Cast Aside

In the quiet of our bedroom—the one that had once been ours —I had packed my bag. The one in which we made a lifelong commitment to one another.

 Even though I had no idea where I was going I had to go. I had lost ownership of the house—our house. Not after his words, what he had done. I still felt as though the divorce papers were suffocating me like a weight in my hands.

Everything I believed we had was torn apart by a thin stack of legal sheets. Without even looking at them Liam had given them to me as if they were just another document to be completed and crossed off his list of things to do.

 Just icy indifference without hesitation or emotion. It was impossible for me to stay. Not in that residence. Not when the void looms like a dense mist between us.

 So I left. I had no idea where to go but the street outside seemed like a good place to be. An area where I could vanish. Even though the night air was abrasive against my skin, it was unable to quench the fire within me.

 Like a puppet with its strings cut, my legs move aimlessly and without direction. I could not find my way. I felt completely lost. Every step reverberated in the silence and the sounds of the outside world appeared far away—too far away to care about, too far away to reach.

No plans, no future for me.

My life seemed to have been abruptly wiped out and I was clueless about how to begin anew. I had no idea where to go. I inhaled the cool air deeply but it didn't make me feel full.

The pain in my chest didn't go away. What had happened? How had Liam, the person I had devoted my life to and loved, turned into a complete stranger? Then there was the baby's weight.

In a protective instinct, my hands were on my stomach. However if I was unable to defend myself, what good was that protection? Even though it seemed like the world was spinning too quickly I didn't mind. I had to continue walking. Keep going.

The sound of a car engine interrupted my train of thought. When I looked up it seemed like time was slowing down. As the car accelerated toward me the headlights were blazing down on me. I became immobile and unable to run as my body froze rooted to the ground.

 I was startled by the sound of the horn but it was too late. The vehicle was too fast and too close. I hardly had time to respond. In addition to the world tilting and spinning uncontrollably my legs gave way under me.

The tires locked up as the car screeched but it was too close.

 As I waited for whatever would happen,I closed my eyes. However it never came. I was just inches away when the car abruptly swerved to the side. My legs were weak and unsteady and I felt lightheaded from the force of the near miss.

My mind was racing, my head a jumble of panic and shock.

I tried to move but then the darkness started closing in on me...

When I opened my eyes again, I realized that I was not alone.I forced my eyelids to open .

There was someone else...There was a man kneeling so close to me, his face above mine, his eyes wide with worry.

He spoke to me in a soft, calming voice that was mixed with urgency. "Hey, stay with me please. Do you hear me?"

 I tried to focus by blinking but my vision was blurry. My entire body felt numb and disjointed. My thoughts moved slowly as if I were wading through dense fog.

 When I tried to speak my words got stuck in my throat and my mouth felt dry. I briefly believed I might be dreaming as the world around me changed.

The chilly air and the uneven ground beneath me however felt authentic.

" Stay put,"The man said in a steady but anxious voice "I'm going to help you."

 I wanted to reassure him that I was all right. I wanted to tell him to get out of my life. I didn't want assistance from anyone. However the words would not come. I attempted to push myself instead but my body was uncooperative.

My limbs were unresponsive and felt heavy. I was simply too frail. I was unable to even raise my head. With his hands gently pressing me back down the stranger said "Hey, hey.. take it easy. Please stay put...Damn, you've been hot"

To make my body comply I attempted to move once more but it all seemed so distant. Such a distance. Such numbness.

As he spoke to me, I realized how soft and comforting his voice was as if he was talking to a wounded child.

"No, " I said in a whisper, my words hardly forming. "I need to go. I can't —"

A worried expression tightened on the stranger's face. "You must remain down. A concussion has struck you. At this moment you are unable to move."

 I wanted to argue. I wanted to reassure him that I was alright... that I was self-sufficient. However the world was disappearing once more, slipping through my fingers like sand.

I was distracted by the distant sirens but I didn't care. I was indifferent. All I wanted to do was to get up and get out of here, possibly run away from everything.

 "Please," I muttered once more but not to the stranger. No one was the target. It merely was a request. An exclamation of relief from the burden of the world around me.

"I understand," the man whispered, speaking near my ear. "I understand that it hurts. But you cannot do this on your own. Please just stay with me."

 My intention was to nod. I desired to assure him that I would. However I couldn't. My body would not react. I didn't resist when the world around me appeared to fall into darkness once more.

To give in was simpler... easier to release. The man's voice was the last thing I heard but it grew softer as my body drifted farther and further away.

And I lost consciousness.