2: Monsters

"He lives down in a ribcage in the dry leaves of a heart"- Thomas Harris, Silence of the Lambs.

Marienne's POV:

Blur.

Everything seemed like a blur. A pretense. A haphazard of a kaleidoscope.

Everything felt as if it was there, but in reality it wasn't.

Everything was false, but seemed true at the same time.

I ran my hand through my damp hair as I studied myself in the mirror.

A tired pair of turquoise eyes stared back at me through the mirror, my jet back hair was damp. Inwardly, I ran my fingers through my stubbles that I had forgotten to get rid of.

I had demons. Those demons provoked me in a silent whisper.

The demons of my past, my traumas and scars.

The demons of my present- my PPD.

I had voices, I had hallucinations. I could feel things that weren't there, but, I was happy.

Those demons were a part of me, they made me feel more in control.

They taunted me, for them being right every time and me being wrong every time. They urged me to control, to possess. They were my pets, they were my strengths. I fed on their satisfaction.

Taking deep breaths, I counted backwards.

The foggy shower disappeared behind my lids as I closed my eyes.

Monsters...

Thousands of them....

Inside me, breathing in me, feeding my conscience.

Or were they feeding on them?

But they were my inner guardian angel, my inner protector. These monsters made me the vigilant and feared man I was today.

They made me believe that it was better not to believe.

So, I paid heed to them.

Opening my eyes, I stared at the mirror gloomily.

Doctors asked me to get on my medication, but, it made me feel too controlled, too sane.

I liked my deranged mind, I liked my insanity. My insanity fueled my darkness, it made me feel powerful; neurotic. I liked the jumbled up mess that my mind was.

It didn't allow me to feel bad and blocked my unusually high empathy level, I hated feelings.

With them inside me, I wouldn't hesitate to kill.

My mind drifted off to her.

Her.

My nullifier.

My beautiful fiancée.

My Madeline.

She was like a witch, charming my monsters into defiance, making them obedient to only her and her alone. She was a whisperer of my demons, a charmer.

How she did it, I had no clue, but as soon as she was with me, it felt like I was free from those monsters.

The most important thing was, she loved me and my monsters.

All that was beautiful of me and all that was grotesque, Madeline loved every bit of me.

And nothing was going to change that.

She was mine and she will be mine for an eternity.

She's been with me through storm and silence, she's been with me through my mood swings and my love.

I loved her too.

So much so, that my monsters were ready to kill for her. I could do anything for her.

I smiled at my reflection, I didn't look so tired anymore.

It was, as if, her mere thoughts made me energized.

Grabbing a towel from the nearby shelf, I headed out whilst drying my hair.

I was grinning like a fool. My Madeline was coming today and I needed to look my best for her.

I was brushing my suit when a knock echoed throughout the huge room. My heartrate picked up immediately, an indication of nervousness.

"Come in," I rasped.

The door opened immediately, revealing my beautiful fiancée. She wore a wide grin as her cheeks turned into a light shade of pink. Her curly black mane was let loose, she wore a simple white dress. Her green eyes shone with mirth, joy and love.

It happened so fast. One moment she was standing near the door, at the other corner of the room, and the next moment I was being engulfed in a bone crushing bear hug.

For a woman so small, she sure had a lot of strength mustered up in her.

I closed my eyes as I let myself get lost in her sweet scent. I buried my face in her hair, taking in the familiar musk. She felt so nice, so soft in my arms. She was meant to be here, with me.

No where else..... She is mine.....

She isn't going anywhere.

What if she gets taken away from you?

My grip on tightened as I gritted my teeth. She was going to stay with me forever. I wasn't letting her go anywhere. She is bound to me and it's gonna stay like that.

"Marienne" her voice was a like hum of waterfalls. It soothed me.

My grip on her tightened a bit more as my monsters started to resurface.

Tell her she is yours! Tell her that she isn't going anywhere!

