Chapter 9 Always "We're here," untag ni Seymour makalipas ang mag-iilang minuto nang katahimikan. My lips parted. Nasa harapan na ng bahay ang kotse. Gusto kong tumugon pero sa huli, pinili ko na lang na ngumiti. I played with my fingers as I studied his expression. He's unbelievably calm and steady. Samantalang ako, kanina pa lumilipad ang isip sa kung saan-saan. I guess, I couldn't simply get used to what he just told me. Initially, if you like someone, you will pursue her and profess what you feel for her. Wala namang nangyaring ganoon. Of all the years that we were together in the past, we never crossed the barrier as more than friends. "Am I bothering you?" aniya habang titig na titig sa akin. Huminga ako nang malalim. There's no point on hiding it. Tumango ako. "I understand. Hindi rin naman magandang pagkakataon ang pag-amin ko. Though, I just felt like confessing earlier so... I did." Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Maybe his words of comfort overwhelmed him that he sudd
Chapter 10 Bruise Lihim kong ipinalangin na sana, hindi na lang ako umuwi. I could be anywhere but not inside this devil's lair. Pinapaso ako ng nagbabagang init kahit wala namang literal na patotoo iyon sa totoong buhay. Or maybe, it's my emotions taking over. Maybe, it's the tons of emotions assaulting me inside all of once, burning me alive... along with my sins. I just stood there like a lifeless woman struggling to get her past life back... behind her facade of indifference. I badly want to jump over the railings and escape but I don't know how. I don't know when to start. I don't know why there's still a tiny impulse within me telling me to stay in my place and never hear my long hidden pleas. Sobrang... magulo. Magulo ang lahat.. Maybe... it's those emotions. They became grueling and exhausting... for so long. They were different... contradicting. They were suppressed and faked... for so many times. That... it already came to this. That everything doesn't seem... right
Chapter 11Away"Ayaw niyang ibigay sa 'kin si Izen," hagulgol ko habang abala si Roxanne sa pagbunot ng tissue.She breathed a sigh. Mukhang nahawa na siya sa pagiging malungkot at worn out kagaya ko. Earlier when I was having the most intense weeping of my life, Manang was very lucky to tell me that she has a phone with her. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa. I dialed my best friend's number.Walang pagdadalawang-isip niya naman akong pinuntahan. Hindi pa ako makapagsalita noong sinundo niya ako. I just told Manang to look after my son. I know he's gonna be safe with Ivan but who knows he might take him away.Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kung magkakaganoon. Ang alam ko lang, kailangan ko siyang balikan at makuha ulit dahil hindi ko kakayanin kung pati siya, mawawala sa 'kin."Ano pa bang aasahan mo sa tarantadong 'yon?! Once an eng-eng, always an eng-eng! Ang kapal ng mukha niyang gag* siya!" gigil na aniya.Tinulungan ako ni Roxanne sa pagtuyo sa aking sarili. I cannot
Chapter 12ChoiceHindi ko alam kung bakit siya pumunta roon!Wala naman akong sinasabi kay Seymour tungkol sa nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko naisip na sabihin at isa pa, hindi ko siya i-involve sa kung ano mang kaguluhan ang mayroon ako. He has his own life now. I need to stand by myself because I created all this mess."Roxanne, tara na!" pagyaya ko habang nagsusuot ng tsinelas."Bakit? Referee ka naman ngayon 'tapos ako 'yung round girl, gano'n?" masungit niyang tanong."Please! 'Wag ka na munang magga-ganyan. Baka kung mapa'no 'yung dalawa!"Madali kaming bumaba sa parking lot. Alalang-alala ako. Worry came rushing in my veins that it seemed to have replaced my blood flow. Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Pinagpapawisan ako nang malamig at halos hindi na magkamayaw sa kahihintay na makarating kami sa bahay.This isn't the first time Ivan and Seymour would fight head to head. Noon, napapabalita na parte ng initiation sa grupo nina Seymour ang harapin siya. Kakaunti lang ang nananalo kaya k
