Trapped in her mind: Saving the forgotten Lycan

Josie POV

My name is Josephine and I have a secret.

I am not willing to share it though with anybody in my life. They would consider me insane for it, and I could be risking my future for this. Since I turned 18, 3 years ago to be precise, I began having weird dreams, of a male shadow, both creepy and intriguing at the same time.

First, I thought it was a coincidence to see the same shadowy presence the first 3 nights. But then... it became regular. So regular that I'm not even considering it to be such a big deal anymore. It didn't do anything in particular… it was just there… sometimes moving left-right but that was it. I became so used to it that I usually forget about having this happening to me. Who knows... maybe it's normal this way, maybe my wolf has an entertainment program for me in night-time, although she denied having a hand/paw in this. It doesn't bother me anymore... Oh well, for now I have other things to take care of.

3 days left until my 21st birthday. 3 days left until everyone in this pack will look at me with compassionate puppy eyes and more or less hidden pity that I am the mateless future Alpha of the pack, being the first-born in our family.

Most of the female shifters in our world meet their mates starting with their 18th birthday and very rarely happens for someone to reach 21 and not to encounter their mate.

Well, apparently, you’re looking at one. Although the mate-bond is something I secretly long for, I’m not letting it be the sole purpose of my existence, therefore I will not support or tolerate anyone that feels sorry for me for this reason, especially my younger sisters.

They both have already met their mates shortly after their 18th birthday, and they don’t live in the packhouse anymore. Angie lives nearby, only a 10 minutes’ walk till her house and Sera lives in the neighboring pack’s territory, her mate being the Alpha’s son, thus preparing for the role of a future Luna. As sisters, we are very close, despite the hint of envy that blasted me every time they’ve received something from life and I didn’t...

 From the fact that they both received their spirit wolfs when they’ve turned 16 until both encountering their soulmates with 18. I felt like I was purposely left behind by the Goddess herself.

But then again, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I could focus on other aspects of life such as Alpha training and my studies.

My wolf, Flame, woke up when I was 19...ooh I felt so so happy then, that I’ve spent that whole day in my wolf form just running, hunting and playing with whatever and whoever, I found in the woods. Most of werewolves receive their wolf sometime between 15 and 18.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my sisters. It’s just the fact that considering we are triplets, I was expecting that we would be treated almost the same from destiny's point of view…but it’s clearly that the Moon Goddess had other plans... or simply forgot about me and these kinds of events where just...delayed in my case.

I sniffed out some secret planning of a surprise party to mark my 21st birthday, but I am not at all in the mood for this. Maybe because it is a constant reminder that I’m mateless, although nobody mentions this being an issue, but my heartache says otherwise.

This is why in the last 2 years I concentrated on training and my studies. I was always keen on study; therefore, I could graduate high school at 16, and now I was heading towards graduating Medical School for shifters. That is something very similar to human Medical School but with the unique features of pathology and healing of our species. I would very much prefer studying for the final exams than losing 2 days to celebrate my birthday.

Plus, the fact that my sisters won’t be here to celebrate it with me, definitely won’t help... It is their birthday too, but this milestone is significant in a life’s pack only for the 1^st born, the future ruler as the heir receives a surge of power from our lady Goddess herself, in a complicated ritual. I feel that is more important for the pack members than for myself but I will comply... I still wonder why my sisters told me that they won’t come.

Soo...studying, training and... uhm...daydreaming…yes...I do that too. When your friends are actually your study group colleagues because you don't have the time to actual befriend anyone, you end up daydreaming too about socializing…. just for a few moments, and then back to business.

Sometimes I imagine that my "shadowy friend" is my soulmate. Or at least I imagine it. Or maybe I’m just projecting and I have to find myself a man. The odd thing is that he always looks the same. Lately, I can distinguish more of his looks. Not that I saw refined details of his features but his silhouette, posture, ...chiseled body and broad shoulders even, the way he moves and walks are enough to quickly turn my dream into a wet one. Urgh...definitely in need of a man. It makes it somehow unbearable.

