I Just Need To Survive

For the first few days, I still thought that I was hallucinating or dreaming since I was in an accident. However, the reality betrayed my expectations. Nothing changed even if I slapped myself, cursed the author or cried all night 

I tried everything I could come up with, thinking everything was just a dream.

I, who never practiced any religion in my past life even tried to pray to God, then I prayed to Budha. Neither heard or answered my prayers, so I got creative. I prayed to Zeus, and Hades, and then Morpheus, Isis, Diana, Freyja.

None answered. So in the end, I had no choice but to accept this as reality. 

Unlike my worries, a  month had passed quite peacefully ever since I entered this world, minus a few hindrances here and there due to the servants’ poor treatment.

Well, I also still got shocked from time to time whenever I saw myself in the mirror and was faced to face with this unfamiliar Goddess-like beauty instead of my own face.

But, other than that, I tried to adapt to this place as best as I could by learning more about Bella and this new environment. Fortunately, I had her memories which made it a little bit easier. 

After organizing all the things I remembered from the novel with the added information from Bella’s memories, I was able to learn more about Bella’s background story.

To sum it up, after Bella's mother committed an unforgivable sin against Sophia, Bella's scumbag of a father exiled her mother who was, at that time, pregnant with Bella to the Lily palace. The most deserted and farthest palace from the main palace.

Bella's title as an abandoned princess wasn't exaggerated at all. During my stay here, I never encountered any of Bella's family members. Not even once. 

Due to that, she wasn’t even respected by a single servant except for Elle, as they all knew that even her father the emperor was indifferent when it came to her. The abandoned daughter, princess only by name.

Honestly, it was so cliche that I wanted to laugh when I first experienced it. The servants would purposely make me trip, give me shitty food, pour hot tea on me and say it was an accident, and so on. That kind of plot was so cliche, overused, and pathetic. Even a cheap, third-rate novel wouldn’t be this cliche. But then it hit me, the thought of how this child really had lived like that. In this world, she lived facing rejection from all corners.

When I was still Cho Sarang, I was a very successful celebrity. So I was used to people listening to my ridiculous requests and still respecting me regardless of my bitchy attitude. 

So, it really took a lot of my self control and patience to restrain myself from snapping at those imbeciles.

The only reason that kept me from giving them a piece of my mind was because I didn't want to bring unnecessary attention to myself, at least, not now.

Besides, I had more important things to deal with at that moment. I was currently learning to handle Bella's power, and trust me, it wasn’t easy, especially with her poor body’s condition.

For the past month, I tried to practice something useful like healing magic, along with some defensive magic, just in case.

The problem was, whenever I used up too much mana, I would feel this burning sensation in my chest. I even coughed up blood twice and passed out once.

That's why I tried to be extra careful after that. I didn't want to accidentally die because of this uselessly weak body. Why bother to have so much power if you can't use it?

Anyway, other than magic, I started learning to make potions as well since I saw some memories of Bella making magic potions. 

In this world, potions were regarded highly and also very expensive, because only the best potioners could make the most potent potions. Surprise, surprise, Bella turned out to be talented in potion-making as well.

Gosh, with this much talent, she didn't need her blasted family. She could sell potions for a living and she would be well-off in no time.

Taking a mental note, I put that idea into the back of my head as one of my back up plans in case I ever needed to leave the palace. Well, that didn't sound so bad.

At least, Bella still has one person on her side, Elle. She was a little bit over dramatic sometimes, but she was the only person who cared about Bella, and she had been with her ever since she was born and she also treated Bella like her own child.

Sometimes I felt a little bit bitter at how different Elle was from CEO Lee when it came to raising children. But I guessed since Bella had it worse, I couldn't really complain.

Anyway, it wasn’t important right now. First off, my goal is to live peacefully for a long time. 

So… I have to survive this novel.

I repeated those words in my head like a mantra.

***

I was walking around the garden while humming to one of my favorite songs. 

Honestly, this garden was the only attractive thing about this place. It was the most beautiful garden I had ever laid my eyes on, although this old palace that I lived in was in an astonishingly deplorable state. It wouldn't be shocking if one looked at the ledgers and was shown how the palace's money was being embezzled by the servants for their own use.

