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43| Siesta Sleeze (pt. 2)
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Toxic Paradise 44| Siesta Sleeze (pt. 3)
It almost felt like I was flying— the wind made me want to just float; I just wanted to lay back and float. I loosened my grip around Alec's neck, attempting to lay back. I was dizzy and just wanted to lay down. However, I was being held tight by Alec's grip on my butt and his arm around my lower back."Jayna... you need to hold on," Alec panted."Hmmm?" I asked, attempting to lean back another time. Alec grunted as he struggled to keep hold of me, moving over to the side of the board walk out of people's way. "I need to lay down," I admitted."Okay hold on," he huffed. He set me down on a bench and I immediately closed my eyes laying on my side. I was so tired.The bench felt hard beneath me- I rolled to the side to try and find a comfortable spot, but when I couldn't, I tried to stand up off of it. Alec was right there, picking me up again when I couldn't get to my feet, but this time cradling me in a bridal carry. I was confused by all the movement, which shocked my body into fee
Toxic Paradise 45| Aftermath
“Ouch," I said, pushing myself up into a sitting position. "Fuck... are you okay?" Alec asked, crouching in front of me to look at my eyes. "Yeah; that was weird. My body feels strange today, like weak," I said. "Yeah; the doctors said that could happen. I was trying to tell you... I don't know how much of last night you remember, but you were drugged." He explained. I held onto his hard biceps as he lifted me from the floor, supporting my weight as he helped me to sit back on the couch."WHAT!?" I exclaimed. It made sense considering how terrible I felt. I also didn't think I would drink that much to where I wouldn't remember anything at all; that's never happened to me before. The last thing I remembered, I was having dinner with Ryan, Alec, and his stupid date.My exclamation must have been loud enough to wake Ryan, because he was now sitting up, looking at me with concern. "Oh good! You're up! How are you feeling?" "Like shit. And I really need to pee, but my legs don't seem
Toxic Paradise 46| Bruises
"Jayna, you can't keep doing this to me," my mom scolded on the other end of my phone.Ryan had just left my room and I was about to fall asleep when I had an incoming call from my mom. I had several missed calls from her already, and aside from texting, we hadn't talked much since I left for Siesta Key. So, despite my intense desire to sleep, I had answered on the third ring."I'm sorry, mom. I didn't know I texted you last night." I was surprised to hear that I sent her anything, because I didn't remember any details from my night. But, sure enough, when I looked through my phone this morning, there was indeed a text to my mom. Essentially, it was a bunch of gibberish along with the word, "drug." I could see how she'd be concerned. Had I been in my right mind, I would never have texted my mom. It just worried her for no reason."Well, you did text me. What did your message mean? Are those boys making you do drugs?" She asked."No mom, of course not. Look, everything's fine, and I d
Toxic Paradise 47| Midnight Chats
"Oh my god, Ryan, why did you pick this movie?" I said, cuddling further into his side.When Alec had mentioned doing a movie outdoors, I was hoping for a nice comedy. Instead, Ryan had decided to bring home The Conjuring, which was shaping out to be just about the scariest movie I'd ever seen, and it had just barely started."Oh come on, don't be such a wienie," he teased.I scoffed, turning my attention to our surroundings rather than looking at the screen. It was a clear night with a starry sky. The guys had set up the projector so that the movie was playing onto a large white sheet. I was seated on the patio couch beside Ryan while Alec hung out in an arm chair to my left. The blue and orange flames danced wildly across the glass stones as the wind began to pick up around us.I shivered and pulled the blanket up so that it covered my shoulders. It had been warm earlier with the fire, but now that the wind started up, I regretted not bringing a sweatshirt out here with me. Ryan had
Toxic Paradise 48| Nightmares and Admissions (pt. 1)
Since we had our movie night, things had been very calm around the house. Alec and Ryan had nothing but pleasant interactions, and as for Alec and I... well... we hadn't really had any conversations of substance. He still knew how to push my buttons just as I knew how to push his, but it seemed the toxicity of feeling like I needed to compete with him had vanished.Still, I wished we could have finished the conversation that we started in the kitchen the other night. I had feelings for Alec. I knew that, and I was now willing to admit it to myself. But, I was dying to know if he had feelings for me as well. And... if he did... how would we move forward? How would it impact my relationship with Ryan?I flopped down onto my bed, pulling my thick duvet up over my shoulders. Ryan and I took it easy today, heading to the beach to tan and play in the waves. Alec didn't join us. He said he had to get some work done, and he had been shut in his room with Nelson all day. Either way... it had
Toxic Paradise 49| Nightmares and Admissions (pt. 2)
"Do you want to know the reason I left my family?" Alec asked, his voice a whisper in the darkness. "You're willing to tell me?" I questioned. This was definitely something I'd been dying to know, but I didn't think Alec would ever open up about it. Even Ryan wasn't sure why Alec left."I know how you feel about abandonment, and I don't want you to think I just abandoned my family without good cause," he explained."If you want to share, I'm definitely here to listen," I encouraged.He took a breath. "Okay. Well, I'm not sure what you all know about my family, but we're pretty well off. My dad is a CEO and a total hard ass. But, he was always way harder on me than he was on Ryan. Nothing I did would ever please him; in fact, he would go out of his way to degrade me. I didn't get it at first. I would try so hard to make him proud, and he just turned his back on me every chance he got. I'm not sure Ryan ever even noticed."I squeezed Alec's hand in mine, trying to provide him with a li
Toxic Paradise 50| Caught (pt. 1)
Waking up the next morning wasn't nearly as peaceful as my slumber had been. "What the fuck is this!?" An angry voice drifted to me, pulling me violently from my sleep. It only took me a second to recognize the voice belonged to Ryan, and only another second to realize what he was referring to. Sunlight was streaming into my room and illuminating the fact that Alec was still in my bed... shirtless... with an arm around me.Oh shit...I sat up immediately, pushing myself away from Alec. "Ryan! It's uh... I swear it's not what it looks like..." I lamely tried to explain. "I think it's exactly what it looks like," he sneered before turning and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. I had never heard him sound so angry… and hurt. Not even during the times when I overheard him arguing with Alec."Oh god..." I groaned, placing my head in my hands. I fucked up. Alec and I hadn't slept together, but it still looked really bad. I could only imagine what Ryan was thinking of me now
Toxic Paradise 51| Caught (pt. 2)
“Ryan, I'm so, so sorry," I cried. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't focus on anything other than my overwhelming guilt as the tears spilled over.Ignoring me, he took a step into my room, still hovering near the doorway. "Are you leaving?"I nodded. "I thought you would want me to..."It was like he didn't know what to say to this. He just stood there, staring at my suitcase with a look of contemplation on his face; like he wasn't sure whether he wanted me here or not. And let me tell you, the fact that I was the one responsible for the hurt look on his face cracked my heart in half. I was such a terrible person. No wonder everyone leaves. "Ryan, please let me explain," I squeaked out when he didn't say anything. It made me so sad that he wasn't talking with me; I really hadn't meant to hurt him. Everything I had done to try and push down my feelings for Alec was all so that I wouldn't hurt Ryan. The guilt consumed me again as more tears spilled from my eyes."There's
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