Four.

Kol slams the door behind him, his eyes closing as he leaned his head into his hands for a few moments. He just gave in to the hurt, and that resulted in him losing control over his emotions, and the rage set in—before he knew what he was even doing, he balls his hand into a fist and swings his arm, hearing the sound of drywall breaking beneath his fist.

“Fuck!” Flies from his mouth and into the air as he watches the small pieces of drywall fall to the floor. He stared at the hole in the wall, his jaw clenched and anger pumping through his veins.

The overwhelming stinging that started in his knuckles seemed to climb up his arm. Blood trickles down his scarred knuckles as he trudges through his house.

He stopped at his bedroom door, reaching for a picture on the wall— Lara painted it. His fingers wrapped around the top and pulled it off the nail only to let go of it with force and he watched it fall to the floor, glass shattering from the frame— he moved past it, and into his dresser finding a joint and a lighter.

He put the joint between his lips, watching the flame of the lighter hit the end of the packed rolling paper between his lips— his eyes closed as his chest filled with the smoke. His body relaxes—just slightly, the blood drying and beginning to scab over his knuckles.

He didn’t heal like he was supposed to, like how all the rest of his kind does.

He self-medicates with the moonstone wolfbane— too much so. His body doesn’t heal instantly like the rest, but he still heals far quicker than a human does.

Kol was keeping a very big secret, and he didn’t know if Lara would stay if he told her. Lately, Lara's mood was like the waves, calm until it splashed up against something.

He didn’t want to lose all hope of having her back in his life again, no matter what even if it was as friends that rarely see each other— he just had to have her in his life.

Kol stared at the ceiling as he blew smoke out from his lips. his eyelids were heavy, and his thinking slowed down—his thoughts, fast or slow, were always of her.

Maybe it was his wolf inside him that craved her touch too— her everything.

As much as he wanted to stay in bed, and replay what had happened in his head over and over...he had to get up.

He finished the joint, putting it out in the ashtray next to his bed on his nightstand— he stared for too long and he frowned seeing his nightstand littered with empty bottles of alcohol, smoked joints, and a condom wrapper—reminding him of a few nights ago when he had brought someone home to try and help him feel anything but what he felt.

Empty.

He felt empty.

It didn’t work, it just made him feel more hollow.

He closed his eyes, beating himself up for what he was doing.

Drowning in his feelings.

Drowning out his feelings more.

He stands up from the unmade bed and swipes everything off the nightstand, watching it crash as glass settles on the dark wood floor.

What little was left of the alcohol seeps between the pieces of glass.

He opened the closet door, pulling down a t-shirt and his leather jacket. The cold feeling of the leather on his arms reminds him of the cold, empty feeling in this house.

The cold seemed to follow him since she left.

And he couldn’t escape it.

Even in his sleep, the cold seemed to sneak into his dreams and wrap around him, taking a hold of him as he dreamt of her.

As he walks through the living room, his combat boots clicking against the floor, he grabs a bottle of liquor sitting on the counter. He untwists the metal cap, letting it fall to the floor. The alcohol slides down his throat, the burning sensation making his brain clear for a second. He wipes his hand across the back of his mouth, before grabbing his keys.

If Lara Jane were here she would yell at him for driving, even after one sip of alcohol. She would’ve gone into protective mode and wouldn’t let him out of her sight.

But things are different now.

Almost in sync with starting his car, he puts a cigarette between his lips and flicks the lighter at the end. The flame escaping the righter instantly reminds him of Lara.

A little ball of fire she was, and ever since she met him, she lit him on fire too. regardless of the way his past seemed to drown him and put out any light he had left, she relit it.

She was the exact definition of light.

The gravel crunches under the tires of his car as he pulls into the empty-looking abandoned building. The face of the old red brick building was decaying, crumbles of brick lay at the base of the building. All of the windows shattered, probably by some kids in the town looking for something to do.

