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What if We Drown 63
Ashlyn stepped around Derek, her attempts to mask her confusion reflected in the wavy smile she cast towards him before she stepped out of the water and jogged up the beach towards the bonfire. She could feel Derek at her back as he followed behind, his feet shifting in the sand the only sound he made.Ashlyn navigated around the crowd of people seated around the fire, muted words of praise and congratulations for what she'd done reaching her ears.She didn't like being the center of attention, almost as much as she didn't like being in the dark about what was going on. And something had to be going on, it was the only way to explain the smiles that Abel and Kass wore when they looked to her, and Derek at her back.Before she could take her seat beside Kass, Kass gave a subtle shake of her head. Ashlyn's brow quirked, and she went to object when the soft cadence of a young girl's voice reached out to her."Sit with me, Ashwyn," Sage called out around the thumb that she nursed. Ash
What if We Drown 64
As though sensing the turmoil Ashlyn found herself in, Lorraine's eyes widened, and she shook her head."No, No!" She shuffled closer to Ashlyn. "I meant that in a good way." She turned so that she faced Ashlyn, their eyes leveled."I'm sorry, I speak too bluntly sometimes. What I meant to say was that the stories Derek's told us about you do not do you justice. In person, you are more gentle and empathetic than he described. I saw you with the girls before, and I've never seen anyone be so warm and welcoming towards someone they didn't know. I don't think you fully understand just how enamored with you they are." Lorraine paused, both of their gazes peering through the flames to the lively children that lit up the night."And you're gorgeous! He never mentioned before how beautiful you were." Lorraine chuckled, her head snapping back towards Ashlyn.Ashlyn felt the light dusting of rose that rushed to fill her cheeks, her gaze drawn across the crowd, towards Derek at Lorraine's w
What if We Drown 65
"Why don't you want him to save you? Don't you love him?" Sage looked down at her feet, her words coming out in a broken mumble. The sorrow and confusion that Sage spoke with was a spear to Ashlyn's heart. She didn't even know where to begin on trying to explain the complicated mess that was her feelings.Ashlyn glanced towards Derek, her lower lip drawn between her teeth, as she gestured for him to help. Derek crouched beside Ashlyn and placed a finger under Sage's chin, drawing her face up to look at him."Sweetie, sometimes things aren't that easy. Sometimes the witch uses magic that the prince can't break. Sometimes a person needs to do it on their own, and that's okay too." He turned his head to smile at Ashlyn.Ashlyn listened as Derek chose his words carefully, so as not to shatter all of the magic that they believed in.The childlike innocence that Poppy and Sage believed in caused an aching in Ashlyn's chest. At that moment, she envied them for the simplicity which they s
What if We Drown 66
A voice came then from somewhere in the shrouded darkness, just out of view, announcing that the fireworks were about to begin. When the obligatory safety briefing had been completed and everyone had taken their seats, a little light began dancing across the sand; the flickering flame of a lighter.Seconds passed, then suddenly the light grew tenfold, and a great and wondrous boom fractured the night.One, two, three more booms echoed before the stars were blotted out, and an explosion of red, orange, and green filtered through the darkness, reaching across the skies.Ashlyn felt it as Sage jumped with each bang and each boom, and she felt it when Sage crawled into her lap and tucked her face against her chest. A tiny whimper sounded from the child in her arms. Ashlyn wrapped her arms around Sage, drawing her close, and rubbed her back in soothing motions.Peeking through the tightly wound curls of Ashlyn's hair, Sage watched the display of magical lights while Ashlyn continued to
What if We Drown 67
Misunderstandings were inevitable, a common occurrence, really.But when Derek turned to look at Ashlyn, there was no misunderstanding in what he had said. His eyes were wide with panic that he'd spoken too soon and were alight with a spark of hope that she now knew the truth. Even so, despite the contrast of emotions in his eyes, Ashlyn knew that he believed wholly in what he'd said.He loved her.Her heart floundered before it was taking off to soar at great heights. Breathless and dizzy from the sudden spike in her heart rate, Ashlyn watched his face, chasing each and every emotion as it passed. Her eyes took it all in, desperate for something, an emotion, to cling to. She was confident that her expression must have mirrored his, processing the what, the why, and the how.The set of Derek's eyes softened as he completed the turn, so he sat facing her completely, his knees touching her thigh.Ashlyn intertwined her fingers tightly against Sage's back, while mentally trying to c
What if We Drown 68
"Goodnight, Ashlyn," he said, her name spoken in a gentle whisper. He turned to walk back to the car. Afraid to see him go without having the chance to say something, she reached out and grabbed his arm, staying him.She took a deep breath, her gaze focusing on a cobweb over his shoulder.I like you, Derek, a lot. But I'm not there yet. I'm trying, but not yet, she signed slowly, needing him to know, to understand what he meant to her, even if she couldn't say it.He brushed the side of her face, cupping her cheek. "I know," he smiled softly, and she sighed.I just need a couple of days, okay? She asked, looking up at him.Derek nodded, fighting to maintain his expression, but she saw it as it faltered. He said he could wait, and she trusted him in that, but she also knew he still wished she would say it back. Those three words, I love you.He shook his head, a small gesture, and his confident smile returned."Hey, I don't want you worrying about this, okay?" His fingers brushe
