Chapter 4 - Playing with fire

"I play with the fire of my own truth, I will burn for the things I love."

************

Natalie's POV

I watched in pure confusion and dread as he turned around and walked away, more than ready to leave. The devastation flickering in his eyes as he muttered the last sentence crushed me, it reflected how every hope he ever had was splintered, fragmented, and torn away.

He did something. He has hurt someone. That's the only information I was able to grasp. Clearly, it's someone he cares about, someone close to him and his heart. A friend? A girlfriend? A family member?

I have no clue. I couldn't figure out the rest.

All I saw was guilt, tearing at his insides ever so slowly. I saw a mess of a man, those scares graved over his skin are alone proof of his struggle with life. The people who followed us tonight are another evidence of his dangerous, unbalanced lifestyle. He is in trouble, and he is in too deep.

But what shook my core is seeing in his eyes a man who held so much hatred for himself, that it blinded him from everything and everyone around him.

That alone had me rushing after him, "Nikolas," I called for him as my legs hurriedly took me outside the apartment, my gaze falling over his back by the stairs, ready to descend down and leave.

He paused and turned his head around, allowing me to step forward and catch up with him. I stopped when I was close enough. His eyes fell on mine and all my words evaporated into thin air.

I gulped down and asked, "Will I see you on Monday?" I asked, "For our session, I mean."

He shook his head, "I think it's better if I don't come," He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and added, "You said I am wasting your time, let's not waste more."

I guiltily shook my head, "I didn't mean that, I am just...I am just tired and exhausted," A low sigh parted my lips, "And what happened with those guys definitely didn't help." My fingers nervously played with the hem of my shirt, "I want us to continue with our sessions," I honestly admitted, "Because, just now, you actually opened up to me, you finally said what you really feel and I think that's an improvement," Maybe this is the first step toward him trusting me, "So, will you...will you come on Monday?"

He stared at me for a full second and I could only wonder what is he thinking right now, "I am not sure."

I shrugged, "I will wait for you either way."

His eyebrows pulled closer, a bit confused at my words. He is probably thinking why this girl is so clingy and not letting me leave.

I licked my lips and edged backward, "Anyway, thank you for not letting me get killed tonight," I said, a hint of playfulness in my tone, "But, let's not make a habit from it."

He silently nodded his head in return. I started to back away, "Good night," I mumbled before I turned around and got inside my apartment. I heard his footsteps fade away and I shut my door close. A long breath pushed out my lungs and I pressed my back against the door.

My eyes fell on Massie, my cat, standing by the living room's door and staring up at me, her tail began to wag and I sighed, "I am playing with fire, aren't I?"

"Meow," She said, totally agreeing.

I walked forward and dropped down by her side. She inched closer to my lap and started to rub her head against my legs, "But it's okay," I added, justifying my actions, as I ran my fingers through her furry head, "I will be careful."

One thing I seemed to forget at the moment is; when you play with fire, you're ought to get burned. And oh, I had no idea how bad my burn is going to be.

**************

MONDAY

My eyes flickered from the book in my hand to the clock hanging on the wall across from me. I sucked into a deep breath of air and turned my attention back to my book. Three hours later and I repeated the same exact action, noticing that the time has only increased three freaking minutes.

An annoyed sigh pushed out of my lips and I shut down my book, placing it over the desk with a thud. I hate waiting. I hate it so much. His session was supposed to start exactly one and a half hours ago, but he didn't show up and as the pathetic person I am, I am still waiting, secretly hoping that he would walk through that door any minute now.

Maybe I should just leave. Apparently, he is not coming. It was obvious that he didn't want this anyway, so why am I hoping otherwise.

Like I said, pathetic.

My day was already ruined by what happened this morning and he just completed life's mission of destroying my week from the very start.

But like I didn't let my emotions take the best of me today, I am not letting it control me now and give life the satisfaction of bringing me further down.

I got to my feet and gathered my things. I took off my glasses and placed them over the desk before I took off the hair-tie and let my hair down, the bun already giving me a major headache. It's definitely the bun, not some hot guy with beautiful green eyes. Definitely the bun...

I grabbed my purse and keys and headed outside. My fingers wrapped over the knob and the moment I opened the door, my eyes fell on the same green eyes I've been thinking about for the past two days.

The sudden unexpected sight of him behind my door had me gasping, and my body edged backward as a reflex.

