sound. She bolted upright, unable to hold in or hear her cry, and watched the window overlooking the driveway burn bright, the venetian blinds sending swirling bars of yellow light across the walls. Emily shielded her face, splayed fingers doing little to obscure that false-dawn glare.Doors slammed. The thump of heavy boots pounding the lawn.She lo
MURPHY’S LAWEvery day has its destiny. The cracking icicle that’s almost ready to fall. A branch weighted by too much snow, soon to break. Clouds that try and try to hold in their water, only to fail, and in doing so fulfill their meaning in the world. An architecture of inevitability, that this was fated to be. The destiny of this day: Bloodshed. It would begin with a single drop.A pigeon sailed through the air, uncaring and unthinking. It knew nothing but its desperate need to eat, that desire its only real companion. That, and lice. Wind rustled its feathers as it soared out of the sky towards the hospice, which from above seemed two-dimensional against the snow. It neared the rear courtyard where the tall, two legged creatures sat to eat, this act of survival, despite the cold, uniting them in some strange way.Closer now. Closer.It was then that the wind changed, warping the bird’s descent. Its wings were sideswiped, its body turning fast. The pigeon didn’t feel fear, it ha
INTERLUDE FIVEFold both legs of the model upwards, crease with great pressure, and then unfold again. Inside reverse fold the legs along those creases you just made.Sally parked her station wagon under an elm, its branches as old as any of the buildings in the city, its roots stretching back through layers of soil to a time when the ground was less bitter. Those days were gone, yet the determined though foolish tree lingered on. It offered shade to a world doomed to burn anyway, and not all the chicken soup in the universe would change that.But regardless, she had to try.The contents of the Tupperware container tucked under her arm sloshed as Sally made her way up the street in the direction of Emily and Jordan’s house. A corridor of hedges zoomed by on her right, dead leaves crunching under her sneakers. The seasons had already started to mingle, a chill encroaching like an anti-fever.It was just after ten in the morning and she’d left Kevin in her husband’s care. Conrad was
THE UGLIESThe first time Robby experienced a night terror, back in the early days of his infection, he had no idea what was going on. Something bitter twinkled to life in his dream, twisting the otherwise innocuous imagery into a nightmare that didn’t end with waking. This was always the worst part. The leftovers. Whatever despicable things the fever conjured in the dream—the uglies, as he’d come to think of them—followed him into reality. There they would linger.The uglies were with him that Christmas night. They stood at the foot of his bed.He’d gone to sleep thinking about the summer Lucette had whispered to life earlier that week. The checkered cloth across the grass, the leaves on the tree, fireflies in the eyes of the dinosaur skull. But his fatigue had been deep. His limbs had grown heavy, as though he weren’t dressed in a gown but an iron suit, like the kind deep-sea divers wore in old movies. And then the heaviness dragged him into the dark where he was alone for a while
THE LAST CHRISTMAS“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Ho Ho Ho, and all that kind of bizzo!” Mama Metcalf said, opening the door. She wore a knit red sweater with a green Christmas tree stenciled across the front, actual silver bells dangling from it, and a Santa hat was perched on her head. Seeing this, Emily bleated, glad that she hadn’t cancelled as she’d been tempted to.“Good, lord! The same to you. You look quite festive.”“Well, way I figure it I only get to wear this stuff once a year. Might as well enjoy it.”“You’ve got a point there.”The house was small, a ‘cracker box’ as Emily’s parents used to describe such homes, but it was warm—perhaps a little too warm even. Feeling as though she’d just stepped into an oven, Emily began to de-mummify herself from her layers of scarves and jackets, urging Lucette to do the same.“Welcome to the Winter Wonderland,” Mama Metcalf said as she took their gear and hung it by the front door.It looked like a Christmas suicide bomber had
SUMMERRobby’s hardly touched his meatloaf, Lucette thought, crunching up her empty bag of pretzels and tucking it into the pocket of her jeans. Her mother was always at her for doing this, tissues in particular, as her forgotten trash ended up going through the wash and soiling the load. Lucette retrieved the bag with a sigh and placed it on the tray table and pivoted across the bed. It was important that she made an effort to be on her best behavior. If she didn’t, this solo visit with Robby would be her last.“Not a fan?” she asked.Robby shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno. I’m hungry, I guess, only nothing’s appealing.” He turned to the room’s single window in the wall, like a framed painting of the landscape, a skinless world of snow-white bones. Perhaps it gave him comfort knowing there was a wider existence beyond this place.Or maybe it’s mocking him. Gosh, I hope not.“Want to work on the crane?” Lucette asked in an attempt to puncture his sadness, to let in a little light.
INTERLUDE FOURTurn the model over and repeat the prior instructions. When finished, fold the top wings into the center, doing the same action on the other side.Emily had always known that there were places in this big ol’ world where dark things grew. Nooks and crannies that safe people like her were privileged enough not to see. That privilege, of course, came from her self-proclaimed inclusion in the ‘oh, it’ll never happen to me’ crowd, a special club that was nowhere near as exclusive as its members assumed, or hoped it to be. But the dark always ended up growing no matter where you went, even in the well-lit places. Such was the nature of shadows.I thought we were safe.Safe. Emily scoffed at the word now. Anyone who thought they were safe was deluded or over-faithed. Neither of which she found a suitable excuse anymore.Because, yes. There were places where dark things grew, dark thoughts and acts and secrets and hatred. Only never once had Emily thought she’d live to see