Chapter 14

"Claudia? Why are you here and where's my daughter?"

I rolled my eyes when I first saw my mother sitting beside Grandma's bed. I watched her walk nearer to me. I glanced at Grandma and didn't answer her.

"Grandma, can we talk?"

Nagulat ako nang hawakan ni Mommy ang kamay ko. Nakalimutan ko na agad ang itsura niya. Pathetic how worthless people could do to you.

"Mommy, can I talk to Grandma first?"

Umiling siya. "Mag-uusap muna tayong dalawa."

Hindi ko na siya napigilan nang hilahin niya ako palabas ng kwarto ni Grandma. Nagsalubong ang kilay ko nang magkaharap kami.

"Nasaan si Sofia? Why are you in that dress? Nag-club ka ba?"

What? Napailing ako. Inalis ko sa mukha ko ang buhok ko at tumayo ng tuwid.

"Thank you for asking if I'm alright," sarkastiko kong tugon.

Napasinghap ako nang hawakan niya ako nang mahigpit sa kamay ko. I gritted my teeth when her nails hurt my arm.

"Wala ka na bang ibang iniisip kundi ang kapakanan mong bata ka? Nasaan ang kapatid mo? I will not forgive you if you did something horrible to her, Claudia Fransesca!"

Mas lalong humigpit ang pagkahahawak niya sa 'kin. Nangilid ang luha ko bago ko inalis nang puwersahan ang kamay ko sa hawak niya.

"Sofia's fine! She's in the house. Can I go now?" may asim na sagot ko.

Hindi pa ako nakahahakbang palayo ay naramdaman ko ang palad niya sa pisngi ko. Napaharap ako sa kanan. Hinawakan ko ang mukha ko bago masamang tiningnan si Mommy.

"I said she's fine," garalgal kong pag-uulit.

Tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. "How could you do this to me, Mommy? I always do what you always ask me to do. I never rebel. I never leave you even you're so cruel to me. I put up with you! I love you, Mommy! But I hate you more for hurting me every chance you have...."

I wiped my tears away from my cheeks. "I'll give your daughter back to you. I hope you have a good life!"

Tinalikuran ko siya at nagtatakbo papunta sa elevator. Instead of leaving the hospital, I decided to go to the rooftop to unwind. As much as I want to flee, I need to talk to Grandma.

When the elevator door opened, I saw Writan's brother inside. Umiwas ako nang tingin sa kanya at pumasok sa loob. Suminghot ako at tumahimik din.

"Where to?"

I looked at Wryan and saw him staring at me.

"Rooftop," namamaos kong sagot.

He pressed the button and the door closed. I stayed quiet and so did he.

Nang bumukas ang pintuan ay lumabas din si Wryan. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya pero hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. Nagtatakbo ako sa gilid ng dingding at ipinatong ang bisig ko sa rehas. Nilanghap ko ang hangin at tumingin sa malayo.

I hate my mother so much. She never understands me. She's so selfish.

"What problem do we have here?"

Napalingon ako kay Wryan. Natawa ako na ikinagulat niya. Lumapit siya sa akin.

"Magkamukhang-magkamukha kayo ni Writan. What happened to you two?"

Umiling siya bago sumandal sa dingding. He put his arms on his chest and exhaled.

"Answer my question first."

Tinitigan ko siya. Napangiti ako. I miss Writan. Bumaling ulit ako sa harap.

"I hate my mother. She never cares for me," I shared with him.

He nodded. "Possibly because you weren't particularly looking at her but solely on her wrongs."

Napakislot ako nang tumama ang sinabi niya sa dibdib ko. I pouted. Bakit lagi akong mali?

"She doesn't love me," I responded in hatred.

He smirked. "Did you talk about this to Writan?"

"I did. He answered, hating people will only make you feel bad. It's not good for your health," I said, imitating Writan when he said that to me.

Wryan laughed and it's nice to hear that.

"That sounds like my bro. I miss that man, damn."

"And I answered, I don't mind being unhealthy." We laughed together.

"Was he happy there?"

I could feel the sadness in his voice. I nodded because it's the truth.

"He said that writing is his happiness."

Wryan glanced at me and smiled. "Is he your boyfriend?"

My eyes widened and I shook my head immediately.

"No, he's not."

He looked at me like he doesn't believe me. I put my hands upwards to argue.

"It's the truth. We're not a thing," I emphasized.

"He's weak. If I happened to meet you first, I would hit on you."

My mouth fell open and then I watched him cracked up. He was laughing for a minute until he stopped.

"I've never laughed like that since forever," he chatted.

I shook my head and grinned. "So, now let's talk about you. What happened?"

His face turned to a frown.  "He left me."

I raised a brow.

"We were inseparable when we were kids. Like everything he does, I'll follow. One day, I decided to choose medicine over arts. We clashed. He seeks to do what he wants and I pursue what I wanted to do too. It hurts, you know. We were together with our whole life and then poof, he's gone."

I watched his frown turned into a smile. "I never regretted doing this. What I do regret was being mad at him. I didn't understand him at first. Later on, I realized that what makes us happy is the important thing that we should always choose. I let him be. We're good now."

I nodded repeatedly. "That's a good story. Still, a sad one. What's the first thing you'd say to him when you two meet again?"

He cleared his throat. "Writan, you're weak! Marry this girl beside me or I'll snatch him to you," he joked.

