Walking alongside Christopher and Joy, I could not help but keep thinking about the messages sent by Raphael. Yes, Raphael, the 200 level student I met this morning sent it leaving a bitter taste at the tip of my tongue, and my heart racing.
I tried not to imagine that he liked my voice the instant we met. That sounds crazy and ridiculous as well. Maybe I need to talk with him since I never replied to his messages. Oh God, I hope that what I am thinking will not happen.
"Earth to Michael", Chris whispered to my ear, bringing me out of my trance as I held my chest feeling frightened already.
 
It has been close to four months in this school and a lot of things have happened. Apart from the responsibility of being the Class Representative, I have been sinking in books. Understanding, Assimilating, and la cram la pour. Things have been a complicated part for me as I am attracted to Christopher. I can't help but feel angst about this, that feeling of uneasiness along with the butterflies in my tummy when I am around him. He is a jovial, caring, and loving type. Apart from his handsome features which kept crept into my imagination, I feel my stomach churn with different emotions around him. He acts perfectly well in all areas, in preparing a delicious meal, behaving like a big brother, or being sassy sometimes. I closed my eyes, trying to jolt down the last piece of writing into my diary. Unfortunately, my head is clouded with Christopher, as I could not help but feel he is hiding something from me.&n
I hardly concentrated throughout the rest of the lecture. My heart kept beating as if being hit with a hammer. My eyes kept twitching, making me feel a bitter feeling in my stomach. Something is wrong, I told myself.The lecture finally ended as I quickly wrote the assignment placing my book in my backpack. As I made a step, a voice caused me to stop, as I turned."The Pharmaceutical mentor calls for you", my assistant informed me as I made my hand to my forehead, tension written all over my face." Sure, I will head there now. Thanks," I replied as I jogged down to the lecturer's building ignoring the stares from some of the passersby.Hugging myself, I secretly cleaned my sweaty hands and dabbed a handkerchief on my face. I breathed in and out, before proceeding to knock on the door."Come in", the deep voice of Mr. Adekunle, the mentor for my course, prompted me to open the door.Taking some quick steps to his front as he is
It has been months since Chris and I talked. Two months into the second semester makes it over four months we talked. I feel like a burden over my body, making me weak sometimes. I miss his jovial side and I hate that I had fallen for him deeply. He no longer wants to talk to me, making me wonder whether this, all that happened was my fault.I did go home during the break of four weeks, making it kind of relaxing to finally be with my family. My brother, Mark, was over the moon when I explained how campus life was. The hassle, work, stress, and how some set of crazy lectures can kill you with assignments and research.I still thought of Chris during my break home but it was less than that of being in that hostel of ours. I see him everywhere.
I almost froze at the realization of close contact with my body. I felt my body almost turning into jelly, wanting to rest my body on his, as his hand laid on my stomach. I breathe in the nice cologne as I realize who he was, Christopher. I felt my heart beat fast as I stood in the same position."I am sorry", his soft voice, with a hint of remorse and pleading penetrating through my ear making my stomach churn with mixed feelings.I turned as his right hand held me back, making me closer to him, a few inches apart as my hands fell on his chest. His eyes locked with mine as I could feel my inner mind telling me to get over the trance I am in as fast as possible.With my stomping heart, I moved ba
Things have been going well these past few weeks. Christopher has been the epitome of gentle nature and sticks to some important rules. To reduce the risk of giving in to our sexual cravings, we both decided to keep our physical distance to a minimum, which he adhered to willingly.Chris frequently visits his workplace. According to him, he applied for a part-time job in a mall during the whole scenario between us months ago. For now, I am mostly home alone, eating, sleeping, doing more of my snacks practical as well as sulking in my books."I learned you guys will be accommodating some students from other departments during the next semester", Joy said, breaking me out of my thoughts.