He looks over his shoulder waiting to see the familiar black car, only for him to turn around to the back of the building and spot it there.

He was already here waiting for him.

Kol’s jaw tightens and his mood changes. He takes another drag off of the cigarette between his pointer finger and his thumb. He notices his scabbed knuckles, sensing the soreness and he bends his fingers.

The sun was starting to dissolve into the sky, being pushed out by heavy rain clouds. The fog is still hanging around from earlier.

He steps away from the car, walking towards the man with the black duffle bag in his tattooed hands. Kol smirks— he loved this, as much as he felt guilty for what he did on a daily basis.

Kol enjoyed it.

The man standing in front of Kol, the sides of his head shaved, and a nose ring. Kol's eyes were low and bloodshot from the weed laced with wolfbane he smoked earlier, he licked his lips.

The smirk crept back to Kol's face as he tossed the cigarette from his fingers, spinning his foot back and forth on it as he looked down.

“Is it all there?” Kol's voice was low and raspy from his yelling episode earlier. He looked upward at the familiar face.

“Always,” Elijah's reply was cold and matter of fact.

Kol pushed out a small scoff as he opened the duffel bag, staring at the money inside. He grabbed a stack of cash, secured tightly with a rubber band. His hands slid the small elastic piece holding it together as he counted the money in his head— Kol has heard of horror stories of people before him who had this ‘position’ with the chemist. It didn’t end well if something was missing. Even if Kol was off-limits to that kind of fate. He still followed the rules and didn’t double-cross anyone.

He turned to Elijah, as he put his hand out he counted the money again. Kol watched each bill fall into a stack as he counted. “One thousand, two, three, four, and five thousand.” He nods.

“I have more to push,” Kol walks around to the back of the car. Biting his lip as he zips the bag and throws it into his open trunk, before grabbing a large sealed bag of pills. He tosses it toward Elijah.

“You have until Saturday.” Kol closes the trunk and he nods in confirmation. He starts walking toward the front of the car, almost getting in but he keeps the door open. He looks down.

“Elijah…” He pushed the word out, cleared his throat, and ran his hand through his hair.

My daisy said I did that when I was nervous.

“How...has…” Kol clears his throat again, not letting his guard down. He blinks, his teeth sinking into the inside of his cheek.

“How is she...has she said anything?” He looks across the parking lot into the eyes of Lara's best friend.

Elijah closes his eyes and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean-no...not much,” he shrugs. “she uh..” he fidgets with the bag of pills still in his grip.

“She told me she saw you today.” He doesn’t look at Kol.

“Oh?” Kol licks his lip, letting a small smile take over his lips as he thinks about this afternoon’s events.

"Yeah, just said she regretted going to-" Kol's heart drops as he speaks, Elijah still not managing to look at him. 

Kol almost laughed, Elijah felt bad for him? HE felt bad for HIM? Kol shook his head at that thought.

Kol’s hand goes into the air, shaking in sync with his head. “Nah nah nah, then she must’ve been lying to you because…” his teeth graze his bottom lip before pulling it into his mouth and letting it slide out.

“I’m gonna spare you the details because that’s my girl but...I’m gonna tell you right now, she doesn’t regret today.” He nods at Eli.

“Ah…and let’s change that from Saturday to Friday.” Kol squints at him as he adjusts the rings on his swollen hand. His knuckles ache from earlier.

“Kol that’s like two days-” Kol cut him off.

If looks could kill he’d be bleeding out on the pavement right now. The thought of the anger and hurt Lara Jane would feel when she found out he had her best friend working for him well for The Chemist...always lingered in Eli's and Kol’s conversations.

Like a thick cloud looming over them ready to let the rain fall any second.

“I said Friday. You got me?” His jaw clenched as he speaks and his grip on the top of the car door tightens.

He nods in agreement, keeping anything else he wanted to say to himself. 

Smart choice Elijah, Kol thought.