I laughed with him and hit his arm. My gosh, I miss hitting Writan's arm. I stared at Wryan who's grinning. We stayed silent for a few minutes before I turned around.

"I'm going now. Nice talking to you, Wryan."

He saluted and I did too. "Tell him I miss him so much. I wish we all could hang out together."

I nodded and turned around, leaving him on the rooftop.

When I was outside Grandma's room again, I tiptoed and looked inside if Mommy was there. Then I stopped breathing when I saw Mommy crying in Grandma's chest. It made my heart hurt.

I licked my lips and knocked. I opened the door and stared at my mother. She was wiping her tears before she stood up.

"You two talk, Mama. I'll come back later."

Mommy never glanced at me, she just left. I felt a pinch on my chest. I looked at Grandma and smiled at her.

"Halika rito, hija."

I remembered why I came here. Lumapit ako kay grandma pero hindi ako tumabi sa kanya.

"Why did you leave Bok? He's my Grandpa, right?"

Nanahimik si Grandma. Tipid siyang ngumiti sa akin bago umayos ng posisyon.

"Nabasa ba niya iyong libro?"

Tumango ako at malamig na tinitigan si Grandma.

"Won't you ask if he was fine there?"

Ngumiti ulit siya. "Kumusta na si Boston?"

I smirked. "Oh, he's fine! He already forgot about you. He's happy now taking care of that world. Kung hindi ko siya c-in-onfront hindi niya sasabihin sa 'kin ang totoo," I answered bitterly.

"Mabuti kung ganoon," mahinang tugon ni Grandma.

I stared at her. I still don't understand. "Why did you leave him? He was hurt and clueless."

Tiningnan niya ako. "Hindi ako maaaring manatili roon, apo. Hindi maaari. Kahit na ang kapalit noo'y magpatuloy ako sa buhay ko rito, gagawin ko pa rin iyon."

My lower lip trembled. "Answer it, please. Did you even love him?"

"Sa mundong iyon, mahirap magmahal. Ikukulong ka ng pagmamahal mo roon. Minahal ko ng buo si Boston. Ngunit hindi sapat ang pagmamahalan namin para manatili ako."

Nanikip ang dibdib. "Is it hard to answer my question, Grandma?"

"Mahal na mahal ko si Boston ngunit mas pinili kong bumalik dito upang palakihin ang anak namin. Kung ika'y magmamahal, dapat matuto ka ring bumitaw."

Slowly, my eyes widened.

"Nagdadalang tao ako noon sa ina mo. Huli na nang malaman ko at hindi ako nagdalawang isip na iwan siya roon para sa kapakanan ng magiging anak namin."

I gasped. My eyes were covered in tears.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

Nakita ko ang pagtulo ng luha ni Grandma. Dinala niya ang kamay sa kanyang dibdib at huminga nang malalim.

"Ayaw kong maging rason ang anak namin para sumama siya sa akin gayong mahal na mahal niya ang pagsusulat. Kaya kong isuko ang pagsusulat para sa anak namin ngunit siya, ayaw kong ikulong siya sa akin. Iniwan ko siya hindi dahil sa hindi ko na siya mahal, iniwan ko siya dahil alam kong kahit wala na ako, may mag-uugnay pa rin sa aming dalawa...ang pagsusulat."

I sobbed. "What's the poem all about?"

"Pamamaalam sa aking nawalang pag-ibig "

I drew a long breath before sitting on the chair.

"I like someone in that world, Grandma. What should I do?"

Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko. I felt her warmth once again.

"Piliin mo kung anong magpapasaya sa 'yo, apo. Huwag kang tutulad sa akin. Kung mahal mo siya, ipaglalaban mo iyon kahit na ang mundo man ang nag-aagwat sa inyong dalawa."

I like Writan. Should I choose him over my family here? Over Grandma?

"Bago ka pumili, siguraduhin mong wala kang pagsisisihan. Kausapin mo ang ina mo, apo."

If Grandma didn't advise me that, I won't talk to Mommy ever again. But I guess, a talk won't hurt for a broken heart of mine.

Lumabas ako sa kwarto at lumapit kay Mommy. I gritted my teeth to control my emotions.

"I apologize for what I said before and earlier," I asked forgiveness.

Tumayo siya sa harap ko. Tinitigan niya ako bago niya ibinuka ang bisig niya para sa 'kin. Pinanood ko ang pagtulo ng luha niya sa mga mata niya.

"I forgive you, my Claudia."

It didn't sound right to me. "Won't you apologize too?"

She was about to widen her arms for me but she stopped.

"What did I do to you?"

My forehead creased. "What?"

I can't believe her. I thought this will turn out well.

"You have fair shares of mistakes too, Mommy. Hindi lang ako ang mali rito. You left Sofia. She's your favorite daughter!"

"I can't take care the both of them. You have nothing to do so you should prove yourself capable. Hindi mo nga inaa-attend-an ang classes mo, lagi mo akong sinusuway, and that guy who almost kissed you!"

I shook my head in disbelief.

"You're holding grudges now?"

She put her hands upwards, a sign that she has enough.

"Go back home and take care of your sister. If I find out you elope with that punk...I swear, Claudia!"

I sighed in disappointment. I didn't utter another word and leave her.

At least I tried. Problema na niya kung hindi siya marunong humingi ng tawad. Akala niya ang galing-galing niyang ina. Grandma shouldn't have brought her to life. Now, where to next?