Deal or No deal?

”Sydney, they’re here!’ Paris shouted. I drop the broom and dustpan, rush outside the room, and welcome our uncle and his wife. Mom was walking out of her room, slowly walking towards us. I came near her and helped her walk stably.

”We bring foods to eat on our way here, don’t bother to cook.”, Uncle Lan said. Paris quickly grabs it and prepares it in the kitchen. 

”How are you feeling, my dearest sister?” uncle asked enthusiastically. Mom smiled genuinely. 

”Good, good.”, she answered while looking at me, asking if she answered correctly. I smiled at her and mouthed very well. She has Aphasia, a condition that makes her unable to communicate. It’s the side effect of the stroke.

”How is it going, Syd?” my uncle asked me. I sat properly. 

”So far, so good, uncle. We’re going back to the hospital for more follow-up checkups. This month we are scheduled for laboratory tests.”, I answered. Mom was admitted to the hospital one year ago due to a stroke. We’ve been at the hospital for almost a month. I dropped out of the university because I had to take responsibility as the eldest daughter, but I also returned to the university last year after we got discharged.

”Good to hear.”, he said. ” We are so lucky to have you, Sydney; Lianne is so fortunate to have a daughter like you. You never failed us. Look at my sister now; she’s a lot better now than before. You’re good at taking care of her and Paris. Paris gets fatter than before.”, and we all laughed. Too much pressure. What if I somehow failed? Would you all no longer be proud of me? Would you all no longer feel lucky to have me? Is this how you say to do better in a discreet way? 

”She has to eat no matter what.”, I answered. I was trying to erase all the what-ifs running inside my mind. Paris rolled her eyes. 

”That’s right, Uncle, I have to eat even if it tastes like shit.” We all laughed again. 

”How’s school?” Aunt Irene asked. I looked at Paris because currently, I’m on summer vacation while Paris just started going back to school last week. 

”Didn’t you enroll yourself this year again, Syd?”, Aunt asked. I shake my head. 

”I did. We’re just currently on summer vacation.” my mom tapped my back and smiled at me. I smiled back. I know that my mom knows how hard was it for me to bear these things, but we have no other option. 

”Sydney, can I talk to you for a while?” Uncle Lan pointed outside. I looked at my mom and nodded at her before I stood and got out. 

”How are you?” Uncle asked as soon as I got near him. I was so shocked by the sudden question. I have never heard that question for almost months now. It sounds alien to me.

”I’m... fine, Uncle. Still stumbling, but now….” Now what? Is there even any difference from last year? “I’m way more stable.”, I lied. He nodded. 

”How’s Paris? Is she helping you?”

”Yeah, she’s a big help. We fought sometimes, but we still get back on good terms.” 

”How about your budget for the whole month? Is it enough?” should I tell the truth? If I did, they would send us money; I don’t want to put more weight on Uncle’s shoulder. It’s already a shame that they have carried us since then. I’m already of legal age, I can apply for work and provide for my family, plus I have a father.

”We’re fine, Uncle, don’t worry; I will tell you right away if we need anything, so don’t worry about us too much.” he smiled at me and lightly tapped my shoulder. I can feel it, and I can feel that everyone got my back. No one’s putting pressure on me, but why do I pressure myself and blame it on them?

”I’m so proud of you; you grew up well.”, he said jubilantly. Am I? Am I someone to be proud of? I wonder. I smiled. 

”We should get going; you’re cousins are at home alone. We’re going to revisit next time.”, Auntie Irene said from our back. 

”Sure, Auntie, bring Enzo and Jenny next time so that we can hang out sometime.”, I suggest; she nods. 

”That’s a good idea; we will.” she smiled. 

”We’re leaving! My dearest sister, get well soon! We’ll be back. I love you!” Uncle Lan said and hugged mom. I want Paris and me to be like that when we’re old. I want us to get in a fight but will still be on good terms before the day ends.

”Take care!” Paris and I reminded Uncle. They wave before they get in their car. We came back to our house and started serving our lunch. After we ate lunch, I prepared my mom’s medicine. 

 I returned to my room, and I slammed myself into my bed. I didn’t do much, but it drained me so much. How should I address this feeling? I’m fine but not. I’m doing alright, but it feels all wrong. Am I doing things correctly? Was it a great thing that I listened to Tycen about coming back to school? I listened to a stranger but not my own family, and now I’m talking to a ghost!

”Life is hard, isn’t it?” I jumped off my bed and saw the ghost sitting on the right side of my bed. 

”What the hell!” I hissed. He grinned at me. ”You don’t have any plans to leave me alone, am I right?” I grimaced. He shakes his head and crosses his hands. 

”I’ve been wandering for months now, and you, of all people, are the only one who can see and hear me. Congrats, the chosen one”, he boasted. I rolled my eyes. I thought I had already hurt his feelings, and he was ready to turn his back on me. 

”I already turned you down. I already decided, and no one can break it.”, I clarified. He stands up and walks towards my bookshelf. Why is he always going there? Is he from a book?