Kol was in the mood to fight. He probably should’ve thrown a punch for him even saying those words to him...but he didn’t.

As Kol drives back through the city, the busy streets feel like home to him. He couldn't not think of what she said.

‘I don't know who you are, Kol. YOU don't even know who you are.' Her soft voice rings through his ears as he replays today’s events.

To Kol, it’s funny, fucking hilarious to him that Elijah was the one that nagged him into being a part of this little chain of The Chemist’s big operation. Elijah was the lead man first in this department, and not even two weeks after switching departments in this whole scene, Kol became the lead in sales.

Kol was just simply better at ‘sales’ and getting things done quickly than poor Elijah.

Kol was just a lookout man as part of the chemist’s surveillance, he also was a bodyguard like Kol’s father was. Kol’s father would’ve been so disappointed in him for not staying where their tribe’s deal with The Chemist stood—which was just in the protection and surveillance, not balls deep in his production and sales. Like how Kol is now.

Kol just finds it so damn humorous that Elijah thinks he can tell his girl he's a criminal but not bother to tell her who HE himself WORKS for— Elijah was no better than him when it came to that. Kol hasn’t killed anyone, but Elijah that’s another story.

Kol smirks.

But Lara Jane was right.

Kol didn’t know who he was...all he knows is that he loves her, with every beat of his heart-and that wasn’t enough for her.

Would he ever be enough for her?

Could she love him for who he was?... Does she still love him?

Will she still love him if he told her everything? -Even if it sounded like he belongs in the looney bin?

Is she still in love with him?

Kol thought as his mind raced everywhere all at once. He cut himself off-no more.

Instead of sinking in more thoughts of Lara Jane, he decided that sinking into a bottle of whiskey was a better option.

He walks in, all eyes falling towards him as he orders his usual drink.

The small glass of whiskey slides across the counter and stops in front of him. His hand reaches out-but he stops as soon as he feels someone staring.

What is he kidding everyone stared, but this.

It was different...He knew this type of stare.

He grips the glass, tilting it back and taking a sip of the brown liquid. It runs down his throat as he sets the cup back down on the bar, all while maintaining eye contact with a brown-eyed girl from across the room—her eyes running up and down his body as her teeth sink into her plump bottom lip.

“Another,” Kol mumbles towards the man working behind the bar. his hand slides down his jaw and then over to the second drink, he tosses it back and swallows.

Standing to his feet he throws a fifty-dollar bill onto the wooden countertop. His tongue slides across his bottom lip as he runs his hand through his wavy mop of hair. He walks toward the girl that had barely kept his attention, but he stops.

His eyes close as Lara's melody of a voice flows through his brain. He tries to push it away.

He tries to push the thought of her away. There she goes, taking over his thoughts.

Kol pushes her out of his brain-even though the other side of him didn’t want him to—well...he tries as hard as possible. He steps towards the pair of needy eyes, her lips curve into a flirtatious smile.

“Hi” She almost whispers.

“Hello, angel,” A small smile forms on his lips as he steps closer. The smell of liquor was present on her breath, mixed with a sharp perfume— he didn’t like. His hand goes to hers, he pulls her arm out gently as he plays with her fingers.

“My place?” He looked from her hand up to her brown eyes, they were so different from Lara's eyes.

This girl in front of him was so different from Lara Jane, her dark hair and dark eyes were the opposite of his girl.

She nods in response as she eyes him up and down. He didn’t know anything about her, and that’s how he wanted it and to keep it that way.

He didn’t care who she was, what her name was, or a matter of fact who she was.

Kol just wanted to feel anything but what he was currently feeling. He wanted to fill the empty Lara Jane-sized void inside of him, and this was the easiest way to do it.

He pushed through the front door, slamming her against the wall. He didn’t look at her. His eyes keep away from her as they walk down the hallway, pulling their clothes off as they go. 

