Chapter 2

When you thought you already experienced the worst, but since you're a bad luck just like itself; it became wretched.

I remained frozen at my spot. My mind became blank. All I did was to stare at my father with confusion and shock because of what he blurted out as soon as I got home.

"Y-You are getting married?"

My voice became a whisper. It feels like the news slapped me. I staggered backwards while shaking my head. I could feel the coldness of my hands as I lifted my head and look at my father.

"Why?" that question suddenly came out in my mouth.

He eyed me with his expressionless eyes. For the past thirteen years, I never seen again the softness of his eyes whenever he'll look at me. It was dull and lifeless.

"You don't want me to be happy?" his eyebrows furrowed and shook his head. "Is this the way of you telling me that you're opposed to this?"

I bit my lower lip. "I'm just shock," I bow down my head and stare at my white shoes.

Of course, I won't contrary my father's decision in marrying another woman. He deserves to be happy.

"Ok then." He nodded then turn his attention to the woman beside her, "would you like to see our room?"

I lowered down my gaze when my father buried his head on the woman's neck. My fist balled when I heard the woman giggled.

"I'm going to sleep," I quietly said then turned my back at them

When I reached my room, I immediately closed the door. My knees wobbled and let myself fell on the cold floor. I gasped as I tapped my chest lightly when I felt it getting heavier.

I closed my eyes while murmuring, "I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. Everything will be okay."

But my tears fall, one by one.

Brick by brick, my walls came tumbling down. The sobs punched through, ripping through my muscles, bones, and guts. I pressed my forehead against the wall and began to let my heart yank in and out of my chest. It pulled back in like a yoyo. Over and over. In and out.

The world around me, becomes a blur of color that melts to gray. The weight in my chest and locks in my throat. The pain in the back of my mind that comes forward by the slightest reminder. A small token of sorrow and misery.

I slowly rose up from the cold floor. My fingers were shaking as if it knows what I'm about to do. I slowly get up and make my way to the study table. My eyes settled on the sharp thing inside the pen holder.

My hands reached for it and caressed it's edge. My face palm faced upward; a thin morbidly dotted line dashed across my wrist. I traced the green veins on my left wrist. In physiology, we study how human body works and investigate the levels of cells, tissues, organ system and the whole body, so I know what part is dangerous.

I pointed the edge of the sharp tool on the left wrist bone where the radial artery is. I shut my eyes tightly. I guess, studying medicine have a huge advantage at all.

Radial artery is a terminal branch of the brachial artery which is the major blood vessel in the upper arm and the main supplier of blood to the arm and hand. The radial artery is located between the wrist bone and the tendon on the thumb side of the wrist. The function of it is to supply blood to the elbow joint, lateral forearm muscles, radial nerve, carpal bones and joints, thumb, and lateral side of the index finger.

I took a deep breath before aiming the sharp blade on my wrist where the radial artery was located. The steel, now warmed from my hesitant and fearful touch pressed a single corner against my flesh, the natural flexibility of my flesh giving in slightly against the unwavering corner, but elasticity pushed back against the steel as well. The edge was so perfectly sharp that as the flesh pushed against it, the flesh spread apart allowing the warm metal to lick its first drops of blood. Vibrant trickles of crimson started to flow down my wrist, a rush of life that soon would touch the elbow.

It was almost pleasurable, almost enjoyable, but it wasn't.

Now the distress was growing, a pain of panic and fear more than physical discomfort. A gnawing sensation of unrest and worry arousing that primal instinct of self-preservation.

My eyes follow the trickle of blood, and that's when I gathered my thoughts. My feet moved backwards as the sharp tool on my hands fell. I quiver and stared at the blood flowing down on my wrist.

A thick harsh swallow, my throat felt so dry, so thick. A simple swallow turning into a war. Muscles tensing up in my shoulders, my teeth gritting and grinding as I tried to steady and control my tattered breath and shaking hands. Sweat droplets formed on my palms and numbness called attention to my hands.

That night, I slept with a stinging pain on my wrist. And all I could think was, how could I end this life?

"Depression is a mood or emotional state that is marked by feelings of low self-worth or guilt and a reduced ability to enjoy life."

I blinked and lowered down my gaze to my wrist which was covered by the sleeve of my jacket. Good thing that it's rainy day.

"Ma'am why do depressed people harm themselves?"

I stopped taking notes and look at Ave who asked our social science teacher.

"Good question," our psychology teacher said. "They think that self-harm is the way to escape their suffering."

I bit my lower lip as I continue taking notes. My eyes settled on our textbook. Risk Factors of Depression.

A subtle smile formed against my lips. Funny how our topic was related from my situation right now. I shook my head then closed the textbook. I winced when I felt the ache and pain on my wrist.

Ave turned to me. "Biochemistry next."

