Chapter 5 - Promise? Promise

Nikolas's POV

From the moment I knew he came into this life, I was fully aware of the fact that I am no way near ready to see him.

I didn't want to. I just can't.

But now, as my eyes fell onto his little body all tucked up to hers, I just wished, if only for a fleeting second, she'd turn him around and I can get the chance to finally see his face.

The thought alone had anxiety gripping me by the throat. My heart was beating so fucking hard I was sure it was going to hammer right through my chest.

"What are you doing here?" Were the first words leaving Cara's mouth, her jaw tightened and the fear in her eyes got replaced by something so fierce as her hand protectively hovered over his frail small body, as if scared I may just snatch him away.

Does she not know that I'd never do that?

That if I wanted to, I would've done it a long time ago.

That I can't even master the courage to look at his face, or into his eyes. Because I know, I am sure, that hell would break loose after. It could either remind me of everything and make me hate myself even more or...or the monster in me would wake up after so long and he'd decide to take him away from her. I was more terrified of the latter.

I shook my head, "I had no idea you'd be here," I said, my eyes finally leaving his little body and drifting to her, "This is just a very unfortunate coincidence."

Her jaw ticked, "I learned that with you, there's nothing called a coincidence."

Before I could say a thing, Natalie was the one interrupting, "Uh- I am pretty sure it's a coincidence, because," Her words took Cara's attention away from me, "Because I am the one who picked the restaurant," She smiled, ever so sweetly, "And I really have no idea who you are."

My eyes fell on her, confusion tightened my brows at her lie, "Saved your ass." She mumbled lowly under her breath, only for me to hear.

Cara's eyebrows pulled closer, it was almost like she didn't notice Natalie's presence up till she talked. Her gaze fell on her face, assessing her words carefully before they dropped down to her waist, to my hand that I forgot was still there, plastering her side up against mine.

I came back to my senses, and for some reason, I pulled my hand away, releasing Natalie from my tight grip.

On the outside, it looked obvious enough that Natalie and I are on a date here. For some fucked up, twisted reason, I didn't want to give that impression. I didn't want her to think that after everything, I just went back to a somehow normal life. That after hurting her...in that way and in every other way, and after hurting all those around her, I just returned back, living life, going on dates...because that has no relation or whatsoever with how my life has been since that day.

Cara's eyes went to Katherine, "Let's go," She said, more than ready to get out of here and away from me.

Wait. I wanted to say. Just let me see him. My heart begged me to let those words out. But, I couldn't. I shouldn't.

With her arms still wrapped over him, I stole one last glance as she passed by us. She paused to a stop by Natalie's side, her eyes fell on her, they were genuine in a way, "Just a friendly advise," She said, her voice low but clear enough for me to hear, "Stay as far as you can from him."

Confusion at her choice of words emanated from Natalie in waves, her eyebrows pulled closer assessing them, while Cara's eyes went to me one last time, her hand hovered over the little boy's neck, in her gaze there was a warning as well, to stay as far as I can from her and...him.

She walked away after and Natalie turned her head, looking at them as they exited the restaurant and probably trying to make sense of the situation and all the tension that rose around us.

I knew that if I turned my head too, I could maybe get the chance to see his face. Instead, I pressed my eyes shut and curled my fingers into the inside of my palm, trying with every ounce of determination in me, not to do that.

A loud sigh came from Natalie's side, "That wasn't awkward at all," She mumbled sarcastically and I opened my eyes, dragging myself back to reality. She nodded forward toward the direction of our table, "Shall we?" She asked, "Or are you planning to run for the hills?"

I didn't utter a word as I headed forward, hoping that she's following behind. As much I wanted to get the hell out of here, it was better to busy my mind with what this is and stop myself from doing anything irrational.

Natalie pulled her chair out and sat down, "Second mistake, you should've pulled my chair for me, but that's okay." She commented, arching an eyebrow.

"For future preferences only, the first mistake was, bumping into your ex," She said, confusing me at her immediate observation, "Believe me, you don't wanna start a date like that!"

"How did you know that-" I started and then shook my head, "I mean, she is not my-" I had no idea how to define her.

My ex-wife.

My brother's wife.

My son's mother.

"It's so obvious," She said, as a matter of fact, "Only an ex could hate you that much," She added, ever so casually, "I'd know, if one of my exes would happen to show up, I might attack him with this knife."

"Why did you lie?" I asked, remembering it.