What a pitiful girl. No wonder she ended up twisted. I sighed at the thought.

Whatever. I continued to walk around the gardens, trying to ignore my plummeting mood. But I didn't have to worry too much because as soon as I stepped into the garden, a wonderful breeze hit me, carrying the fragrances of various flowers and I took in the sight of the garden around me.

With the decaying palace behind me, the area ahead of me looked like something out of a fairytale. A beautiful assortment of colours filled my eyes and it was a sight that could make even the most indifferent person's face cave into an expression of wonder. Even the cloudy sky looked like a painting. This... really is the world of a book, I thought.

Anyway, there was another reason why I was in this garden instead of drowning myself in self study like usual.

It was because this was the day when the male lead, Alistair, came back from a mission and would accidentally stumble into this place and meet his long lost half sister whom he hadn't seen for eleven years. Yes, it was the first meeting between the male lead and the villainess in the book.

Of course, it was far from a heart touching reunion. Bella never failed to show how much she detested him.

But it wasn’t like she had a lot of opportunities to show her hostility towards him, which was fortunate for me, because it meant that we could start in an almost blank state. 

The crown prince was often sent on missions by the emperor and barely stayed in the palace.

So, the last time they ever met, it was at Bella's mother's funeral. Surprisingly, Empress Sophia and the crown prince came to mourn for Meredith.

According to Bella's memory, the empress cried a lot during the funeral, and strangely, it seemed genuine. If it was only acting, she probably would've been an actress if she was born in my past life.

She even offered to take Bella to live in her palace and raise her as her child. Obviously Bella flatly refused. She could only see the empress as the reason for her misery and I couldn't really blame her for that.

Still, it made me curious about the relationship between the late empress and the current empress. I got a hunch that there was more than what meets the eye.

Anyway, since it was me instead of Bella here, I wouldn't let things play out like in the original story. I was planning to build a good relationship with my supposed half brother and I would use it to my advantage.

I finally arrived at the bridge that was arching over the stream. The scenery was amazing and the water was very clear so I could see the fish swimming around in the water.

I leaned on the banister so I could see the fish more clearly. My white and green outdoor dress ruffled in the wind along with my platinum blonde hair which was let loose.

I pulled out some bread crumbs from my pocket that I had prepared and threw it in the water. In an instant the fishes gathered to eat the crumbs. It was quite fun to watch them.

"There, there, eat a lot." I threw the last bit of the crumbs that I brought.

But, unaware, I had unconsciously leaned too far into the water that my sandals accidently slipped on the floor.

"Holy-!"

Suddenly a pair of warm yet strong arms encircled my waist. I felt myself being pulled into someone's sturdy chest.

I turned my body to see the person who saved me, but when I finally came face to face with the person, my body went rigid.

Alistair Calder Astaseul, the male lead.

In that very moment, the clouds gave way and golden sunlight cascaded down on him, making him look like he was glowing in nature's own spotlight. Strands of his silver hair reflected the light like soft threads of spider silk floating in the breeze and those beautiful purple eyes that resembled precious jewels mirrored mine and made me appreciate his beauty even more.

My mouth fell agape.

What... what the fuck?! I'm not ready for this.

I could barely stop myself from having a meltdown. What the heck was that dramatic entrance?! Did you see the sunlight? His spotlight?

It suddenly reminded me of those ridiculous scenes from the drama 'Extraordinary You'.

My hand flew to my throbbing chest. He's dazzling... other-worldly... ethereal... It felt like I could dedicate all my poems to him.

He had an unreadable expression on his face, but it only added to his attractiveness.

I wasn't exaggerating a thing, this man was seriously too beautiful! Like, I get being attractive in moderation, or even a little extra. I used to see Tae's face, so I knew what attractive was.

But did you see that? That was just perfect! It was like I was watching a movie. No! Even better! There's no way my heart wouldn't skip a beat after seeing his face.

Geez, author! Your writing ability couldn’t keep up with the character! I screamed inwardly.

