Chapter 4

I closed my eyes, feeling chest pain crawling inside me. I was standing next to my son a few minutes ago before Chief came in. My son didn't know me, that I am his mother. I just wanted to scream so bad. I could feel my chest tightened when I heard his voice. I miss my son terribly. I wanted to hug and kiss him, but I couldn't.

Mabilis akong umalis noong biglaang pagpasok ni Dr. Cojuangco sa PICU. Hindi ko na siya hinintay magsalita at tuluyang umalis sa kwartong iyon. Hawak-hawak ko ang dibdib ko dahil sa pananakit nito.

"Dra. Santillan, are you okay?"

I was busy catching my breath when someone called me. I turned my head to her side and checked who was that. My eyes remained coldly. I didn't bother to answer her and walked away. I didn't turn my back at her.

I picked up my phone and checked my messages. I saw that one of my colleagues in my attending hospital replied to me. I quickly sent my reply. I put my phone inside my pocket again then checked my watch.

It's already 7 PM.

Dumiretso ako sa cafeteria ng hospital. I need to feed myself up, kailangan kong magpalakas. I need to study for my son's case. I need to study what kind of treatments and what are the consequences of those. The pathophysiology of mayomayo.

Bibili na sana ako nang pagkain ng may naalala akong gawin. I need to go to the Chief's office to give him a heads up because two of my friends will be here to help me with my son's case.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad ng makita ang Kuya Isaac ko, he's wearing his coat and I must say, he's looking good wearing his white coat. And I think he felt someone's staring at him that's why his gaze met mine.

Papalapit na sana ako kung saan siya nakatayo at may kinakausap ng biglang lumingon ang lalaki sa gawi ko. I stopped midway when I saw his face.

Atty. Savion Andre Valero.

Gustong-gustong gumalaw ng mga paa ko paalis kung nasaan ako ngayon. Ayaw ko siyang makausap o makita ulit sa pangalawang pagkakataon ngayong araw. I just saw him earlier noong papunta ako sa office ni Dr. Cojuangco.

Nakita ko naman papalapit sa akin si Kuya Isaac habang nasa likuran niya lang ang lalaking kumuha nang anak ko sa akin. Nakatingin lang ito na parang hindi manlang ako kilala. I don't know him. I don't know someone who left me without saying any valid reason.

"Isabella," Kuya called, eyeing me intently. "What are you still doing here?" 

"I just need to speak to the Chief," I casually said.

Kuya Isaac just sighed and shook his head. He looked at Savion, who's looking at us coldly. "Savion, I'll talk to you again later." Tumango lamang sa kanya si Savion at pinadaan ako saglit ng tingin bago ito tumalikod at naglakad papalayo sa aming dalawa ni Kuya Isaac.

My brother eyed me intently, looking at me like I have a big head or something. "What?" tanong ko sa kanya. Ikinailing lamang niya iyon at sumabay sa akin sa paglalakad.

"I'll go with you to Papa's office," sabi niya habang tinitignan niya ang chart na dala-dala niya. "I heard you conducted some tests again?" tanong niya sa akin pagkasakay namin sa elevator.

"Yes, just making sure. It could be not mayomayo or I don't know. I just want to make sure, Kuya." 

Tango lamang ang sinagot niya sa akin pero bigla na lang akong tumitig sa kanya at ngumit na ikinataka naman niya. Taas ang mga kilay na parang nagtatanong kung ba't ako nakatingin sa kanya. I just genuinely smiled at him.

"I'm so proud of you, Kuya Isaac. White coat suits you so well, Dr. Cojuangco." 

He tapped my head and tousled my hair. "And, I, too, Dr. Santillan." 

WE were sitting in front of Chief Cojuangco, when someone knocked on his office's door. We are discussing some important things when the door opened. Sabay sabay kaming tumingin sa taong nagbukas ng pinto.

"Atty. Valero, come on in," The Chief said, eyeing me "We're just discussing some important things." 

Kuya Isaac cleared his throat when he looked at Savion who was sitting on the opposite side of the table, in front of me. 

"Papa, so paano nga?" napatingin naman ako bigla sa sinabi ni Kuya Isaac. 

"Just leave it to me, Isaac. H'wag kang matigas ang ulo," Dr. Cojuangco said calmly. "Atty. Valero, what can I do for you?"

I looked at Dr. Cojuangco who is now talking to Savion. Sa kanya lang ako tumitingin at hindi ko namamalayan na pahigpit na pala nang pahigpit ang hawak ko sa pen. I just noticed it when Kuya Isaac lift an eyebrow at me and looked at the pen. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Can we transfer my son to a private room?" napatahimik kaming lahat sa narinig na tanong galing kay Savion. Papa smiled at Savion and nodded.

"Of course, we can transfer my grandson," he answered Savion while smiling, I mentally rolled my eyes. 

"Isn't he comfortable in PICU?" he added.

I looked at Savion and sighed. Tango lamang ang sagot nito kay Dr. Cojuangco. Wala akong boses pag dating sa anak ko, ni hindi nga ako kilala nito bilang nanay. Dahan-dahan kong hinilot sentido ko dahil naramdaman ko na naman ang pananakit ng ulo.

"Take some rest, Isabella." Kuya Isaac said. I just nodded and didn't argue. Kinuha ko ang baso ng tubig sa harapan ko at ininom iyon. Hindi ko sinasadyang mapatingin kay Savion ng makita ko itong titig na titig sa akin at sa relo ko.

Fuck. 

Gustong-gusto kong magmura dahil sa naiisip ko ngayon. I am still wearing the watch he gave me when I finished my intern as a pediatric surgeon. Muli kong binaba ang kamay at pinatong iyon sa hita ko. I just want to leave the office right now. Feeling ko para akong lalagutan ng hininga dahil sa pagsikip ng dibdib ko. 

Tumayo ako bigla kaya naman lahat sila ay biglang napatingin sa akin. I managed to smile at Kuya Isaac. 

"I'll go now," paalam ko sa kanila at dinaanan lang ng tingin si Savion. I looked at Chief Cojuangco. "I'll be back tomorrow at 6 AM." Iyon lang ang sinabi ko at tumango ito sa akin.

Nang makalabas ako sa office ng chief ay parang nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Hawak-hawak ko pa rin ang ulo ko dahil sa pananakit nito. I should probably get some sleep. Halos dalawang araw na akong walang tulog dahil hindi rin ako nakatulog sa flight ko.

Nakatungong pumasok ako sa elevator at hilot-hilot pa rin ang sentido ko. Magsasara na sana ang pintuan ng bigla itong tumigil at bumakas ulit ng tuluyan. Napaangat ang tingin ko na sana hindi ko na lang ginawa. I saw Savion entering the elevator. 

I didn't bother to look at him again. I saw that he pressed the basement floor of the hospital. Para na naman akong lalagutan ng hininga dahil sa pagkakasama namin dalawa sa iisang lugar. Gustong-gusto ko nang makaalis sa elevator. Gusto ko nang makaalis kung nasaan man siya. 

I was preoccupied with my own thoughts when I heard Savion spoke.

"Good to see you again, Isabella Corine." he sarcastically said.

I looked at him in the eyes.

"It's Dr. Santillan for you, Atty. Valero." I said.

Kasabay noon ang pagbukas ng elavator at tuloy-tuloy ko siyang iniwang tiim ang bagang ng gayahin ko ang huling sinabi niya sa akin bago niya ako tuluyang iwanan.