TWO

Tyler

My head is pounding and my tongue is as dry as the desert in midafternoon. The moment I woke up I knew I should just go back to bed. I’m not sure what exactly is going on, but something seems really off today. I have this weird feeling that somethings not right that I can’t place and I can’t shake it no matter what I try. The air feels different. Something in my soul feels empty and I’m really not sure why. Maybe I’m just imagining it or maybe it’s this awful hangover that I’m still nursing. I've been sitting on this couch for hours and I haven't heard from any of my friends when Liam strolls onto the tour bus shutting the door behind him.

“Hey man.” Liam grabs a bottle of water from the mini fridge and plops down onto the couch next to me. The bus is unusually quiet. He's the first person I've seen all day.

“Where is everybody?” I want to ask him where a certain feisty blonde is specifically, but I don’t want him to start his speech again about 'true love' and 'end game' and all that other nonsense. I mean, we’re only 22 and he may have been happy to settle down with Delilah at 18, but I’m not ready for all that yet. Tess gets it. We’re still having fun. There'll be plenty of time to play house with her later. I'm still busy sowing my wild oats.

He narrows his eyes at me and quickly looks away. Well, that's sus. “Dels is interviewing tour managers and the guys should be up here shortly.” He mumbles still not making eye contact.

Okay then. We both know that’s not who I’m really wondering about. I guess he’s going to make me say it outloud. “So is Tess helping Delilah then?” He looks at me like I’m missing something obvious. “Wait. Why is she interviewing tour managers?”

He clears his throat and then laughs awkwardly. “You really don’t know?” I don’t know what? Did I miss something? What is he talking about? I try to narrow my eyes at him, but this hangover is intense and it hurts too much. I stare at him as he runs his hand through his hair. A nervous habit of his. So very sus.

“Apparently not. Does Tess need an assistant or something?” Tess works her butt off, if anyone deserves an assistant it’s her. She hadn't mentioned needing more help, but this is our biggest tour yet. Things get stressful.

“Or something.” He shifts and looks around the room like he's hoping for a distraction. Something is very wrong.

“Why are you acting so weird? Just tell me where she is. Oh shit. Is she with a guy? Is that why you're acting like this?” She’s never brought another guy around before. I know I can be a tad flirtatious, but Tessa knows she’s different than all the other girls I mess around with. She’s more. She’s special. She's... Tess. My Tess. The thought of her with someone else has me seeing red.

“I don’t know how to say this, and I’m surprised she didn’t talk to you before she left.” I just saw her last night. She went back to her room and I stayed out with the other guys and some groupies. Not Liam obviously. He stays far away from groupies these days. More for the rest of us.

“Did she run to the store or something?” I would have gone with her if she’d asked.

“Tyler. Tessa left. She quit the tour. Delilah is interviewing people now to hire for her replacement.” I laugh as he stares at me with pity in his eyes. He’s really committing to this joke. Is it April Fools Day? This is obviously some kind of a prank.

“Sick joke Liam, you almost got me.” He looks at me, frowning this time and shakes his head.

“Ty, I’m not joking. I’m sorry man.” He says, patting me on the shoulder.

“When you say left, you mean like a short vacation and then she’s coming back right? Did she go visit her mom or something?”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes before placing a magazine in my hand. “I don’t think she’s planning on coming back buddy.”

We sit in silence as I pull my phone out of my back pocket and pull up her contact, pressing call. It rings twice then goes straight to voicemail. I hit call again. Voicemail. I’m panicking, but I don’t want to leave a clingy message. Tessa has always hated voicemail.

Would she hate one from me though? I don’t know. I've always been her favorite person and she didn't even bother to say goodbye. Why would she leave me in the first place? Running my hands through my hair, I’m at a complete loss. For the first time, I have absolutely no idea what I should do.

“Well, did she say why? Or where she’s going? Did everyone know this was happening except me?” I’ll just go get her. She’s obviously going to miss me. She’s just confused or something. She’ll come back.

Liam shakes his head before tapping the magazine in my lap again. “Dels wouldn't say. But if I had to guess, I think it could have something to do with this.”

I pick up the tabloid and glance at the cover. There’s a picture of me with a girl on the front from last night. “I mean…” I trail off trying to remember what exactly I got up to last night. “It wasn’t a big deal. She was just a groupie. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t even get her name. Tessa has seen me with tons of groupies, it’s never bothered her before.”

He clucks his tongue at me. “It wasn’t a big deal…to you. It didn’t mean anything…to you. But don’t you think it might have been a big deal to Tessa?” What’s he going on about? Tess knows those groupies don’t matter to me. They are just there for fun. A distraction. A perk of the job.

“She knows how I feel about her.”

“Does she though?” His narrowed eyes lock with mine and I’m worried that he may actually have a point. “Have you ever actually told her?”

“I mean….she should….she knows she’s my…” I pause unable to finish my sentence. “Well we never really defined what we were doing. I thought we were just taking things slow and having fun. We never said we were exclusive or anything.”

He shakes his head and stands to leave. “You know she may have been okay with that when we were 16, but it’s been years Tyler. Have you ever seen Tessa on another man’s lap? Her hands threaded in his hair? Her lips pressed against someone else’s?” Fucking singers. Does he have to make it sound so poetic? I cringe, shaking my head at that image. Of course I haven’t seen her do those things. My blood boils just thinking about her with someone else. She is mine.

Shit.

“I don’t want to think about that Liam. Why would you put that shit in my head?”

Liam chuckles, shaking his head and standing to leave. “Well, do you think she likes seeing you mess around with all those groupies? Now you know how she feels.”

I think about what he said. Is that really how she feels? Just thinking about her with someone else hurts. Bad. Have I been hurting her all this time? Why didn’t she say something? She should’ve come to me about it. She could’ve told me that she didn’t like when I mess around with the groupies. I would have stopped. I think. I mean it’s not like I fuck them. I only do that with Tess. I guess she wouldn’t know that though. I’ve never actually come out and told her where I draw the line with them.

I pick up my phone and try her number again.

Voicemail. Shit. I’m tempted to leave a message even if she doesn’t like it, but I don’t know what to say. Maybe I’ll send a text. I’m staring at my phone, thinking of what to write when Liam clears his throat to get my attention.

“We better head on over to wardrobe. We’re on stage in two hours.” I stare at him dumbfounded. He doesn’t really expect me to perform tonight. Does he? I can actually feel my blood pressure rising. I can’t imagine her not being here with me. How am I supposed to do this without her?

“I can’t, man. I don’t even have my lucky sticks. Tess usually gets them. You have to do something. Help me. Get her to come back. Tell her she can have a raise. Whatever it takes! She can have my cut too. I don’t even care.” I take a shaky breath pacing across the room. “Fuck. It’s hot in here. Are the walls closing in? The room feels smaller.”

I knew something was off today. Today sucks. I should just go back to bed. Or maybe I’m still asleep and this is a nightmare. It feels like a nightmare. I shut my eyes tight. Please wake up.

“It’s going to be okay, Tyler. Take deep breaths, alright? Tessa said your sticks are in the bottom zipper pocket of your backpack. I’ll grab them for you. We’ll get through this together. It’ll get easier every day.”

“I can’t do this without her. She knows where everything is. She’s supposed to be here.” She’s always been here. I need her here. I miss her.

He only shakes his head as he grabs my sticks from the spot Tess said they would be and tosses them to me. “We’ll figure it out. Come on. Dels is waiting.”