My heartbeat as I gazed at Raphael, who looked rather calm. For some seconds, the only thought that came to my mind was that he wanted revenge."Truth", I finally talked, as everyone's attention was on both of us." You are sure a scaredy-cat", Raphael teased, as a smirk grew in the corner of his lips."Abeg, you do not need to change his thought", Abigael pinpointed." It is okay. I choose Dare", I voiced out, to avoid any cause of quarrel.The look on everyone's face showed surprise, making me ask myself if I was sure of what I chose."Are you s
I stared blankly at my book, as my mind kept wandering at Chris's words, even though it has been months since he used those words GETTING PLAYED. It is already a new semester, the first one into my second year at the University.It has always been a morning anthem for Chris to remind me to be careful around boys. As much as that sounds a little bit off, I still listened to his instructions, staying closer to the girls than the boys.My attraction for Christopher keeps deaccelerating every day, as I am beginning to see him in a new form, more like a guardian. I once asked him whether he still has feelings for me but his response is vague, filled with uncertainty. Most of the time, he changed the topic ignoring what I asked him.He still goes for his part-time job, which gave me the vibes that he might still not have gotten over me. Maybe I'm overthinking but when I am conscious of something, it is always true or close to it. I have no
I gripped harder on the books in my hand as I saw him. Our eyes met, making me turn abruptly making my way to where I was seated before, a designated part of the lecture room, at the rear.Why does he look so much like him? The person I saw bears a strict resemblance with Ethan. The only difference was that the person I saw has pink lips instead of full red lips Ethan has. He also is taller than Ethan, with that more mature look and perception.I glanced slightly over to see if I can see him, as he was standing with the boys not too far from where I was sitting. He must have seen me earlier when we made eye contact. For some reason, I saw him turn back to look at me as he kept whispering something to his friends. I instantly covered my book as I rested my head on the desk. This is a nightmare.Time passed as they started moving out of the lecture rooms. Abigael said goodbye, seeing I still want to stay behind. The lecture room later became scanty a
AUTHOR POINT OF VIEWI want to use this opportunity to thank all of my readers. It has been a long journey writing this book(my first book), all thanks to your reads and ever-supportive reviews.This book has shown different stages on how attraction for the same-sex might set in, as well as how society condemns it. Michael was a great male lead as he decided to control his feelings rather than give in to them.When I wanted to write this book, a question came to my mind. "Why are they gay people as well as lesbians?"I did my research realizing that feelings toward the same sex might start to set in due to involuntary sexual arousal(which is normal).So I thought of writing a book about how a character would be attracted to the same sex but control those feelings. I made Michael go through different stages, to self-discovery and assuring himself he is not gay, not until he involves himself in
EPILOGUEI've gone too far to give up nowJust put a bandage on those scarsThere's no need to be held by failureYou can beat all of the oddsAnd if you feel under pressureScared beyond measureLost a close treasureYou've got to rememberYou're not what they call youCan't limit yourself to whatPeople tell youYou're the final word
Every day seems like a passing phase. Every moment is like a good time. Ever since my last talk with Chris and Phil, I am yet to make a decision. It seems suffocating thinking of what to go for, especially with a bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach.One of my thoughts ended up being against what my body is craving for. I always find myself asking questions. If I eventually am with Phil, will I be happy? What if I remain single and this weird feeling keeps persisting? How will I even figure out the right thing to go for?I looked at the streets with the simmering of light as Phil draped his hand on my shoulder. Anytime I try to tell him to stop trying to be always with me, he becomes sad. In as much as I want him to be back with Senior Joy, he was able to get what I was trying to do.I don't know what is happening to me. I no longer feel those butterflies in my Tommy, anxiety, and nervousness never creep
It would have been a worse scenario for me if I continued to feel the pleasure, but it stopped. My body became numb, as I closed my eyes, the imaginations of Joseph's attempt to rape me crept into my mind.I felt a surge of power as I pushed Phil away."I can't do this. I can't. It is an immoral act", my voice started shaking as tears glimmered in my eyes.I could feel the surprised look on Phil as his gaze was on me. He groaned, then hissed before moving closer to me." Are you okay?", he asked with concern as I nodded."Are you sure you don't want to do this? We both like each other, don't we?", he tried to reassure but I could not help but feel a bitter taste on my tongue." I don't want to get carried away by temporary pleasure. I know you are probably angry but I can't seem to keep off my mind from how we will both feel after having sex. I can't do this. God condemns such act", I said, my mind r