”Sydney, nineteen years old turning twenty, ten days from now, University first-year drop out, but now incoming 3rd year wow! Engineering student, aspiring writer, not interested in boys, hates the idea of a relationship, has a lot of friends yet not close enough, hates his fa--”, 

”Shut up!” I growled, cutting him off. He looked at me aggressively. His audacity to look at me like that, he should be on his knees begging for my help, not looking at me like that. I don't get why boys never accept no as an answer. Were there some loose screws inside their brain? They will wholeheartedly accept and respect the 'I have a boyfriend' response rather than a 'no'?

”I’ve been here for months now.”, he stated. My eyes widened. Does that mean he saw everything? From my breakdowns and worst. Oh god, no, please! I was changing my clothes.

“Oh-kay, calm down. I don’t see anything! I hear everything, but I shut my eyes closed!” he bawled. I glared at him to a greater degree than my eyes hurt. What does he mean he shut his eyes closed? It does count, right?

”I heard your sobs, your,” he paused, scanning my face. “pleads,” he whispered. My face loosened. He looked away and breathed deeply. ”I wonder how hard it was for you to pretend 24/7. I also wonder how thick your facade was.”, he asked. What’s this?

Tycen was the first one to recognize me. Is this relief or grief? Am I happy? I don’t know myself well. And I’ve been so afraid all my life because sometimes I find myself expecting that someone would recognize me with all of this facade. I never thought that someone would recognize me just like how Tycen did.

”And I think I could help you. I don’t know how, but let’s figure it out.”, he suggested. Help on what? I walk towards my bed and sit there. “Together. Especially now that you can see and hear me.” I looked at him, and he kind of looked sincere and desperate. I remember that look when I saw my reflection in the mirror of the hospital’s comfort room. That was exactly the look on my face, desperation. I’m so desperate to seek help, but no one’s available to help me. 

”I’ll think about it.”, I whispered. His face enlightened a bit. His eyes rounded. He suddenly appeared right in front of me. Out of shock, I punched in the air. Goodness gracious, I can’t hurt this man in front of me. Maybe one day I will just find myself being pro at shadow boxing, thanks to this man.

”Thank you!” he screamed, and he jumped around inside my room as if I said yes. What if someone helped me during that time? Would things turn out different? 

“I said, I’ll think about it. I didn’t say yes.”, I clarified, and he nods.

“I know, but still, I have a 50% chance that you’ll help me.”, he sounded more optimistic than before. He suddenly showed me a piece of paper: Hade, 21, a writer. 

”It is read as Adi,” he introduced with a big smile. I wanted to laugh my ass out, but I can’t. He’s somewhat cute, though. I shook my head to shake off the thought of him being cute. 

His name is Hade, read as Adi, the same as Tycen’s name in COD — a video game that allows you to communicate and play with other gamers across the world. Did we meet there? No, we met on a dating app called Tinder. I don’t play games, but my sister does. I just played COD because of him. Enough with Tycen. Let’s go back with Hade.

Why is his name written in detail on a piece of paper? Maybe he’s trying to show it to me before, but I should have seen it. I try reaching the paper in his hand, but I can’t touch it. We look at the eyes of each other at the same time. His face is blank. 

“Well, I’ve been with this paper since day one, so I guess it explains everything.”, he explained. I nodded. A ghost paper? Seriously?

“How come that you can touch things, but you can’t touch humans?”. I diverted the topic.

”I don’t know, this is the first time I can hold things, and things can hold me.”, he said while pinning his right hand on the bed.

”Tell me about you.”, I said. He looked at me, looking confused. 

”Should I?” he hesitated. I nod. 

”Make sure that the information you’ll tell me will helps you make up my mind about helping you.”, he settled in the corner of my bed and looked straight into my eyes. It feels like he’s looking at my soul. 

”I’m Hade. I’m a writer, and uh.”, he looks to his side, thinking deeply. “To be honest, I don’t remember my name, and this piece of paper is the only reference I have about who I am.”, he confessed and looked at me again. “But I remember crucial information about me as I came from a well-off family. And I have two older brothers and a younger one.” I was about to speak when my door suddenly slammed open. 

”Sydney, what the hell!’, Paris croaked. She takes a heavy step toward me. “Who are you talking to?” and now she’s screeching. I looked at her side where Hade is sitting. She traced my eyes and looked where I’m looking. 

”You still see him?”, she’s getting pale again. And she turned to look at me. “And now you decided to talk to him? Is he handsome? 'Cause last time I check, you became hysterical just by hearing the word ghost!” she reminds. I instantly glared at her. I heard him chuckled a bit, so I turned to him and glared too. He pressed his lips and decided to become polite. 

”Yes, I do still see him, and I decided to help him, and he’s ‘not’ handsome.”, I answered, emphasizing the word not. I saw him wince. 

”How come would you help a ghost when you can’t even help yourself? My God, Sydney, use your brain!” Paris growled and left the room. I was just sitting here, but I feel so attacked. 

”Whoa, that’s solid.”, he reacted. I just shrugged and stood up. He looks at me and does the same thing. 