"I was just about to knock," He said, looking beyond confused. His eyes flickered from me to the purse and keys in my hand before they went back to my face, "You're leaving," He said, a statement not a question.

I blinked, shaking myself back in, "Uh- I thought you weren't coming," My eyebrows pulled together, "More than an hour passed, so-"

"Something came up," He said ever so casually, "I tried calling, but no one picked up."

I nodded, "You called my assistant's phone probably, she leaves at five." My lips pressed into a thin line, "I should give you my private number, considering we always meet after my actual working hours." I couldn't hide the annoyance in my tone as I muttered the last sentence.

I turned around and walked back toward my desk. I heard him follow me, "You always complain about that, yet you're the one who keeps pushing me to come." He said, the audacity in his tone almost made me wanna slap him.

I placed my purse and keys over the desk before I turned around to face him, my eyes narrowed, "Yeah, sue me for trying to help." I said, boldly.

Confusion tightened his brows, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, my tone showing the exact opposite, "I just hate it when people are not punctual," I added, my voice a bit aggressive, "I mean if you didn't come that would've been better you know, better than showing at the end of our session," My eyebrow raised, "It would be nice if you consider that the people around you have a life too," I started to ramble, letting out all of my distress on him, "I mean we've got only like half an hour left, what are we supposed to accomplish during that, huh?"

I scoffed and sarcastically added, "Or do you think I would just give you more of my time because apparently, I have no life or whatsoever but wait around for you!"

"I...I told you that I tried to call," He answered, confusion at my outburst drew lines over his forehead. He looked so lost, like a little kid who just got scolded.

Frustration seeped from me in a sigh before I grabbed my things again, "You know what, I think it's better if you leave." I said as I started to make my way toward the door, "I really don't have the energy for this."

He didn't comment a thing as he too exited the office and to that I was thankful. I locked the door and ignored his presence beside me as I walked toward the elevator. I was about to press the button but he also reached for it at the same time, making my hand collide with his. Another annoyed breath pushed out of my nose and I could feel his eyes on me, flustered by my sudden annoyance toward him.

I wanted to tell him that it is not his fault. That it's me and my piled up emotions from the morning.

Instead, I gulped down and curled my fingers into the inside of my palm, trapping it all back inside. For a psychologist who pretends to solve others' issues, I am really not good when it comes to dealing with my own problems.

The elevator's door opened and I stepped inside, so did he. My head lowered and I pressed my eyes shut, trying to calm myself as the elevator took us to the parking lot. My heart ached as I allowed it to feel what it was trying to feel all day. The bitterness it brought to my chest had me opening my eyes.

My vision became all blurry and that's when I noticed how all the tears have gathered there and are waiting to be spilled.

The moment the elevator's door opened, I rushed out and headed for my car, hoping with everything in me that Nikolas didn't catch my little moment of weakness.

*************

Nikolas's POV

A lot of things have changed in my life over the past year. Causing a lot of things to change in me, as a person. I could notice myself changing; For better or for worse? Well, that's the million-dollar question.

Now, for example, it's one of those moments where my reaction to specific situations gets me flustered. I mean, she practically just snapped at me, and in return, instead of being angry, as I am supposed to. I felt something else, something entirely different, I tried to place the feeling somewhere and it felt a lot like...worry, maybe.

I am not stupid, she definitely wasn't this much riled up just because I came late. She didn't seem like herself and for some reason, that got me a little bit worried.

I noticed the lone tear streaking down her face before she rushed toward her car, running away from me. I expected her to leave right away, but her car is still in its place. And instead of getting into my car and leaving, like I am supposed to, I felt myself reaching for my phone and dialing his number.

God, it sucks to feel.

"Hello," He said.

"Hey, I wanna ask something," I started.

"Of course you want to ask something," He said, in annoyance, "Because you never just call to check on your little handsome brother, do you?"

I rolled my eyes, I don't think I will ever get used to his weird, over-dramatic self, "Anyway," I stressed out, my eyes on Natalie's car, that's still in its parking spot, "What are," I cleared my throat, "What are you supposed to do when a girl cries?"

"What?" He asked, ever so cluelessly, "Hold on, who is crying? Who did you make cry? For god's sake Nikolas, what the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" I said, why everyone is just screaming at me today, "I mean I think I didn't, anyway just answer the question."

"Well, first you ask the person why they're crying," He answered, "You ask if they wanna talk about it, then, they explain it to you, and you try to comfort them."