It has been over three weeks with Phil. It has not been an easy one, especially with asking for forgiveness from those he had greatly hurt or done something bad to. So happy that the five people we went to forgave him, tho it took time.It was not easy. Some took days before they forgave Phil. That of Senior Joy and Kevin took a day but the others were like hard nuts to crack. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but letting go of the hurt. That is obvious from those set of people Phil offended.*****I could not help but beam with a smile as I covered the lid of the cooler container containing the melon soup. I packed it in a small bag, alongside some wraps of pounded yam.Getting outside the kitchen only to meet Chris glancing at me."Ahem, why the stare?", I asked, trying to act calmly without giving away my real mood." Why do I feel you are guilty of something?", Chris asked, munc
It was just as if I was reading the book of Revelation. Philip got entangled with bad friends, who brought him nothing but trouble. He joined the cultist against his will but under the influence of alcohol and drugs.He was forced to do his first assignment or the one closest to his heart will suffer the consequences. He yielded, afraid of facing to see his loved ones dead.Phil turned his head, his eyes red, full of regrets and pain. I felt my heart heavy, as I tried to remain strong at least for him. He needs to let it all out. I also need to know his final decision(s)."I wept that very day, my heart feeling like sinking. I betrayed the trust and love between Joy and me to save her and my foster parents. Trust me when I say that the cult leader meant it as I have seen proof of how he causes the death of other people without even thinking. Most importantly, no traces tend to link to any of his apprentices in this evil
I felt a surge of emotions as I listened to Philip's story. My body trembled at what he has gone through. No doubt the saying that 'THE RICH ALSO CRY' is not a fallacy.Waking up with people you feel were your parents, then they neglected you, becoming business tycoons. You had a strange feeling they are not your parents. Confirming it, it turns out to be true.Facing your so-called parents only to realize they held the truth away from you for over 20 years of your life. The truth was revealed as your true mother abandoned you in front of an orphanage, leaving you to face a cruel world all by yourself.I don't know who to blame right now, whether it was his real mother who left him for over 20 years without turning back to look for him or his foster parents who placed their work lifestyle over their adopted son."You know, that time, after knowing my real mother was back, I wished she could die. I bu
I don't know how I should feel right now. I saw his two hands form into fists as he bowed his head a little. With the little courage within me, I continued staring at his figure even when fear and nervousness enveloped my mind.Few seconds passed as my heart kept pacing. His lips twitched into a smile as he picked his spoon to continue eating his ice cream."Who told you I am a cultist?", he questioned a smile still on his lips, his eyes peeking at me making me feel stupid for asking such a question." I'm sorry I asked such a question. I…", I find words stuck in my throat.He folds his arms, moving his head closer to my ear as he whispers."I am a cultist. The leader of AZA CULT GROUP, one of the notorious cult gangs in this University"I felt as if a knife pierce through my skin as he moved back, his face now showing a sad feature. I tried to move my lips but they felt glued. He is joking right?", I can feel myself asking my i
Fear could probably be the least of my expressions after knowing the true identity of Phil last night. I lost my appetite even when Chris nudged me to eat. He was the one that later ended up eating it all. According to him, it seems he likes me and thought I might help Phil one way or the other.I am still finding it difficult to digest it. Such a young man who happens to be charming, caring, and respectful. Even when I listed the qualities I liked about him, Chris still told me they do not write it on their foreheads whether they are cultists or not.****Standing in front of the mirror, I could not help but compliment my look. Putting on a grey round neck and black trousers with a black sandal. Chris suggested I put on clothes with his favorite colors."Be calm, I will be at the restaurant. I work there now", Chris said." What? When have you started working there?", I asked"I was transferred yesterday. I could not tell you since yo