”I know there is one thing you badly wanted to do!” he said excitedly. He quickly went to my study table and held a pen and a notebook. 

”I will help you write your book!” he exclaimed. 

“Nope, not a chance.”, I said. He narrowed his eyes. “I no longer dream about anything else except my mother’s recovery.” He suddenly laughed. 

”That’s bullshit.”, he answered. Yeah, that’s bullshit. But I’ve been so busy with our life that I don’t have time to think about MY life. I even give MY supposedly time to Tycen, but what did I get in return? 

”I don’t care about whatever you think of me. That’s my top priority.”, I said firmly. 

”But you’ll still going to help me, right?” he whispered. I can barely hear what he said. Is he scared that maybe I’ll bear in mind what my sister said about helping others when I can’t even help myself? She does have a point. 

I can clearly remember my mom saying that it doesn’t make sense to help someone when both of you are drowning. It would just make things harder for both of you. If someone tries to save others when it is drowning too, it will die, but he/she still managed to keep the other one. That’s why both of you should save yourself first. Try to find ways to protect yourself. 

But it just doesn’t make sense thou, how would a ghost save himself? I looked at Hade. He’s looking outside my window. If I help him, would he be able to live again? I’m not God; I can’t bring the dead back to life. Just the idea of bringing the dead back to life was somewhat thrilling. Is this some Zombie type thing? I love zombies! R! 

”Why aren’t you answering me?” he asked. I suddenly got back from daydreaming.” Did my chance go from 50% to 0% already?’ he’s looking at me now. I shake my head. 

”I don’t know.”, he sighed and closed his eyes. 

”I understand. It’s tough to choose between self and other--” I cut him off. 

”I don’t know where to start.”, he suddenly looked at me with his mouth open. 

“You told me that you came from a wealthy family. How am I be able to find you when I can’t even go near them?”, he smiled from ear to ear and suddenly spread his arms and run towards me. What the fuck? But he suddenly vanished after passing by me. Maybe he accidentally goes through the wall. I can’t help but laugh—what a laughing stock. But wait, did I just tell him that I’m going to help him? I spank my forehead. What stupid I am. My phone suddenly rang—Aunt Lita’s video calling. 

”Sydney, how is your mom? Is she doing well? When are you going to come back to school?” my mom’s cousin’s back-to-back question. I smiled wryly and answered her questions one by one. 

”Hi Aunt Lita, mom’s doing well. And I also come back to school but am currently on a summer vacation. The school year just ended.”, Aunt smiled. 

”Just like what we expected, you’re responsible. We don’t have to worry about your mom. She’s in good hands.” I smiled again, but this time I smiled because it hurts. 

”I have to go, Sydney. I just called you to get some news. Take care always we love you.”, and she ended the call. I throw myself at my bed. I stare at the ceiling. Hearing those words just like what we expected’ breaks my heart, like what if I fail somehow? Everyone’s expecting me to be someone I cannot. 

I’m not strong, but I have to be. I’m not that responsible enough, but I’m trying to be one. I also have flaws, but why are they acting like I have to be perfect at all times? I remember Aunt Lita called me in the middle of the day. I was out to fix my Identification card and passed by my friend’s house. She scolded me because I’m outside instead of staying at home and doing what I’m supposed to do in the middle of the day. 

Then I remember what my mom usually tells me almost every single time. That she's never worried about me if ever she died. Because I'm already old enough to take care of myself but Paris wasn't.

“Calm down.”, I heard Hade’s voice. I followed where the voice came from and saw him sitting in front of my study table already, and he was writing something. When did he get there? I sit up and look straight at him. “They expect because you set the standards high. But it doesn’t mean that they’re going to blame you if you failed to do so. It’s just that they know that you know what you’re doing without telling you what to do.” I already heard that somewhere. Is it from Rayleigh? No, Rey won’t tell me those words. Was it Taylor? But I never spoke about my problems with Taylor. Tycen? Was it Tycen?

”Can you hear my thoughts?” I asked. He glanced at me for a second and looked at the notebook again. 

”No, it’s just that I’ve been observing you for months now that I even know when you're panicking because of your mom or panicking because you have to poop.” he grinned. He does know how to divert things. Damn, Tycen, why are you coming back into my mind? I already moved on. Fuck!

”And now you’re good, thanks to me.”, he looked at me and winked. I just rolled my eyes and walked toward him. I looked at the notebook, and he’s been doing some schematic diagrams with names in it. 

”What’s that?” I asked him. He suddenly became serious. He puts the pen down and sits back. 

”They are the people I’m suspecting. I think one of them is the reason why I became like this.”, he said. I looked at the diagram again and saw Connect Incorporation. My jaw almost dropped. 

”Are you involved with Connect inc.?” I asked. He suddenly looked at me with confused eyes. 

”I’m their one and only heir.”, he answered. Oh my god. I should be good at him, right? He can drag me toward my dream path. Should I tell him that I’ll go all-in? But I just told him that I no longer wanted to write, but I could still take it back right. Wait, what? I just remember that he said to me that he has siblings. How come he’s the one and only heir?