I thought of his words, "Define comfort them."

"Well, you tell them it's gonna be okay. If it's a problem, you try and offer a solution or you try and help," He clarified, "Hold on, just out of curiosity, you're not by any chance trying to comfort people crying in the street, are you?" He asked, sounding serious, "Because that would be creepy, even for you."

"No," I said as a matter of fact, "It's Natalie, you know, my therapist."

"Ohhhhhh," He said, "Natalie you say," He added, a bit of amusement in his words, "Actually, I forgot to mention that comforting includes hugging too, just for your info."

My eyebrows pulled closer, "I am not going to hug her!"

"Of course you wouldn't," He said in a bored tone, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I am not sure, why?"

"I wanna take you to a hospital and make a DNA test, because no way in hell you're my brother."

I rolled my eyes, "Bye Alex," I said, "Hey, don't you dare hang up on me you son of-" and I ended the call.

Before I could go over the thought of whether I should do this or not, I felt myself walking toward her car. The lights inside were on, but weirdly enough, she hasn't taken off yet. I headed toward the passenger seat, trying my luck if it's unlocked.

Much to her surprise, it was unlocked and I got in.

Her wide blue eyes drifted to me, shocked at my intrusion. It wasn't till I sat down by her side that I caught the many tears streaming down her cheek. The light shade of her eyes now took on a deeper tone as tears massively swirled in them, "What are you-" She tried to ask, but her voice came out all choked and strained.

She instantly turned her head and wiped at her cheeks, hiding her tears away.

"Are you okay?" I asked, "Actually, that's a very stupid question, of course you're not," I added, "What's wrong?"

My question had her facing me again, shock and confusion emanated from her being in waves. She stared back at me, dumbfounded, probably thinking of why I am interfering in her personal life.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

"I mean just if you want to talk about it," I carried on, following on what Alex said.

I noticed her gulping down, she sniffled and wiped the rest of her tears away. She stayed silent for the longest time, her eyes looked ahead of her before she pressed the back of her head against the headrest, "I visited my dad in the morning," She started and I gave her my full attention, a bit surprised that she actually talked.

She turned her head and looked at me, "He stays in a..." She paused for the longest time, "In a hospital." She shook her head, her gaze lost as if recalling back what happened, "He didn't recognize me this time, he didn't..." She pressed her eyes shut and internally winced, "He didn't remember me."

I understood but at the same time, I didn't.

Her gaze drifted to her lap, "He's all I have, and...he doesn't even remember me anymore." The weakness in her voice had a frown pulling up between my eyebrows, "I don't if I will ever come up with the courage to go see him again, I don't know what to do."

Her head hung a bit low, and I didn't know what to say at the moment or what to do. I acted on instinct this time as my hand went and rested over hers, grabbing her gaze back to me, "I am not gonna say it will be okay, because I don't know how something like this could ever be okay," I started, giving a bit of advice on the one thing I actually know, "But I think you should try to visit him more, not stop," I shook my head, "Even if he doesn't remember you, I think he'd still need you to be there."

"But...what would I say to him?"

"Anything," I shrugged and retreated my hand back from hers, "Maybe, remind him, with your memories and stuff." I had no idea what I was saying. This is so stressful.

A small sad smile pulled up at the corner of her lips, "I am the therapist here, yet you're the one trying to give me an advice."

"Trying being the keyword," I commented.

Her smile grew a bit wider at my words. Her chest heaved as she let out a long breath she was holding down. Her shoulders relaxed a bit, "I am sorry, for snapping at you earlier, I was angry at life and I just let it out on you, it was so unprofessional on my side." She said, guiltily.

She tucked the loosened strand of her hair behind her ear, "Tomorrow, we can make our session instead of today's," She added, "If you want, of course."

"Okay," I nodded, "I will try not to be late," I said, addressing today's issue.

"I highly doubt that, but okay," She said, her playful tone evident this time, proving that my work here is done.

Should I just get down?

"You look so nervous," She added, biting at her lower lip to hide her smile.

I sighed, "Yeah, because this is the type of a normal social situation that I am not good at."

Her head tilted to the side, "You're better than you give yourself credit for," She said, genuinely, "But don't worry, you'll get better at these...normal situations," She gave me a reassuring smile, "That's what I am here for."

My hand reached for the door's handle, I was about to get down, knowing that there is nothing more I can do to make her feel better, but something nagging at my mind stopped me. I turned to her, "Since you're the psychologist in here, I just want to ask something."