"It was so awkward, I had to do something." She said, "And it is was obvious this is just a coincidence."

My eyebrows pulled together, "What if it wasn't?"

She gave me a knowing look, "Your body language said more than you could, the moment you saw her, you were more than ready to run right through that door."

I gulped down and leaned backward in my seat. Was I that easy to read, or was it just her, who could sometimes read me so well?

"Her baby was so cute though," She commented with a dreamy sigh and my head snapped back to her face, "You saw him?"

My immediate question had her furrowing her eyebrows, "When she left, I just saw a glimpse," A smile curved her lips, "He looked so adorable," She sighed as she opened the menu and read through, "Babies are just the cutest, aren't they?"

Fuck, I couldn't breathe. I could feel the air leaving my lungs, I could feel it being pulled back in again, then why did it feel like I was suffocating?

The waiter came to take our order, Natalie said something but my brain was busy replaying what happened, again and again, trying to remember how small he looked, so small. I wondered, for the first time, I allowed myself to wonder, how did he look like, did he resemble Lilly when she was that young, does he look like Cara, does he...does he have a bit of me in him? What color his eyes are? His nose, his mouth, how do they look like?

If I held him, would his little hand wrap over my finger like Lilly used to do? Would he cry? If he knew who I am, how much would he hate me?

The last thought had me pressing my eyes shut, reminding me why I stayed away, why Alex asked me to stay away, why I can never be a part of that little boy's life.

A gentle touch over my hand had me snapping my eyes open, they fell on Natalie's. Her eyes were cerulean blue, and in them, there was a level of understanding I couldn't make sense of. It's almost like she knew I was in pain now.

"I took the liberty to order on your behalf," She said and a small affectionate smile curled up her lips, "But if you want, we can just leave," Her fingers wrapped over my hand, in assurance, "I think this little coincidence meant something more to you."

I shook my head, "I think it's better if I busy my mind," I clarified, "This seems as a good a distraction as any."

She nodded and involuntary, my eyes drifted to my hand, to hers over it. My action had her retreating her hand back, and she cleared her throat as if to shake away the little tension that stirred around us.

My hand fidgeted with the napkin on the side, pulling it from under the knife, when Natalie decided to speak again, "Do you still love her?"

Her words had me leaving the napkin right away, making the knife hit the side of the plate, the sound very annoying as my gaze drifted to her, a bit taken aback by her question.

She winced, like she just realized what came out of her mouth, "Sorry, don't answer that, sometimes I just forget to leave the psychologist in me at home, I am sorry, never min-"

I shook my head interrupting her, "I don't think about her in that way anymore."

My words doubled her confusion, her forehead creased, "That's not a no."

My eyebrow raised, "It's not a yes either."

She nodded, trying to understand. I sighed, I have a feeling Cara is going to become a repeating topic in our next sessions.

Her attention drifted away from me, deep in her thoughts as she traced the edges of the water cup ahead of her.

"I am gonna be brutally honest here," I started, trying to take us out of this specific conversation, needing the distraction, "This date kind of sucks so far."

Her eyes fell on me and she smiled, "You're right, let's continue this the right way," She added with a low sigh, "No more talking about exes."

"Works well with me," I commented, forcing on a smile.

"So, Mr. Viarchi," She leaned forward and crossed her arms over the table, her eyes playfully narrowed at me, "I am curious, what was your first impression of me?"

I nodded and leaned forward, deciding to play her game, "When I first saw you, I thought of one thing only, she is so young."

Her eyebrows pulled closer, "I thought you'd say something like beautiful, smart, or kind," She shook her head in fake-disappointment, "Young is no compliment, I tell you."

I nodded, "I know, just when Alex told me about you, I expected someone older, that's all."

"Alex is the guy who called, right?" She asked, curiously, "The one who booked your first appointment."

I nodded, "Yeah, exactly."

Her eyebrow raised in question, "And he is your...?"

"Brother." I said, and her mouth formed a big, "Ohh."

"I didn't know you that you had a brother," She commented, the revelation flashed something in the look in her eyes, as if she found some missing puzzle piece and she just added it to the board. The revelation kind of made her happy.

Why does she always seem so interested in knowing all about my life? She really can't just keep the psychologist at home, I guess.

"Believe me, for some time, I didn't know that I had a brother either," I couldn't help but sarcastically remark.

Her forehead creased and I shook my head, "That's a story for another time." I said, dismissing the topic before it even started.