I keep telling myself I will not let myself be defined by that, because I’m strong and I do not need a man to validate myself. It sounds nice though... My parents are telling me that I push myself too hard...they don't know that this is just my coping mechanism...

Today I woke up breathing and panting hard and not even remembering what I’ve dreamed of exactly...as it comes slowly, together with a throbbing headache, I remember glimpses of a wall of fire that covers a garden in which somebody moves calmly watching the night sky like the wall of fire didn’t even exist. I'm trying to pass through it, but pain ripples with every tendril of flame that licks my skin in my attempt to pass through.

Suddenly the surroundings change, as if it sensed somebody was trying to break through, the fire vanishes and the wall transforms into one made of a powerful hurricane, in which leaves and branches are blown from right to left and from top to bottom, forcing me to narrow my eyes to catch a glimpse of what lies ahead.

            Pleading black as night eyes seem to occur between the slices of furious wind to which my body responds in stepping forward followed by sharp stings of pain, all inflected by the raging wind wall. The silhouette is slowly approaching the wall as if it was for the first time, he noticed that someone would be here with him. He turns towards me, trying to approach the wall, but as I am almost blown away by the powerful flow of air, his hair barely moves, as if the wind is non-existent near him. After slightly touching the wall, he suddenly bends in... pain?? What on earth is happening??! Who was he...?! Where was I?? I see him kneeling while he's shouting clearly in pain and...

Knock Knock Knock

'“What the fuck just happened??” I yelled, jumping out of bed, down on the floor breathing hard.

‘I don’t know girl; I’m just as confused as you are...that.... I mean...that never happened before’ said my wolf, Flame, trying to piece it all altogether to find some kind of an answer around my peculiar dreams of lately.

Knock Knock Knock

“What?!” I snapped, gathering myself from the floor annoyed that I was rudely interrupted from sleep... although it was beginning to be dangerously uncomfortable with all the weird sensations I was experiencing.

“May I come in dear?”, came the sweet voice of my mother, “I would like to discuss something with you”.

“Yeah, sure, come on in” just rubbing my eyes and lingering my hands over my face, trying to wake up properly.

“What is it? can’t it wait until after shower and training?” came my muffled voice between my hands, supporting the weight of my head without looking at her...too disturbed still.

“I’m afraid not dear, I wanted to talk to you alone lately but you’ve been so busy with your schedule that I hadn’t had the chance to catch you alone in a quiet...environment. Firstly...uhm...how are you feeling?” she asks somehow with a worry expression on her face.

“What do you mean?” I asked her leaning on the top of the bed wall. “I’m...ok, I guess” I answer slightly reluctant, remembering bits of my surrealistic dream I’ve just had. Maybe I should tell her. As a hybrid werewolf-witch, maybe she has some insights about my dream. I’m feeling a little embarrassed to be straightforward in relaying that in the last 3 years I was dreaming almost every night a male that caught every inch of my attention, never caring about real men, neither of them resembling my new and improved standards of a man. I could tell her though some of it, what harm could be done, right?

“Did you experience something out of the ordinary lately honey? Like ...I don’t know…anything?” She asks peering into my now clear chocolate-brown eyes, almost looking for an answer in them.

“Weeeellll, actually...it is something bothering me lately, maybe it’s something stupid, hormones or something, but... I... kinda' have these weird dreams lately” I say trying to sound as light on the matter as I could, I didn’t want to freak out anybody...especially me.

“What kind of ...dreams?” She asks raising one of her perfectly shaped black eyebrows, with an expression like she was expecting this answer somehow.

"It's like I constantly observe someone from afar, a shadow of sorts, taking a walk, or just sitting in some blurry environment... I don't see him clearly, but in the past few weeks I could tell that the shadow belongs to a male…a fine one I guess" I say as a small smile creeps up on my face.

"What do you mean with the past few weeks? how long have you had these kinds of insights? Ahm... I mean dreams, sorry..."

"Oh, the first 2 years and a half it was just a shadow!" I blurt out carelessly, waving it off.

"WHAT???!!!"