She nodded, ushering me to carry one, "Why did it bother me that you weren't okay?" I asked, confusion at my own actions pretty much evident in my tone, "I mean I could've just driven away, why did I feel like I have to see if you're okay first?"

My words made her smile, "I don't need a degree in psychology to answer you that," She said, "It's called compassion."

I huffed out and mockingly remarked, "It's not a disease, is it?"

She laughed, a low and short one, but it was somehow nice to hear it, "No," She said, shaking her head, "It means you're human, and you feel for others."

So, it is a disease after all.

**************

TUESDAY

Natalie's POV

Today was better than yesterday, in a way.

I decided to make it better, and it kind of worked. I decided to visit my dad again, and even though he barely talked a word or two with me, I didn't shut up, I talked about the summer vacation we had spent in Capri years ago. I talked about mom, hoping it could jog his memory, or get me a reaction.

Even though it didn't, I am not going to give up yet. I will keep going there, I will keep telling him about the life we had spent together before everything was ruined. I will keep doing that, till the doctor tells me I can take him home.

I shouldn't lose hope, for his sake, I shouldn't.

After that, I didn't have many appointments today, which allowed me and Sarah to have a long-awaited lunch outside at our favorite Chinese restaurant, something we haven't done in ages. I am always busy with work, and she is busy with the kids.

And to make this day even better, Mr. hot pants really did arrive five minutes before our session. Five minutes earlier, people. Five. Minutes. I don't know about you, but I see this as a big huge improvement. Maybe it wasn't so bad to let my anger on him yesterday.

And to top all that, our session went ever so smoothly. He was responsive to my questions and he didn't complain once.

I know, life is weird.

"So, that's it for today?" Mr. hot pants asked as he raked his hand through his hair.

I nodded and he was about to get up to his feet when I interrupted, "Oh, actually there is one more thing," I said, standing up, "This idea came to my mind today, you know after you mentioned yesterday the whole normal social situiation topic," I leaned my back against the desk and eyed him before I fired my question, "Have you ever been on a date?"

Lines etched between his eyebrows in pure confusion, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Answer it." I stressed out.

He shook his head, ever so cluelessly.

"Cool," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest, "You want to learn how to be normal, so that'll be tomorrow's lesson," I announced cheerfully, I really should've not had that wine with lunch "We're going on a date."

His eyes widened a bit, "Wait, what?"

I uncrossed my arms and rounded my way behind the desk, "Pick me up at eight, you already know my address." I rampaged through my files, not daring to make eye contact yet, "FYI, you'll be picking the restaurant, consider it as your...homework," I looked up at his beautiful terrified and very confused eyes, "And wear something nice," My gaze flickered up and down his body and I shrugged, "It's not like you don't always do that, you always look nice."

My eyes widened at my bluntness and his eyebrow raised, "I mean, you know that you look, that...you know-" I sighed and shook my head, "Okay, what's the point of lying anyway, you're hot, it's not like you don't already know it!"

Yeah, that finally earned me a smile.

I give credit to the wine.

"Wear a suit, that would be good." I added, feeding into my fantasies of him.

"Also, when you see me tomorrow, you better compliment my dress," I added, waving my hand, "Tell me that I look beautiful and all, you are allowed to get creative in that part."

I smiled, "Oh wow, I just gave you a cheat sheet for tomorrow's homework, you better not fail."

The pure look of fear in his eyes proved me again that I really should've not drank that wine.

**************

WEDNESDAY

Nikolas's POV

I unbuttoned the first few buttons of my dress shirt, feeling already suffocated.

I don't even know why I agreed to this.

Before the logical part of my mind would back away from this whole charade. I curled my fingers into a fist and knocked over the door.

"I am coming," I heard her faded voice before the footsteps got closer and the door got opened. The first thing my senses became aware of was the fragrence of her perfume. The amber accord mixed with many others had an exquisite smell. The scent was very familiar, the same as-

Stop. I stopped my thoughts right there, preventing them for going further down that road.

"I will just slip into my heels, and get my coat and I am all ready to go," Natalie's voice shook me back in and my other senses got activated as well when my gaze finally fell on her.

She really wasn't joking about the dress.

Always seeing her with work's formal, business attire, I just didn't expect this. The long red dress was both classy and courages. A color that reflected confidence. She pulled her coat from the stand and rubbed a hand over that animal thing before she stepped outside, locking her door and finally facing me.