What if We Drown 69
"Ash, hey. Listen to my voice, feel my hands in yours. You're going to be okay." Zion's voice was leveled and calm, even though he was only eleven.Her hands tightened around his, her nails biting into the back of his hands, but never once did he complain."Good. You're doing great. Now, I want you to tell me five things that you can see." Slowly, Zion let go of Ashlyn's hands and waited for her answer. His eyes never left hers.The way that he looked at her, with loving concern, caused an aching in her chest.Unable to bear looking at him, she closed her eyes, regretting the maturity she asked of him. It wasn't fair that while other kids his age were out playing war or baseball on the field, Zion was sitting beneath the tree, coaching his older sister through some grounding exercises he'd learned online. And all because someone had been bullying him for having her for a sister.Her mind circled, the guilt, and the shame she felt warring behind closed lids. The acceleration in he
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Hope was like a wildflower in her chest, blooming despite and thriving because.Emotionally spent, Ashlyn laid amongst the flowers, her eyes slowly closing as she found solace in the memories of Derek that danced behind her lids. The gentleness with which he touched her and held her, the way he scrunched his nose when in deep thought. The rumblings of his laughter when he threw caution to the wind and let the moment guide him, that cheeky dimple that teased the borders of his kindly smiles.She remembered that night in his kitchen cooking lasagne while he'd belted out Ricky Martin songs, not caring in the least that he was off-key, and dancing awkwardly in the markets with the brightest smile she'd ever seen. In those moments, he hadn't cared about making a good impression or concerned himself with what others might have thought. He was unapologetically one hundred percent himself. Always.That was one of the things she liked about him most.The butterflies in Ashlyn's stomach flu
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What if We Drown Epilogue
"Where are you taking me?" Derek's laughter carried on the sea breeze while he ran, hand in hand with Ashlyn, down the boulevard.The smile in Ashlyn's cheeks was enchanting, her heart swelling beyond its confines until it illuminated every facet of her expression. A childlike joy danced upon her lips, her giggles falling back to meet him as she turned to glance his way.'You'll see,' the glint in her eyes said. Squeezing his hand tighter, she continued to run, every fragment of fear and every splinter of doubt falling behind her, the remains of the walls she'd nursed for years crumbling like dust beneath her canvas shoes.Her steps continued to carry them through streets lit by twilight, the breath in her lungs escaping with a giggle when she stumbled on a crack in the pavement. Catching her waist, Derek pulled her back against his chest, his hands resting on her hips."Are you going to tell me why we're in such a rush?" His breath was hot, his lips teasing as they brushed the si
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For him to have been friends with you, I know I'd have loved him too. She squeezed Derek's hand, the two of them falling into a moment of silence, before Derek squeezed her hand in return."What happened to Liam, and what happened to your father, those things were out of our control. They weren't our fault."Ashlyn hesitated for a moment before nodding. That was something her and Lana had been working on during their last session. But hearing Derek mention it now, she felt a familiar pang in her chest, the battle of her heart versus her mind silently brewing.It wasn't our fault, she repeated, as much for her own sake as for his."I've been living in this world of what if, dwelling on all the ways that I could have saved him while neglecting to live in the world I'm in right now. Sitting there amidst the wilting posies and tears at Liam's grave, I was finally able to forgive myself, and Liam, for what happened."Derek turned to Ashlyn with a sad smile, the light in his eyes shini
What if We Drown 107
Derek's apartment hadn't changed since the last time she'd been there. Scattered books with bent spines and dog-eared pages claimed the living space, and the woolen blanket was still draped over the arm of the sofa where she'd left it.Her favorite thing, however, was the scent of crisp green apple that still clung to the air, wrapping itself around Ashlyn as she fell back against the couch, exhausted despite the 24 hours she'd just spent in a hospital bed.His home still feels like a home, she thought, her eyes wandering around the room. A fresh wave of relief washed over her, the state of his apartment a welcome reminder that he'd meant it when he'd said he wouldn't leave her.You never unpacked? Ashlyn asked, her head tilted towards the two duffel bags beside the front door.Placing two glasses of water on the coffee table, Derek scooched into the space at her side, his arm reaching across the back of the sofa so he could play with her hair."I never had the time. This is the
What if We Drown 106