Chapter 13LossIvan requested to have our family doctor called instead. Ginusto kong dalahin siya sa ospital pero iyon ang mahigpit niyang ibinilin sa ilang sandali bago siya panawan ng malay. Alalang-alala ako sa kaniya. Ginagamot siya ni Dr. Agoncillo habang naghihintay ako sa kanila sa sofa.Pumasok si Manang Lisa at si Marilyn na may dalang tubig at pagkain para sa akin. That's when I remembered that my clothes were stained with blood. Muling namuo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. He was stabbed and bleeding. Hindi ko makalimutan ang pamumutla niya kanina.I accepted the glass of water and my pile of clothes. Nahihirapan akong sumimsim ng tubig dahil sa maliliit na hikbi. Hinagod ni Manang ang aking likod."Magiging maayos din ang lahat," she assured."Magpapasama na lang din po ako sa driver para masundo si Ice, Ate." Si Marilyn.Tumango na lang ako. Nilapag ko ang baso sa gilid. It was a good day, at least, because Ice was apparently out of the house. Hindi niya narinig ang nangy
Chapter 14Clueless"Kuya..." It's been so long since I addressed him in that way. Mukhang hindi naman na-curious si Ivan sa narinig mula sa akin. I looked at the screen to confirm if it's really my brother. Siya nga iyon at may missed calls na simula pa kagabi. Mayroon din kanina. It's impossible that Ivan didn't hear my phone ringing lalo pa at mas nauna siyang nagising."Yes, little sister. How long has it been?" he chuckled lowly."Bakit ka napatawag?"It surprised me that Ivan didn't leave his space. Sumeryoso lang siya nang kaunti. Nakasandal na siya sa tukador."I've been caught by the police last night. Didn't you receive a call by that time?"Kinilabutan ako nang bahagya sa kaniyang mapait na tono. I bit my lower lip. Nahuli siya? Paano? At... bakit?"K-Kuya, things happened last night and I was really bombarded. A-Ano bang nangyari? Bakit ka nahuli?""Drug trafficking and illegal use of firearms," tila wala lang sa kaniya nang sambitin iyon."W-What..." Nanginig ang kamay k
Chapter 15HappinessSa inakala ko makakapagpahinga na ako pagkatapos sa presinto pero hindi. On our way home, I felt sick. Mas naramdaman ko iyon nang bisitahin ko si Ice sa kuwarto at malakas ang buga ng air-con.We were sitting side by side. Kinamusta ko siya at binasahan na rin ng paborito niyang comic book dahil patulog na rin naman. Naibsan kahit kaunti ang sama ng pakiramdam ko dahil sa wakas, kasama ko na rin ang anak ko."You were like arguing last night. But you told me that... humans aren't perfect so they can disagree with some things because of their differences. I didn't understand what happened but I'm okay now, Mama. I know you're worried," nguso ni Ice at inabot ang kamay ko.Halos hindi ako makangiti nang maayos dahil sa nararamdamang ginaw. Instead of enduring it, I sought heat by hugging Ice. Napapikit ako."You don't need to understand, Ice. You're still young. It's an... issue between adults. Between Mama and Papa. And you did a great job, baby. I hope you don't
Chapter 16BreatheNauna akong lumabas sa kuwarto. Umiikot na ang paningin ko pero nakaya ko pa rin namang lakarin ang guest room. Things between Ivan and I werr still unsettled and it would be inappropriate for us to stay in one room.Sinarado ko ang pinto. I threw myself on the bed. I didn't bother switching the lights on. Maging na rin ang air-con o electric fan. Pakiramdam ko, bugbog na bugbog ang katawan ko.Nakadapa ako at nakabaon ang ulo sa malambot na unan. Hinila ko ang kumot para matabunan ang lamig na nararamdaman.All of a sudden the lights went on. Naaninag ko iyon kaya kumunot ang noo ko. I lifted myself so I could see the reason why it happened."Ivan?" hikab ko nang makita si Ivan na palapit.My head hurt even more with the striking light. Minasahe ko ang mga mata. On the other hand, I felt Ivan inched closer. Tinuon ko sa kaniya ang nanlalabong paningin.Lumundo ang kama sa kaniyang pagsampa. Pinilit kong makaupo dahil sa pagkabigla sa kaniyang ginawa."W-What are yo