I know that I probably looked like a dumb fish right now as I kept opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water.

Please Sarang, snap out of it!

"I greet the crown prince of the Helios Empire, may the sun guide your path." I finally did a perfect curtsy to the prince who was silently observing me. Thanks to Bella's memories, I knew how to do the proper curtsy and greeting.

He looked into my eyes and said. "You must be Princess Belladonna?"

Gosh, even his voice is attractive. When reading the original story, I thought his qualities were just male lead tropes, and said it was funny because I never thought I would see those qualities in real life.

"Yes, Your Highness. I'm Belladonna Reigna Astaseul," I belatedly answered.

I guessed he wasn't sure if I was really Bella, since the original Bella never acknowledged him as a Crown Prince and would have probably acted hostile towards him.

"It's been a long time, Your Highness," I added, smiling.

I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes as he stared at me, but it was gone in a second.

"Yes, indeed. It's been a long time, princess." He scanned me up and down without being rude before asking. "Are you okay?"

I flushed, embarrassed that I had shown him the clumsy side of me at our very first meeting. "I'm okay, thanks to Your Highness."

I could see the corner of his lips lift up a little at my answer. Is that a smile?

"I'm glad to hear that, princess."

Don’t make that kind of expression with that face. That’s bad for my heart.

"You don't have to be so formal with me, Your Highness. Bella would do just fine," I suggested.

"Then I'd also prefer for you to call me Alistair instead of Your Highness."

I waved my hand in front of my face frantically. "How could I dare to do that, Your Highness?"

"Please, I insist."

I pondered for a moment before I looked up to meet his dazzling amethyst eyes again. My neck started to become stiff due to looking up at him since he was very tall and I barely reached his chest.

If I hadn't read that novel, I wouldn't have believed that he was only eighteen. He was literally like seven years younger than my actual age. But his aura made him look more mature and wiser. Another male lead's trait, I noted.

I had prepared myself for this scenario and at a time like this, my experience in acting came in handy, so I purposely pretended to be shy and said. 

"Then, can I call you brother instead? You're my brother after all."

He seemed a little bit shocked at my request.

I fidgeted with the hem of my dress. "It's okay if you don't feel comfortable with it. I truly apologize for my impudence-"

"No, no... Of course, you can," He immediately answered.

Gotcha… I suppressed myself from smiling triumphantly.

"Thank you, brother," I gave him my brightest smile as I tested the word in my mouth. It was quite pleasant.

He just nodded awkwardly. Seemed like it was a strange thing for him to hear. But it was fine, practice makes perfect. I would make sure that we’d have a good relationship no matter what. 

"May I ask, what are you doing here, brother? This is quite far from the Star Palace," I asked, as sweetly as possible.

It was easy to act sweet and innocent with Bella’s face. Even though she was actually the antagonist, she really didn’t look the part at all. Sometimes I wondered how someone who looked as angelic as her could be the villainess. But I guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover.

"I just returned to the palace this morning and decided to take a walk around the palace and stumbled here," he explained.

"Ahh, I see.." I nodded. "Then, do you want me to show you around the garden? It isn't much, but I assure you that it is quite beautiful," I offered as I smiled innocently at him. 

Please fall for my charm! I prayed inwardly.

He seemed hesitant but I had a strong intuition that he'd accept.

"Thank you for the invitation," he finally said.

He approached my side and offered his arm to escort me. It seemed like it was customary here for a lady to be escorted by a gentleman. So, I carefully placed my hand on his arm.

"Then shall we go, brother?" I asked in a sugar-coated voice.

He just nodded and that's how we both ended up touring the garden.

I was sure that the both of us looked like we belonged to a painting. A girl with an angelic beauty walking side by side with a man who was just equally as beautiful. What a perfect picture.

I could see from afar that some of the servants were whispering and were shocked when they saw their usually pathetic lady walking with her arm linked with the crown prince.

I needed to suppress myself from smirking in satisfaction.

Just because I was quiet this whole time, did they think I'd just let them do whatever they want and bully me? How cute. Let's see if they can still treat me poorly when I gain the favor of the crown prince.