Her blue eyes fell on mine and I couln't help but stare back at them, they had a beautiful sparkle. I rubbed a hand at the back of my neck when I noticed myself gazing at them longer than I should.

"So," Her eyebrow raised, "The dress? Me? What did I tell you, come on."

"Uh-" I stuttered, taken aback by my own reaction more than by her attire, "You look -" I paused, running out of words. I sucked into a deep breath and said the truth, "You look really beautiful."

She flipped her hair proudly, "I know, I didn't pay a month worth of income for a dress that isn't gonna make me beautiful," She smiled sweetly before her eyes flickered over me, "Anyway, thanks, you look nice as well."

I wanted to tell her it isn't that dress that made her beautiful but decided to shut up. I mean the girl is beautiful, that was a given fact. But, this is all strictly for a whole other purpose.

"Shall we?" She asked, nodding her head forward.

I sucked into a deep breath and nodded, "We shall."

"I hope you picked up a good restaurant." She said as we got into the car, "Because I am starving."

"Yeah, it's good," I think it is.

"Ahh, and I am back into this beautiful car," She said with a satisfied sigh as she looked around. I couldn't help my smile, she really likes my car. She's really different from what I expected, or from what she offers as a first impression.

"I just hope we don't get chasen down this time," She added with an arched eyebrow and I nodded, totally agreeing, "Yeah, this is a nice suit, I would hate to get blood on it."

She chuckled, so oblivious to the fact that I was being serious.

Twenty minutes later, and we arrived to our destination. The ride there wasn't awkward as I expected it to be, it was mostly Natalie asking me every little detail there is about my car.

"When you go down now, you must open my door," She said as the car came to a stop. I gave her a knowing look, "That part I know."

I went down and handed the keys to the valley before I rounded my way and opened her door, I offered my hand and she took it, placing her little one over mine to help her get out.

Her eyebrows raised, "Yeah, I always knew you were a gentleman."

My lips curled as I thought it through, "No, I am as far as possible from a gentleman."

"Why do you always see the worst in yourself?" She asked, curiously, as we made our way toward the restaurant's entrance.

"You're saying that because you don't know me."

"Well then, let me know, tell me something so bad about you, so maybe then, I can believe you."

I looked at her, "Let's keep it till after the date, don't want you running for the hills from the very start."

Her eyes narrowed at me, "You're only piqueing my interest like this."

I just shrugged in return before I gave the hostess my name and she lead us toward our table.

"Oh," Natalie mumbled lowly and she slowed in her steps.

"What?"

"The floor is slippery." She whispered to me.

"And?"

"And with my heels, I think I would just slip and fall, and this is a fancy restaurant, that would be so embarrasing."

"Then try not to slip," I said and the hostess turned to us, impatiently waiting to lead us on.

"Oh wow, that was very helpful," She sarcastically remarked. She rolled her eyes, "This is the part where you offer to help me."

"Oh, okay," I said, finally realizing what she meant.

My arm went around her waist and I pulled her closer, till the side of her body pressed up against mine, "Just hold into me."

She looked at me, her face so close this time, dangerously close, a teasing smile came to her lips, "Oh Mr. Viarchi, I never thought you'd say that sentence."

I sighed at her tone as I lead her way forward and anchoring her, "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

"You have no idea," She said and I could literaly hear the smile in her tone.

For some reason, I smiled as well.

"I told him that, but you know Alex, he never listens-" The familiarity of the voice shook me out of this and had me looking up so fast, my gaze immediately falling on the voice's owner.

The shock alone had me halting in my steps, my fingers involuntiry tighetening over Natalie's waist.

Katherine was beside her, pushing the stroller. While she, she was holding a baby in her arms, a small little baby, his head laying over her shoulder as her hand gently stroked down his back.

Everything slowed down and fastened in one moment. I think Natalie said something, maybe asked why I stopped, or maybe telling me that I am hurting her from how tight my hold is, but I couldn't hear her.

My heart sped and a weird type of sickness clawed through my veins and pounded in my ears as I stared at his frail small body.

Cara's gaze went from Katherine to ahead of her and that's when it landed on me. She halted to a sudden stop, her eyes widening, shock emanated from them in waves and the fear was evident, so evident in the way her arms protectively tightened over him, as if shielding him away from me.

Him.

Her son.

Him.

My son.