She understood that and changed the subject herself, "Well, to support your previous comment about me being young, I will get you in on a little secret," She inched closer and pretended to whisper, as if anyone is hearing, "I can see pretty well without the glasses."

"Then, why do you wear them?" I noticed before that she only wore them in the office, she would leave them there when leaving.

"They make me look a bit older," She said with a silly smile, like she is mocking her own self, "People always judged me, saying what you just said, I am too young to be experienced enough, or to be eligible to solve their problem," She sighed, "Or I am too much of a girl to be able to think logically as a psychologist should. "

"That's so stupid," I said, feeling annoyed by whoever said that.

She shrugged, like she is used to it, "That's why I keep my hair all tied up, I don't put any makeup on while at the office, I tend to wear all pants and professional, I wear the glasses, just so I can fit into the standards that they put for me."

I shook my head, the bit of sadness in her tone bothered me, "Don't do that, I don't think you have to fit into anyone's standards, you're pretty good at what you do, and being that good at a young age, is something to be proud of, not trying to hide."

She smiled, so sweetly, "I didn't even tell you to compliment me, yet you did it on your own, you're pretty much passing this dating test."

I cleared my throat and rubbed at the side of my neck, "I just, uh, I just said what I was thinking."

She nodded, "That's what makes it more sweet," Her smile was contagious that I found myself smiling as well.

"Now, do you want me to tell you of my first impression of you?" She asked, raising a challenging eyebrow at me.

I nodded, ushering her forward, thinking it would be something bad, I don't usually make the best first impression.

"I said inside, he is sooooo hot, like so so hot, like he's too hot to be a human, like he can't be real, no way," She answered, ever so seriously, and was it her words or the way she said them that had me laughing, I didn't know.

A low chuckle rumbled from my chest and a big smile broke down Natalie's features. Her head tilted to the side and she gazed at me for a full second, "You should laugh more often," She said, out of the blue.

"Why?"

"It makes you look more hot." She answered, still not shying away from it and that was kind of...cute.

I almost winced at my thought. Look at me using words like cute and whatnot. I really should stop hanging with Alex. I don't like this person I am becoming.

Our food arrived after and we ate it, all while Natalie finding new conversations to open, over and over again. She loves to talk a lot, I noticed that. Something I hate so much. I also noticed how her eyes would twinkle whenever she talked about the things she loves. When she talked about her father, or her career, they would light up, the cerulean blue turning electric.

I noticed how whenever she got nervous, she would twirl the bracelet that's around her wrist. I understood those little things that reminded me of myself, because whenever I am nervous, my hand rubs at the side of my neck, uncontrollably.

She had an energy around her, a one that draws you in. She was full of life and excitement. Everything about her screamed innocence and pureness.

Something, just like Cara said, should stay as far as possible from me.

"I actually had fun," Natalie said as she got to her feet, "You're not as bad at this as you claim to be."

I got up as well, "To be honest, this turned out to be better than I expected."

She raised her eyebrow at my choice of words and shook her head with a sigh, "There is still a lot for me to teach you."

I decided to ignore that and was about to start walking while she kept standing, her eyes on the floor, they flickered up to me and she gave me a please help me look. I sighed and walked closer, my arm went around her waist, "Don't wear those again," I commented in annoyance, addressing her shoes.

She shot me a glare but said nothing as I dragged her away, letting her use me as her anchor. I probably moved faster than she did, because she almost slipped, a low gasp parted her lips, and her hand shot of my collar, her fingers curling over the material so hard, to keep herself balanced. Her gasp alone had me tightening my hold over her waist and pulling her even closer.

"Are you okay?" I said in worry, looking down at her. She was all plastered against me. Her face a breath away from mine, so close that when I looked into her eyes, something in my chest began to unravel, a closed-door there began to rattle. Behind it, my heart started beating, faster than it usually does. One beat faster, two, and then three...

Her scent invaded all of my senses, it was intoxicating, and at the moment it was messing with my brain cells, getting them drunk, because there is no way in hell I was thinking straight when my gaze flickered from her eyes down to her lips.

The thought alone had me shaking myself and I looked away. My grip loosening from over her, and allowing some space between us, the way it should be. I started to walk away, her right by my side and I heard her playfully mumble, "I think I am gonna wear these heels every time."

I fought so hard not to smile at her tone, and fought even harder to not look back at her face and get lost like that again.

*************

Natalie's POV

Do you know that feeling?

