Christian Is Back

For the rest of the night, Lenny doesn’t ask Dash any questions. They eat the rest of their meal in relative silence, only occasionally talking about things that don’t matter like how good the food tastes in comparison to the fancy food at the dinner and how they looked odd being all dressed up in a fast food restaurant.

After eating, he drives her home and they share an awkward goodbye before she gets out of the car and heads inside. Once she steps into her home, she releases a deep breath of both mental and physical exhaustion. She scans her tiny apartment currently devoid of her baby girl and even though she loves the peace, she doesn’t enjoy the feeling of being away from Hannah. It dawns on her that their whole lives would be different in a matter of a year. They would be able to afford a nicer apartment in a nicer neighborhood, she wouldn’t have to borrow money from Lynn anymore, and she wouldn’t have to deprive herself of so much just to put Hannah in a good school anymore. The realization leaves a smile on Lenny’s face as she strips out of the dress and collapses unto the bed.

It’s already way past Hannah’s bedtime but Hannah has always been somewhat nocturnal and on many occasions, she would still be awake until Lenny sang her a lullaby or played with her hair. Lenny decides to give Lynn a call just in case there is any chance that Hannah is still awake. Lynn picks on the second ring;

“Hi, sorry for calling so late. Just wanted to say goodnight if Hannah is still up?”, she’s lying down on her back, staring holes into the ceiling and playing with her hair;

“I just managed to put her to sleep a few minutes ago”,

“Oh. Okay”,

“How did your date go?”,

Lenny knows she can’t be honest just yet and if she wants to spring the news onto Lynn eventually that she and Dash are getting married, she’d have to sell the story that everything is going so well. She doesn’t enjoy lying to her sister but, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“It was great, Lynn…..he told me he loves me”, she adds the last part a bit hesitant hoping it’s not doing too much. She can hear Lynn’s faint excited gasp through the phone;

“Wow. it’s pretty serious, isn’t it?”, she asks rhetorically;

“Yeah, yeah it is”,

“I’m so excited for you Lenny! I’d love to meet him, we can do a double date. Toby and I are planning to go see the knicks play next week. It’ll be fun”,

“I’d mention it to him. I’m so damn sleepy, Lynn. I’d see you tomorrow”, she fakes a yawn to solidify her point;

“Goodnight baby”, Lynn chuckles as she imitates Lenny and Hannah’s goodbye ritual. That causes a genuine laugh out of Lenny and she says goodnight and ends the call.

Immediately she pulls the phone away from her ear and holds it in front of her face, a notification for a text message comes in. It’s from Christian.

I know this is out of the blue but, I’ll be in NY next weekend. We need to talk

Lenny’s heartbeat instantly shoots to the roof and it’s like a giant bowling ball just got dropped on her chest. Christian is coming? And he needs to talk? Talk about what? she wonders. Does he know about Hannah? Does he want to talk about what happened all those years ago? Her mind goes on an unending spiral. She’s not sure if she should reply or not. Every part of her recoils at the thought of having to see him in person after all this time. Despite her negative reaction, when she thinks back to her time with Christian, it’s hardly ever the bad parts that come to her mind. It’s almost always the sweet moment - the moments she was sure that he was her soulmate; the moments that she allowed herself to be completely vulnerable and feel all the emotions there were to feel. Like the night of his graduation……..

It was the summer of 2016 and earlier in the day, the set of 2015/2016 at Orchid University had just graduated. Every student spot in the city was filling up with the new graduates having their one last hoorah. Lenny wasn’t graduating yet as she was just a sophomore but, there she was at one of the biggest graduation parties which were being hosted at the most popular frat house off campus. She was there for only one reason - Christian Harlow.

Lenny was there with two of her friends and they all came looking as risque as they could; after all, it was a wild party and everyone was running lose tonight. She had a lot of eyes on her as she danced with her girls; the whole time looking out for Christian who seemed nowhere to be found. She headed to the bar to get a refill of her drink and she was engaging in small talk with the designated bartender when she felt herself being pulled up from the ground by a pair of strong arms. She squealed in delight as he spun her around and his lips found hers instantly. Once he pulled away she could look into his ecstatic eyes.

“Congratulations! You’re a real adult now!”, she said excitedly. He chuckled and finally let go of her but, held on to only her hand instead;

“C’mon”, he said faintly as he led the way and they made their way out of the party areas and onto the roof of the building. The moon and stars were generous tonight and cast a beautiful silhouette over the lively city.

Lenny was a little tipsier than he was and she was in uncontrollable giggles as they made their way to the edge of the roof. Her gaze was him watching the city; his perfectly voluminous dirty-blonde hair moving with the wind and his light brown eyes fixated on nothing in particular as his fingers subconsciously fidget with hers;

“I know I’m supposed to be celebrating but, all I’ve been thinking about is what happens next, y'know? And all that thinking is helping me put things in perspective. Set my priorities. I love this city, Lenny”, he turned to her when he said the last part. He could see that her cheeks were a bit flushed and the weather up here was not as warm as inside so her frail top was barely enough to protect her from the cold.

“You’re freezing your tits off. Literally”, he chuckled at his joke as he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. She was watching his every move and all she wanted to do was kiss him again but she knew he was trying to have a serious conversation and he once accused her of not taking anything seriously in the past. Lenny had met Christian only a year ago but the two only started seeing each other barely three months ago. During that time she had learned that Christian was a man that liked to be listened to. He liked her full attention when he was expressing himself and he talked about things so passionately; it wasn’t hard at all for her to listen. His passion was one of her favorite things about him.

“Thanks. So that means you’ve decided you’d be staying here right? In New York”, she asked yearningly because she knew after graduation a lot of couples break up because their careers take them far and wide but, she was hoping Christian’s admission to loving it here meant that he was going to stay.

“Yeah”, he said with a smile; “Yeah, I’m gonna stay here. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you yet but, I already got an offer at a publishing company here. It’s small but, starting small and hitting it big is the American dream isn’t it”, she smiled happily and nods as she holds herself in a hug because she was still quite cold;

“Babe this is amazing! I mean I know I have selfish reasons for wanting you to stay here but, I’m glad you came to that conclusion on your own without my influence”,

“Yeah? You think it was without your influence”, his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer as he stared lustfully into her eyes. She was about to say something potentially perverted and witty but he leaned in and kissed her before she could speak. Her hands found their way into his hair as she pulled him in closer. She was done talking and was ready to do this all night but, he pulled away abruptly;

“What’s wrong?”,

“Nothing. I just - I love you”, he said and continued; “And I want to make this work. I want this - us to be a real thing”,

“Me too”, she was nodding slightly as she spoke and tears swell in her eyes a little bit because this was everything she’s dreamed of and it was happening. She knew she was in love with him for a long time now and hearing him say it filled her with so much joy.

“I was so scared. I was scared you’d want to move to some other city and have this wholly different life and call what we have just a college romance. And be off to start your real life.”, she admitted;

“This is my real life, baby. You’re my real life”, he said and they shared another deep kiss while bathing in the beautiful lights of Manhattan and the overlay of the moon.

That was only two months before everything came crashing down.

A single tear rolls down the side of Lenny’s eyes as she picks up her phone and reads the message again.

I know this is out of the blue but, I’ll be in NY next weekend. We need to talk

She decides right here and now that she doesn’t care if he’s in the city and she’s not going to see him. How could she ever face him? After what she did.