"Marienne." she whispered hoarsely.

Command....

NO!

I pulled back. I noticed her taking gasps of breath as her eyes focused on me.

For a moment, I thought I had noticed some coldness in there but it was probably my imagination. Her eyes filled with sadness, along with adoration.

"Did I hurt you, baby?" I questioned. I was a fucked up mess but still I didn't want to hurt her, ever. I'd rather harm myself.

She smiled in melancholy as she vigorously shook her head. "You will never hurt me, Marienne. How will I get hurt when I know that it's much worse for you?"

I smiled and grabbed her by the waist. She locked her hand on my neck as she looked into my eyes.

"Let's not go outside today," I suggested, "Let's spend the day here, with each other...."

She pouted adorably as she shook her head. "You promised."

I let out a hearty laugh as I let her go and grabbed her by the hand. "Let's go, so that we can come back soon."

She smiled and followed me as I lead us to our sports car.

The car ride was silent. I had promised her a dinner in an average Spanish local restaurant. I primarily didn't support the idea of visiting such a shabby restaurant whereas I could afford a much more luxurious meal. But she protested, claiming that the 'local' as she calls it, restaurants have more flavourful foods in a cheaper price.

What irked me more, that the restaurant doesn't have any CC cameras.

I do my research before visiting any place, in case, Madeline gets harmed. Any place that doesn't have CC cameras is unsafe and it might cause her trouble.

When I presented my case to her, she just rolled her eyes like I had suggested the silliest idea in the universe and she didn't pay second heed to me.

So, here I was, taking her to that cheap, unsafe place.

Huh.

Suddenly, I felt her small hand on my large one. I smiled and entwined my hand with her.

"Marienne, I have to tell you something..."

I knew what was coming.

"Can we please not talk about it?" I insisted softly.

"But..."

"Please love," I pleaded. I didn't want to get mad at her. I don't want to make her cry once again.

But my anger was like a chain reaction. Certain words and topics triggered it, just like a neuclear fission reaction.

My monsters would resurface if I talked about diminishing them. They would take over me and harm anyone who talks against them. They don't care if it's Maddy.

Maddy looked out of the window, from which I identified as anger and pain. But I didn't care. My condition was a part of me and she had to accept that.

It wasn't long before we reached the restaurant. I parked my car and made my way into the restaurant that resembled more like an asylum.

"A table for two," I informed the receptionist as I observed Maddy.

"May I ask the receiver's name, sir?" The receptionist questioned me timidly.

"Marienne Carlisle Victor."

The recipient checked something in her laptop and informed me with a bright smile, "Table 23, sir. Our waitress will be there to serve you."

I nodded in acknowledgement and made my way to the table along with Maddy. She didn't utter a single word all this time.

She was mad.

"Maddy..." I called. She turned her gaze to me. Guilt consumed me as I noticed her cold stare.

"Speak," I insisted, "I'm all ears."

"You know what I want to talk about," she narrowed her eyes as she stated harshly, "Did you visit the doctor this month?"

"No."

Control is power.

"Why?"

I didn't like it when someone questioned me. Not even Madeline, it made my monsters go berserk, it made me want to strangle the person. Maddy was now enquiring me, judging me for my actions and I didn't like it. Not even a little bit.

I clenched my fists as I answered, trying not to lose my calm in public, "The doctor spews bullshit, my love. He says that I have a major condition but look at me! I'm sitting here, just fine, without biting you."

"I see," she replied coldly which made my anger more intense.

SHOW HER WHO'S THE BOSS!

Control.....

I took deep breaths and tried to focus on our date.

If she was going to pester me like this, there was a high chance that I was going to lose it in public, which I surely didn't want.

I just had to control my rage, my monsters.

I skimmed through the almost torn menu as I gritted my teeth.

"Your order, sir?" A voice murmured.

My jaw clenched as I looked up with a glare, making the woman cower.

Why did she seem so familiar?