Chapter 61His Past (Part 2)âWhatâs that? Pampalubag loob mo?â Larisse asked sternly and coldly after I handed over her a bouquet of flowers and chocolates.I kept a small smile, still. She can really be difficult at times, but I can understand. Weâre each otherâs reflection. We are so alike.Two people sharing the same dilemma. Their parents.Maybe thatâs what prolly gravitated us towards each other.âPlease, accept this?â I said softly, cajoling her, âI made the chocolates by myself.âMabilis na nagbago ang seryoso niyang ekspresyon. Her face softened. Lumawak ang ngiti ko. She then finally accepted the flowers and chocolates.She straightened out her arms, offering a hug. Ngumiti ako niyakap siya. âItâs your fault, but apology accepted.âNapawi nang kaunti ang ngiti ko. I remembered why we ended up breaking up weeks ago. Nagselos siya sa babaeng lumapit sa âkin para kausapin ako saglit.Lara she couldnât control her jealousy sometimes that it gave me thoughts. If this is really w
Chapter 60His Past (Part 1)âYou ranked first, but this is not enough,â Papa told me, one time in my last year in high school, when I showed him my report card.I came into his office thinking that when Iâd brought him the good news, heâd finally allow me to have culinary classes again. That was my only hope.But then, as per his very words...Itâs still not enough.âWhat do you mean?â mahina kong tanong nang tanggapin ko ang binalik niyang report card.My grades were high. I never had any eight or seven. Only nines and even a hundred.Why does he keep on underestimating my hard-earned efforts?âThatâs still insufficient for you to be accepted in Harvard,â he answered as if it was too simple to do.My lips parted. I was rendered speechless.I only... wanted one thing. To take culinary classes. I loved cooking. I loved the feeling of being able to serve people with delicious food. Itâs... something that not all men in my league aspires to do, but I do.I can always breathe as long as
Chapter 59Her DoubtsâItâs not that he forgot completely who Uno is. Itâs that heâs under a trance, and he canât say his name. Guess what? This is how heâd been for the last thirteen years, Rigella,â mapait na dagdag ni Tres.Halos manigas ako sa aking kinatatayuan. My mouth parted but no voice came out. Umangat ang tingin ko kay Ivan na nanghihina pa rin at tila naluluha. And I just noticed, his eyes looked lost and and dead.What the hell is this?!âManiniwala ka ba talaga sa gagong âto, Andrea?â Danger asked which made my rationality come back.True enough, thatâs ridiculous.Tres hypnotized Ivan? What kind of excuse is that? Ano ito? Para lang hindi nila masabi sa âkin kung sino talaga si Uno?Of course! Theyâd avoid answering my one and only question. Kasamahan nila sa organisasyon ang demonyong âyon kaya pagtatakpan nila kahit buhay pa nila ang maging kapalit.And now, theyâre trying to escape me with that pathetic excuse?âGreat question, Cinco. Itâs like you really donât kno
Chapter 58Her ShockâWhat do you mean?!â I asked Ivan with a ragged breath.Habol ko ang aking hininga habang paulit-ulit ang pagdagundong sa dibdib ko. Halos kilabutan ako sa narinig ko sa kaniya.My enemy numero uno... my archnemesis... Uno...Is just within my reach... so close to me... all this fucking time?!His head fell weakly. Kumunot ang noo niya at parang litong-lito. Lumapit ako at padarag siyang hinawakan sa balikat.âAnswer me! Sino si Uno!â Niyugyog ko ang nakatali niyang katawan.He lifted his head and our eyes met. May sugat siya sa gilid ng kaniyang mata at may pasa sa pisngi. His lip was bleeding.âI... I canât say it,â he hissed.My brows quickly pulled together. âAre you insane? Sasabihin mo lang! Sabihin mo sa âkin kung sino si Uno!âPuno ng kalituhan ang mukha niya. What I noticed was his eyes. He looked very confused and his eyes were bloodshot.âS-Si... Si...â he attempted to say something, but he would pause each time he tries to speak.Niyugyog ko siyang mul
Chapter 57Her DangerâI want you to choose which method I should use on you,â nakahalukipkip kong tanong at pinadaan ang talim ng kutsilyo sa gilid ng leeg ni Ivan, âa torturous death... or an easy way out?â Kalmado pa rin ang mukha niya kahit nakababa na kami mula sa van at dinala ko siya sa isa sa mga rest house ko sa isang liblib na lugar sa probinsya.He was seated on the sofa of my living room â with both hands and feet cuffed. Nasa akin ang susi ng posas at naka-double lock din iyon. Unless, heâd burn his own arms and legs, then he could get out.Nagkalat sa paligid ang mga tauhan ko at nasa taas din sina Sapphire at Emerald. Diamond left the port the moment I instructed her to guard my son and take him to a safe place. Kung saan tumutuloy si Darlyn at ang anak niya.âWhat do you want to know?â tanong niya at diretso ang tingin sa kawalan.From his back, I grabbed his chin. Inangat ko iyon hanggang sa ma-expose ang leeg niya. I pointed the edge of the knife on his neck.âWho i