That excitement that feels so good yet so bad as it eats at your stomach. You know what I am talking about, right? That giddy emotion you get after a date with someone you like so much. Those butterflies dancing in your stomach as he drives you home. You're both happy and sad, happy that it happened, sad that it's about to end.

You got what feeling I am talking about, right?

Yeah, I shouldn't be having that feeling.

I shouldn't feel like a teenager who just had a date with her high-school crush.

This was just an experiment, a part of his treatment, a way to get him familiar with how to operate in a normal word. It wasn't by any chance meant for me to catch these terrible feelings.

Oh, this is bad. This is so bad.

My mind took me to how close he held me, so close that I felt the warmness of his body radiating into me, even with our clothes on, it only left me wondering how good would it feel to have his skin all over mine.

Jesus Natalie, you probably need to finally use that vibrator Sarah got you for your birthday, you need to release these hormones and stop crushing over your patient, that clearly has no interest in you.

His car came to a stop by my apartment's building. I turned to him and nodded to outside, "You should open my door," I said and he sighed, "Again?" He asked, faking annoyance.

I nodded, "Yup, and you should walk me to the entrance."

He went down and opened my door, he extended his hand for me, I rested my fingers in his palm, holding into him as I got out, "Thank you," I said.

"I guess you can walk by yourself now?" He said, his eyebrow raising, addressing my shoes.

I giggled and nodded, "Yeah, I can manage."

He walked me to the building's entrance. I paused there by the stairs, one stair above him, and still, I wasn't as tall as him.

I nervously fidgeted with my bracelet, "Thank you for the dinner, it was really nice."

He nodded, "Yeah, it was."

"I think you are ready to go on a date by yourself now, right?" I asked, although the thought of him going with some other girl had me regretting teaching him in the first place.

"Yeah, it wasn't that hard," He said and I edged forward a fraction, "Yeah, but one more thing is left."

His eyebrows pulled together, "What?" He asked, so clueless and I resisted the urge to smile. He is so innocent, I swear.

"Usually, when the date ends," I started to explain and placed my hand over his shoulder, "If you really liked it and you'd hope for another one, you could do this," I gathered whatever courage I had inside of me, my hand traveled from his shoulder and into his cheek before I closed the gap between us and my lips pressed against his.

I felt him tense as my lips brushed his, but the softness of them sent me reeling. I kissed him slowly, and softly. He was too shocked to react, but the moment I felt his lips move against mine, matching my rhythm, when I felt the sync in our movement, the softness and the sweetness, I felt myself pulling away, overwhelmed.

The feeling of his lips on mine was enough to lit

up every nerve in my being and awoken in me a need I didn't know I had.

I licked my lips and slowly pulled back. Nikolas's shocked eyes fell on me, I gave him a small smile, "Good night, Nikolas."

With that, without waiting to hear his words, I walked into the building and rushed up the stairs and inside my apartment. I slammed my back against the door and tried to breathe again. In and out. In and out, Natalie.

I sat down on the floor, desperately needing its coldness, and pressed my back against the apartment's door.

Massie meowed from beside me and rubbed her head against my leg before she inched closer and threw herself on the ground beside me, asking me to pet her.

I ran my hand through her soft fur and mumbled, "I am in big trouble, Massie," She purred and I sighed, "He tasted so good," I said with a fake cry and pressed the back of my head against the door, "I want him, so badly."

The fact the I will have to face him after this kiss on our next session came crashing on me and I slammed the back of my head against the door again. I groaned in annoyance and Massie meowed, standing up on four, and walked away from me, even she is not ready to feel my embarrassment.

Involuntary, my fingers reached for my lips and my eyes closed. If a short small kiss made me feel like this, can you imagine making out with him, can you imagine actually having sex with him...

I groaned in annoyance. I really need to get laid.

*************

Nikolas's POV

I stood frozen in my spot, trying to drink in the feedback of what just happened.

She...kissed me.

Fuck, why did she do that?

I ran my hand through my hair and headed back to my car. I sat down and took a full minute to gather my lost breath.

She should've not done that.

She left it unfinished, she left it right in the beginning, she should've not.

Why in god's name did she kiss me? And why do I feel the need to go after her and finish what she started?

I pressed the back of my head against the car seat and closed my eyes, behind my closed eyes, all I saw and felt were how soft her lips were, how one brush and the madness in my head was unleashed, how that door in my chest rattled harder, she almost broke it, but she can't, she is not supposed to. She can't let the muscle beating behind it free.

