Chapter 3: Regrets

Rodleigh's Point of View:

"Rodleigh, where is Cianna?"

"Son, is it true that my daughter is missing?" Cianna's parents asked one question after another as they entered my house.

"Rodleigh, you answered!" It was Cianna's mom. She trembled as she sobbed.

"What's happening here, son?"

"Rodleigh?" It was Mom and Dad who came home next. Like Cianna's parents, they immediately threw questions at me about Cianna.

It's been two days since Cianna left. I tried to find her for two days but nothing happened. There was no trace of her departure. I don't know where to look for her. I almost checked all the records at the airport about her but I got nothing. That's why they're here, I just told them that Cianna hasn't come home for two days.

"I-I'm sorry-" I fell immediately to the floor when Daddy punched me. I was caught in my aching jaw. I barely moved it because I felt it twist with the force of Dad's blow. Next I touched was my lip. There's a blood. My lip is bleeding.

"What did you do to her? Is it true that you're cheating on her? Is it true that you have an affair with your ex-fiancé?" That's Dad again. He was furious. He's even shouting because of so much anger.

"Randy!" Mom was supposed to pull him away but he just patted Mommy's hand. I lay down again because of two more consecutive blows he made.

"What a shame on you, Rodleigh! You're a great shame! You're worthless!" Maybe, he's right. But, who cares?

"If I could just reject you I would have done it! I'm ashamed of you!" He shouted in my face again. I could hardly laugh at what he said. I also wiped my bleeding lip again with my finger.

"It was her fault, though! If only Cianna hadn't been desperate-" I couldn't continue what I was going to say when Cianna's Dad rushed at me. What he did to me was worse than the blow my father did. He punched and punched me, until I was gray and completely weak. He was still not satisfied, he even stepped on me.

"My daughter isn't desperate, Rodleigh! My daughter really loves you, and I think so highly of you. I thought you were the right man for her. So, your parents and I agreed to get marry the two of you."

"Yeah! Whatever!" Even fainting I still tried to answer Cianna's Dad.

"Why don't you ask Thalia why Cianna came to your wedding instead of that woman?" I looked at Cianna's mom. She's still crying while saying those words to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's up to you to find out." she answered meaningfully.

"Come on, Cameron, let's go home. We'll still look for our daughter." Cianna's mom told to her husband while crying.

"Fix your life, son. You're no longer a child. You should already know what's right and wrong! I didn't raise you like this, Rodleigh." mom said while crying and shaking her head.

I want to laugh at them. I want to show that I don't care what they say. But something else comes out of my emotions. I felt pity for myself. It seems to agree with what they said that I don't really matter!

I was surprised when I felt a hot liquid on my cheek. I quickly touched it to confirm what it was.

I punched the wall repeatedly after I confirmed that it was tears, that I was crying.

"Damn you! Why are you crying, huh?"

"You're not weak, Rod! You're not weak!"

I shouted to myself while still punching the wall.

Mom and Dad already left, they're gone. I am all alone now.

"R-Rod, that's enough! You're already hurting!"

It was Cianna's worried and crying face. She was very worried about me.

"Damn you! Get out of my sight!" I shouted to her.

"N-no, I'll clean your wound." she insisted.

Why is this woman so stupid?

Doesn't she know how much I hate her?

Doesn't she know that at any time I can hurt her because of approaching me?

Why so stupid, Cianna?

"R-Rod, s-sorry-"

She's crying while asking my forgiveness. Why is she so stupid? I told her not to mess with my stuff yet she still messed up!

"H-husband? C-can I call you husband even for awhile?"

It was Cianna's happy looking face. She thought maybe I was asleep, so, her face was too close to mine as she stared at me.

Stupid! I do not love you! You have no right to call me husband! I don't consider you as my wife!

I wanted to shout at her not to stare at me because my face was only for Thalia but I didn't, it seemed like she was as good to look at, as I was smiling now that I was drunk.

When I blinked the pictures of Cianna suddenly disappeared. She no longer has the face of her crying because she is so worried about me.

Her crying also disappeared as she apologized for interfering with my belongings.

She no longer has that beautiful smile as she tries to call me 'husband' at bedtime due to drunkenness.

There is no Cianna who will suddenly meet me when I arrive.

Even though I did not consider her a wife for almost two years, she was still a good and caring wife to me.

Now, I am alone. Now that my lips and fist are bleeding.

No more Cianna.

No more Cianna to come to me to treat my bruises.

No longer Cianna who'll tell me, "That's enough Rod, you're already hurting." While crying.

Damn it!

"I-"

"miss"

"Yo-you. . ."

"I miss you, wife!"

I just cried as I bent down. It seems very impossible to bring back the old memories that I wasted.

I'm a fool!

I'm an idiot!

No more, she already left me.

[ A/N : While the person who values you is still there, show their value, don't ignore them. Because maybe one day, you'll just wake up without them and you'll never see them again. ]

"Babe, are you still there?" I blinked when Thalia suddenly spoke.

"You are no longer on your own! What's really going on with you?" she asked a little annoyed. She also dropped the glass of juice she had been drinking on the table.

"You're always like that! If you're not thinking deeply, you're not in yourself! Rod, what's happening to you?" she was angry so she could almost stand up.

We are here today at a famous restaurant for our dinner date. It's our monthsary today, I almost forgot.

"Calm down, Babe." I calmed her down. It was good and she calmed down.

"Would you mind if I asked you a question?" I asked her. She briefly wiped her lips with the tissue the waiter had given her earlier.

"What is it?" I breathed a sigh of relief because she was calm.