Chapter 56His SurrenderâKill me,â I told her in a breathy voice.She wasnât even fazed. The cold smirk on her lips told me that she didnât feel anything about me anymore.Iâm nothing but a prey for her... that she needs to kill and dispatch.My vision blurred even more. My heart clenched in pain. Umigting ang panga ko at nagbaba ng tingin. Kumuyom ang aking kamao.âJust do it, Rigella.â I have nothing else to say but it.Because I know, I deserve every pain and torture for not being able to protect her before.For letting those evil minds treat me like a guinea pig. For letting them mess up my mind that primarily affected my relationship with my wife and my family. Itâs all my fault... and I deserve to die for it.âOne question, Ivan,â aniya at mas diniin ang nguso ng baril sa aking noo, âare you Uno?â My eyes widened a bit. She... knows Uno? Then she probably knows that goddamn org, Dark Alpha.It shouldnât surprise me anymore, but it still did. Sheâs Andrea Steinfields now. Som
Chapter 55Her ComebackâMomma, sheâs crying,â nag-aalalang saad ni Rayven sa telepono.My heart clenched. âBaby, what happened? Did Rayne got hurt? Are you both okay?ââYes, Momma. Weâre okay. She had a nightmare. She told us you disappeared in an instant and never came back again in her dream.âNapahinga ako nang maluwag nang marinig iyon. Lulan ako ng van na patungo sa private port na pagmamay-ari ni Dos. A total of ten vehicles are tailing my van.Today is the D-day. Iâll finally come face-to-face with my pathetic little ex-husband after so many years. âRayven, can you do something for Momma?â I asked carefully. âWhat is it?ââPlease pass the phone to your sister? Tell her I called.â Tumahimik naman ang kabilang linya. I heard my daughter crying over the phone. Pumikit ako nang mariin. It breaks my heart to hear her cry like that at wala man lang ako sa tabi niya.âRayne, Momma wants to talk to you,â I heard Rayvenâs calm voice.âH-Huh? Momma? Momma is calling, Rayven?!â I hear
Chapter 54His SeatâDos, can you calm this asshole?â iritadong saad ni Cuatro matapos maupo sa kaniyang upuan. I also settled in my seat, wearing my mask of indifference. Nakaupo na rin si Tres sa gitna namin. Heâs massaging the bridge of his nose as if somethingâs pestering his mind.The oval meeting table was still unoccupied by the other members of Dark Alpha. Nauna kaming dumating at malalamang na namahuhuli si Uno dahil gusto niya na namang magpapansin sa lahat.âWhatâs wrong?â I asked in a serious voice.Cuatro hissed. âSagutin mo, gago!â He punched Tresâ arm. Hindi naman natinag si Xyleus. His face was serious and his brows were furrowed tight.âCuatro,â I called Creed, âwhat the hell is wrong with him?âPumalatak siya. âTangina talaga neto ni Tres. Kinakausap ka, eh!â My jaw clenched. Nang makita niyang dumidilim na ang ekspresyon ko ay napangiwi siya.âPara kayong gago, eh. âWag nâyo na nga akong idamay sa mga katarantaduhan niyo. Namumuro na kayo, ah!ââWhat... the fuck.
Chapter 53Her AcesâBakit hindi ka pa kumikilos?âDanger puffed from his cigarette beside me. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko dahil sa lamig na dala ng malakas na hangin.I happened to visit my organizationâs hide-out in the Philippines. Binilin ko muna kay Roxanne ang kambal. Pinaalam ko na lang na may kailangan akong gawing trabaho at naintindihan naman nila.Ayoko sanang nahihiwalay ako kina Rayne at Rayven, pero kailangan.âWhy are you so excited?â tanong ko at ngumisi.Binalingan ko siya. His face was serious and dark. Napailing ako nang muli siyang humithit sa kaniyang sigarilyo.âYouâll die early with what youâre doing,â iling ko.Matunog siyang ngumisi. âNot until I had avenged my brother against that fucking Dark Alpha.âNapahinga ako nang malalim. I donât exactly know what Danger wants out of our plan, but I just know that his hatred for the people who killed his brother fuels his desire to destroy and eliminate them.âItâs a pity that Ate Rina died before we even got our hands on