She can't. No one can.

Angrily, I started the car and drove off. The remnants of her perfume never leaving and hung all around me. The car still smelled like her. My lips could still feel her taste, so sweet and delicate.

That how she was, delicate.

I would easily break her.

Instead of heading home, I turned the car in reverse and headed toward another destination. When I arrived, I parked at a distance from the house. I went down and walked a bit closer, till the house was in my direct path of sight.

I pulled the phone to call him, but the sounds coming from the house's direction grabbed my attention and broke my train of thought. One voice in exact, had me smiling without even looking at the owner. I couldn't resist it as I walked even closer, so that I can see where that voice was coming from.

The lights in the backyard were on, and most of them were gathered there. I searched and my eyes fell on her, she was sitting over the grass, her little legs crossed, toys spread around her and she was playing with Ashton's son.

I couldn't wrap my mind around how much I've missed her, or how fast she is growing up. The last time I saw her was at the hospital, when Alex got shot. She stood up and ran toward Alex, she pulled at his pants, "Daddy, daddy!" She called for him loudly, trying to grab his attention.

That's when I looked and saw Alex, I saw him and in his arms was...He was holding him, and that little one was crying so loudly. Alex looked down at her, "What is it?" he asked as he rubbed his hand up and down his little back, trying to soothe him down, "Come on Max, stop crying, please," Alex said, begging him.

Max.

Maxwell.

They really had to go and name him after the man I spent half of my life hating.

"Daddy!" Lilly screamed again, not liking that he ignored her.

"What?" Alex said, trying to catch up between the two of them.

"I can't find my balls," She said, pouting.

I smiled and Alex stared at her dumbfounded, "You can't find your what?"

"My balls!"

I chuckled lowly and Alex shook his head with a sigh, "Believe me, at the moment I can't find mine either."

Cara came into view and said something that I understood as, "Give him to me," Alex handed him to her and she gently rocked him, "What is it, baby?" She kissed his head once and twice, "What did daddy do to you?"

"Hey!" Alex said offended, before he inched closer and ruffled his hair and played with him. From where they were standing, I still couldn't see him clearly. It was better. They both played with him and soothed him down till he stopped crying.

Cara leaned into Alex, gently rocking him in her arms, her eyes adoringly staring down at him, and that tightness over my chest went away. She loves him, no matter what, she still loved him.

She didn't do what my mother did, she loved him despite all.

I looked at them and understood the reason up to why I took the decision to stay away. They're happy. They're a family.

I started to back away, dismissing the idea of calling him now. I was gonna get him out here and talk with him, explain what happened at the restaurant, and ask about what Natalie did, but after seeing this, I didn't need to say or explain anything. I didn't want to come back barging and ruining any good moments like this.

"Daddy, I found my balls!" Lilly said and my heart dropped down in my chest when her voice came from somewhere so near. My head snapped to her voice's direction to see her trying to climb over the small fence, trying to reach for the balls scattered on the other side.

It was an instinct maybe, but I rushed forward without thinking, my hand grasped at her arm and stopped her, or else she would've just fell down on her head. Her head lifted up and her big beautiful eyes fell on me. It was night, it was dark, so at first she couldn't make out my features. A part of me also believed that she wouldn't remember me, it's been kind of long. Almost a year.

But when her eyes widened, my hand went to her mouth, I gently covered it and shook my head, whispering, "Shush," I smiled as I took into her features once again, I shook my head and whispered, "You can't tell anyone I am here, okay?" I asked and carefully retreated my hand back from over her mouth, "Can this be our little secret?"

Her lips spread into a wide grin and she excitedly nodded her head, "Okay," she said, matching my whispering tone.

"Lilly, where did you go to?" Alex said from inside.

I took the balls from over the ground at my side and handed them to her, she took them and still looked in a haze as she stared at me, her little brain working, confused and trying to understand.

"Now, go back inside, and never climb here again, okay?" I said as I started to back away.

She stayed in her place, her head tilted to the side, her eyebrows sadly pulled together, "Daddy?" She said, and my heart broke all over again.

I smiled, "Yes, princess."

"Come back, okay?" She asked, extending her hand, as if trying to reach to me. I nodded my head, "Okay," I said and took her little hand in mine, I inched closer and left a small kiss over her knuckles.

"Promise?"

I nodded, "Promise."