Upon waking up in the bed of her sister's husband, Christie gazed at the bruises and the hickeys on her body before eyeing the handsome man responsible for them, "Did you bring me here to violate me, bastard?" "Why would I do that?" questioned the man, grabbing my jaw. "Don't you remember that you texted me to meet you here?" "What? I could never do that to my sister! I must be drunk!" lamented Christie with wet eyes. "But, why did you take my virginity last night? "What else? I did it for revenge. Wouldn't it be interesting to bear the child of your ex-boyfriend, whom you cheated on?" whispered the shameless man into my ear, while simultaneously threatening me with severe consequences upon considering abortion. "No! You're my brother-in-law!"
view moreAs we walked into that house that night, my brain would still glisten with the words spewed by Seth. All that weight, all that heaviness - Noah and those lies, manipulation, twisted web which life has become. My chest felt like it was stuck in some heavy fog, where nothing could be distinguished clearly, nothing trusted as what was thought to be known. Even Seth, the man who had been there for me, seemed at a distance somehow. The puzzle he'd given me, it seemed, was not pieced back together either; no matter how very hard I tried, those pieces wouldn't mesh.Seth treated me gently when he brought me home, like fragile glass that might break if one breathed too hard on it. And in his eyes, I saw the worry, the sadness, the hope that maybe, just maybe, this was the night that might change things between us. I had seen him trying everything to make me feel special, make me smile, and a part of me wanted to give him what he so desperately needed: a sign that I was coming back to him. Tha
I thought Seth was taking a leave from work for spending the day with me, which rather seemed to be a sweet gesture, but deep inside, upset me. We had been so tensed against each other lately without either of us being able fully to articulate what was nagging; it would always hang there in mid-air like an invisible barrier. While I would have liked to dissuade him from leaving, at the same time, I could not reject him. Seth had tried hard to make things be normal by bending over backward and doing all in his power; the least I could do was try to meet him halfway.We went out to a great little restaurant. It had a warm, cozy atmosphere. The low illuminations were rich in earth tones. After all, there isn't a setting more perfect for anyone who ever wanted to feel at ease. Couples were scattered all over the room, some laughing, some whispering low over glasses of wine, and it was one of those scenes-the kind of atmosphere which usually lulled me into a state of peace, but tonight mad
That's exactly what I thought: when I came back home, I had a feeling that something was different in the space. It wasn't the space that changed; no, everything was in place as it was meant to be: Seth's coat was slumped over the back of the chair by the door, his tea from the morning was still sitting on the kitchen counter, and the soft hum of the refrigerator resonated through the quiet space. Yet something inside me had shifted, and it was unsettling. I kept playing back the conversation with Noah over and over in my head like a broken record that refused to turn off.I tried to shake it, focus on anything else. I glanced up at the photos on the mantle. Images of Seth and me together-smiling, happy, like a couple deep in love. But those pictures belonged to a life that just didn't fit anymore. I looked at one for a long time, willing myself to feel something, to remember the love that Seth swore we'd shared.But all that flashed through my mind was Noah. His words, the way he loo
I don't really recall much of anything anymore. Faces, voices, they all seem to blend together, flickering shadows at the corners of my mind. Every day was like a puzzle missing too many pieces, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never really fit it together.That day, I was wandering. I had gotten out of the house without having said anything to Seth, though I wasn't totally sure why. I knew he was trying to be kind to me. Patient and gentle, he was, trying always to help me remember who he said I used to be. But no matter how hard he tried, I couldn't find anything inside of me that felt real from the stories he told. There wasn't a spark of recognition-no emotion, no feeling of home-when I looked at him. And the worst part? He kept on saying we loved each other. Loved. The word sounded foreign, hollow, almost amusing.How could I ever have loved a person that I couldn't even recognize? He's lying, I thought. Or mistaken. Maybe this was some grand, tragic misunderstanding; mayb
