B1: HTM - 4

The trip back to the pack felt like a dream, or maybe a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. My legs ached from running, but I’d barely noticed until I stumbled into familiar territory.

Everything around me seemed dull, muted, like the colors and sounds of the forest had drained away with my mother’s life. I couldn’t get her last scream out of my mind; it echoed in the silence, piercing through every thought.

My heart was heavy, and guilt was an unbearable weight pressing down on my chest. I had left her. She told me to run, but every step away from her felt like betrayal, like I’d failed her. The memory clawed at me, a jagged, raw wound I knew would never fully heal.

I reached the edge of the pack’s territory, and the first person I saw was Bea. Her face lit up when she spotted me, but the light in her eyes quickly faded when she took in the look on my face. She rushed over, her hands reaching for me, but I couldn’t move. I was frozen, staring at her, lost.

“Amelia,” she said softly, wrapping her arms around me. “Oh, my God, what happened?”

The warmth of her embrace broke something inside me. I let out a shaky breath, my throat too tight for words, and I clung to her, feeling my legs finally give way beneath me. She sank to the ground with me, holding me as I cried, her gentle hands rubbing soothing circles on my back.

“They… she…” I choked out, unable to even say the words.

Bea pulled back slightly, her eyes searching mine with a growing look of horror.

“Your mom?” she whispered, her voice thick with dread.

I nodded, the movement so small, but it felt monumental, like sealing the truth of what had happened. I watched as understanding dawned on her face, her eyes filling with tears as she clutched me even tighter.

“She fought them, Bea. She saved me, but…”

I couldn’t finish, my words dissolving into another round of sobs. I felt like I was drowning, each tear another wave pulling me under.

As Bea held me, I heard footsteps approaching. I turned and saw Levi standing there, his face a mix of shock, grief, and something darker. His jaw was set, his hands clenched at his sides. I could feel the tension radiating off him, a tight coil of pain ready to snap.

"Where is she?" His voice was barely a whisper, thick with disbelief. I looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

"She didn’t… she didn’t make it," I said, my voice breaking on the last word.

Levi’s face twisted with anguish, and for a moment, I thought he might cry. But then he looked at me, really looked at me, and something in his expression changed. His eyes narrowed, his mouth tightening into a hard line.

“You… left her?” he asked, his tone sharp and accusing.

I opened my mouth to explain, to tell him how she’d told me to run, how I’d wanted to stay, but the words wouldn’t come. All I could do was nod, my shame and guilt heavy in the air between us.

“She told me to run, Levi. She… she wanted me to get away.” I swallowed hard, my voice trembling. “She fought so I could live.”

He shook his head, a bitter, harsh laugh escaping him. “And you just did it, didn’t you? You ran while she…” His voice cracked, but his eyes stayed hard. “While she gave everything to protect you.”

My heart clenched, a painful stab of guilt coursing through me. “Levi, I — I didn’t want to, I swear. She… she made me promise.”

“Promises,” he muttered, his face twisting in anger. “What good are promises if they get people killed?”

I felt Bea’s hand on my arm, a gentle reminder that I wasn’t alone, but it didn’t matter. Levi’s words hit me like physical blows, each one driving deeper, cutting through any remnants of my resolve. I looked around, and I saw the others watching, their faces a mix of sympathy, pity… and resentment.

Even those who weren’t saying it outright held a silent judgment in their eyes, a question that screamed louder than words: Why her and not you? The pack gathered around us, some murmuring condolences, others just staring. I could hear the whispers, faint but unmistakable.

“She’s the reason Mira’s gone.”

“How could she just leave her like that?”

“Her poor mother… sacrificed herself for her, and she just ran.”

Each word was like a stab in the heart, reopening wounds that hadn’t even begun to heal. I wanted to scream, to tell them that I’d had no choice, that I’d wanted to stay, that I’d wanted to fight. But my voice wouldn’t come. I was paralyzed, trapped in my own guilt, my own regret.

Levi turned away, his shoulders rigid. “I can’t do this,” he muttered under his breath, before stalking off into the trees, leaving me standing there, feeling more alone than I ever had in my life.

Bea tightened her grip on my hand. “Come on,” she said softly, leading me toward the packhouse. “Let’s get you inside.”

As we walked, I could feel the weight of the pack’s eyes on me, each gaze a silent accusation. I kept my head down, trying to block out the whispers, the looks. I’d lost my mother, and now it felt like I was losing my place in the pack, my family, everything.

Inside, Bea led me to a small room, where I could sit down and try to gather myself. She closed the door behind us, giving us a rare moment of privacy. She sat next to me, taking my hand in hers, her thumb brushing gently over my knuckles.

“Amelia… you know you did what you had to, right?” she said gently. “Your mom… she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

I shook my head, fresh tears stinging my eyes. “They don’t see it that way, Bea. Levi doesn’t see it that way.” My voice was small, filled with a hurt I couldn’t contain. “He blames me. They all blame me.”

“Levi… he’s hurting, Amelia,” Bea said quietly. “He just lost his mother too. He’ll come around. He just… he needs time.”

“I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I feel like I failed her, Bea. Like I should have done something more.”

She wrapped her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder.

“You’re here, Amelia. You’re alive. That’s what she wanted for you. She wanted you to survive.”

The truth in her words was comforting, but it didn’t erase the guilt gnawing at me, or the pain of knowing my own family, my own brother, saw me as the reason our mother was gone. We sat there in silence, the weight of everything pressing down on us. I could feel Bea’s warmth beside me, but I still felt so cold, so empty.

In the days that followed, the pack mourned my mother’s loss, but there was a distance between me and everyone else. I could feel it in the way they looked at me, the way they spoke to me, careful and guarded, as if they weren’t sure what to say. Even Levi barely spoke to me, his grief and anger building a wall between us.

The pack held a ceremony for my mother, a beautiful tribute filled with candles and flowers. I stood at the edge of the gathering, watching as people shared their memories, their stories, honoring the woman who’d given her life to protect me. But when they looked at me, there was still that hint of blame in their eyes, an unspoken question that lingered in the air.

I stayed silent, my heart aching with every word, every glance. I wanted to speak, to tell them how brave she’d been, how fiercely she’d fought. But the words caught in my throat, choked by guilt and sorrow.

After the ceremony, Levi came to stand beside me, his face drawn and tired. He didn’t look at me, just stared at the ground.

“I miss her too, Levi,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I loved her just as much as you did.”

He was silent for a long moment, then finally looked at me, his gaze unreadable.

“Then why didn’t you fight for her, Amelia?” His words were soft, but they cut deep, reopening the wound in my heart.

I didn’t have an answer, not one that would satisfy him. All I could do was watch as he turned and walked away, leaving me standing alone, with only the shadows and memories of my mother to keep me company.