Via"Alexander has a journal? Since when?" I look at the pen and notice that it too has Alexander's name on it. "How fancy."I put the pen back on the nightstand and sit on the bed to look at the journal.Part of my mind is screaming at me to put it back and pretend I never saw it, to pretend I was never here. Then another part of my mind tells me to go through it so I can get the answers that I deserve.I stare down at the journal for a few seconds until I finally make up my mind. "Might as well. I've already looked through the others' belongings. It's only fair that I get answers any way I can."…The more I read through the journal, the more I can't help but feel uncomfortable. Every entry in the journal sounds even more terrible than the one before it. Just how am I supposed to make sense of all of this?At the time of his marriage to Amanda, Alexander was younger than I was. Additionally, beginning at a very young age, he was informed that he was going to marry her. Simply said,
ViaI try to repeat the words out loud to enhance my memory.The second I realize where I heard the words from, I feel my stomach turn into knots."Justin's fucking speech when he asked me out wasn't his at that stupid football game. It was Alexander's."Alexander let me believe it was Justin's, fully knowing it was his own. Yet he let me believe a complete fucking lie. He didn't even try to tell me the truth. He let me look completely dumb."If only he would've told me from the get-go, I wouldn't have been with Justin for so long. I wouldn't have felt like I owed it to Justin to be with him for so long. I also wouldn't have lost my virginity to him. I would've been clear of Justin way sooner if Alexander would've just confessed to me that Justin's confession was actually his own."I hear a door open and close downstairs, and I jump to my feet. "Shit, didn't expect him to be home so early."I hear keys jingle and rush to put Alexander's journal behind my back and under my sweater."Sh
ViaI felt myself getting a lot more into it than I originally planned.He pulls away and rests his head on my shoulder. "You don't know how much I missed you," he says, then leaves a few kisses along my neck."Yeah, you probably didn't really miss me much. Especially since you had Nichole by your side," I think to myself and feel a small part of my heart hurt.The fact that Nathaniel had pictures of it all hurt me even more though. Nathaniel had physical proof and never bothered telling me anything. He just kept pushing me away and kept constantly saying "everything's okay" on repeat."I missed you too," I say, then place my hand on his chest.I promised Kol that I was going to be okay and that I was going to be able to get through this. This is just one of the steps that I have to take in order to be semi-okay. I need to clear everything up with them.I softly begin pushing him back to the couch beside us, and he chuckles. "What are you doing, Firefly?" he says as he looks down at m
ViaAlexander Montgomery: Diary EntriesJune 21stAge: 18I think I'm broken. I still don't feel emotionally or physically attracted to my wife. Our sex is very plain. I'm starting to feel like I'm fucking a lifeless body. I seriously get more pleasure from fucking my hand than fucking her. Maybe it's due to always using protection, but then again, the idea of fucking her raw makes me uncomfortable. Especially since I've never fucked someone raw and don't want her to be the first. Is that how it's supposed to be? If it is, then why do people feel the need to get married? It makes no sense. Anyways, that's all for now. I have no idea when I'll write again. Amanda is very needy and demanding. Hopefully, she changes.July 3rdAge: 18It's been a year since I got married, and I can wholeheartedly say that this shit was a fucking pain in the ass. Yeah, I got money. Yeah, I got a good position in a good company, but fuck, do I feel empty. I don't know if it's guilt. I don't know if it's b
ViaAlexander Montgomery: Diary EntriesSeptember 30thAge: 20The fact that I signed the divorce papers when Amanda handed them to me should've made a clear statement. The fact that she had the audacity to say, "Do you still even care about me?" after I signed them stated that she didn't get the clear statement. The fact that after signing our divorce papers, she still had the audacity to say, "You better be a good step-dad and take good care of Justin," further proved that she didn't understand my clear statement. I didn't understand how she can talk so much shit about me yet ask me for money so often like I was a walking bank. I've felt like I've been a walking bank for two years and I feel like shit.October 11thAge: 20My dad took everything from me. Fuck. It just sounds so fucking stupid even after writing it down.I have no doubt that this was just my dad's doing on his own. I'm not his favorite in any way, shape, or form. I'm just the disappointment in the family that contin
ViaJournal EntryAlexander MontgomeryFebruary 14thAge: 22He's going to be a dad. He's going to be what I never got the chance of being.The world works in everyone's favor except mine.I'm not a jealous man. I hate the idea of being one. Fuck, I guess I may potentially be jealous.Journal EntryAlexander MontgomeryJune 8thAge: 23So, the rumors were in fact true.My old friend Nathaniel Everhart is a dad. The lucky son of a bitch had a son.Lancelot Everhart.Sounds like some royal bullshit from a fairytale.He and his family look so fucking happy in those pictures they post on their socials.I fucking hate social media. People just post about all the happy shit in their lives. Nobody can be that fucking happy. I can guarantee it.Journal EntryAlexander MontgomeryJune 8thAge: 23So I met this one girl today.She's apparently Andre's daughter. The daughter that he talks about twenty-four seven. Well, he's only talked about her to me a thousand times, but who's counting, right?
ViaAlexander Montgomery January 24th Age: 24Her hazel fucking eyes have bore into the cold exterior of my mind and heart like a sneak attack. Her voice is still soft and soothing like a melody and it comforts me in so many ways. Man can she light up any room she's in. It's funny how shit works. I once said that I hated cheerleaders because they were snarky and annoying when I was in high school. Yet she's different. She's kind and deserves to be protected. I wish her the best. I hope nobody ever hurts her.…Alexander Montgomery March 13thAge: 24I stand by the last sentence in my last journal entry last. The world works in funny ways.Sebastian works in Pristine Tech and Hazel eyes us as his teacher's assistant. Sebastian says that she's been a menace in his class since the first day. I honestly doubted it when he told me. That was till I saw it in person. Sebastian came over yesterday. I thought nothing of it. We watched a game and caught up. Then for some reason Via c
ViaI shouldn't have said yes to Nathaniel. I shouldn't have. Why the fuck did I say yes?The reason for my answer still remains unknown to me. Fuck, this shit is going to blow up in my face.…Alexander Montgomery August 16thAge: 25It's literally official. The man upstairs probably laughs at me at this point. The man upstairs literally loves to put my little one right infront of me in arms distance then reminds me why I can't have her. Why must he be so cruel? Can't he just fucking end my misery? I'm losing my mind here.…Alexander Montgomery September Age: 25I should have walked out of the room and out of the house. I should have pretended I never saw anything. I should have driven my ass back to work. *Correction:* I should have never come home in the first place.I shouldn't have touched her. I shouldn't have slipped my fingers in her tight and soaking wet pussy.I shouldn't have wanted her to come all over my fingers.I shouldn't have licked my fingers clean.I sho