I never know where it started, but somewhere in the pain and in the darkness, I lost myself.It was just pain at first: the pain of losing a baby that lacerated my chest and made it hard to breathe. It was like they took a part of me-a part that would never be returned. Every breath I took was a reminder of the child I would never hold, the life I would never nurture. It felt like the world had grayed, and no matter how hard Seth tried to comfort me, I couldn't find my way back to color.Days passed. Weeks, maybe. I'm not even sure anymore. It's all such a blur, one endless stretch of numbness. Mornings, I woke up and didn't know where I was. The walls that enclosed me felt unfamiliar-the bed beneath me, too cold. I didn't know how I'd gotten there or why I should care. I didn't even feel like the same person anymore. Whoever I had been-the woman who had carried a child, who had fought so hard to survive-was gone. In her place, someone hollow, someone I didn't know.I forgot simple thi
The excitement had been building inside me for weeks. My due date was fast approaching, and every flutter, every small kick in my belly reminded me of the little life I would soon hold in my arms. I could hardly believe it—the journey from fear and uncertainty to hope and joy. Seth and I had been so careful, so deliberate in our new life, making sure that every decision we made was to create the best future for our child. But today, in my rush of excitement, I made a mistake.I wanted to do something special—something just for me and the baby. Seth had been working from home that day, caught up in a call with a new client, and I had this sudden urge to get out of the house. I decided to visit the nearest market, to pick out some clothes for the baby. We had been meaning to go shopping together, but I couldn’t wait any longer. The idea of buying tiny onesies and blankets filled me with a kind of joy I hadn’t felt in so long. I wanted to savor this moment, just me and my soon-to-be-born
After all was said and done, Seth and I knew we needed to relocate. This wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision but rather a need that eventually comes to the surface with the passing of time. Noah's presence, his threats-this twisted obsession he had toward me-had cast this dark shadow over our lives and refused to blow away. We couldn't be like that anymore, constantly over our shoulders, waiting for him to show up and wreak our lives. So we packed all our things and left.Not one person knew where we were off to. Not even my parents. The fewer people who knew, the better. I was tired of running, tired of hiding, but it felt like the only way I was going to be able to regain some sense of control. Seth was so understanding of the decision, though I knew what it would mean: giving up his job, his friends. But he didn't complain; he wanted us safe, started over.Finally, we drove out of town, and a feeling of calm came over me for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. The weigh
I never knew that my life, which had just started to inch its way back into some semblance of normality, was once again going to be torn to pieces. Seth had done everything in his power to bring the smile back onto my face-to rebuild what had been broken. We had put so much hard work into our relationship, trying to balance our careers while devoting ourselves to each other. For the first time in months, I felt finally at peace. We were happy, really happy, and I'd started to dare hope that finally, finally the worst was behind us.But that was before Noah walked back into our lives.It was one of those rainy afternoons when Seth and I decided to release ourselves to home, allowing the tedium of a week's burden to work its way into a delightful afternoon. I recall the scent of coffee in the air and some soft music playing in the background. Seth lay on the couch, immersed in a book, while I worked in the kitchen, making us a light lunch. We were quite content in our little bubble, wit
It felt as if, for the first time in eternity, I was starting to feel like myself. Being back with Seth, in the apartment we shared, brought into my life a peace that I never imagined was possible after everything that happened to me. I could feel myself smiling more, even laughing at little things Seth would say or do to get me to be comfortable with him again. It was as if I had been pulled from the grave, taking in fresh air for the first time after existing in a suffocating nightmare.Day by day, each one marks the stride to healing, like gradually and relentlessly rising from darkness. We would go on long walks in the neighborhood, take meals together at the dining table as we used to, and spend evenings curled up on the couch, watching movies or just talking softly about our future. Seth was never pushy for me to talk of the horrors I faced in the hands of Noah unless I am ready, understanding and patient. He was everything I needed him to be-my anchor, my refuge.But even as lif
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