She continues to try and kiss him, but he turns his face to the side, letting her lips attack his neck. Her foot almost lands on the pile of glass from earlier, Lara's painting staring at him from the floor. 

He let out a frustrated sigh as he picked up the tall brown-haired girl, wrapping her legs around his waist and moving swiftly to toss her onto the bed. She pulls him down as soon as he gets her shirt off, her lips darting towards his. He pulls his head back, halting everything.

“I-I...no kissing.” He nods at her, as her eyebrows furrow.

“Oh...okay I-” He didn’t let her finish, he didn’t care.

His fingers push his undone jeans around his legs, leaving them on as he moves down towards her. He grabs a condom from the nightstand that he hadn’t tipped over.

He placed the foil square between his teeth and pulled downward with his hand, spitting the small piece of the wrapper onto the ground before spreading her legs.

—

Kol collapsed onto the bed, looking over at the unfamiliar face in his bed. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she leans over, her hand going towards his chest.

He snapped upward, grabbing his shirt from the ground and pulling it over his sweaty chest.

“I can call someone to come get you if you want.” He says as he pulls up his jeans, fastens his belt, and gets out of bed quickly. He reaches for the pile of clothes on the ground, tossing them towards her on the bed, before heading towards the kitchen.

The bottle from earlier sits on the counter, just what he wanted. He wraps his hand around the neck of the bottle and collapses onto the couch as he takes a sip. He reaches for a cigarette off the coffee table and lays back after lighting it. He watches the flame take over the end of the cigarette and inhales. The smoke fills his lungs and makes him close his eyes. He soon hears the sound of heels clicking against the floor, he doesn’t move. He just opens his eyes slightly and watches her.

“Uh-bye I guess?” The annoying voice echoes through his house. She now stood behind the couch, facing the door. He raised his eyebrows and inhaled smoke from his cigarette. He then lifted his hand, still laying down, he waved at her, and even though she couldn’t see his face, he frowned.

The house, his house filled with an overwhelming emptiness as the door closed behind her. The sun had set, and he could see the moon finding its way between the clouds into the sky as he watched out the window—it wasn’t a full moon.

His head is in the clouds, he gets lost in replaying the conversation with Elijah from earlier. Lara Jane couldn’t have told him that she regretted seeing him, there was no way, he thought. He fought with the words Elijah said.

It’s going around and around in his head, trying to make sense of what he told him—he just couldn’t.

He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, searching for his name. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he now fights with himself on calling.

“Fuck it,” he mumbles as he presses call. He needed to ask Elijah what he meant.

He listens to the ringing through the speaker of his phone, half wondering if he would ignore his call. The line picks up, and his breathless voice cracks as he speaks.

“H-hey what’s up?” The familiar voice made him sigh, wondering what he was even doing, and what he was planning to ask.

His thoughts are quickly interrupted as he listens as he catches his breath. A small giggle in the background followed by the sound of his phone shuffling.

“I WIN!” Lara's voice rings through the phone, hitting him like a harsh wave of cold water.

"Lara- Lara Jane-" Elijah cuts himself off with his own laugh, the phone still shuffling.

"I'll be right back okay? Just a minute." Kol hears Lara's voice reply to him 'okay' and the sound of the front door clicking.

"Hey Kol sorry, I'm with Lara and I don't want her to know you're calling-" Kol cut him off, not wanting to even hear what he had to say and he hung up. 

The anger takes over his body, his hand gripping his phone tightly before lifting it into the air and throwing it across the room. He stands up, grabbing The bottle off of the table and guzzling down the rest of the liquid. He brings his hand up, wiping his mouth as alcohol drips his chin.

He had to get out of this house, he had to get out of this town. He grabbed his keys and headed towards the car.

The city was calling his name.

He had to get away, far, far away from Lara Jane. He could feel the rage boiling under his skin. He doesn’t know what he’s capable of when his rage sets in. 

He’s been told he’s got the worst rage of all.