I just nodded while enduring the pain. I stood up then grabbed my bag. I frowned when my cellphone vibrated.

"Rebel was worried about you," I heard her say as I viewed his cousin's message.

Rebel: Aren't you going to answer my calls, Rue?

I groaned. "Did I do something wrong?"

Ave laughed which made my face distort.

"You know he's paranoid when it comes to you," she pouted her lips. "He's your father here in school."

I just rolled my eyes. "He thought I was going to kill myself for what happened yesterday." But almost.

Ave arched her brow. I simply avoided looking at her and left the room first. She's good at reading people through their eyes.

"You're hiding something," she looked at me with her suspicious eyes, but I just answered it with a shrug.

I can't let her know.

As we reached the Biochemistry room, we got surprised by the loud screaming coming from the students on the fourth floor. The scream was so loud that it reached us here in the third floor.

"Is there a piglet being slaughtered on the fourth floor?" one of our classmate laughed. "Scream like a pig being butchered."

"Gio is the pig!" the one next to him laughed.

I shook my head. Their favorite hobby is to meddle in other people's issues. People always mind others' business instead of focusing on their own. That's what society is.

"A new student has just arrived in the Architecture department!"

"He's handsome!"

"He was a top student at his old school!"

"He's from Harvard!"

I gasped and focused my attention on the thick book. I need to memorize the topics in Subcellular organelles and Cell membranes because this will be included in the exam.

Cells contains various organized structures, collectively called as cell organelles.

I stopped reading when someone touched me. I turned my head to Ave who pointed my jacket. I just raised an eyebrow at her and silently resumed reading.

"You don't usually wear jackets even if it's raining," I could sense the suspiciousness in her voice.

"It's cold," I mumbled while reading the function of endoplasmic reticulum.

It is a network of interconnecting membranes enclosing channels or cisternae, that—

My eyes widen when she snatched my textbook. She looked at me, skeptical. I know her, she won't stop asking until she figured out what's wrong in me.

Oh crap!

"Rue Mallory Ybanez Hermosa."

I bit my bottom lip as I tried to compose myself.

"I am perfectly fine," I look at her eyes. "There's nothing wrong in me."

She rolled her eyes then gave my textbook. I secretly let out a deep sigh. I should congratulate myself for being good at pretending and making people believe on me. This is a talent.

I pursed my lips. Perks of being a future psychologist.

"Open your textbook in chapter 2."

My classmates immediately stopped talking when our professor said that.

"Explain the different metabolic functions of the subcellular organelles."

I saw my classmates immediately scanned their textbooks. I was just sitting down with my chin on the palm of my hand while playing with the pen. I look at my friend's direction; she's scanning the textbook while grunting softly. I shook my head and turned my attention to our professor.

"Any one?" our professor arched her eyebrow while looking at us. "I already told you to review."

There's no other way but to volunteer in answering her question. I doubt that my classmates would raise their hands to answer.

"There are six subcellular organelles; nucleus, endoplasmic reticulum, Golgi body, lysosome, mitochondria, and cytosol." I muttered as I stood up.

"The function of nucleus is for DNA replication and transcription. Endoplasmic reticulum is for synthesis. Golgi body is for maturation of synthesized protein. Mitochondria is for electron transportation while cytosol is for transmission of metabolites."

I watched the reaction of our prof. She just nodded while I'm explaining. I bit my lower lip as she motioned me to sit. I pouted my lips as I landed my eyes on my textbook.

"Is Ms. Hermosa will always be the one who answers?" our professor sighed. "What are the different types of transport systems?"

I look at my seatmate. Ave raised her left hand. I smiled. There are times that we compete in this kind of situation.

"There are three types of transport systems," she confidently stood up. "The uniport system which carries single solute across the membrane; symport system is the transporter which carries two solutes in the same direction across the membrane and antiport system which carries two solutes or ion in opposite direction."

A proud smile appeared against my lips as she sat on her chair. She turned to me and winked. I chuckled. I thought she's too lazy reviewing our lessons in Biochemistry, but she actually answered the question on the spot.

"So, Ms. Hermosa and Ms. Rojas were the only students in my class?" our professor just shook her head. "I'll look forward for the others to be active in this class. Biochemistry is not a joke, I tell you."

The bell rang after she said those.

"Study the topics in subcellular organelles and cell membranes for the quiz tomorrow."

My classmates grunted when she left the room. I could feel their frustrations though. Psychology itself, as a subject, is not difficult. The subject obviously grasps your attention. Psychology always wins my interest as I find it pretty intriguing and useful. If you are interested in the subject and have a passion for the human mind and human behavior then the information is very interesting, but you must be prepared for a lot of reading. I sighed heavily as I tiredly bury my face on my books. A stupid amount of reading!