"It's about two years ago, why didn't you show up at our wedding?" Suddenly, her aura changed because of my question.

"Are we going to go back in time, Rod? How many times have I told you that Cianna scared me? She threatened my life!" she answered angrily.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I just asked."

"Let's not talk about the past, Babe, it's been a long time coming! It's what matters now. The two of us, having fun together." She smiled and forced her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, you're right." I just said while stroking her hair.

After our dinner date, I decided to drive Thalia to her condo right away.

"Good night, Babe. I love you." I said and kissed her on her forehead.

"Good night, Babe. I love you too." she answered sweetly. When she entered the house, I decided to go home.

As soon as I entered the house, my body collapsed immediately.

I don't know but I feel sad again.

It looks like something is missing.

I miss the past.

Every time I go home I see a smiling image of Cianna.

I blinked and shook.

"Come on, Rod! Accept it already! Accept it, that she's not coming back! Look, it's been a month!"

I chastised myself as if I couldn't make progress with Cianna's leaving.

I thought, I've already accepted that she left me.

I thought, everything's okay.

It's been a month.

It's been a month since she left.

I said to myself, I'll just focus my attention on Thalia.

But, why I felt differently?

When I'm with Thalia, I still can't help but think of her-Cianna.

Do I love her? Do I love Cianna too? No! It's impossible! Thalia is the only woman I love!

But, why do I feel this way?

Every time I go home, sadness immediately envelops my whole being at the door.

It's not possible! I shouldn't be training myself to be sad because of Cianna!

I hate her, right?

But why now, why do I felt like I miss her so much?

"Damn it!"

Because of so much thoughts, my head hurts too.

"Damn you, Rod!" I shouted before banging my own head against the wall.

"Sir!" I was stopped when Manang called me.

"Why, Manang?" I acted like I am not missing someone in front of her.

I don't want Manang to think that I was affected by Cianna's leaving. She knew how much I hated Cianna.

So it is very impossible for me to be affected by her sudden leaving.

As much as possible, I don't want to show anyone how much I miss the woman I trampled on and considered just trash back then.

"That came here earlier." She handed me a brown envelope.

"Okay. Thanks." When I got the envelope, I went to my room.

But before I could enter my room I couldn't help but catch a glimpse of Cianna's former room.

I walked straight to her room.

This is the first time I've been here. For almost two years, I never entered her room.

That's how much I hate her. Even when she got sick and she needed the care of a husband, I wasn't there.

She was lucky and had already entered my room, once something happened to us, because of my drunkenness. I thought she's Thalia, so that thing happened that shouldn't have happened. That was three months ago, I guess?

Her room was nice and almost all of her belongings had hearts. Her room curtains, her blanket, and other things.

She love hearts so much. With her great love for hearts, her own heart was just destroyed by an idiot like me.

I walked over to her bed. The smell of her was still there. Until I came across a red notebook with a heart design, it sat on the table next to the red lampshade and other notebooks and books.

Out of curiousity, I opened it.

"A diary?" I asked as I read the first page of it.

Date: February 16, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

Hi, this is the first time I will tell you what I found out today. What is it, Thalia Eurydice Valdez, yes, the fiancee of the man I love.

I saw her with a child earlier, and you know what? She was called 'Mommy' by the child.

Then, there is also a man. Maybe, he's the child's Dad, I guess? But I'm not still sure, okay?

- Cianna

"What?" First words that came out of my mouth after I read the contents of her Diary.

Date: February 20, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

OMG! Confirmed! Thalia already has a child! Shit! Did Rodleigh know that? He doesn't seem to know, I think. What do I do, Diary? Please, help me! I hope you help me not to marry Rod to Thalia, because what she's doing is cheating!

- Cianna

"What the hell?"

Date: February 25, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

God! Dad, he wants me to marry Rodleigh :( I also wanted to marry him, but I know that he loves someone else. I don't want to ruin his relationship. But, Thalia is just fooling him too. It's not that bad, if I agreed to what Dad wanted, right?

- Cianna

"Is that why she threatened Thalia not to marry me? Is that why she really doesn't want Thalia and me to marry because of Thalia's cheating on me? Damn it!"

Date: March 1, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

Thalia and Rodleigh's wedding is tomorrow. What will I do?

- Cianna

"This is the day Thalia refused. She said that she can't do it tomorrow, she can't come to our wedding day. What did you do, Cianna?"

Date: March 2, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

Is that right? Am I the one coming to the wedding that Thalia and Rodleigh should have? Wow! I'm scared! I can not breathe! This is the plan of Rod's parents and Papa! I don't want this to happen!

Diary, please help me! I don't want Rod to hate me, I love him! I can't imagine when he gets mad at me, please!

Why didn't Thalia just confess that she already has a child? Rod loves her, I know Rod will accept her.

But according to her, she still agreed with Papa and Rod's parents that instead of her being the bride, it wasn't, because I was the one! She agreed for me to marry Rod! What kind of woman is she? I think she loves, Rod? Why didn't she just admit her secret? Why is she hiding? I don't know, but it's too stressful!

- Cianna

"What the fvcking hell?"

"Didn't Cianna really threaten her life? Thalia lied to me? What the fvck!"

Date: April 25, 20 ××

Dear Diary,

Rod and I have been married for over a month. But it was like I'm living in hell. Thalia and Rod are still seeing each other, they have an affair! I don't know what I'm going to do! It's painful for me as his wife and as a woman who loves him so much. But I can't do anything about it because he really loves his ex-fiancé.

- Cianna

I was speechless with what I read and found out.

All those years, I've been living with lies about the woman I love the most.