08 Pregnant and Lost

Camila

While Master Ronan was away, Mira visited often to see if he had returned. No one knew where he had gone, so she had no choice but to keep checking. It was clear that Mira cared deeply for both her sister and Ronan. 

Seeing her concern made me feel even worse about the situation. 

I hated whoever was responsible for this mess, and knowing that I had been used to ruin something potentially beautiful was heart-wrenching.

Days turned into weeks, and still, Ronan did not come back. The house felt empty without him. 

Every day, I would glance at the main house from the garden, hoping to catch a glimpse of him returning. But he never did. Instead, the silence around the estate grew heavier, and the guilt inside me weighed me down even more.

Mira's visits became a routine. Each time she came, I would watch her from a distance, feeling a mix of envy and sorrow. She moved with a sense of purpose, determined to fix things, while I felt helpless and trapped in my guilt. 

The days were long and filled with hard work, but my thoughts were always with Ronan. I replayed the events of that fateful night over and over in my mind, wishing I could go back and change things. The regret was a constant ache, a reminder of my role in the tragedy that had unfolded.

The garden became my refuge, a place where I could escape the harsh reality of my situation. I found solace in the simple tasks, the rhythm of planting and tending to the plants providing a small measure of peace. But even in the quiet moments, the sadness and guilt were never far away.

Every evening, as the sun set and the shadows grew long, I would stand at the edge of the garden, looking toward the main house. 

The hope that Ronan might return one day kept me going, but with each passing day, that hope grew dimmer. The emptiness in the house mirrored the emptiness in my heart, and I wondered if things would ever be the same again. 

I suddenly realised just how important he was, even though I was afraid to admit it. The truth was, I missed him.

Madam Melania's harsh words echoed in my mind, accusing me of everything that had gone wrong. I couldn't argue with her because I felt responsible. If only I had been more careful. If only I had not lingered in that room.

The worst part came a few weeks after Ronan left when I discovered I was pregnant. Fear gripped me, and I didn't know what to do. 

I knew my baby wouldn't be accepted; it was considered an abomination. When I told my mother about my missed period, she panicked. 

She wanted to suggest that we run away, but we both knew we were safer at the mercy of the Morozovs than facing the unknown world outside. 

I decided to keep it a secret for as long as possible, but I knew I would eventually have to tell them.

Every day, questions troubled my mind. What would happen to me once I started showing? How would they react? 

There was no guarantee it would be good, and all the joy left my heart. 

All this pain and sorrow for a mistake I didn't knowingly commit. The fact that I wasn't working in the main house had bought me some time, but how long could I hide it? 

I knew Ronan and the Morosovs wouldn't want a child from me. It was a mess, and the uncertainty was unbearable.

I spent my days in the garden, trying to find some peace in the simple tasks. But every moment was filled with fear and anxiety about the future. 

The garden, once a place of solace, now felt like a prison where I hid my growing belly. Each day, I worried that someone would notice, that my secret would be discovered.

My mother tried to comfort me, but I could see the fear in her eyes, too. She knew as well as I did that our lives could change dramatically once the truth came out. 

We whispered our worries late at night, hoping no one would overhear. The weight of the secret pressed down on us, making every day a struggle.

I was tending to the tomatoes in the garden when Mira approached me. It had been ten weeks since the incident. 

I knew because I had been counting each agonising day. I wondered how long it would take for my world to crumble when I started showing, and they figured it out. How long until the crushing weight of guilt that shadowed me would finally lift?

 I was lost in these thoughts, carefully working on the tomato bushes, when Mira stormed over.

"Bitch! With all your scheming, look where you are.

 I am sure Ronan left this place because of you. You will never be anything to him. You are nothing, you hear? A bloody slave, spoils of war. How dare you ruin my sister's happiness…" she yelled, her voice slicing through the peaceful garden air.

What had come over her? I guess Ronan, being missing in action, finally got to her, but why? 

Whose frustration was she mirroring hers or her sisters? If Leah truly cared for Ronan, she would have heard him out and forgave him instead of calling off the wedding and shutting him off. 

I decided to respond since we were outside, and everyone could hear us. 

"You are right. I will never be anything to him. I never planned to be. Knowing he isn't home, you should be busy talking some sense into your sister to take her man back instead of visiting here daily. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do," I said, trying to stay calm and ignore her attempts to provoke me. 

I had bigger issues on of which was growing inside me.

Mira glared at me, her face twisted in anger, but she knew she couldn't make me do anything rash, so she stormed away. My encounter with her left me shaken. 

Leah came from another powerful family, just as influential as the Morozovs. What if her family, the Semenovs, demanded retribution from me? They wouldn't care that it wasn't intentional.

I placed my hand on my lower belly and squeezed, a wave of despair washing over me. I wished I hadn't been born; I wished I wasn't Belvarian. 

If only I had been born somewhere else, maybe none of this would have happened. The pain in my heart was almost unbearable, and I felt utterly alone in this cruel world.