How? Her heart questioned, her eyes wide with wonder."When I heard that voice and felt it whisper in my heart, the only thing I thought of was you." His chest rose and fell as he stole a glance in her direction. "But that's crazy, right? I mean, I've never heard your voice, and it's not like Siren's exist." He gave a nervous chuckle. A sound escaped Ashlyn's lip, somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, and she felt her eyes begin to prickle with tears.He had no idea what the words he'd just said meant, or how true it was. By some unknown magic, his name, her final plea, had carried to his ears and called to him. Her heart had called, and he had answered. Like a Siren. She giggled at the absurdity, and yet the possibility of it all, her cheeks burning when he turned to gaze at her with wonderment."Here I am telling you something crazy and impossible, and yet, you're the one blushing and crying." His laughter was hearty and amused as his thumbs brushed over her cheeks, catching ev
What if We Drown 105
A familiar beep broke through the silence, and Ashlyn winced at the sound that fell upon her ears. Her eyelids fluttered, cracking to allow the light of day into the darkness she left behind. Her blinks were quick at first while she adjusted to the sunlight streaming through the window, the sky a stark contrast to the night from whence she'd come.The window was closed, but as she watched the streak of ocean waver against the horizon, she could almost taste it lingering in the back of her throat.Flashes of white wisps and mermaids tails, her father's grim expression, and the grey-blue tempest that she'd wrestled flickered behind her eyes, and her heart picked up its pace. The fog over her memories lifted, and with sudden clarity, the aches in her body and the sandpaper feeling at the back of her throat made sense.What was I thinking? She raised her hand to her temple in an attempt to massage the memories and mortification away.Her gaze roamed over the assembly of monitors and m
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The sea. Angry and unrelenting. Dangerous.It rolled again, jostling her head. Ashlyn bit back a whimper and squinted as another body wrapped in an emergency blanket wavered on the deck before her. Upright and leaning against the side, the body shifted as she tracked their outstretched legs, slowly trying to piece together the scene before her. Her heart hammered in her chest, her gaze roaming over their chest, moving towards their face when something blocked her view.Exhaling, her eyes continued to roll around the space, tracking the activity upon the deck, in an attempt to gather her bearings.Shifting his weight, the man at her side leaned forward, the back of his head creating an umbrella of sorts from the unrelenting rain, while he held his finger between both their faces. Focusing all of her energy on that single digit, Ashlyn brought her attention back to him, tracking his finger as it moved from the left to the right.A small smile of relief lifted his lips, and a trickle
What if We Drown 103
All around her was a stillness and peace unheard of, as she drifted upon the grey-blue tempest, while laces of white tickled her nose and her lashes, teasing and tantalizing, singing to the breath within her lungs.Squinting through the prickly haze, Ashlyn rose and fell with the ocean's deep breath, her limbs moving in a hypnotic dance under its command. Her gaze roamed the deep expanse, her sense of direction ceasing to exist amidst the tendrils of fire that floated around her face.My sweet daughter, the ocean cooed, its arms reaching out to cradle and caress. Enveloped in its tight embrace, Ashlyn felt herself falling deeper into its touch and the promises it whispered over her mind. Home at last. The ocean's voice tickled at the edges of consciousness, and Ashlyn blinked.Wisps of white and silver danced upon the waters, the shape of memories forming and reforming with each flutter of her lashes. Children ran towards the tides, kicking and splashing at the waves that kissed th
What if We Drown 102
The wind thrashed against her front, driving the sliver of ice deeper into her heart. She sobbed, clawing at the pain in her chest, which made it harder to breathe. An invisible force pushed her forward, towards the end of the dock, and she cried out when her foot caught, dropping her to her hands and knees.Pain shot through her knees and her palms throbbed against the deck. Gritting her teeth, she pulled herself to her feet, wincing as her knees protested.Ashlyn bent to roll up the leg of her jeans when something like a horn sounded in the distance, startling her. Lifting her head, she glanced out to sea again and spotted several lights bobbing against the angry sky.Derek!Her heart gave a distressed cry, the icy pick within melting beneath the warmth of a hope rekindled.She watched the boat draw nearer, the lines between her brow growing deeper. Something wasn't right. The boat was veering dangerously close towards the lighthouse and the rocky graveyard that waited below. S
What if We Drown 101
Ashlyn was almost out the front door before Kass could catch her."What do you think you're doing? You can't go out there!" Kass cried over the wind that thrashed against the door.He's here, Kass. He's been upstairs this entire time, and you didn't tell me. Hurt flashed behind Ashlyn's eyes, her arm twisting beneath Kass' grip. She'd known, and she'd omitted to tell her anything.Regret pooled in Kass' gaze, but Ashlyn wasn't sure what she regretted more, telling her about Derek or keeping the secret from her in the first place.I have to go and see him, Ashlyn pleaded before she reached around to grip the door handle. Kass' grip tightened again as she pulled Ashlyn away from the door."He's not here. He's out there," Kass sighed in defeat, gesturing in the general direction of the ocean, her posture shifting to block the exit.Ashlyn's chest seized, her airways closing against the sharp inhale of air.'He's out there' rang in her ears, the rising panic they caused not strong
