Barring It All

“I’m sorry,” I say “You’re probably right, it is all my fault. It’s my fault they’re dead. It’s my fault they’re all dead.” I close my eyes, tears flowing freely. “All dead?” He questions. “The couple, I don’t even know their names,” I choke out in sobs, “My mom,” I fall to my knees, “My mom died because I was gone and they couldn’t find me,” I don’t want to say the last one but I have to get it out. “My brother, when we fought, I saw red and next thing you know my claws slashed across his throat.” I’m crying so hard I can’t see. “I didn’t even know I had claws, he always used to hit me but I never hit back, but after he came at me this time I- I couldn’t help it, I went to hit back but it wasn’t my hand, it was claws.”

He picked me up and he was…. He was hugging me. I felt comfort but it wasn’t enough to stop the sobbing. “You’re right to see me as a threat. You’re right to not want me here. I just wanted to learn what I am and be able to control it. I can’t let that happen again. I wanted to learn to fight because that Alpha… he’s.. he’s sadistic and psychotic and he hurt me. He let others hurt me. They all took fucking turns,” I screamed out, I looked right at him and pushed out of his arms. “And they liked it.” He looked like he was in pain, and it was like I could feel his pain for a moment. I swear I didn’t cut him that deep, I tried to make sure. I lifted his shirt and checked his stomach. No marks, just perfectly chiseled abs. I ran my fingers over them, “Why are you in pain? I can feel your pain.”

He stepped back and just stared at me, then he walked to the bed and sat down putting his head in his hands. I don’t know his name. I don’t know what to say, so I just stand there. Tears still falling down my cheeks. He finally lifts his head. “I’m not physically in pain Akira, I’m emotionally fucked up from what you’re telling me,” he says. “You can feel it?” He asks. I study him and try to reach for the feeling again, it’s there and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. “I feel sick, I mean you feel sick. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like I know the emotions you’re feeling right now when I try to reach out and touch it mentally,” I say, “You can’t do that?” I whisper. “There seems to be a lot of things you can do that normal wolves can’t,” he sighs. “Please don’t be afraid of me,” I felt fear roll off him as well but not a lot. “Stop it Akira,” he stands and walks to the other side of the room not facing me.

Now it’s my turn to sit on the bed with my head in my hands. The tears have stopped, maybe because I was so focused on his feelings instead. I stopped reaching out like he asked. I fell back in the bed, exhausted. “The shield,” he said turning around, “Have you done that before?” He asked. I sighed, and he made that tch sound with his tongue. “Sorry human habit,” I excused my sigh, “I think I did it while I was trying to get away from the other pack, I assumed I was just really fast, which I am, but I think also I put up a shield because I looked back once and they were all stopped in a line. I didn’t think much of it, assuming it was some pack boundary, territory line thing that I didn’t understand. Clearly that wasn’t the case.” He sat on the bed beside me and lay back just like me. We stayed there for a while like that.