Shattering Silence

With my heart a heavy burden in my chest, I trudged toward our bedroom unable to break free from the silence that pervaded the house.

The sounds of Liam's footsteps disappearing behind me only served to highlight how empty our relationship was becoming. Upon hearing the downstairs door slam I flinched.

What was the point of chasing after him and insisting that he stay? His absence had already been more noticeable than any argument we could have.

I forced open our bedroom door in the hopes of finding some comfort but at this point it was the last place that could provide it. I could only see the cracks in everything we used to have despite the gentle shadows cast by the bedside lamp. The bed we shared. Our common recollections.

And now,a document that is currently on my side of the bed— divorce papers. I stopped.

As I made my way slowly to the bed, my legs felt like jelly. The papers were waiting neatly stacked as if they had always been there. Liam seemed to have planned this for a longer period of time than I had anticipated.

As though he had already decided. My hands shook as I reached out, reading the words that would alter everything. Divorce.

My eyes stung with tears as the paper hazed in front of me. As I tried to process it, my head whirled. My stomach rumbled. That was it. This marked the end. I was at a loss for words. The fight is over. Not after everything.

Liam entered as the creaking door opened. His face was a blank mask and he didn't even look at me. Making his way to the dresser he began going through his clothes.

My voice was hardly audible above a whisper as my breath caught. When I held the papers up between us, my hand trembled. "Liam… What is this?"

 He turned to face me after a brief pause. As if he had run out of emotions to share his eyes were icy and nearly lifeless. "Ava it's over."

I was initially unable to speak. It seemed as though my lungs had been sucked out of air. This was not taking place. Not in this manner.

"No," I said at last my voice rasping with incredulity. "You can't… I can't—"

 I dropped the papers from my grasp, my eyes darting from his uninterested face to the papers on the ground.

"Ava," he said, his voice as icy as his eyes, "I've been telling you for months... We're done. I'm done."

I was slapped across the face by the words. My vision blurred again and I felt lightheaded but I tried to concentrate on him by blinking away the tears. He was no longer even present emotionally. Yet here he was positioned before me acting as though he was taking the simple and proper course of action.

"No, you can't ignore this situation. Not in this manner Liam." As my frustration increased my voice broke. "We are married. Because our lives are collapsing and you can't manage your own you can't just throw this away."

Liam didn't recoil, he seemed unconcerned that I was breaking down in front of him. His face remained unchanged. He just let out a sigh and rubbed his temples as if to relieve the headache I had obviously developed.

"This is nothing new to us, Ava. You wish to maintain the appearance that we are a happy family. We're not though. We haven't been in a while."

The floor beneath me seemed to have collapsed, engulfing me completely. "That's not right. Not while we're expecting a child."

I kept a close eye on him in case he reacted in any way that would indicate he was still the husband I married. However, his expression didn't change.

"That's up to you, Ava. Nothing is changed by it." He gave a shrug. "You made the decision to keep this baby. Right now though I'm telling you that I don't want to have children. I don't think I ever will and I never wanted this."

My throat tightened with breath. Everything I had ever thought about him—about us—had just been torn apart by him. As I looked at him my hands held onto the beds edge for support searching for any indication that this was a sick joke. But it wasn't. His cold vacant eyes resembled those of a stranger.

 "Get rid of it" He said in a flat heartless voice that sounded like a casual recommendation. "I will never become a father. And if you don't want to be alone in this you don't have to be."

My breathing was labored. I shook my head "You're telling me… you're telling me to just—abort our child? To get rid of the baby?"

 It felt wrong to say those words. All I could do was stare at him in complete silence wanting to scream and hit him. Although Liam took a step closer, his motion was cold and uncomfortably cold.

"You heard me. I'm not prepared for this. It's not something I want. I absolutely do not want us to be together any longer."

" Please, Liam." I stifled a sob. "Please don't do this. I need you. I need you here. We have a baby. This is it. This represents our future."

 He folded his arms across his chest, his face becoming even more stern. "Ava I have already made up my mind. I'm done. After signing the paperwork, leave. I want you to leave by the end of the week but you are welcome to stay here until you work things out."

Whatever was left of my heart was shattered by the finality in his voice. It felt as if the floor had opened under me and I was falling in.I buried my face in my hands as I collapsed onto the bed.

Amidst the sobs I muttered "I have no idea what happened to us. I have no idea how we arrived here."

" You brought us here" Liam retorted in a sour insensitive tone. "Ava you have been clinging to a fantasy that never existed. You've pulled me into it now. I'm done."

 I was crying uncontrollably now. The man I had built my life with and loved was leaving me and I was powerless to stop the unstoppable weight of what was happening. He was deserting both our unborn child and me. It was beyond my comprehension.

But I was forced to accept it. I remained silent for a moment. Nothing more needed to be said. With the door behind him clicking softly Liam left the room. The subsequent quiet was deafening. I also felt completely alone for the first time in years.

But I knew there was only one thing to do.